where did i go wrong?

LegacyUser

i have known this woman years. while she was going out with a guy she was texting me every time they broke up. i never initiated the texts but i would reply to them. from the tone of the texts i got the impression at times they were broken up but they werent. i never met up her with because i never knew what was going on there and because a few friends told me she played mind games and that she was setting me and her boyfriend up against each other. this went on over a year. not every week but every few weeks or even less. the texts seemed to be sent when she was drunk i think.recently they actually did break up. i met up with her for a few drinks. i have not much experience of women and she asked why i didnt have an interest in girls before and i said i didnt have much confidence. i think she thought i was just using her. then we went back to hers. she told me nothing would happen then we got into bed and after a while she asked me to go. the next i met her but i told her i was skint and couldn't head out. i was also a bit reserved because i thought she was playing games.

The next day i remembered something important and phoned her six times. i then got an text saying she didnt want a relationship. then a few days later i got a text asking if i was going to a gig. i asked did she want to call up. i then phoned her after the gig started but there was no answer. the next day i asked on text her if she was at the gig and there was no answer. should i ask her what the story was? or if i did something wrong? just leave it?

MikeSD

You know it's sad, but there seems to be girls out there that play games like that as they want to feel important. Maybe I'm biased but my ex was all desperate for me at the start. She initiated everything but I was always very laid-back. However, in time I fell for her and I enjoyed the relationship, but towards the end she always let me down and I was the desperate one. When we broke up, she played games that lead me on but that never ended in success for me. Some girls love it when a man falls for them. They love the thrill of trying to earn his approval I guess. However, in the end, when you are the desperate one, they are bored.

OP phoning someone repeatedly - if it was that important you could have left a voicemail or text, I suspect it may have been an excuse? - and then phoning them again when you know well they are busy at a gig, etc, is over the top.
You think she thought you were using her and then you decided she was the one playing games.
I think there could be a pair of you in it. Just forget about her, it's not going anywhere, and take it easy with the phoning and texting in future

Tokyo

To be honest OP from what you write, you both seem to be bringing quite a lot of drama to the table in your own different ways.

She seems like she knows exactly what your feelings for her are, and she knows that you'll always be there at the drop of a hat should she text you, in order to be her sounding board for whatever boyfriend issue or other drama that is going on in her life. I agree with your friends on this one - it does sound like she was using you as some kind of fallback position everytime the **** hit the fan with her boyfriend. On top of that, the "come sleep in by bed but nothing will happen ok you need to leave NOW" sounds like at best she doesn't know what she wants, at worst like mindgames, neither of which are healthy.

You on the other hand are feeding this drama by being there at the drop of a hat for her, calling her six times a day for 'something important' that you remembered, running to her when she dangles the promise of going to a gig together in front of your face....

You two need to establish some proper boundaries if you are going to continue to be friends. She's stated that she doesn't want a relationship with you, so take her at her word and take it from there. Stop pandering to her needs like someone that's hoping that someday something will happen. And stop letting her walk all over you. She needs to start acting like a friend, and stop sending out mixed signals every time she wants attention. If neither of you can do that, then you need to give each other space for a while until you can.

Lou.m

what happened wrote: »

i have known this woman years. while she was going out with a guy she was texting me every time they broke up. i never initiated the texts but i would reply to them. from the tone of the texts i got the impression at times they were broken up but they werent. i never met up her with because i never knew what was going on there and because a few friends told me she played mind games and that she was setting me and her boyfriend up against each other. this went on over a year. not every week but every few weeks or even less. the texts seemed to be sent when she was drunk i think.recently they actually did break up. i met up with her for a few drinks. i have not much experience of women and she asked why i didnt have an interest in girls before and i said i didnt have much confidence. i think she thought i was just using her. then we went back to hers. she told me nothing would happen then we got into bed and after a while she asked me to go. the next i met her but i told her i was skint and couldn't head out. i was also a bit reserved because i thought she was playing games.

The next day i remembered something important and phoned her six times. i then got an text saying she didnt want a relationship. then a few days later i got a text asking if i was going to a gig. i asked did she want to call up. i then phoned her after the gig started but there was no answer. the next day i asked on text her if she was at the gig and there was no answer. should i ask her what the story was? or if i did something wrong? just leave it?

You are totally being used. I am very sorry to say it. I know it must be painful to realize.

I would advise you never to take seriously anything people say when drunk. It allows them a get out card.

If she is not giving you common civility I would leave her alone. You are the fallback guy. Sorry but rest assured there are many of us girls who would never treat another human like this.

She senses you are highly empathic and emotional and you are. You need to be a little calmer and centered.

A guy calling six times is a bit much. Generally if someone is not making equal effort with me I move on. I think you need to learn to do the same.

Love should be equal. You two should run towards one another not this push pull BS.


You have created a lot of this in your own mind.

I would say you should not be friends with a person like her. Your personalities seem to bring out the worst in each other.

Dellnum

She has told you in no uncertain terms that she does not want a relationship with you, but she is enjoying your attention. I would steer clear of her if I were you. She is using you to fill in the gaps in her life, so don't make her your sole life. If you text her, you wait for a reply. If you don't get a reply you do not text again. Same goes for calls. I would forget her if I were you and as for you doing something wrong, no you didn't, but you are just not a priority for her so she will only get back to you when she has nothing else going on in her life. You deserve better than that, so put yourself up on a pedestal and do not allow her treat you like this.

LegacyUser

so was i just an idiot or sap all along? should i ask her?

Dellnum

No, you don't ask her anything, you stay away from her. If she wants you she knows where to get you, but it is not now up to you to go after her. I would leave her alone, she has told you where you stand. Find another interest.

Obliq

what happened wrote: »

i never met up her with because i never knew what was going on there and because a few friends told me she played mind games

... i was also a bit reserved because i thought she was playing games.

Mate, you do not need to ask her. She was playing games and wrecking your head. Your head is now wrecked enough to be asking advice from strangers online and you already knew she was playing games before.

Seriously, YOU wrote those two lines at the top. I suggest remembering them every time you get the urge to try and contact her. In fact, I'd go as far as saying you should run away from her in the pub or wherever, and don't ever answer the texts again.

I'm going to say this straight out, and hope you don't mind. When she let you into her bed and then nothing happened and then you were asked to go home - ALL that is game playing. She now has you wound up enough to think that might happen again, am I right?

You are being teased mate, and not in a good way. Please don't ask her/talk to her/reply to texts about it. Be polite and friendly towards her, but don't contact her yourself or let yourself be used - save yourself the hurt and confusion eh?

Edit: I wonder could you go to those friends you mentioned for a bit of support in this? Tell them what happened like....and get their advice too? It sounds like they have your back and would be happy to help.

LegacyUser

'she told me nothing would happen then we got into bed'

Op what the hell? You were in bed with her and you just lay there? Why didn't you start kissing her? Her 'nothing is going to happen' is bs. She wanted you, why else would she have invited you into bed?

Anyway ya blew it. Put it down to experience. Don't contact her again unless she contacts you first. In the meantime learn some game.

Diemos

what happened wrote: »

so was i just an idiot or sap all along? should i ask her?

No, you've had a very lucky escape.
Take a quick look at her actions:
She texts you and strings you along while she is in a relationship with another bloke
She drops you hints to peak your interest and then pushes you away

She may be a lovely girl when you meet her but she sounds like she has major confidence issues herself and uses guys and their feelings for her own validation.

Do you really want to get involved with someone like that, if things had gone better, you would be left wondering who she's texting while she's with you.
Some people just thrive on drama, you don't sound like one of those people.

Rejection is always painful, and it can make you loose the woods from the trees, take a step back and look at this girls actions, not her words, you dodged a bullet.

Delete this girls number and move on.

Good luck.

chinacup

Harsh Reality wrote: »

'she told me nothing would happen then we got into bed'

Op what the hell? You were in bed with her and you just lay there? Why didn't you start kissing her? Her 'nothing is going to happen' is bs. She wanted you, why else would she have invited you into bed?

Anyway ya blew it. Put it down to experience. Don't contact her again unless she contacts you first. In the meantime learn some game.

^ That's disgusting! I've shared a bed with guy friends before for various reasons. It does not = BS if I clearly say nothing is going to happen. I worry about your attitude.

chinacup

what happened wrote: »

so was i just an idiot or sap all along? should i ask her?

Idiot is too harsh. Naive is more accurate. No just move on, chalk it up to experience and learn from this for next time.

LegacyUser

'^ That's disgusting! I've shared a bed with guy friends before for various reasons. It does not = BS if I clearly say nothing is going to happen. I worry about your attitude.'

On come on, op and the chick were out drinking and then she invites him back to hers and they get into bed. She wanted it. Thing is op was too inexperienced to see the signs and escalate. He should have been flirting, ramping up the physical contact etc.

Anyway op don't beat yourself up. She was down to **** but you didn't see the signs. She probably didn't want anything more than a one night stand. If you get one more chance, TAKE it. Whatever you do, don't ask her to explain what happen. Do that and your just a bitch.

chinacup

Harsh Reality wrote: »

On come on, op and the chick were out drinking and then she invites him back to hers and they get into bed. She wanted it. Thing is op was too inexperienced to see the signs and escalate. He should have been flirting, ramping up the physical contact etc.

Anyway op don't beat yourself up. She was down to **** but you didn't see the signs. She probably didn't want anything more than a one night stand. If you get one more chance, TAKE it. Whatever you do, don't ask her to explain what happen. Do that and your just a bitch.

I think if someone says they don't want to sleep with you its pretty straight forward.

LegacyUser

Harsh Reality wrote: »

'^ That's disgusting! I've shared a bed with guy friends before for various reasons. It does not = BS if I clearly say nothing is going to happen. I worry about your attitude.'

On come on, op and the chick were out drinking and then she invites him back to hers and they get into bed. She wanted it. Thing is op was too inexperienced to see the signs and escalate. He should have been flirting, ramping up the physical contact etc.

Anyway op don't beat yourself up. She was down to **** but you didn't see the signs. She probably didn't want anything more than a one night stand. If you get one more chance, TAKE it. Whatever you do, don't ask her to explain what happen. Do that and your just a bitch.

when we were in bed i asked if she wanted sex. she said she didnt espect me to be so blunt about it.

when were in the pub earlier she was trying to find out if i fancyed her or if anyone would do so maybe i gave the wrong answer

when we were getting into a taxi baack to hers she told me nothing would happen that we would only be cuddling then she spent most of her time looking for a dvd to put on


tbh i think she might orchestrated the whole thing. i suspect she invited me back so that she could tell me to leave

LegacyUser

also the thing about the 6 phonecalls it was a bit over the top but it was something i thought was important she had no voicemail and i didnt want to text it to her

kylith

It sounds to me like she knows you like her and she is on a power trip. I would recommend moving on and not being so available to her. Find someone who will treat you well.

Corkgirl210

I agree with everyone else.. stringing you along and mind games are not a good way to go... her stuff not yours. you seem like a nice guy, don't blame yourself.

LegacyUser

kylith wrote: »

It sounds to me like she knows you like her and she is on a power trip. I would recommend moving on and not being so available to her. Find someone who will treat you well.

the thing is i was never that pushed on her i get on well with herr but was always a bit weary of her. i was supposed to meet her a few times and didnt bother i think in her own way she getting back at me. she is an ok person but i know she has issues/ mental health problems

i was chatting to her recently and asked her about the gig she didnt seem to know what i was on about 9although its possible she was texting me when she was drunk)

LegacyUser

going off topic but i mentioned to a friend in the pub and he told a few others am i wrong to feel annoyed with him?

LegacyUser

sorry for bring this up again but i have been in touch and met with her since and she has told me via text in a sort of vague and off hand way that she cant have sex for a few years. but she is since invited me out to her house since. dont know what to make off it.

ManOfMystery

You've already been given some good advice here OP. She doesn't know what she wants and is stringing you along. Why not take it on board?

njs030

what happened. wrote: »

sorry for bring this up again but i have been in touch and met with her since and she has told me via text in a sort of vague and off hand way that she cant have sex for a few years. but she is since invited me out to her house since. dont know what to make off it.

She's bored and wants male attention. She treated you appallingly and if you go back she will do it again.

It's very very simple, you've been told many times by posters to steer clear of this girl. No amount of posts or head scratching will change the fact that she's not really into you.

Please just walk away and have some dignity.

chinacup

What is it you want to hear OP? The obvious thing here is that she has the upper hand and always will. Even if she does kind of enjoy using you- she is still using you. If you're happy to be that guy then good for you but just know that it's not healthy for u and its not going to change. 6 calls isn't healthy either. Its the kind of thing desperate people do. I'm not saying you're a desperate guy but you are definitely desperate when it comes to this girl. Just stop!

LegacyUser

op here sorry for bringing up this old topic. i have seen this girl since. the problem is that we are friends. she calls up to me with a few bottles of wine and we have a few drinks. i fell out with her one when were both drunk and a bit ofc relief but then she got in touch the next day said she didnt want us to be fighting.

when i meet her in the pub she is all over me if i dont respond my friends/drinking buddies are looking at me strangely wondering whats up with me or why dont i make a move. a friend of mine who hates her is even telling me to hurry up. then why i see her snogging someone else i regret not making a move

i have been at her house again because i met her on the beer and she said she might shag me she then says its up to her dog and then kicked me out

she was in my house one night and we were snogging when i tried to put my hand up her skirt she got angry and got me to phone her a taxi then she thanked me the taxi said how sound i was and started snogging me while in a sexual suggestive pose went home and sent me a text saying she loves me

i have seen her in the pub teasing/chatting up/snogging fellows but when they make a move on her they are the worst in the world. she is the type of person that could kiss you and then tell everyone you tried to kiss or worse. i also think that she is going to either get herself or some fellow into trouble sometime

i know i should avoid her like the plague but i dont have many friends are much sexual experience. in fact this girl for a while thought i was a virgin. i dont have good chatting up or social skills

another thing is people see us together and think we are shagging. i have noticed that this has changed other girls viewpoints of me

i cant really avoid her as we drink in the same pubs and know the same people. apart from me she doesnt seem to have even one friend she can phone up for a drink. she has even mention suicide while drunk

she complains about men always wanting to get into her pants but to me it looks the other way around.

the thing she seems to want me to make a move on her so that she can tell me not to make a move on her if that make sense

how do i establish boundaries with her? how do i say we will just be friends? should i even let her call to mines?

tailgunner

op here.. wrote: »

i know i should avoid her like the plague

This is really your best option. She sounds like a nightmare.

Rubberchikken

With a girl like this I'd say run and keep running until there's plenty of space between you.

Tbh decent women don't screw guys around like this.

There are plenty of great females out there so be on the lookout for them.

Good luck

Yurt2

Some people are validation junkies. For a particular type of person being desired by someone or anyone constantly is crucial to them, they've a warped sense of identity and they'd crumble without it. It's called narcissistic fuel. You fulfill that function for her.

Spare yourself a lot of heartache and avoid.

Stavro Mueller

You know, the pair of you are as bad as each other. It's a given that she's a narcissistic headwreck who's getting some sort of kick out of toying with you. Sounds like she's keeping you reeled in on the promise of sex. Also,has it occurred to you that she might not have any female friends because they can see through her and are sick of the way she behaves? I'd be fairly certain that that talk of suicide's just manipulative rubbish she's spouting as another way of seeking attention for herself.

Now for what I think of you. You are using her as well. You said you don't have good social skills and aren't great at chatting up girls. So basically you think that you're in with a chance of having sex with her. You also said this: Another thing is people see us together and think we are shagging. i have noticed that this has changed other girls viewpoints of me In other words you're using her to fuel your ego and to convince yourself that you're Mr Testosterone Filled Loverman.

If you had an ounce of common sense you'd avoid her like the plague because she is nothing but trouble. None of this horse manure about staying friends with her. Let's be honest here. You don't want to be her friend. You want to get into her knickers.

Penny Tration

Have to completely echo the above.

You BOTH sound like immature, manipulative headwreckers.

Just cut contact. You don't have to talk to her just because you run into her. Say hello and walk on by

LegacyUser

Op, how do you mean other girl's have a different view of you now?

Is it positive, they think you're more attractive since they think you're doing this girl? Or is it negative?

LegacyUser

Just stopping by wrote: »

Op, how do you mean other girl's have a different view of you now?

Is it positive, they think you're more attractive since they think you're doing this girl? Or is it negative?

yes its positive.

im not trying to convince myself im a testerone fuelled stud. yes i do want into her knickers but i would have no problem just being friends with her if she only wanted that but she is egging me on

i dont know why she hasnt any friends to be honest

the thing for some reason im a person who constantly craves company male or female even with people i dont like so when she gets in touch i like the company and i dont have many friends just people i drink with

even since i have posted last she has been in touch to ask me how i was and wanting to meet up with me but i suppose i will just learn to say no or not be in touch

Beaner1

op here... wrote: »

yes its positive.

im not trying to convince myself im a testerone fuelled stud. yes i do want into her knickers but i would have no problem just being friends with her if she only wanted that but she is egging me on

i dont know why she hasnt any friends to be honest

the thing for some reason im a person who constantly craves company male or female even with people i dont like so when she gets in touch i like the company and i dont have many friends just people i drink with

even since i have posted last she has been in touch to ask me how i was and wanting to meet up with me but i suppose i will just learn to say no or not be in touch

She is mental.

Big Bag of Chips

You don't want to be her friend. You want to have sex with her. She doesn't want to be your friend. Nobody treats their friends as badly as she treats you. Nor does she want to have sex with you. She just wants to lead you on let you think you can have sex with her, and then treat you like sh*t.

I don't know what else you expect people to say that wasn't said when you originally posted. Nothing has changed at your end, so why would you think the advice would change?

eric prydz

Hey op,there is loads of nice woman out there looking for love not just sex.I know its difficult to distance yourself from this woman but you can choose your friends

Taltos

op here... wrote: »

i dont know why she hasnt any friends to be honest

Ah you do though. Chances are she had friends but just like you doesn't know or care how to treat them and they left.

In terms of you though - you're an ego boost. Nothing more.
Any time she is feeling low or alone (possibly alot) she strings you along to prove to herself she still has it. And what do you get? Even more confused.

You're not blameless in this either. You say you want to be her friend but also want to get into her knickers (your words, not ones I'd choose) - these two desires are in conflict. You cannot really be a true friend to someone you are fantasising about. At best you can pretend while you lie to each other and wait for that one chance (which you had) but all you are really doing is making sure that while you are sniffing around her you won't meet anyone else.

As others have said repeatedly here, go out meet some other people but put some definite space between you both, and block her number for the inevitable texts - "did I do something wrong" or "I miss you, lets hug"...

Stavro Mueller

op here... wrote: »

The thing for some reason I'm a person who constantly craves company male or female even with people I don't like so when she gets in touch I like the company and I don't have many friends just people I drink with

This explains a lot and feeds back into my theory that both of you are using each other in different ways. She knows you've got the hots for her and want to have sex with her. And so, she's using the vague promise of sex as a way of working you like a puppet on a string. Mark my words, she has no intention whatsoever of ever dating you or having sex with you. If either were to have happened, they'd have happened by now. She is treating you like a horny, gormless eejit who she can manipulate as an ego boost. She says jump, you ask "how high?"

The longer you continue to mess around with this woman, the more damage she is going to do to you. She is no friend of yours - no friend treats their pals in the way she does. You would be far better off working on your social skills and trying to make real friends. Take up a hobby or an interest that gets you out of the house and into the real world to interact with normal people. Don't worry for now about having a girlfriend. That'll come in time when you get better at dealing with people.

As a final thought, even if the two of you somehow became a couple (which I doubt will ever happen) it'd be a horrible toxic relationship. You're so much in thrall to her that she'd be the one calling all the shots, treating you like sh*t and wearing your self-esteem down further.

As everyone here has repeatedly told you, cut contact with her and move on with your own life. She's bad news. Stop being passive and take decisive action. Don't reply to her calls or texts. Don't engage in conversations with her in the pub. No snogging, no visiting each other's houses, no nothing. If you're unwilling to take my advice or anyone else's which is much the same, I don't know what anyone on this thread can do for you .

LegacyUser

yes i am listening to the advice on this board. in fact i knew that even before i posted on here. i am on here more venting than anything

the night she broke up with her boyfriend she sent me a message to go out her house but i didnt go out. she has asked me a few times to go out. but when i seee in the pub and we have a few drinks its different. the probelm isnt that i have the hots for so much as she is offering herself to me and then pullling away. if she wasnt doing this i would be happy never to make a move on her. she is good looking but i have always seen her as trouble. about 2 years ago she seen another girl kissing me and phoned me up and said the next time she sees me she is gonna stick tongue down my throat but when we did meet up(she came looking for me) and i kissed her she seemed shocked. she was going out with a guy at the time(she told me they were broke up) and she went back and told him even though she initiated it she made it seem as if i did. i actually thought i was going mad and i misread the signals until i looked at my messages. ( i used to save my messages from her in case something went wrong)


no i could never be in a relationship with her because she would drive me mad she would be chasing other guys and then telling me they were chasing her

the girl is trouble i have seen her making advances on guys and then telling them to **** off or telling other people they are hassling her

its not that i am not listening to people on here its more that i am not listening to myself i need a kick in the arse or something

another thing is that my friends see her in the pub talking to me(they dont know her as well as i do) and think i am frigid or gay if i dont respond to her. i told one of them about her inviting me out to her house when they broke up and he couldnt believe i didnt go out


i am making her seem bad but i am really telling the worst of it she seems pleasant and cool when you are talking to her

is there anything i can say to her to cut all contact? i would rather do this than ignore her
i dont want to say anything that can be taken by her out of context.

sorry for going on and on

Penny Tration

Why would you want to talk to her before cutting all contact?

It sounds like you're desperate for drama and her attention. Why else would you talk to her rather than just cut contact? Do you want her to say sorry and have sex with you? Do you want all the drama that comes with telling someone you don't want to speak to them again?

You really do come across as being just as desperate for drama, attention and an ego boost as she is.

I don't think you ARE taking on board the advice like you say you are. Everyone's saying to cut contact. Your response is 'oh well what do I say to her?' Nothing! That's the whole point of cutting contact!

Big Bag of Chips

I kind of feel sorry for you, OP. She is stringing you along. She is keeping you just close enough with just enough contact to keep you hoping that "tonight is the night". But you know "tonight" will never come, don't you?

She has no intention of sleeping with you. Every night you go home feeling annoyed, pissed-off at her, pissed-off at yourself, she's at home delighted with herself. She falls asleep smiling, because the night went exactly how she planned it. You've made her night. She's happy. But she's happy at your expense.

Just ignore her. It actually is simple if you try it. Although, expect her to up her game when she realises that she's not getting what she wants from you anymore. She will ring you, text you, meet you out. She will tease you, promise you, might even give you little tasters of what you will get "later"... But "later" will never happen.

Just ignore her from today. Block her number. Delete her from wherever you have links to her and promise yourself that she had taken you for an absolute fool for the last time.

If you are posting back here in 2 months time with the same thing, then I would have no sympathy, or respect for you.

Stavro Mueller

OK so you're venting. There comes a time when you have to stop talking and take action. If you want to do this properly, download an app onto your phone and block her number. If you can't see calls/texts coming in on your phone, you can't reply to them. If you don't want to do this, then admit to yourself that you're addicted to the drama.

I may well be scaremongering here but seeing as she has a penchant for leading men on, then turning on them at the last minute, would she be the sort who'd cry "rape" if she had consensual sex with a guy? I wouldn't put it past her.

Also, stop worrying about what other people are saying about you being frigid or whatever. If they're thinking about you at all, they're probably rolling their eyes to heaven and saying "there goes Johnny with psycho-woman again"

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Just ignore her. It actually is simple if you try it. Although, expect her to up her game when she realises that she's not getting what she wants from you anymore. She will ring you, text you, meet you out. She will tease you, promise you, might even give you little tasters of what you will get "later"... But "later" will never happen.

actually she has already done all these things she has even told might she would probably' sleep with me and told me how good she is at sex and i think i already mentioned this but she even asked her dog in a jokey way if she should sleep with me.


part of the reason for her behaviour im guessing is because when she went out with a friend of mine i never liked her and avoided her although i got on with her because i seen her as trouble

LegacyUser

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I may well be scaremongering here but seeing as she has a penchant for leading men on, then turning on them at the last minute, would she be the sort who'd cry "rape" if she had consensual sex with a guy? I wouldn't put it past her.

yes this what i have always thought she might do. in fact she was looking for one night and i gnored her calls and she met someone else i know. nw this is only a rumour but she apparently came onto him took him back to her and then asked if he was trying to rape her. they didnt actually know each other before this. i dont know if this is true i seen him in the pub one day and she point him out and said she was a bit off with him one night because she had just broken up with her boyfriend at the time

thats the vibe i get from her that she would cause trouble thats why i always even when are making i wonder what way she is presenting it to others. what i mean is could she she i was groping and leaving out the fact we were on the sofa at the time. she has told people i kissed once even though she was egging me on and wanted me to make a move

LegacyUser

if i do block her no or get a new phone how will i explain it to her if i meet her again? she is going to ask me why? we have mutual friends so it wouldnt be that hard to get a new no

Tokyo

Mod Note:

Hi OP,

Asking for advice is an excellent approach, and is indeed what this forum is here for. However, the time has come to put it into practice, and with the best will in the world, posters here can't talk you through every step and possible eventuality. You are in an unhealthy situation, and you know what you need to do.

You've received quite a lot of advice in this thread, all of it consistent, and as such I can't think of anything that can be added that hasn't already been said. So with that I am going to close off the thread, and I wish you well with the situation and hope that you apply the good advice that you have received here.

Regards,
Mike