Friend dresses in rags, argues, will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars

Gombeennation

I had to make new friends as my friend next door was so argumentative and anti social.
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

dudara

Moved to Personal Issues (not really an F&A topic)

dudara

Penny Tration

Maybe she just doesn't like dressing up?

You're obviously both very different people, with different interests, and that's fine. Maybe you're both too different to be friends, and that's fine, too.

There's no need to tell her why you won't go out to pubs/clubs with her. Her sense of style is something she's obviously comfortable with so just leave her to it.

kylith

Sounds like the two of you just have different styles. She could probably start a thread wondering why her friend always wants to get dolled up and go to brash pubs when she just wants to have a relaxing pint in comfort. The best thing is to just not go drinking together.

Tokyo

Gombeennation wrote: »

I had to make new friends as my friend next door was so argumentative and anti social.
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

Likewise she probably can't understand why you keep trying to drag her to places that she really doesn't want to be in.

Making new friends is always good, and part of that process is accepting who they are. And to be blunt you seem quite judgmental of her - she dresses in a way that you don't like, she's not 'trendy' enough for you, she's too loud and dramatic for you, and so on. I wonder how long she'd want to continue beign friends with you, knowing how you feel about her in this regard.

If you are going to be friends with her, then learn to accept her likes and dislikes too. If who she is and how she dresses is too much from you then move on and make friends that are more suited to you. But you can't really sit on the fence and want one, while judging her for the other all the time.

Big Bag of Chips

Gombeennation wrote: »

Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

Upsetting for who? I hate the types of clubs you are talking about!! Honestly, it's my idea of a nightmare, and always has been. I'm a bit older than you now and out of the trendy club and getting chatted up scene a while, but even when I was younger places like that made me uncomfortable. I felt awkward and felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

And you know what... I'm married!! And before I got married I had a few boyfriends! Amazingly, some people liked the same things/pubs I did. And indeed disliked the same pubs and clubs that I disliked.

You cannot change your friend. Maybe she would appear more attractive if she done herself up a bit. (Don't we all?!) But it is a personal thing.. Not up to you to decide for her. It doesn't seem like you're friends anyway, there's nothing about her you like. Sounds more like you're drinking buddies. So leave her be, to drink in her dingy pubs, and you go have the time of your life in your trendy clubs.

Stavro Mueller

I feel a bit sorry for girls these days who don't feel comfortable wearing those tight skimpy dresses that seem to have become the norm. The peer pressure to dress like that must be tough for those who'd rather wear something else. Taking someone aside to tell them they're not taking care of their appearance is akin to telling them they've got hygiene issues. It's a delicate subject and one that's awkward for both people involved. In my opinion it's not your place to tell this girl what you think about how she dresses and where she likes to drink. She might not feel comfortable wearing the sort of clothes you do. Perhaps she prefers to go to these "dingy bars" and chat to people rather than having to shout over the blaring music and sitting there in clothes she's not comfortable in.

Seeing as you've described her as the girl next door, I'm guessing she's someone you were friendly with when you were growing up. Perhaps the pair of you are so different now that it's for the best that she goes her way and you go yours. She's probably not happy that you're dragging her out to places where she's not comfortable in either. It works both ways.

Lou.m

Gombeennation wrote: »

I had to make new friends as my friend next door was so argumentative and anti social.
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

Don't be friends with people you don't like?

I am not judging either of you. You are both unique individuals i have many friends who don't share my sense of ...well anything..but they are good people ..that is what matters to me.

Instead of giving her your attention simply make different friends.

monflat

Gombeennation wrote: »

I had to make new friends as my friend next door was so argumentative and anti social.
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

I know you wonder why she does not make an effort like you do but then again she sees nothing wrong with the way she dresses at all or where she goes on a night out.

Different strokes for different folks etc.

LegacyUser

Gombeennation wrote: »

Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

Upsetting for whom? If she moans about never getting chatted up I could maybe understand why your annoyed but honestly sounds like your just not compatible. I don't like getting dressed but none of my friends do either. Something you see as trendy she might view as pretentious, a bar you think is dark and dingy she might view as comfortable and cosy....different strokes for different folks, go find someone who wants to go to trendy bars and get hit on.

Dellnum

Gombeennation wrote: »

I had to make new friends as my friend next door was so argumentative and anti social.
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

I say good for you for getting away from this girl who is only dragging you down. I love dressing up and going to trendy bars. I can well understand how you feel but I would not go out with this girl. Let her go out with her own type. She doesn't have to conform to your type and vice versa, but you need to get away from her to do it as you like it. I love glamour and dressing up and feel it is part of being a woman. That's just me.

Chattastrophe!

Dellnum wrote: »

I love glamour and dressing up and feel it is part of being a woman. That's just me.

Yes, it certainly is just you!

Glamour and dressing up does not have to be part of being a women. Some women enjoy it, some men enjoy it too. Some women are just not into that sort of thing, and guess what? It doesn't make them any less "womanly."

Calmsurrender

Its funny how most posts are regarding the way she dresses and not the dramatic and argumentive part.

I know plenty of people who go out in public and shout and rant about everything and anything. Once i had the misfortune of being caught in between two such types who were practically screaming at each other about whether or not ghosts exist!!!
Made a conscious decision never to invite them both out together again.
I have no time for drama and obnoxious argueing

Matteroffact

[QUOTE=
She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic. I wanted to go to trendy bars where people dress up a bit and get chatted up. Nobody ever chats her up, which would be upsetting. I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.[/QUOTE]

She sounds depressing OP, I hate to see women who do not make the most of themselves. Give me a glamor woman any day of the week

Obliq

Gombeennation wrote: »

She will only go drinking in dark, dingy bars. Her clothes are also dark and dingy e.g. doc boots, a coat, scarf, jeans and large top for Saturday night drinks in town in Summer. She is also loud and very dramatic.

Fire her on over to me - she sounds like just my type of friend I LOVE loud, dramatic friends who wouldn't wear heels if they were paid money to.

I can't understand why she doesn't dress up a bit.

Jaysus wept. This reminds me of the time my Sister in Law once asked if I'd ever wear a bit of make up because I looked like a child.....I was 38 at the time. OP, same advice as the rest. Don't call someone a friend if you don't like who they are, and don't go drinking in places you don't want to go to. And leave that girl to look however the fcuk she wants, for goodness sake.

Aglomerado

Like other posters, I would find other friends who share the same taste in nightlife as you.

You are still referring to her as a friend, though, OP. Maybe there are other things you can do together? Like going to the cinema, walking or just having a coffee?

Rubberchikken

she has her style, you have yours.
make new frends and let her have her friends.
you can be friendly towards her, and leave it at that.

free world.

Lou.m

Look I don't think you would speak about her in such disparaging terms if you liked her. You are not being a good friend. Perhaps she cannot afford trendy clothes or has no interest in them. Maybe her personality attracts the people she likes. Maybe she finds the people she likes in the places she goes. And you are the opposite that is you and I think rather than be negative and put her down you should focus on you. Maybe she does not like being chatted up. Or does not want to attract the type of men that are going to chat her up be because of make up etc.

Don't judge just live your life. You like what you like if you were really secure in that you would not be focusing on her. If you do things you like then you will find people more like yourself.

I can do either make up or not ..dingly cool pub (AND THEY ARE COOL!) generally I am not into trendy clubs maybe once and while I find they are like meat markets and I am not into being picked up I actually like interacting with different kinds of people not just one type. It is interesting to go to those places once in a blue moon for a change but not regularly. I like meeting lots of different kinds of people variety is interesting and a change is as good as a rest. Could you not welcome the contrast she brings to your life by being so different to you?

If you don't feel you can then simply focus on you and you will find people more like you.

But don't put her down. It reflects badly on you more than her.

We are not what we wear, we are not our hair, but sometimes we can have fun with it. I feel just as happy without make up au natural. She will find the kind of men who are right for her. :-) And so will you :-) But don't be cruel though.

Norma_Desmond

Jesus, internet warriors of the world unite (to tear down a poor young girl with a different opinion than you).

As people say, you're probably very different people and maybe you shouldn't be friends.
But I'd also think about maybe mentioning the possibility of alternating where you go week to week. One week to her pub, one week to yours.

And people, relax; like a bunch of rabid dogs in here.