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I was a virgin - girlfriend wasnt and its troubles me

  • 20-08-2014 3:13am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone Im hoping for a little bit of advice.

    I was a virgin until I met my girlfriend. She wasn't, she slept with two other guys and it didn't really bother me at the start. However, as I came to love her deeply it started to become a problem for me.

    It tears me apart a little on the inside that I gave her my first everything and I can share none of her firsts with her. I tried doing so many different things in bed hoping that it might be a first but none of it is (she has done everything).

    Deep down I dont think that it should bother me so much, but even just the thought of another person having been there (to make it worse I know both of them) is just horrible.

    I know that this is going to be the case with any woman and there is nothing that I can do about it, but how do I get over it? A part of me kinda wishes that I had just slept around before when I had the chance so it wouldnt bother me, but I wanted to wait until I found the perfect person.

    I know I just need to move on and forget about it because it doesnt make much difference, but just how do I do that? Is this a feeling that will just go away?


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    What you speak about is a problem only because you are making it a problem. Your girlfriend existed before she met you, she's had other people in her life before she met you - that's not something that is going to change, nor is it something she should feel she has to apologise for because you are taking it as an affront to your manliness. What you have with her is not about the past - it's about the present.

    It seems to me that you are completely missing the most important point. Your girlfriend has been honest with you from the beginning and has told you about her past (and two partners hardly makes her a harlot), and she chose to share your first time with you. So rather than dwelling on it and projecting your own insecurities onto her, enjoy it and make sexual memories of your own that you will both want to remember. She has a chance to show you what she likes, and you have a chance to learn how give it to her. That's a pretty good situation to be in IMHO.


  • #3
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    It's not true at all that nothing you do together is a first, every single thing you do in bed for the first time together is the first time she gets to experience it with YOU. It's definitely a first time just in a different way, and that's almost certainly how she views it. NOT "oh x, meh... I've done this before" but "awesome! my first time doing x with Bob".


  • #4
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,370 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    OP you having slept around previously wouldn't change the fact that your girlfriend wasn't a virgin when you met.

    If you think you would be OK if you weren't a virgin then surely you can see your way past her not being one?

    Its all in your head, you need to not dwell on it.


  • #5
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Virginsrus wrote: »
    I tried doing so many different things in bed hoping that it might be a first but none of it is (she has done everything).


    Do you keep asking her if she's done certain things with other people? If so then you really need to stop because needy insecurity is a massive turn off. If you keep going on about it she'll probably get sick of it eventually and leave.

    You need to just accept that things are as they are. People have history. I'm sure you've probably kissed other girls, been on dates etc. When you kiss her do you think "I did this with X" or are you just thinking of her?
    I can assure you that it's no threat that she's not a virgin. What is the threat is you making a big deal out of it.


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