Having second thoughts....

Redsoleshoes

Just looking for a bit of advice as I'm not sure I did the right thing.

Starting dating this guy who I met online, everything was going great, meeting up regularly, getting on great and felt like he really liked me.
However, a lot of my friends saw him still online as I didn't bother logging on to the dating website as I wanted to see how things went with him but some of my friends kept giving me their opinions on it saying " why is he still online when he's seeing you" this was around 5 weeks into dating. I knew he was still online and It didn't bother me so much until some of my friends kept pointing it out and then I started doubting myself as I presumed that he wasn't actually dating other people.
So I asked him around 6 weeks into dating if he saw us going anywhere and if he was still dating other people? He said he really liked me and wanted to take it slow as he was enjoying spending time with me and after coming out of a relationship a couple of moths previous he didn't want to rush things with us as he didn't see the need to, we should just see how it goes, which was fair enough I was fine with that as I wanted the same, however he said he was still dating other people, and he was on dates with other girls whilst dating me. This bothered me a bit so I said the we should stop seeing each other as I wasn't happy with that. But now I'm thinking did I rush things too soon? Should I have given it a few months and seeing what happened? I really miss him and I don't know whether I should contact him or not?

ima_believer

Hey there!

Thats the worst about online dating-being able to see their activity!!

Op, im very much a believer in following intuition and I think you got it right in this instance. The main reason being that he has mentioned just coming out of a long term relationship. The new wiser me registers this with alarm bells having met numerous guys who had just come out of one.

It sucks though seeing as you seemed to really like him

The dating game is hard work isnt it!

fergie24

Id say you got it right. He is out of a long term relationship and now wants a bit of fun.
6 weeks isnt exactly along time but I think he is playing the field and playing you as well. Was he upset or anything when you said you didnt want to continue seeing him?

ima_believer

Thats something I was also going to ask fergie, if he put up a bit of a fight it would maybe sway me a bit, but even still.

Ps me being "wise" is only after being recently burned in the last 24 hours! :P

Redsoleshoes

ima_believer wrote: »

Thats something I was also going to ask fergie, if he put up a bit of a fight it would maybe sway me a bit, but even still.

Ps me being "wise" is only after being recently burned in the last 24 hours! :P

Thanks guys for the input :-)

He did a bit, in that he wanted to give us more time but he wanted to keep on dating other people so that he knew we were compatible with each other.
I just felt uneasy thinking of him on a date with another girl whilst I'm sitting at home, but then I was thinking I was getting too invested too soon and maybe he had a point?

Yeah, I know ima_believer I was burned twice in the last two years and that's why I was really cautious this time, I just thought it was different with him :-(

fergie24

Why would you want to be sitting at home after 6/7 weeks dating him knowing he is probably out on a date with another woman? maybe kissing her, maybe more? and you waiting your turn to meet him tomorrow or the day after.

I have never done internet dating but i imagine its bit of a head wreck.

limnam

fergie24 wrote: »

Why would you want to be sitting at home after 6/7 weeks dating him knowing he is probably out on a date with another woman? maybe kissing her, maybe more? and you waiting your turn to meet him tomorrow or the day after.

I have never done internet dating but i imagine its bit of a head wreck.

6-7 weeks is nothing really.

The same could happen with any type of dating, having multiple "dates" on the go is not exclusive to internet dating.

They're both technically single and one side expected the behavior of a couple who were "exclusive"

who cares if he's kissing someone else or maybe more, he's every right to as has the OP.

changing to a more "typical" style of dating won't change this.

Magicmatilda

There is no way I would be comfortable dating someone 6 weeks in and knowing they were dating others and I definitely wouldn't be sleeping with them. So I would have done the same as you.

You are worth more, you are worth someone taking the time out to see if you are someone important to them and in fairness if he was any way interested in you at all he would have done that, he wouldn't have wanted to lose you.

So I think you did the right thing.

SoFarSoGood

Hey OP,

I'm not sure I'll be much help but I read your post and had to reply. I'm a long time out of the dating scene myself, but I have heard from close friends that this scenario seems to be quite the norm these days. Online dating has taken off in recent times and it often seems to be an acceptable thing to continue playing the field whilst dating someone. You are definitely not on your own in this situation.
I am quite the traditionalist myself and like you I would like to think that if I'm dating someone then that person will give the relationship the chance it deserves and not be going out with other people at the same time. Unfortunately this is not always the case.
What I think is great is that you realised you weren't happy with the situation, you spoke openly about it and decided the situation as it was wasn't right for you. It is completely natural to now be questioning the decision, but as an earlier poster mentioned, intuition is a great thing that shouldn't be ignored. Something inside you told you to call it a day. Try to think back to that gut feeling you had when you start to doubt the decision you made. You said that this person you were dating was not long out of a long term relationship. It is very likely that they are not quite in the right place at the moment to offer you what you are hoping for, and deserve. That's not to say that in the future when he is ready this won't happen. But for now, be proud of yourself for standing up and realising that what was on the table was just not
quite good enough. Good for you.

Redsoleshoes

Thank you all so much for the advice, after reading them all I am more confident now that I did made the right decision. I was all week having that doubting feeling that I was jumping ahead of myself ( I suppose that happens when you really like someone) but now I'm just going to put it behind me and move forward :-)

Thanks again x