The mistakes men make when chatting ladies up...

cactuspaw

Im pretty sure a thread of this nature has been put up before, but i was just wondering, as its a lazy sunday evening after my night out, if anyone would entertain my discussion.

Basicly, its been a while since iv been out or chatted up, so last night i noticed a few things in terms of men chatting you up.
Men dont really want to make the effort to get to know anything about you, one guy in the space of 2 minutes shook my hand, told me he was from kerry and asked me was i single. Not in an entertaining jokey way, it was more like he was interviewing me for a job or checking me off a list.
Also, theres a bit of a lack of tact with some men. Another guy was great fun, loads of chat, lots of flirting, but decided mid conversation the girl at the next table was very hot and wanted to discuss this in depth with me. I laughed, left him off to chat her up, she had none of it, so he came back to chat me up again. Seriously? Bit of cop on!

Any other cardinal sins a man can make when hes chatting you up? excamples are great!

Pat Mustard

It can be challenge to remember people's names after a few jars. Doesn't always go down too well.

aqn29swlgbmiu4

'I've got laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand in Leitrim'

Good man yourself.

andyman

This one always works for me

Morag

There is no generic, one size fits all on this, shockingly different approaches will work or fail depending on the person they are aimed at.

Santa Cruz

Don't tell that the IMMAC is doing a great job

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Three fúcking words: I'm up here.

ladylost

Cheer up, it might never happen!!

That is just so rude I am tempted to slap the guy. Has anyone ever pulled with that line. I seriously doubt it.

Knex*

cactuspaw wrote: »

Basically, its been a while since iv been out or chatted up, so last night i noticed a few things in terms of men chatting you up.
Men dont really want to make the effort to get to know anything about you, one guy in the space of 2 minutes shook my hand, told me he was from kerry and asked me was i single. Not in an entertaining jokey way, it was more like he was interviewing me for a job or checking me off a list!

Aside from the generalisation, I'd be interested in two things here. One, were you in a bar or club? And two, did you make any attempt to get to know anything about him?

ladylost wrote: »

Cheer up, it might never happen!!

That is just so rude I am tempted to slap the guy. Has anyone ever pulled with that line. I seriously doubt it.

Personally, I think that this would irritate anybody. Even worse than being told, "You're in such a bad mood", or "You look sad", because the plebians who usually say it, believe that they are being charming somehow.

A Primal Nut

cactuspaw wrote: »

Men dont really want to make the effort to get to know anything about you, one guy in the space of 2 minutes shook my hand, told me he was from kerry and asked me was i single. Not in an entertaining jokey way, it was more like he was interviewing me for a job or checking me off a list.
!

To be fair, trying to chat up a random is stranger can be very nerve wracking; he probably just couldn't think of anything to say. Some nights I feel confident and have no problem talking to random strangers; other times I can't think of anything to say. A few beers helps.

The other story you told is crazy though. Not sure what he was thinking. Maybe he thought he could make you jealous and it backfired spectacularly.

cactuspaw

Well to the best of my recollection the first guy's conversation happened at a quiet part of the bar and went somthing like
Man: hello my name is *Ken*
*Shakes my hand formaly*
Me: Hi
Man: Im from Kerry...Are you single...?
Me: Eh...kerry, what part?
Man: Tut
*walks off with his pint*

maybe the fella was a bit shy, i dunno, but twasnt the smoothest method of chatting up a girl.

Knex*

cactuspaw wrote: »

Well to the best of my recollection the first guy's conversation happened at a quiet part of the bar and went somthing like
Man: hello my name is *Ken*
*Shakes my hand formaly*
Me: Hi
Man: Im from Kerry...Are you single...?
Me: Eh...kerry, what part?
Man: Tut
*walks off with his pint*

maybe the fella was a bit shy, i dunno, but twasnt the smoothest method of chatting up a girl.

My God, that is horrendous! :pac:

diveout

The sleaziest and yet most interesting "chat up" I was ever on the receiving end of was this.

I was working one summer in a restaurant, and being very visible, it's a job in which you get a lot of attention. Well one evening it was very obvious a customer was interested. I wasn't so much, but I was also working.

NExt day I came into work and he had left a copy of "Last Tango in Paris" for me and phone number.

Can't get any more direct than that.

Raminahobbin

Avalynn Sparse Commando wrote: »

'I've got laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand in Leitrim'

Good man yourself.

That would work on me

Into The Blue

Now that I'm married and not interested in chatting up strangers in a bar, I find that women are a lot more forward. Our maybe it's that I get chatting to older, more confidant women..

But when I was younger, it was horrendous. Painful awkward silence, long slurps of beer for something to do.. no phones to pretend to check.

cactuspaw

Raminahobbin wrote: »

That would work on me

Went out with a Leitrim lad for a bit, he had land, prob same guy as there's not that many in Leitrim!

Remmy

cactuspaw wrote: »

Well to the best of my recollection the first guy's conversation happened at a quiet part of the bar and went somthing like
Man: hello my name is *Ken*
*Shakes my hand formaly*
Me: Hi
Man: Im from Kerry...Are you single...?
Me: Eh...kerry, what part?
Man: Tut
*walks off with his pint*

maybe the fella was a bit shy, i dunno, but twasnt the smoothest method of chatting up a girl.

I'd say that guy was just deathly nervous. I have a dry sense of humor and this combined with nervousness when I started to talk to girls made for a lot of conversations like this.

Floppybits

The main mistake men make when chatting up ladies is actually attempting to chat them up in the first place.

Corkgirl210

men playing stupid! lol had a few of them in my time.. ah whats your name? eh hello you knew it last week when you said hello? ah haven't seen you here before.. when you are both regulars at the same niteclub.. pull the other one... think my friend knows your friend.. no **** Sherlock they going out and we both know it.. list is endless...

The Friendly Newcomer

I'm a guy and I am in my early twenties and I have to say that girls have a lot of crap to put up with. I don't drink but I would still feel rather confident talking to a girl on a night out. One thing I find hard is that the main place I get the chance to talk to women is in a nightclub (I don't like Nightclubs btw) and it is TOO loud and I can't hear what she's saying and it is really hard to have a conversation. I just try to listen to the girl and treat her with the respect she deserves.
I once saw a drunk guy constantly threatening to expose himself to a girl and she was messing with him but ya could tell she was uncomfortable and was trying to get away from him.

GAC999

One of the worst chat ups I ever had was in a nightclub. I was wearing a dress with a nice belt around my waist, guy comes up to me says that's really nice belt, want to go home with me. I just shake my head, turn and walk away.

I agree with you friendly newcomer, nightclubs can be sometimes awful, you can get loads of really sleazy guys coming on to you which can put you in a bad mood and more likely to reject a nice genuine guy when they are trying to talk to you for fear they are the same.

Mariasofia

Stinking in smoke.....eeew go away!!

The Friendly Newcomer

GAC999 wrote: »

One of the worst chat ups I ever had was in a nightclub. I was wearing a dress with a nice belt around my waist, guy comes up to me says that's really nice belt, want to go home with me. I just shake my head, turn and walk away.

I agree with you friendly newcomer, nightclubs can be sometimes awful, you can get loads of really sleazy guys coming on to you which can put you in a bad mood and more likely to reject a nice genuine guy when they are trying to talk to you for fear they are the same.

The only reason I go to the nightclubs is because my friends like going there.
I find it really difficult to make a connection with a girl in a nightclub.
As regards making mistakes when chatting a girl up, the main problem I would have is trying to think of things to talk about. I don't drink so the confidence isn't exactly oozing out of me

sunshine and showers

Don't tell me to smile. Just don't. It won't work.

The Friendly Newcomer

GAC999 wrote: »

guy comes up to me says that's really nice belt, want to go home with me. I just shake my head, turn and walk away.

What kind of a tool would say that to a woman?

Fate Amenable To Change

sunshine and showers wrote: »

Don't tell me to smile. Just don't. It won't work.

That has worked for me, don't know how

I have also used "how much dies a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice" but that also comes with a cheesy smile

great lines for when I've had one pint too many to come up with an actual normal conversation

Sweet Rose

I think men should just chat to, rather than chat up women. Just be normal and nice. It's so refreshing to just have a normal conversation with a guy on a night out. Hate cheesy, cringy lines.

TCDStudent1

Sweet Rose wrote: »

I think men should just chat to, rather than chat up women. Just be normal and nice. It's so refreshing to just have a normal conversation with a guy on a night out. Hate cheesy, cringy lines.

Would be nice to have a thread "How men should chat to ladies on a night out"

Personally, I find it difficult to start a conversation with a stranger on a night out. Most often, there are a group of women together (2-3-4-5) and they are talking away to each other. And its difficult to get an opportunity to interact

Daisy78

sunshine and showers wrote: »

Don't tell me to smile. Just don't. It won't work.

This has to be the single most irritating and useless"chat up" line ever. Like telling a girl she looks miserable will ever have the desired effect....its so insulting!

Wibbs

Daisy78 wrote: »

This has to be the single most irritating and useless"chat up" line ever. Like telling a girl she looks miserable will ever have the desired effect....its so insulting!

Plus it always sounded a tad masochistic to me, I mean why would you approach a person with what you perceive to be a face like thunder? Whether you're a man or a woman. Reverse the genders; woman sees man across a crowded room, he's cute but with a face like an Easter island statue with active hemorrhoids, how many women would walk up and suggest he smiles? Precious few I'd imagine, but I have seen men do that kinda thing fairly often. Don't get it myself.

Best chat up line? "Hello". An oldie but goldie. Gender and gender preference neutral too. Powerful ju ju that one. I take paypal.

Fate Amenable To Change

Wibbs wrote: »

Plus it always sounded a tad masochistic to me, I mean why would you approach a person with what you perceive to be a face like thunder? Whether you're a man or a woman. Reverse the genders; woman sees man across a crowded room, he's cute but with a face like an Easter island statue with active hemorrhoids, how many women would walk up and suggest he smiles? Precious few I'd imagine, but I have seen men do that kinda thing fairly often. Don't get it myself.

Best chat up line? "Hello". An oldie but goldie. Gender and gender preference neutral too. Powerful ju ju that one. I take paypal.

I'd only be delighted tbh. Hello works about the same as most others if you're fairly good looking. What about the guys that aren't very good looking, I personally feel the need to say something that might elicit a smile. It isn't going to work every time but if I see someone I like the idea of talking to I might as well try with something other than "hello", besides hello normally leads to "hello" back which means you have to come up with an opener anyway.

Most guys have a few different things they start a conversation with. I wouldn't say right out "you should smile lurv, you look pissed", more along the lines "you look like you have a beautiful smile"

I think most guys, including myself, would prefer to go over to a girl and say something along the lines of "your eyes are so deep I could swim in them" or "your hair is like the waves of the ocean at night" but it would come out awkward as hell and probably too strong in most cases tbh.

Catari Jaguar

No matter the comment it just reads as "Female, I think you've a pretty face and curvy body that appeals to me... I can see that you're on a night out with friends but that doesn't matter, I will intrude. I don't care about anything that you're going to tell me in this "conversation". I would just like to have sex with you. If you turn me down I will try the next woman here."

The Friendly Newcomer

I was out last night and one of my neighbor's who I have a massive crush came up to our group with her friend and I completely blanked. I couldn't think of something to ask her Does that work for any ladies? haha

Wibbs

Fate Amenable To Change wrote: »

I'd only be delighted tbh. Hello works about the same as most others if you're fairly good looking. What about the guys that aren't very good looking, I personally feel the need to say something that might elicit a smile.

If it's "chatting ladies up" of a night in a pub the overall look/vibe of you is gonna count for a lot. In a club it's gonna count even more. It's a visual environment. Nature of the beast. The smoking ban and creation of smoking areas has led to more people meeting because at least you can have a chat.

It isn't going to work every time but if I see someone I like the idea of talking to I might as well try with something other than "hello", besides hello normally leads to "hello" back which means you have to come up with an opener anyway.

Or maybe y'know start a conversation? Why does anyone need an "opener"? It's not rocket science here.

Most guys have a few different things they start a conversation with. I wouldn't say right out "you should smile lurv, you look pissed", more along the lines "you look like you have a beautiful smile"

and unless they have already seen you and may be interested it's going to come across as a line and what Catari Jaguar wrote. Indeed I would suspect if you were direct about sleeping with someone you'd get blown out, but they'd more likely think "at least yer man was honest about it".

I think most guys, including myself, would prefer to go over to a girl and say something along the lines of "your eyes are so deep I could swim in them" or "your hair is like the waves of the ocean at night" but it would come out awkward as hell and probably too strong in most cases tbh.

Probably too strong? Probably? "Your eyes are so deep I could swim in them"? The dairy council have been on, they want all their cheese back. Even as a bloke I'm cringing here TBH.

Catxscotch

I'd like to know a polite way of telling a guy I don't fancy to back off. I dont drink much and the amount of drunk sleazy guys who I am not at all attracted to that come up to me is actually insulting. How do you get rid of them without being a total bitch?

Knex*

Catxscotch wrote: »

I'd like to know a polite way of telling a guy I don't fancy to back off. I dont drink much and the amount of drunk sleazy guys who I am not at all attracted to that come up to me is actually insulting. How do you get rid of them without being a total bitch?

Can't see how its "insulting", but I suppose just tell them that you have to get back to your friends, or something similar.

Your tone is what matters anyway, when trying not to offend. Not so much what you actually say.

Pat Mustard

Catxscotch wrote: »

I'd like to know a polite way of telling a guy I don't fancy to back off. I dont drink much and the amount of drunk sleazy guys who I am not at all attracted to that come up to me is actually insulting. How do you get rid of them without being a total bitch?

How about pointing over their shoulder, saying "Ermagerd, look over there!". Then run away.

ongarboy

ladylost wrote: »

Cheer up, it might never happen!!

That is just so rude I am tempted to slap the guy. Has anyone ever pulled with that line. I seriously doubt it.

That's not just a guy line to girls. I get that too from people in bars or clubs !!:) or should I say

The Mustard

The Mustard wrote: »

How about pointing over their shoulder, saying "Ermagerd, look over there!". Then run away.

A friend of mine points over their shoulder and shouts "Jesus, he's found me!"

And that tends to be that!

Minjor

diveout wrote: »

The sleaziest and yet most interesting "chat up" I was ever on the receiving end of was this.

I was working one summer in a restaurant, and being very visible, it's a job in which you get a lot of attention. Well one evening it was very obvious a customer was interested. I wasn't so much, but I was also working.

NExt day I came into work and he had left a copy of "Last Tango in Paris" for me and phone number.

Can't get any more direct than that.

A solid taste in art house cinema. He's a keeper. :P

Pinkmoon19

One time a couple of years ago I was out with a few friends having a great aul time dancing. This guy buts into the middle of our group, put his big sweaty arm around me and goes:

Him: Can I tell you something?

Me: Yes, go on.

Him: Your eyes are as blue as my tractor.

He was being completely serious as well, in his mind this was obviously the ultimate compliment. For me, not so much.

I actually felt kind of sorry for him then because a couple of the girls heard it and literally fell down laughing.

sunshine and showers

^ On a similar-ish note: Lads who push in and try to dance with you in clubs are the worst. Especially the ones who try to touch you and refuse to get the hint that you want them to fúck off. Or even explicitly being told to fúck off. You drunkenly trying to grope me (a total stranger) in the middle of a dance floor is highly unlikely to endear you to me.

The Friendly Newcomer

sunshine and showers wrote: »

^ On a similar-ish note: Lads who push in and try to dance with you in clubs are the worst. Especially the ones who try to touch you and refuse to get the hint that you want them to fúck off. Or even explicitly being told to fúck off. You drunkenly trying to grope me (a total stranger) in the middle of a dance floor is highly unlikely to endear you to me.

I couldn't even think of going up to a girl and dance with a girl without asking her first haha
I don't know if it's me but most girls seem to have their shield up a lot of the time.
It is not easy trying to infultrate a group of girls.

sunshine and showers

The Friendly Newcomer wrote: »

I couldn't even think of going up to a girl and dance with a girl without asking her first haha
I don't know if it's me but most girls seem to have their shield up a lot of the time.
It is not easy trying to infultrate a group of girls.

Part of the reason we have a "shield up" is because of the creeps who would think of going up to and dancing with/groping a girl he doesn't know..

The Friendly Newcomer

sunshine and showers wrote: »

Part of the reason we have a "shield up" is because of the creeps who would think of going up to and dancing with/groping a girl he doesn't know..

I understand. It just makes it daunting for someone like myself to try and chat to ye. I feel like a wild zebra trying to go up and ask a group of lions for a chat

The Friendly Newcomer

sunshine and showers wrote: »

Part of the reason we have a "shield up" is because of the creeps who would think of going up to and dancing with/groping a girl he doesn't know..

I understand. It just makes it daunting for someone like myself to try and chat to ye. I feel like a wild zebra trying to go up and ask a group of lionesses for a chat

steddyeddy

In fairness it's up to women to chat up men too.

The Friendly Newcomer

sunshine and showers wrote: »

Part of the reason we have a "shield up" is because of the creeps who would think of going up to and dancing with/groping a girl he doesn't know..

I understand. It just makes it daunting for someone like myself to try and chat to ye. I feel like a wild zebra trying to go up and ask a group of lionesses for a chat

Remmy

sunshine and showers wrote: »

^ On a similar-ish note: Lads who push in and try to dance with you in clubs are the worst. Especially the ones who try to touch you and refuse to get the hint that you want them to fúck off. Or even explicitly being told to fúck off. You drunkenly trying to grope me (a total stranger) in the middle of a dance floor is highly unlikely to endear you to me.

Yeah that must be a headwrecker. A few times I've been out and been groped/pinched on the bum etc by girls. This is one thing but imagining it done by someone bigger and stronger than me would be pretty intimidating.

Daisy78

steddyeddy wrote: »

In fairness it's up to women to chat up men too.

To be honest I would think a lot of women wouldn't feel comfortable doing this.....but I definitely think women should be more "open" to men approaching and give encouraging signals, that way the guy doesn't feel like he is taking such a risk by approaching a woman.....

stateofflux

i don't think it matters what a guy says once its not insulting or creepy. If its gonna happen its gonna happen.