What is friendship?

conorh91

I have two close friends. Then there are a rake of lads who I'd go for a pint with, but would more closely be described as acquaintances.

If I never saw one of these acquaintances again, I probably wouldn't be very put out.

I was thinking about this because one of them is off to Oz this week, and I really don't care. We were in college together and were flatmates during college, and speak regularly, but it doesn't bother me at all.

I can't say why some people are acquaintances, and a couple are friends. The difference between the various personalities isn't obvious.

Do you have a million friends, or just a few?

Do you ever wonder why some people are friends, and some are acquaintances, and some are nothing at all?

Is it just a game of chance, or have you deliberately sought friendships out?

Above all, what is a friendship and why is it important?

hairyprincess

A friends is someone who will hold your hair back while you puke your ring up after a feed of drink whilst simulating vomiting sounds to show empathy.



ETA: this may or may not have happened to me.

corner of hells

A friend is someone who wont ask about the body in your car boot , but is someone who will help hide the evidence.

fussyonion

Friendship is loyalty, companionship, being a good listener, someone who gives you good advice, someone you can have fun with, but most importantly..................what hairyprincess said.

corner of hells

fussyonion wrote: »

Friendship is loyalty, companionship, being a good listener, someone who gives you good advice, someone you can have fun with, but most importantly..................what hairyprincess said.

Simulating vomiting sounds is fairly impressive.

Molester Stallone II

A friend is someone who won't take a pìss in the bucket seconds before you do the ice bucket challenge

Mariasofia

A true friend is someone who knows everything about you.......and still wants to be your friend! :-D

Birneybau

Baby don't hurt me...

Sorry, wrong term of endearment.

lamegerty

A friend is someone you can talk to, have fun with, rant away with, tell them whatever and they don't go blabbing it around or back to you when they are pee'd off, and don't take things you say/do too seriously when they know you're probably just in a bad mood, someone that you don't have to see/text/talk to everyday, it can be months apart and still you can pick up where you left off like it was yesterday, someone you actually give a crap about. Most people only have a couple or a few friends. Acquaintances are everyone else, you probably share something in common with them like college/work/hobbies, yeah you can hang around with them, enjoy a laugh but other than that you're not going to be hanging around with them.

Birneybau

hairyprincess wrote: »

A friends is someone who will hold your hair back while you puke your ring up after a feed of drink whilst simulating vomiting sounds to show empathy.



ETA: this may or may not have happened to me.

Your friend simulates puking noises to make you feel better? And it works?

toastedpickles

A friend is someone you had trials with at west ham that never happened

Don't forget the thumbs up!

Friend!

BorneTobyWilde

Cliffwanker is on 3e at 12.00
Friendship is not letting go .

Birneybau

Football friend. Frieeennd.

whirlpool

In evolutionary terms, it's about survival.

In modern terms, it's about Facebook tagging.

Czarcasm

Mariasofia wrote: »

A true friend is someone who knows everything about you.......and still wants to be your friend! :-D

An even better friend is someone who knows better than to ask!

BorneTobyWilde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_2elQKdA_I

pauliebdub

conorh91 wrote: »

Do you have a million friends, or just a few?

Do you ever wonder why some people are friends, and some are acquaintances, and some are nothing at all?

Is it just a game of chance, or have you deliberately sought friendships out?

Above all, what is a friendship and why is it important?

I have maybe two really close friends that I would be able to confide in and could rely on if I had a problem. A couple of family members would also fall into this category.

It's all down to connection, how the friendship developed and the level of trust between us. I have tonnes of acquaintances, people who I grew up with, ex work colleagues, ex college friends, through sport and hobbies, cousins, friends of friends, business associates, and for the most part I would chat away to them but I'd never be bothered about not seeing them but maybe once in a while we would catch up over a pint for a particular reason.

I like mixing, I've joined sports groups rugby and Gaa for the interaction with people but the relationships are usually fairly superficial, but I also joined for the fitness competitive aspect.

A friendship is based on trust, companionship, usually shared interests, you could be apart for months years and when you meet its like nothing changed.

BorneTobyWilde

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Cliffwanker is on 3e at 12.00
Friendship is not letting go .

He's about to let go

hairyprincess

Birneybau wrote: »

Your friend simulates puking noises to make you feel better? And it works?

Sure it works! It lightens the mood after all that regurgitated Aftershock and Smirnoff Ice.

DrGreenthumb

A true friend stabs you in the front

mphalo1

a friend in need is a friend indeed is the real truth in adulthood ,

Stinjy

Someone you can tell things to that you wouldnt tell anyone else unconditional trust... thats a friend.. and someone that you can not speak to for months and just pick up where you left off!

LETHAL LADY

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, that sums up friendship for me.
Also, love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.

DainBramage

friends are great but seriously count on your family for the big stuff

hairyprincess

DainBramage wrote: »

friends are great but seriously your count on your family for the big stuff

Not everybody has family that they can depend on. For many people their friends are their family.

whirlpool

mphalo1 wrote: »

a friend in need is a friend indeed is the real truth in adulthood ,

What does that even mean? If someone needs me for something then they're a good friend?

Baked.noodle

When your young family is everything. When your a teenager your friends are everything. When you are thirty five you realise its easy to be a friend if it isn't much effort, but if your going through a rough time it's your family who will be there for you. Most my friends from my youth would drink with you all night but wouldn't visit you in hospital. They're a waste of time.

shalalala

Baked.noodle wrote: »

When your young family is everything. When your a teenager your friends are everything. When you are thirty five you realise its easy to be a friend if it isn't much effort, but if your going through a rough time it's your family who will be there for you. Most my friends from my youth would drink with you all night but wouldn't visit you in hospital. They're a waste of time.

I used to think that way but this past year I have been proven wrong. It has been a tough time personally and medically and most of my family is abroad and a couple have gotten in contact to see how I am doing but in every day things it has been my mam and my friends. I have had friends come to hospital appointments, friends come over late at night to listen to me cry, friends flying over to spend time with me, and friends making sure I am not alone even when I am pretending to be okay.

Close friends are the family you choose. I have lost a few people in tough times but all in all friendships are people that you can be warts and all around and they will still love you.

Macavity.

I look at the friendships some people have and I am somewhat envious. I feel it's something I've never truly had. In primary school I was "friends" with a good few people, but at that age it's more just hanging with the people around you. I rarely talk to any of those now, and have not seen some of them in a long time. In secondary I never really made a huge effort to get close to people, in fact, I probably made an effort not to.

Despite that, I did have "friends" and we meet up now occasionally for a few drinks or whatever. There was one person I really clicked with in secondary and I suppose I would consider him a friend, although, now that we are in different colleges I could go 6 months without communicating with him at all. I also had a neighbour, as a child, who I got on very well with, but we would only communicate a few times a year now. He would be the type of person who makes true friends quite easily though. It seems to me that the friendships you make in life will ultimately end due to various reasons.

I'm in college now and would have people to go out with, hang around with etc... but I wouldn't necessarily feel very close to them. I suppose it depends on your definition of what a friend is. I guess I've always felt a detachment from people. I do feel a tinge of jealousy when I see groups of people who look like they have a very close friendship. But then again, to others it could look like I have a group of close friends.

_Redzer_

hairyprincess wrote: »

A friends is someone who will hold your hair back while you puke your ring up after a feed of drink whilst simulating vomiting sounds to show empathy.



ETA: this may or may not have happened to me.

It's the ultimate test of friendship if you happen to be a lad in this position with very short hair, yet they try and do it anyway.

This may or may not have happened to me.

conorh91

Macavity. wrote: »

I look at the friendships some people have and I am somewhat envious. I feel it's something I've never truly had. In primary school I was "friends" with a good few people, but at that age it's more just hanging with the people around you. I rarely talk to any of those now, and have not seen some of them in a long time. In secondary I never really made a huge effort to get close to people, in fact, I probably made an effort not to.

Despite that, I did have "friends" and we meet up now occasionally for a few drinks or whatever. There was one person I really clicked with in secondary and I suppose I would consider him a friend, although, now that we are in different colleges I could go 6 months without communicating with him at all. I also had a neighbour, as a child, who I got on very well with, but we would only communicate a few times a year now. He would be the type of person who makes true friends quite easily though. It seems to me that the friendships you make in life will ultimately end due to various reasons.

I'm in college now and would have people to go out with, hang around with etc... but I wouldn't necessarily feel very close to them. I guess it depends on your definition of what a friend is. I guess I've always felt a detachment from people. I do feel a tinge of jealousy when I see groups of people who look like they have a very close friendship. But then again, to others it could look like I have a group of close friends.

See, this is the kind of thing I was especially interested in when starting the thread.

I have such a small, and even flimsy, circle of friends, that I find myself asking "what does it matter?"

I don't notice any particular loss to myself in not having a lot.

In short, whilst there are social pressures to maintain a very large number of friends (Facebook friends count; most of us do it), I really don't see the point of having a great number of "friends".

I thought it was interesting that the only disadvantage you mention to having few friends centered on social norms (jealousy at others perceived friendships).

Although I am very glad of the small number of genuine friendships in my life, I doubt that having a lot of friends is genuinely important.

That said, I think most people should try have one or two very close confidants.

Baked.noodle

shalalala wrote: »

I used to think that way but this past year I have been proven wrong. It has been a tough time personally and medically and most of my family is abroad and a couple have gotten in contact to see how I am doing but in every day things it has been my mam and my friends. I have had friends come to hospital appointments, friends come over late at night to listen to me cry, friends flying over to spend time with me, and friends making sure I am not alone even when I am pretending to be okay.

Close friends are the family you choose. I have lost a few people in tough times but all in all friendships are people that you can be warts and all around and they will still love you.

Good for you. I should say that not all my 'friends' let me down, just most of them. Luck of the draw perhaps, or maybe I just socialised more with alcohol than you did. Nevertheless, the world has all kinds of people in it and I do find myself choosing my 'friend family', I'm just far more discerning now, and when you know somebody long enough you work it out sooner or later. The thing is, my former friends are all going out (perpetually) and having drunken heart to heart but I know it's crap when it counts.

mphalo1

whirlpool wrote:

What does that even mean? If someone needs me for something then they're a good friend? 

see when your 30 odd how many of your "friends" ring you for a chat out of the blue and not just looking for something and true enough when your in hospital how many say I would have called up to you BUT.. believe me your family are your only friends your mother ,father ,sister brother ,wife ,kids , whatever

A friend is someone, who having finished a really really long and tough race, comes back to run with you to make sure you get over the finish line.

Macavity.

conorh91 wrote: »

I thought it was interesting that the only disadvantage you mention to having few friends centered on social norms (jealousy at others perceived friendships).

I'm more jealous of the closeness they have, whereas, with my friends it's more a case of having people to go out with on nights out and stuff. A lot of my "friends" are really just acquaintances to me.

conorh91

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm more jealous of the closeness they have, whereas, with my friends it's more a case of having people to go out with on nights out and stuff. A lot of my "friends" are really just acquaintances to me.

I see; but again, that's probably case specific.

I guess some people are less in need of the external assurance that friendship can bring.

Maybe you have less friends, but maybe that's because it's in your nature to need less.

I just feel like people are under pressure to feel like they need whatever number of friends is mandated by whatever TV series is currently popular.

If your current situation doesn't work for you, you should try change it. But if you're happy, why bother?

Czarcasm

My friends are people that don't judge me for the person they want me to be, but accept me for the person that I am, and I treat them the same.

conorh91

Czarcasm wrote: »

My friends are people that don't judge me for the person they want me to be, but accept me for the person that I am, and I treat them the same.

What purpose does this serve, though?

Surely this conception of friendship is tantamount to finding random people who will validate your opinions?

The danger is that people will validate these opinions because they are sympathetic towards these opinions, not because these opinions have any objective value.

Czarcasm

conorh91 wrote: »

What purpose does this serve, though?

Surely this conception of friendship is tantamount to finding random people who will validate your opinions?

Of course? Why would I be friends with someone who constantly disagrees with me?

I have my wife for that :pac:

whirlpool

mphalo1 wrote: »

see when your 30 odd how many of your "friends" ring you for a chat out of the blue and not just looking for something and true enough when your in hospital how many say I would have called up to you BUT.. believe me your family are your only friends your mother ,father ,sister brother ,wife ,kids , whatever

Doesn't really answer my question though...

whirlpool

Mariasofia wrote: »

A true friend is someone who knows everything about you.......and still wants to be your friend! :-D

If you guys ever fall out, you're fcuked!

Shakespeare's Sister

whirlpool wrote: »

What does that even mean? If someone needs me for something then they're a good friend?

It's quite badly phrased. What it means is "A friend (when you are) in need, is a friend indeed" or "A friend in (a time of) need, is a friend indeed."

I guess it could also be interpreted as "If you're there for a friend who's in need, they'll be there for you when it's the reverse."

I have one particular friend whom I've been friends with since we were kids - it's like a sisterly relationship in some ways. We clash a lot, are very different people etc... but when the chips are down: she is absolutely amazing, and I find it really easy to be her rock when she's going through bad times. Part of this is giving each other a kick up the hole if needed.

whirlpool

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

It's quite badly phrased. What it means is "A friend (when you are) in need, is a friend indeed" or "A friend in (a time of) need, is a friend indeed."

A friend in (times of) need, is a friend indeed.

B.A._Baracus

A person can have genuine real friendships but the majority of "friends" are nothing more than acquaintances.
Let's all be honest, it comes down to what you can do for someone else. Like the mates you go out drinking with for example. Suddenly stop doing so because you do not have the money or are too busy? ... Watch as your contact to them decreases.

goz83

A friend is someone you've been to vegas with

pudzey101

What is love ? Baby don't hurt me

Johngoose

Friends are "over-rated" in the words of the great Tommy Teirnan.

Frigga_92

I wouldn't have a lot of friends, very few in fact, but the few would be very special and important.
Friendship to me is about helping each other out, being a good listener, always being at the end of the phone, having something your friend needs and giving them half without any hesitation, getting on with the bf/gf would be very important to me too.

I wouldn't count the people I work with as friends despite working with one of my colleagues for over 3 years in a small office. They are just work acquaintances and I would be quite restricted on what I tell them about myself and my life.

I think people seek out similar people to themselves to make friends with. Even if you are very different you are still very similar at the same time.

Johngoose

Friends are grand to have a night out with,but other than that there are very few genuine friends.Most would **** you over given half a chance...

Czarcasm

Jaysus there are some very cynical people in this thread!

Perhaps a better question might have been -

"What kind of a friend are you?"

Shakespeare's Sister

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

A person can have genuine real friendships but the majority of "friends" are nothing more than acquaintances.
Let's all be honest, it comes down to what you can do for someone else. Like the mates you go out drinking with for example. Suddenly stop doing so because you do not have the money or are too busy? ... Watch as your contact to them decreases.

You can't really say this applies to everyone just because it might apply to you. I haven't gone out for the last three weeks because of being sick and the friends whom are moreso socialising buddies than very close friends are still contacting me asking how I am.