Commenting on other people's weight

UpCork

I have a similar thread over on the 'ranting and raving forum' but felt it was applicable here too.

I have a friend, whom I dearly love, but she is obsessed with people's weight and is FOREVER passing comments.

It could be people we know: 'God, she's after getting very pudgy' to 'she could loose a few pounds off the face' to random people on the street 'look at the ass on her', 'Christ, did she look in the mirror'.

Eventhough when she says these things it is usually in a whisper, I feel embarassed. I am not a skinny minny myself though I have lost alot of weight in the last few years, therefore I know what it is like to be overweight and feel people are staring at you. What is worse is some of the people she comments on (pictures on Facebook etc) aren't actually overweight. They might be heaver than her but they aren't overweight to me nor I'd say do they think they are either.

What is also embarassing is if you are clothes shopping and we are looking for a size in says a top or trousers...anything bigger than a 14 she pushes out of the way and says 'christ, all huge sizes'. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm cowering in the corner, as although I'm 90% of the time a size 14 in a pants/trousers, depending on the make, sometimes I get a 16. What is worse is she has worn that size in past too.

Anyone else similar experience. I try to ignore it when she says it as I don't want to fuel it, but it is hard not to go to the opposite extreme and tell her how out of line she is.

beks101

In fairness, you're in a prime position to call her on her comments or retort back with something about how uncomfortable it makes you. Why haven't you done that yet?

If it was me, I'd say something like "yeah it's wonderful to be so flawless isn't it :rolleyes:" or "how would you feel if people were bitching about how 'pudgy' you were behind your back?" and indeed "I think she looks great" and PAUSE.

People will be as inappropriate as they're allowed to be. You might not be able to completely eradicate her incessant need to pass comment as tbh she sounds like an insufferable wagon, but you can certainly teach her not to do it in your company. And indeed make her stop and think for a second about how uneccessary it is.

UpCork

I now just usually change the subject and have in the past said 'if someone is happy who are we to judge' but she still does it

Lia_lia

Meh, she's probably insecure about her own weight.

WesternNight

UpCork wrote: »

I now just usually change the subject and have in the past said 'if someone is happy who are you to judge' but she still does it

Fixed.

From what you said, she's the one doing the judging, not you. So it's not 'we', it's 'you'. She'll feel it more if you say it like that.

To be honest it sounds like she's overcompensating something fierce for an insecurity she has about her own weight. Either that or she's just really not a very nice person.

Whenever I've encountered that kind of thing, I've thought it was borne of insecurity, though it's often a learned behaviour too, as I've been in the company of girls as they talk about people women they know to their mothers, and weight is discussed before anything else.

If I ever have kids, a persons dress size will not be one of the things I talk about when we discuss how friends are doing in life.

Lou.m

UpCork wrote: »

I have a similar thread over on the 'ranting and raving forum' but felt it was applicable here too.

I have a friend, whom I dearly love, but she is obsessed with people's weight and is FOREVER passing comments.

It could be people we know: 'God, she's after getting very pudgy' to 'she could loose a few pounds off the face' to random people on the street 'look at the ass on her', 'Christ, did she look in the mirror'.

Eventhough when she says these things it is usually in a whisper, I feel embarassed. I am not a skinny minny myself though I have lost alot of weight in the last few years, therefore I know what it is like to be overweight and feel people are staring at you. What is worse is some of the people she comments on (pictures on Facebook etc) aren't actually overweight. They might be heaver than her but they aren't overweight to me nor I'd say do they think they are either.

What is also embarassing is if you are clothes shopping and we are looking for a size in says a top or trousers...anything bigger than a 14 she pushes out of the way and says 'christ, all huge sizes'. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm cowering in the corner, as although I'm 90% of the time a size 14 in a pants/trousers, depending on the make, sometimes I get a 16. What is worse is she has worn that size in past too.

Anyone else similar experience. I try to ignore it when she says it as I don't want to fuel it, but it is hard not to go to the opposite extreme and tell her how out of line she is.

I'm skinny , it's natural though. And people comment all the time.:rolleyes: Some of my mates slag me about it.

To be honest I would never even NOTICE another person's weight let alone comment. I truly think everyone is beautiful.

I would ask her not to be crude. Tell her it's tacky to comment like that and insensitive. It reflects badly on her not them.

Tell her it is a nasty mean habit and you never know how it affects people.

Sunny Dayz

I think that your friend going around commenting on other people's weight is a sign of insecurity about her own figure.
I'm some one who up a year and half ago never had an issue with my weight, was naturally thin and never had to think about what I eat or worry about my figure. I find now that I am battling with it and am very self conscious now about my figure. On the outside my figure probably looks slim to everyone else but I feel conscious about the weight around my stomach and people looking at my stomach wondering if I'm pregnant (married 3 years, people asking if anything stirring - rant for another thread!) However I find myself looking at other women's figures and do pass judgement on them, in my mind not out loud. And I found I never did that when I was happy with my own weight and figure. Went in hold earlier this summer and noticed most of the women's figures in bikinis cos I was so self conscious of my own and comparing mine to theirs.
I would imagine your friend is very insecure about her own weight and feels the need to comment on others weight to detract attention from her own.

Sunny Dayz

In terms of calling her up on her comments, next time she comments that a size 14 is huge, say "I'm size 14, are you saying I'm huge?" And awkward silence....

CathyMoran

Someone I know has constantly called me fat for being a size 6-8 - I no longer see her which is akward as she is my sister in law but I value my health more.

OP, I am sorry that your friend is this way.

Penny Tration

I had a friend who did this, but all of her comments were aimed at me. She was a size 18. When I was a size 24, she kept telling me how great I looked.

When I got down to a 14, she couldn't handle that i wasn't the fat friend anymore. She hated that I got more attention than her on nights out. So, she regularly asked had I gained weight, called me fat straight out in front of other people, and if we went shopping, she'd snigger as I picked out size 14 jeans/skirts, and pick up a 12 for herself. Then she'd go back to the shop another day, with a mutual friend (she doesn't know that I know this), and exchange everything for a size 18.

I realised in the end that some people are just jealous, insecure people. She was too lazy to bother doing anything about her weight, but resented me for doing something about mine. It got to the stage where if we went for lunch, she'd literally shout at me that I wasn't eating enough, because I wouldn't have a massive plate of food,or would have one course rather than three.

You can't change people like that. The only real thing i could do was call her out on her crap, shame her every time she insulted my size. It worked after several months. She knows not to comment on how I look, or I'll tear into her. Our friendship isn't the same, because I actively avoid spending more than one day a month with her, but it's her own doing.

Ave Sodalis

Lou.m wrote: »

I'm skinny , it's natural though. And people comment all the time.:rolleyes: Some of my mates slag me about it.

I know this one too. People seem to think it's more acceptable to comment on someone being thin than someone being overweight. I get it an awful lot. I have a huge appetite but I'm still thin so it's all natural but the amount of people who have told me that I need to feed myself up is crazy. I also work with horses so end up with some bruise or another every day but if something more serious happens like torn muscle, I get comments like "ah sure, look at the size of ya, it's no wonder you got hurt!". Um, no, I actually thought it was because I got fired off from about 8foot in the air and landed on a boulder before having to twist to avoid a 450kg hoof landing on me...

I don't think it's necessary to comment on anyones weight unless it's a friend whom you're worried about and want to help, or it's a stranger who's weight is causing an inconvience. An example of this would be with horses as well, when someone who is obese wants a go on a pony and you have to refuse them.

CathyMoran

CathyMoran wrote: »

Someone I know has constantly called me fat for being a size 6-8 - I no longer see her which is akward as she is my sister in law but I value my health more.

OP, I am sorry that your friend is this way.

I had a 'friend' who constantly told me I needed to put on weight because I 'looked sickly'. This was for my own good, of course. Insults dressed up as concern are the last word in passive-aggressiveness.

No one size 6-8 is fat, not even if they're very small. Sometimes you just have to cut the toxic influences out of your life, like you did.

Rosie Rant

A former friend did nothing but comment on other people, not just about their weight. She never stopped saying horrible things about everyone she was supposed to care about and even about perfect strangers. It was all to make her feel better about herself. For a long time I just listened to her rant, but I realized I had let it go too far when being nasty about people became her absolute favorite hobby. She especially liked undermining everything I said and did. One day I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to stop being nasty about people, that I would no longer listen to her. That if she kept this up she would end up saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, losing her friends. She promised to try and stop but it didn't last. Neither did our friendship, thank goodness.

I also have a very thin, gorgeous friend who is a lovely girl. But, shopping with her isn't always great fun. She always makes a point of saying anything bigger than a size 12 is massive. I'm a size 14 and it can be hurtful when she says it but I honestly don't think she realizes she's being insulting. Obviously the clothes would be massive on HER. I think I was just being insecure. I think I will say something to her though.

Macavity.

My granny is the same way, it's quite annoying and can be awkward in public. She is pretty much senile though so not much point correcting her as she forgets straight away.

berrygood

Ya, I hate that.

I've always been naturally thin and I'd get the "eat a burger" type comments. Thankfully I don't get it as much anymore but I used to get it a lot when I was younger and it bothered me something fierce.

sashafierce

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