How do you get to know someone you barely know!?

LegacyUser

I've started to having feels for a guy who occasionally comes into my workplace but whom I know nothing about.

We chat the odd time if I happen to be where he is and we always say hello to each other, as he passes me by to go where he's going.

The last time he was here (he's not in every day) I chatted to him about a few inconsequential things that sprang to mind and he went really red, he's quite shy. Anyway, I've not seen him since but I think about him often and wondered how to go about getting to know him.

Like, he mentioned he bought a house recently and I'm imagining he may have a partner / girlfriend with whom he bought this house. However, I can't approach him to ask him as I'm absolutely mortified by the thoughts of liking someone I know nothing about. Also, how do I get to know him (and find out if he has a girlfriend / is attached)? I don't want to keep thinking about him if he does have a girlfriend. I don't even know his name, nor do people I work with. And I'd rather not find out his name from a third party as that's weird. It'd be better coming from him.

Any advice would be great. I'm completely at a loss as to what to do next. He's been coming in to my workplace since around Christmastime and I've always thought he's nice. Any suggestions....

Pippy1976

Tough one. Maybe continue to chat for the next while and see where it goes, if anywhere?

Might be difficult to get to know him in this way if his working hours are sporadic. And you've no contact details for him, no?

Trelstor

GettingToKnowYou wrote: »

I've started to having feels for a guy who occasionally comes into my workplace but whom I know nothing about.

We chat the odd time if I happen to be where he is and we always say hello to each other, as he passes me by to go where he's going.

The last time he was here (he's not in every day) I chatted to him about a few inconsequential things that sprang to mind and he went really red, he's quite shy. Anyway, I've not seen him since but I think about him often and wondered how to go about getting to know him.

Like, he mentioned he bought a house recently and I'm imagining he may have a partner / girlfriend with whom he bought this house. However, I can't approach him to ask him as I'm absolutely mortified by the thoughts of liking someone I know nothing about. Also, how do I get to know him (and find out if he has a girlfriend / is attached)? I don't want to keep thinking about him if he does have a girlfriend. I don't even know his name, nor do people I work with. And I'd rather not find out his name from a third party as that's weird. It'd be better coming from him.

Any advice would be great. I'm completely at a loss as to what to do next. He's been coming in to my workplace since around Christmastime and I've always thought he's nice. Any suggestions....

Ask if he'd like to go for a coffee at lunch.

Buona Fortuna

Ask him about the house.

• How's thehouse thing going?
• Have you moved in yet?
• Did you have a lot of stuff
• Did you move yourself or get a removal firm?
• Is it nice
• Need decorating
• Has it got a garden
• Is it a big house
• How many bedrooms

LegacyUser

Trelstor wrote: »

Ask if he'd like to go for a coffee at lunch.

He only comes in as the rest of us are wrapping up for the day so coffee at lunch is a no-no. My window of opportunity is narrow!

dixiefly

Where is he going to? surely someone there has contact with him.

The chances are that you have probably built this guy up in your mind to something he is not. As the others have said your best option is to try and expand on the conversation. If no one knows him your best option might be to follow him outside and ask him out for a drink.

GuessWhoEh

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Ask him about the house.

• How's thehouse thing going?
• Have you moved in yet?
• Did you have a lot of stuff
• Did you move yourself or get a removal firm?
• Is it nice
• Need decorating
• Has it got a garden
• Is it a big house
• How many bedrooms

In that particular order as well

LegacyUser

Hello OP,
Do you have any work colleague you can trust?
Best method of all would be to get one of your co-workers to tell him straight out that one of his/her workmates is wondering if anyone knows hs name and if he is attached or not.
That way your work mate is not embarrassed as they are not the one who is interested, and he will never be any the wiser that it was you who was doing the enquiring.Once you have your information you can then do the asking yourself

LegacyUser

dixiefly wrote: »

Where is he going to? surely someone there has contact with him.

The chances are that you have probably built this guy up in your mind to something he is not. As the others have said your best option is to try and expand on the conversation. If no one knows him your best option might be to follow him outside and ask him out for a drink.

He's security in my place so not working directly with anyone in my office. I only see him as his office is behind mine and he needs to pass me to get there!

Short of hanging around outside his office like a weirdo I don't know how to go about things.

LegacyUser

I have a work colleague that I trust. I mentioned it to her but she came back with nothing and only laughed at me.

I'm sure there's confidential issues and she can't give out his name or whatever but thought she'd offer a bit more 'help'!

If_it_were_me wrote: »

Hello OP,
Do you have any work colleague you can trust?
Best method of all would be to get one of your co-workers to tell him straight out that one of his/her workmates is wondering if anyone knows hs name and if he is attached or not.
That way your work mate is not embarrassed as they are not the one who is interested, and he will never be any the wiser that it was you who was doing the enquiring.Once you have your information you can then do the asking yourself

LegacyUser

If_it_were_me wrote: »

Hello OP,
Do you have any work colleague you can trust?
Best method of all would be to get one of your co-workers to tell him straight out that one of his/her workmates is wondering if anyone knows hs name and if he is attached or not.
That way your work mate is not embarrassed as they are not the one who is interested, and he will never be any the wiser that it was you who was doing the enquiring.Once you have your information you can then do the asking yourself

OP, I suggest you don't do this, it's a bit teenage and if he has half a brain it'll be obvious who your collegue is asking for as soon as you start talking more to him. He may be flattered at the effort, or he may be put off by the fact that there's more people involved in the plan than there needs to be at this stage. If your window is as narrow as you say, it's also wasting time turning a simple introduction into an overcomplicated plan.
It's neater, surer and more likely to yield results if you just say "Hi again, how are you? I'm sorry I don't know your name even though we've talked a few times. Mine's GettingToKnowYou". Once he stammmers out his name, ask about the house and go from there, the house has myriad possibilities for follow up questions and conversation. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Guessed wrote: »

OP, I suggest you don't do this, it's a bit teenage and if he has half a brain it'll be obvious who your collegue is asking for as soon as you start talking more to him. He may be flattered at the effort, or he may be put off by the fact that there's more people involved in the plan than there needs to be at this stage. If your window is as narrow as you say, it's also wasting time turning a simple introduction into an overcomplicated plan.
It's neater, surer and more likely to yield results if you just say "Hi again, how are you? I'm sorry I don't know your name even though we've talked a few times. Mine's GettingToKnowYou". Once he stammmers out his name, ask about the house and go from there, the house has myriad possibilities for follow up questions and conversation. Good luck.

I thought the same thing about getting someone to ask him his name. That's like something I'd do in school! I won't be doing that and in a way I'm glad my colleague didn't know anything about him or divulge any information - coming from a third party it may seem weird if I do get talking to him properly.

I like the option you've suggested of casually asking him seeing as though we've chatted a few times. And I agree, the house conversation has a myriad of possibilities to find out more about him. Oh god, I feel like a teenager with a crush and I'm much, much older than that (mid-30's!)

acon2119

As he does security in your workplace just as you're leaving work for the day you could leave work as usual some day but go back after a few minutes when your work mates are gone home and ask him will he let you in to pick up something you forgot that you really need to have home with you that night. That would be one way of getting chatting to him. Good luck

LegacyUser

It's surprising how many threads on here are kind of similar to mine... people too shy or too nervous of the outcome to chat to someone they fancy. I wish we all had a little bit more courage and were a bit more ballsy about getting what we want!

He's not around until next week, information I gleamed from his work colleague on shift for him this week. Like some previous poster said, I think I'm putting this guy on a pedestal which is making me dread even uttering one word to him. However, I need to be realistic and have no fear about asking him his name or having a general chit-chat about whatever.

He's just a guy afterall, and only human - like myself! So, here it goes!

Aimeee

Maybe it'll get back to him from his replacement that you were asking about him.. Maybe that'll do it. Fingers crossed and good luck.

LegacyUser

I wasn't necessarily asking about him but his colleague told me he [the colleague] is on holidays next week and I know, because 'my guy' told me, that he is stand-in when he [the colleague] is away.

That's why I don't get to see / chat to this particular guy that often because he only does cover for the main security guy.

Complicated, but I hope that makes sense!

LegacyUser

Actually, now that I think about it, the guy I like told me a few weeks ago that the next time he'd be in would be in two weeks to cover his colleagues holidays.

So, when yer man said he was on holidays next week I knew he'd be around.

LegacyUser

I have a slight problem which I'd really appreciate your thoughts on:-

This guy is only in for the week. To get to bump into him it means staying around the office. This week I can't do that as I need to leave immediately after work.

What would you guys do? On one hand I'm thinking 'leave it. not worth getting all in a twist over, literally, nothing'. On the other I think 'feck it, what have i got to loose'.

I was thinking of, seeing as though I won't get to see him / meet him / bump into him, leaving a note in his cubbyhole saying that it was me and giving him my number - no more, no less. Then at least if he texts I'll know he's interested and if he doesn't then I can leave it and move on.. and I won't have to see him so no embarrassment caused.

I dunno. It all seems a bit stupid to me. Even though he's nice it's a little stupid too, eh?!

Pippy1976

GettingToKnowYOu wrote: »

leaving a note in his cubbyhole saying that it was me and giving him my number - no more, no less. Then at least if he texts I'll know he's interested and if he doesn't then I can leave it and move on.. and I won't have to see him so no embarrassment caused.

Leaving a note could be awkward the next time you do happen to bump into him around the place. Although, if that's not going to be for another while then I suppose no harm done.

I would be of the opinion to leave it be. He knows where you are if he's interested. He could leave a note? Not sure why it's left up to the women to initiate these things! That's just my opinion though.