Concerned about family member's rage/mental health

LegacyUser

A close relation of mine is now almost 29. Before anybody says he's old enough to look after himself, we know this should be the case. However, he's not so we are worried as we would be about any other adult family member in this case.

He was the nicest, most helpful kid/young adult imaginable. Now, while he still can be, there are far, far more periods of extraordinary anger and terrifying rage. Any excuse will set him off. I gave him a lift the other day and when I asked him how the mood was, he went ballistic about some completely random news event he had just heard on the radio. It was real conspiracy stuff, something he had no power to change and his reaction was so completely disproportionate to the effect that it upset his entire day. Or rather, it upset him until he found something else to explode over and be upset. Another time he got so infuriated by something I said (again about something totally impersonal and news related) that I had to calm him down and apologise. As I was driving at the time and he couldn't just storm off, I was genuinely very afraid.

This has all started in the past 5 years, since he was laid off from his construction job and lost most of his savings, which he had been advised to put in the "safe bet" of bank shares. That his employer, who is still wealthy in that "bankrupt" legal sense, didn't pay him his due redundancy just adds to his utter hatred for the system (it's gone beyond cynicism). He very rarely drinks and doesn't gamble or smoke. He has never had a partner that we know of. This is a guy who worked all hours he was given, got on well with most people and was highly regarded for his skill and ability to sort problems out. He fixed everything around the house, and would be offended if you offered him money. After a few months working again, he walked off his last job 8 months ago because he had, well, strong views on the people over him. Even working for relatives, he has barely turned up. He has been offered several jobs in the past couple of years, but has refused them. To be honest, now I'm sort of glad he did as I'd be afraid he'd damage other relationships if he accepted them. There are flashes of the old person, the old humour, but now they make the reality more poignant.

It's increasingly clear to me, and to my parents, that he needs mental help. I don't know what type but the volatility, irrational overreaction, and overpowering anger is not "normal" and has fundamentally destroyed his productivity and relationships. However, you wouldn't even suggest it for fear of the explosion of utter disdain for the "quacks" who run that "bullshít" section of society.

Some of you must have a similar experience with a family member or friend. What would you recommend to help him?

LegacyUser

I have to go anon for this OP but he sounds exactly like my brother. I actually think the recession over the last few years and daily news stories has this affect on a lot of people and seems to be common these days.

My brother is the same, except he doesn't say what's bothering him, he lets it all fester and then EXPLODES.. He's late 30's has a wife and child and doesn't work, he doesn't claim any social benefits but does have a hobby that brings in some money, not a lot. They live on the breadline, are on the verge of losing their house and many times my sis in law has phoned me in tears when he's just put his fist through another wall/wardrobe/broke something etc.

So last time she rang I told her he needs mental help. The rage he shows every now and then actually terrifies me and I've only seen it a few times since I was a child. I'm really afraid to approach my own brother, that's how bad he is. I told her about CBT and she demanded that he go or else they were over. He went and it just seems to be opening a can of worms really. We didn't have an easy childhood so I think a lot of the stuff he bottled up is just flooding out making things worse. Your relation needs a counsellor asap. Same as my brother. They need to talk about what is wrong, probably better to a stranger than someone they know.

Flippyfloppy

Following because I'm in a pretty identical boat!!

catonthewire

Hi,


As a person who suffers from a mental disorder, I can sympathise with your situation....
This young man is obviously displaying some extreme irrational behaviour, only a trained professional will be capable of diagnosing exactly what the problem is, and treatment if it is nessicary...

Unfortunately he is an adult, and can not be forced to seek help, so for the moment I suggest that you contact Aware Defeat Depression and they will give you lots of advice as to how to deal with broaching the subject of seeking help....

Lauren3142

Hi
Im in the same situation with my mam .
Its hard to find a way to talk to her about her rage .