What should I do?

Zulu Lee

I'm looking for some advice from anyone who may have previously been in a similar situation.
Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Our relationship overall has been very good. However, lately I have noticed that my boyfriend has distanced himself from me he appears to be busy with work and playing rugby which I understand he is perfectly entitled to have his own privacy and free time. Yet, before he used to always call me or send me a text during the day. My boyfriend was recently just offered a new Job and he is really excited about it and naturally a little anxious starting a new career path. When I confronted him about his sudden distancing from me he gets very defensive and becomes abusive about it confessing that he wants more space and doesn't want me texting him period! and that he will call me when he feels like talking to me. He also confessed that he has a feeling our relationship will end yet makes no effort to ending it! My real question is what exactly does he mean by space? should I stop making any contact with him for days? weeks? or what exactly should I do ?

Stavro Mueller

I wonder is your boyfriend trying to get you to dump him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy? Just about everything you're describing here points to a man who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. There are so many pointers here. Being busy with work is an old chestnut. As you know from when things were better between you, nobody's ever so busy that they can't take a few moments out to send a text.

As for his telling you that he wants space and that you're not to text him - those sound like the actions of someone who doesn't even like you very much. Is it his cowardly way of ending things? Or is he keeping you on the back burner while he finds someone else before he dumps you?

Personally I'd tell him that his feelings about the relationship going to end are correct and I'd dump him. Life's to short too waste time on someone who's not treating you very fairly.

CaraMay

I would give him permanent space after comments like that. How often do you meet? Do you sleep together when you do?

kylith

Zulu Lee wrote: »

I'm looking for some advice from anyone who may have previously been in a similar situation.
Basically I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Our relationship overall has been very good. However, lately I have noticed that my boyfriend has distanced himself from me he appears to be busy with work and playing rugby which I understand he is perfectly entitled to have his own privacy and free time. Yet, before he used to always call me or send me a text during the day. My boyfriend was recently just offered a new Job and he is really excited about it and naturally a little anxious starting a new career path. When I confronted him about his sudden distancing from me he gets very defensive and becomes abusive about it confessing that he wants more space and doesn't want me texting him period! and that he will call me when he feels like talking to me. He also confessed that he has a feeling our relationship will end yet makes no effort to ending it! My real question is what exactly does he mean by space? should I stop making any contact with him for days? weeks? or what exactly should I do ?

Dump him immediately! The bit I have bolded basically translates to "I will call you when I want to have sex, and that is the only reason I have for contacting you". He sees you as something he can pick up when he's bored and ignore when he has 'better' things to do. You are worth so much more than that.

Tasden

On one hand I'd agree with other posters in that he doesn't seem to be acting very kindly towards you, but the no texting thing- perhaps he was cool to text at the beginning of the relationship when you were getting to know each other but nowadays its a bit monotonous so he'd just rather not text..? Especially if hes going to be working in a new place. Maybe I'm wrong though, just a thought.
He is being rather off with you though by talks of the relationship ending etc. If someone doesn't ever want a relationship ending they work at it, especially if they think its heading that way, they don't accept it as inevitable and do nothing about it, unless its what they think is best in which case he should actually end it. Hope that makes sense, hard to phrase
You deserve better i think. Not that hes the worst guy you could be with but from experience you're better off without a guy that makes you question his feelings/intentions, or you should at least be with someone who reassures you when you do feel insecure in the relationship.

Greenduck

Unfortunately OP I don't think its looking too good. It seems to me that he's distancing himself for you. I'm with my boyfriend two years also and things are getting better by the day. You should be cherishing and enjoying your time together, not sitting waiting, worrying and talking to him when he feels like it.

My advice would be to pull back immediately. Stop giving your energy and time to this person and go out with your friends and family and have a bit of fun. You never know, you might even realise this man in not for you after all. It'll obviously be a really hard thing to do but worth it in the long run.

LegacyUser

He is looking for an out by the sounds of it.

Try this: stop texting and calling him altogether. See if that bothers him.

berrygood

What should you do? Show him the door! He sounds like an ass. Wouldn't you prefer someone who actually wants to be with you? And enjoys communicating with you?

chellyry

He could just have been frustrated about something at the time or been nervous about the new job and taken it out on you. I'm not saying he was right to say that to you but I don't think you should break up with him straight away. Give him a bit of space for a couple of days. Then ask him if you can go over/he can come over. Talk to him, ask him to be honest and tell him that you want to stay in the relationship (if you do) and ask if he still wants to be. If he says he does then tell him that it upsets you when he speaks to you like that and if he does it again then you will start to believe what he says and this will affect your feelings towards him.

It's completely your choice but I wouldn't end an otherwise good relationship so easily over a little thing.

chinacup

I'm sorry but am I the only one who thinks its blatantly obvious he doesn't want to be with her? Trust your intuition girl and freeze him right back. Try and maintain some dignity at least but it really sounds like you're flogging a dead horse to me.