Do I have a problem with alcohol?

LegacyUser

I am just looking for opinions on my drinking and whether people think I have a problem.

I drank 30+ pints every week for my twenties and into early thirties. It never affected my work (except if I did something silly on the night out). I never missed work due to booze. I know some people would say that is a lot, but not with the people I grew up with (working class dublin).

I got married in my early thirties and since then we have had a few kids. During the baby years I drank probably 10-15 cans a week. Now that the youngest is 3 I have started to drink more again. Also the last year I started to like vodka and whiskey, which I never drank. I have knocked the spirits on the head as my wife wasn't happy. To be honest I was hiding the spirits. Now I am back toward drinking 15+ cans over four nights. I must add that most of this is on my own when the others go to bed. I think about alcohol regularly. I dont drink mon/tue/wed and on thursday I am happy that day that I can drink later.

Outside of this I have a happy life with my family and am successful professionally. I'm not even sure that I want to stop drinking. I just have this nagging feeling that I may have a problem.

Dave0301

thinkingimayhaveaproblem wrote: »

I am just looking for opinions on my drinking and whether people think I have a problem.

I drank 30+ pints every week for my twenties and into early thirties. It never affected my work (except if I did something silly on the night out). I never missed work due to booze. I know some people would say that is a lot, but not with the people I grew up with (working class dublin).

I got married in my early thirties and since then we have had a few kids. During the baby years I drank probably 10-15 cans a week. Now that the youngest is 3 I have started to drink more again. Also the last year I started to like vodka and whiskey, which I never drank. I have knocked the spirits on the head as my wife wasn't happy. To be honest I was hiding the spirits. Now I am back toward drinking 15+ cans over four nights. I must add that most of this is on my own when the others go to bed. I think about alcohol regularly. I dont drink mon/tue/wed and on thursday I am happy that day that I can drink later.

Outside of this I have a happy life with my family and am successful professionally. I'm not even sure that I want to stop drinking. I just have this nagging feeling that I may have a problem.

You are a functioning alcoholic. Your prior intake and current intake will have serious impact on your health at some stage.

The bolded bits above are worrying. Also, what does your wife think? Does it impact on the time you spend with your kids?

tenifan

It sounds like it's becoming a problem. See if you can quit for 2 weeks. If you can't, book an appointment with your GP.

Merkin

tenifan wrote: »

It sounds like it's becoming a problem. See if you can quit for 2 weeks. If you can't, book an appointment with your GP.

I know your advice is well intentioned but it's not as cut and dried as that. I know quite a few functioning alcoholics and binge drinkers who could easily cut out booze for two weeks but then as soon as they have a drink the cycle of overindulgence begins again.

A pint of lager is nearly 3 units OP so you're consuming 12 units a night over four nights which is 48 units whereas the recommended weekly allowance is 21. It also sounds like you have always to some degree had an issue with drink.

I think if you're asking the question then you probably know the answer. The question is, if it's proven that you DO, what do you intend to do about it?

kylith

OP, I would say that the fact that you drink alone and when you are not drinking you think about drinking, would show that yes, you do have a problem with alcohol. It seems that you see it as a reason to get through the week rather than something you can do or not do. This would strongly suggest that you are an addict, just like a smoker counting the minutes until they can take another cigarette break.

As Merkin said, if you're asking the question you probably already know the answer.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

Merkin wrote: »

I think if you're asking the question then you probably know the answer. The question is, if it's proven that you DO, what do you intend to do about it?

I think I may have a drink problem in that I depend on it. I feel that I am in control of it though.

The other question about my wife, she only commented when I started to drink spirits. Now that that has stopped I think she is ok. My kids don't see me drinking so it's not a problem. I am not having enough to give me a hangover so it doesn't effect them.

When I say I have stopped drinking spirits that is not entirely true as I bought vodka last weekend as my wife was away with the kids. I hadn't drank any in a month and probably won't drink it now she is back.

I'm not sure I want to stop. I really like drinking, the issue as Dave0301 hit on, is I wonder will it have an effect on my health. I am quite fit and go running a few days a week. I do worry about my liver and if it will cause me problems when I am older.

Maybe I should have a chat with a doctor.

Babooshka

thinkingimayhaveaproblem wrote: »

To be honest I was hiding the spirits. Now I am back toward drinking 15+ cans over four nights. I must add that most of this is on my own when the others go to bed. I think about alcohol regularly.

These sentences stood out the most from your post. To me, hiding your drinking from your family etc...huge traits of alcoholism there. I'm not a big believer in "once and alco always an alco" or placing labels on people when it comes to substance abuse. There's different levels on the spectrum but you definitely sound like you're on a slippery slope. There are Al Anon groups everywhere, all you have to do is a quick google of them in your area, they meet to talk but you don't have to talk you can just listen, why not see if you identify with them. On the other hand, I noticed myself a few years back I was getting way too comfortable drinking almost a full bottle of wine a night, so I stopped buying wine, and the problem was solved, as it was pure habit moreso than alcohol dependence, but it felt like alcohol dependence at the time. Best of luck.

skallywag

OP, 15 cans (assuming normal strength beer) would be ca 38 units a week, which is of course over the famous 21-a-week, so your doctor won't be happy with that for starters. I'm assuming that you know this already though and con't need it pointed out explicitly. Some questions:

* Are you being honest with the 15+ or is the + more like another 10-15?

* Your post gives the impression that you could easily knock the spirits on the head when your misses asked you to. Was this really relatively easily done or was it a battle? Did the hiding of the spirits happen before of after you told her you were packing it in?

The key to these two questions is self-denial which is a classic sign of alcohol dependence. It's just not possible to reason with someone who has true alcohol dependence.

I would not get overly hung up drinking on your own, depending on the circumstances. E.g. lots of people, especially these days, will stay in and have a few drinks watching the football / a movie etc rather than go out to the pub. The key issue which you need to ask yourself I think is what exactly would improve in your life (leaving aside the obvious health benefits) if you cut back / stopped drinking completely?

ManOfMystery

I think in this day and age most people realise that you don't have to be lying half-comatose in a gutter with dirty clothes and a bottle of wine in your hand to be an alcoholic.

If you can't get through your week without a drink - or can't stop thinking about drink - or are hiding drink from your loved ones .............. then you're starting to show signs of alcoholism, and are on a slippery slope. It seems to me that drinking was a habitual thing for you but it's now evolved into part of your weekly routine to the point that it feels strange for you to not have it.

You seem to have a good balance of stable/happy home life and a successful career. My concern here would be what happens if or when something went wrong? A lot of people try to drink away their worries; you don't have any major worries as such from what I can see, but you drink a lot anyway so you're on a precipice already IMO and that could suddenly escalate.

Try cutting it out for a week. If that goes well, make it 2 weeks. 3 weeks. And so on. You don't need alcohol to survive, and you don't need it to be successful, so prove that to yourself.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

OP,

* Your post gives the impression that you could easily knock the spirits on the head when your misses asked you to. Was this really relatively easily done or was it a battle? Did the hiding of the spirits happen before of after you told her you were packing it in?

The key to these two questions is self-denial which is a classic sign of alcohol dependence. It's just not possible to reason with someone who has true alcohol dependence.

I replaced the spirits with beer. I don't really mind as long as it was some form of alcohol. So it wasn't a challenge.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

You seem to have a good balance of stable/happy home life and a successful career. My concern here would be what happens if or when something went wrong? A lot of people try to drink away their worries; you don't have any major worries as such from what I can see, but you drink a lot anyway so you're on a precipice already IMO and that could suddenly escalate.

I used to drink a lot heavier probably to avoid reality. It's not the case now but it would have been when I was in my 20s. Your right that if I had a big problem in life I would probably turn to alcohol. I have in the past.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Try cutting it out for a week. If that goes well, make it 2 weeks. 3 weeks. And so on. You don't need alcohol to survive, and you don't need it to be successful, so prove that to yourself.

Being honest it freaks me out to think about not having a few beers. I wouldn't enjoy the weekends. I suppose that in itself probably answers my initial question.

Penny Tration

OP, I think you should speak to your GP and ask for a referral for LFT (liver function tests).

The results may shock you.

Like you, OP, I'm from a working class area, where people drink a lot.

That said, the only person I have witnessed drinking to the extent you do, and hiding drinking habits, was my dad, while he was in the throes o alcoholism. He's been clean for 15 years, or so.

You sound like you have a drink problem.

You say you feel dependent on it, but in control. Two very contradictory statements.

I think you should speak to your GP. seeing what you've done to your liver may shock you.

New Home

Definitely speak with your GP. This may also help you.

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Is-AA-for-You?/Questions

Oryx

From what you have said you do have a problem, and you are in denial. Beer is not better, its just different. The key is, as you say yourself, that the thought of not drinking stresses you. You need it. Therefore you are not in control, the drink is. The fact that you are managing ok is just luck. Nothing has tipped you into a deeper binge.

And even if you never do get worse, its still a problem. You say your kids dont notice. Well they either actually do or they soon will. The level you drink at is damaging your physical and emotional health, and your family. I think you already know this or you wouldn't have asked. The fact that you did ask is huge positive. I just hope you believe what you hear.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I think for the moment I will cut down the amount I am drinking to less than the recommended safe amount (3 beers 2/3 nights a week). If I am not able to do that I will visit a GP.

ManOfMystery

thinkingimayhaveaproblem wrote: »

Being honest it freaks me out to think about not having a few beers. I wouldn't enjoy the weekends. I suppose that in itself probably answers my initial question.

You don't have to go cold turkey. Try reducing the intake progressively.

Do you have any other hobbies/interests? Could you imagine yourself doing x/y/z at the weekend instead of drinking? Sitting staring into space whilst having a mental battle over whether to take a drink or not will never work, if you cut down the drink then use your time to do other things and keep yourself busy. Take the kids to the cinema. Get a babysitter and take your wife out, with you driving and not drinking. Go camping. etc.

skallywag

I think your suggestion is a good one OP. In my opinion if you can limit it to 4-5 beers say 2 times a week, and be happy with this in that you adjust to it in that you are not constantly craving alcohol, then you will be in a good place, and it should also give you peace of mind. Don't be too hard on yourself either, there is nothing wrong with looking forward to your beer nights, just as long as it's not constantly on your mind 24-7.

They key will be can you consistently keep it at the 4-5 beers twice a week, without this gradually increasing and getting back to the level where spirits are coming into the equation.

Lux23

I do think you have a problem with drinking but rather than giving up completely, why don't you look at cutting down your intake so you are drinking less than the recommended units of alcohol a week.

I am sure your doctor could help you with this.

Mr_Roger_Bongos

It's brilliant that you are so conscious and aware of what could be a potentially serious problem, both for you and eventually your family.

Try what you've suggested, but also know that there's a huge number of outlets for help and support for all degrees of addiction.

Best of luck!

iusedtoknow

I'll pre-empt the below by saying I was a problem drinker. It got from every so often to every night, and then not being able to stop, or get a handle on it - eventually blacking out more often than not, and it starting to affect my life. I stopped drinking and couldn't be happier with it. It's been nearly 4 years and I don't miss it.

Only you know if you have a problem, we can estimate - but the very fact your asking indicates you think you do. Hiding the spirits from your wife is not a good place to be - i know it's nice to have a quiet drink by yourself in a bar or at home, but if you are hiding it, you have ask why.

If you want to cut down, you should talk to your doctor - at the levels you say you are drinking, without medical attention, you could be looking a very uncomfortable few days of detox. I've done it, it isn't the worst but it is not pleasant. In fact, it's enough to drive you to drink as your body gets used to the physical withdrawal from not having alcohol in it. Not only is it the alcohol, but the sugar craving are difficult.

You also need to stop thinking about giving up the booze for 2 weeks/a month etc, that can be scary. Once you have decided you want to stop drinking, initially you can only do it one day at a time. I know someone who could only convince themselves to stop drinking in the early stages for an hour or two at a time. Coming off alcohol is not just physical, it's also mental. Having a drink is a habit, it's a habit that needs to be broken.

Good luck with all this - we have a "non-drinkers-forum" on boards for people that are wanting to give up the drink - a supportive bunch all round.

skallywag

iusedtoknow wrote: »

If you want to cut down, you should talk to your doctor - at the levels you say you are drinking, without medical attention, you could be looking a very uncomfortable few days of detox

To be fair, I don't think this is going to applicable if the OP is really drinking 15 cans of beer spread out over 4 days.

Boskowski

I think you probably have a problem as you suspect yourself. Its the hiding and thinking about it thats a giveaway.

And yes it will probably affect your health eventually.

However you seem to be very honest about it to yourself and you are also very rational and intelligent about it.
Make good use of that and don't let it give you a false sense of being in control. Drink for fun (socially) and not alone and that will bring you really back in control and you will also enjoy it more.