We met/we slept together/meeting up again/I am nervous!

LegacyUser

Hey! Long story short: a few weeks ago i was on a big night out..I was fairly merry/drunk..met a nice girl..took her home/spent the night together/she got taxi home the next day.
Since then we have been Whatsapping quite regularly..I said I would like to see her again & she said she would too.
Due to work and family stuff, I haven't managed to meet her since, but this weekend we are meeting up.

(as a side, I am a healthy, happy, guy in late 30's...but battle with anxiety and ocd: I have taken meds for these in the past but am off all of 'em for a while: so I feel more alert and clear minded, but a bit more anxious too. )

So, she lives under 2 hours from me...so I said she could come down to Dublin or I could head over to her for the day..

So, I am a little nervous now about meeting her...
Because we slept together last time after lots of booze,, it mightn't be as clearcut this time...
Do I plan just a day out or include a sleepover etc?

Any feedback would be appreciated!

strobe

nervous boy wrote: »

Hey! Long story short: a few weeks ago i was on a big night out..I was fairly merry/drunk..met a nice girl..took her home/spent the night together/she got taxi home the next day.
Since then we have been Whatsapping quite regularly..I said I would like to see her again & she said she would too.
Due to work and family stuff, I haven't managed to meet her since, but this weekend we are meeting up.

(as a side, I am a healthy, happy, guy in late 30's...but battle with anxiety and ocd: I have taken meds for these in the past but am off all of 'em for a while: so I feel more alert and clear minded, but a bit more anxious too. )

So, she lives under 2 hours from me...so I said she could come down to Dublin or I could head over to her for the day..

So, I am a little nervous now about meeting her...
Because we slept together last time after lots of booze,, it mightn't be as clearcut this time...
Do I plan just a day out or include a sleepover etc?

Any feedback would be appreciated!

First off man, she's probably as nervous as you are, so when you start worrying about things focus your thoughts on the fact she'll be a bit nervous and ways you could make her feel at ease and comfortable etc, will help keep your mind off your own nervousness.

Plan for a sleepover but don't take it for a give in.

Just relax (sorry I know it's not much help saying that to someone). She slept with you the night you met her and she was up for meeting when you asked, so she clearly likes you, the hard part has been taken care of, just enjoy her company and try to have fun. Distract yourself from thinking about it ahead of time as much as you can.

Best of luck man.

CaraMay

I think book a hotel in her town and go visit her?

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies..
Yea, i just hope i can be myself and not act nervous..i can talk a bit much when i get nervous..
I'm not sure whether to invite her to stay at mine or leave it to her to arrange something over where she lives..
I think maybe booking a hotel, might be a bit presumptuous ...

So what would be a good mix of stuff to do on an afternoon/evening?

Thanks,,,

minalaury

I know in the early stages of a romance anxiety can manifest in feeling like you have to plan and prepare for everything so nothing can go wrong! But that leaves no room for spontaneity. All you need to do show up and be yourself, nerves and all. That's the best way to find a right match. I'm weaning off ssris for my anxiety and on my first date with my bf I just blurted out how nervous I was and it actually helped the date go better cos I was then able to be myself. Have fun!

orchidsrpretty

She is probably feeling the exact same. You could say it shortly after you meet up just to break the ice. It will make you feel more relaxed and get the awkardness out of the situation.

LegacyUser

Hey! So she is coming down to me for the day; is bona drive down and drive back home tomorrow evening..
To be honest, I am sort of happy with that,.. as I like this girl and would like to get to know her...

At least it saves any awkwardness about where we stay tomorrow night etc..


Is this a good or a bad sign?!

I put up a couple of unregistered responses, but they haven't been put up yet!

Thanks for the feedback!

Tokyo

She is making the effort to come down and see you and spend the day with you. I'm not sure how you could interpret that to be a bad sign...

Take a breath, enjoy the day with her, and see where it goes from there.

LegacyUser

Hey Mike! Thanks for the reply....yea, i suppose the best way to approach it is to just be myself & try to enjoy the day!
I am planning on having lunch and then doing a light walk/hike in the local area..
She likes walking etc ,,

Is funny how the nerves can build up when you haven't been in this situ for a long time!

Goldenlady

i was in a similar situation recently on a second date & they lived two hours away , so I made a joke about them staying at mine and not wanting to sound too forward but if we really hated each other, I have a spare room for them! and a smiley face at the end!!! It took the pressure off both of us to be honest.... and he didn't need the spare room in the end!!
Just enjoy it & forget about being nervous, I would prefer a nervous guy to a cocky guy on a first date
Good luck

jimd2

Nervous boy wrote: »

Hey! So she is coming down to me for the day; is bona drive down and drive back home tomorrow evening..
To be honest, I am sort of happy with that,.. as I like this girl and would like to get to know her...

At least it saves any awkwardness about where we stay tomorrow night etc..


Is this a good or a bad sign?!

I put up a couple of unregistered responses, but they haven't been put up yet!

Thanks for the feedback!

Yes, I think that she is handling it right, certainly not a bad sign imo. No guarantees as to how ye will get along after that.

LegacyUser

Morning! Thanks for the feedback...so we had a really nice day yesterday (i think)
When she arrived, we had a chat and then went for a good walk along the coast..she was well able to go for a looong walk; so i was well impressed..
After we went for dinner (i paid of course) then back to mine for a cuppa and tv...
I said she could stay over if she wanted..she said thanks, but she was bona drive home tonight..gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye..
She text later to say that she got home and thanks for dinner and lovely day...

So, overall, i think it went quite well: i was quite nervous before she arrived: so i went for a good run to clear the cobwebs..
She is deco quieter than me..so I possibly talked a little too much...
Told her about my my work situ and that i do sometimes battle a bit of anxiety..but just get on with things..
She comes across quite together, strong, professional...but i defo saw a softer side to her yesterday..she said she has battled with body image etc & a year ago, wouldn't even have come down to see me...
One thing that struck me about her was her lovely voice and eyes: really beautiful...

So no plans to see each other again yet,,, what you think?

AnonMouse

To me, it all sounds good. The fact that she didn't stay with you last night, suggests that she likes you and didn't want to give the impression that she'd go off with anyone, even though ye slept together the night ye met, all be it after a few drinks.

Try not to worry about it, what will be, will be Just be yourself and enjoy whatever it is tha happens, going forward.

Wishing you the best

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback..
Yea, it seemed to go well... i was quite tired afterwards...as I maybe was putting too much effort in & talking too much..!
I think I definitely find her attractive.. I think because of my battles and life experience, I am quite empathetic & sympathetic of others and their struggles; she is a bit tougher/harder,..but I definitely saw a softer, warmer side to her yesterday..
She said that she does get a bit lonely and many of her friends are in relationships: same as me really..
whereas i often put on a front saying: i am so happy being single...

Lou.m

She likes you. Remember that. She wants you to feel good. I hope that helps. {:-)

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the replies..so we are still in touch: which is really cool..
I am planning to meet her again on Friday or Saturday: this time I am heading up in her direction!
She lives about 1hr 45min drive from me: is this feasible long term?

Also, I think i mentioned..i battle anxiety and ocd..i decided recently to ease off sari meds as they were making me drowsy...
My anxiety has been a bit high the last few days...also ocd thoughts that maybe i'm gay etc; this is a pattern i've had for quite a while...
The ocd thoughts tend to latch on to your greatest fears; so if you like a girl; maybe you are gay...if you work with kids,...maybe you are ... It makes life tough...
I have gone to numerous cbt therapists about this and have achieved a lot considering, but also I have been quite lonely as i have never managed to really fall for someone..

Hopefully i can just be myself with this girl and not be an anxious mess!!

Appreciate the support!

minalaury

I hope you consulted a doctor before weaning yourself off. Good luck with it though:)

LegacyUser

Hey! Thanks for the reply..
Yea, i have consulted with my GP on this & am just seeing how it goes..
I am replacing the meds with regular strong exercise, a meditation practice and just trying to accept and express my feelings as they arise...
I am just trying to slow down a bit too and be in the moment..
The plan is, if I find it really tough in a few weeks, I might go back on the ssri meds...

You think a 1hour 45min distance between us is doable?

minalaury

Definitely if either of you drive. I wouldn't even be worrying about that right now, just focus on getting to know her. Well done on all the positive stuff you''re doing to take care of yourself:)