Move on?

LegacyUser

Hi all,
looking for some advice. Been seeing a girl for a few months now however it came to an end last week. We had just begun a long distance rship, she lives in France.
She said she cannot carry on because of the distance but still cares for me.

I still care about her a lot and she says she does too. Should I cut contact with her or keep in contact in the hope that we can re-kindle something in the future?

Tokyo

LDR works for some people, and not for others, and she has been crystal clear on where she stands when it comes to a relationship with you - she doesn't think that a relationship with you is feasible given the distances involved. Keeping contact as friends is fine, but keeping in touch solely living in hope that you can rekindle the relationship at some undefined point in the future is not - you'll only end up hurting yourself in the process, and it's an unfair demand to place on her when she's been honest with you.

If you can't keep in touch solely as friends, then it may be best if you take a step back for a while to let your feelings subside a bit. However, do explain this to her if you feel you need to do that - don't just drop her like a hot potato and leave her wondering where you disappeared to.

LegacyUser

Thank you mike_ie for taking the time to reply. I know you are right and need to take that advice. I'm just finding it difficult because of how well everything was apart from the distance, which granted is a big one I guess.
Thanks for the advice

Matteroffact

She could just be wondering what you would do about the relationship if she said she could not hack the long distance. Did she suddenly go to France and were you both living in the same country when the relationship started first ? Why did it recently turn into LDR ?

LegacyUser

No, we both knew she was always going to France to live for a year - it wasn't sudden. She is from Ireland and we have spent the last couple of months together in Ireland.

What do you mean wondering what I would do? You reckon she wanted to see what reaction it would have?

LegacyUser

What age are you both, are we talking year of college abroad? Did she actually want a relationship knowing she was leaving or did you push for it? How long is a few months and what did you expect to happen? Surely it was discussed before she actually left the country, id imagine it to be a let her go situation

Matteroffact

hugelyconfused wrote: »

No, we both knew she was always going to France to live for a year - it wasn't sudden. She is from Ireland and we have spent the last couple of months together in Ireland.

What do you mean wondering what I would do? You reckon she wanted to see what reaction it would have?

Now that I know a bit more I feel that if she knew she was going away then she had time to think all of this out and she had no ulterior motive telling you she could not hack a LDR. There is really nothing you can do. If you want to keep in touch with her through emails then see how she feels about that, but a year is a long time to be on hold waiting for someone to return. I think you should just get on with your life and whatever will be will be.

LegacyUser

whoknowssure wrote: »

What age are you both, are we talking year of college abroad? Did she actually want a relationship knowing she was leaving or did you push for it? How long is a few months and what did you expect to happen? Surely it was discussed before she actually left the country, id imagine it to be a let her go situation

We are both in our mid 20's. It's a year of work abroad. We had both spoke about the possibility of it turning into a relationship, and it did seem like it was heading that way. A few months is 4 months, give or take a few days, and I didn't have any mad expectations - basically that we would carry on seeing each other, few visits thrown in and then who knows. Yes, as above it was discussed, but not in any great detail.
Yes, it's looking like that way alright

LegacyUser

Seems rather a short time to even be hoping to turn things long distance, had you met housemates, friends and family etc? I'd say she was having her fun before leaving never hoping for it to turn long term. How long was she in France before calling it quits?