Is family worth it??

eric prydz

Hi there,im at my lowest point ive ever been in all my life at present,ive been having problems with members of my family for some time now and it has worn me down and left me feeling depressed and iosolated at times ifykwim. I have been visiting my doctor regulery and he has advised me to distance myself from my family as much as I can but this isn't really working as ive been verbally abused for avoiding even when I haven't but Im strongly thinking now of totally severing all ties with them and telling them that I don't want to know them any more.Has anyone ever done this before?
BTW im a new member on here so hello

Slutmonkey57b

Your doctor must know that what they're suggesting is a big step with multiple consequences, so it hasn't been done lightly.


If your family are, even indirectly, causing severe stress in your life then it's important to recognise that being family doesn't give them the right to do that.

Ask yourself what other support you have away from them, either in terms of friends, work programmes, hse etc. If you make the break remember you don't have to tell toxic people everything, or even the truth. Maybe organise a meeting if you can, bring someone for support, and explain that your doctor has told you that you need some time to be alone to work on your stress, and that you'll be acting like a hermit for a couple of weeks. Don't answer the phone to them, don't answer the door, and just keep quiet until you are ready to talk.

Note, when *you're* ready, not when *they* want.

eric prydz

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Your doctor must know that what they're suggesting is a big step with multiple consequences, so it hasn't been done lightly.


If your family are, even indirectly, causing severe stress in your life then it's important to recognise that being family doesn't give them the right to do that.

Ask yourself what other support you have away from them, either in terms of friends, work programmes, hse etc. If you make the break remember you don't have to tell toxic people everything, or even the truth. Maybe organise a meeting if you can, bring someone for support, and explain that your doctor has told you that you need some time to be alone to work on your stress, and that you'll be acting like a hermit for a couple of weeks. Don't answer the phone to them, don't answer the door, and just keep quiet until you are ready to talk.

Note, when *you're* ready, not when *they* want.

I think my doctor does understand the situation clearly as he prescribed my antidepressents and sleeping pills aswell,ive dealt with tricky situations before and am generally a positive and outgoing person.Ive got a lot of good friends so id be able to survive without my family but it pains me to think it has come to this

catonthewire

Hi,

Severing ties from family members can be extremely difficult, however no-one has the right to abuse you verbally to the point of depression....
Your Doctor, who is impartial already recognises the impact their behaviour is having on your life and health...

Be brave, explain to those members who engage in this type of bullying that you are no longer prepared to accept their insults...
You will feel stronger as your meds begin to work, and eventualy your family will not be able to upset you ....

eric prydz

catonthewire wrote: »

Hi,

Severing ties from family members can be extremely difficult, however no-one has the right to abuse you verbally to the point of depression....
Your Doctor, who is impartial already recognises the impact their behaviour is having on your life and health...

Be brave, explain to those members who engage in this type of bullying that you are no longer prepared to accept their insults...
You will feel stronger as your meds begin to work, and eventualy your family will not be able to upset you ....

Thanks,ive already told some of the family about whats happening and I thought they would help me out because they know that id do the same for them
This year has being hard on me because I had a lot of unforeseen expenses that have left me in debt and is really bearing down on me at the moment aswell

catonthewire

Use the services of a free debt agency to help you sort out your finances..
Concentrate on getting yourself back into good mental health, then tackle the miners of your family as you feel able too....

ancapailldorcha

eric prydz wrote: »

Hi there,im at my lowest point ive ever been in all my life at present,ive been having problems with members of my family for some time now and it has worn me down and left me feeling depressed and iosolated at times ifykwim. I have been visiting my doctor regulery and he has advised me to distance myself from my family as much as I can but this isn't really working as ive been verbally abused for avoiding even when I haven't but Im strongly thinking now of totally severing all ties with them and telling them that I don't want to know them any more.Has anyone ever done this before?
BTW im a new member on here so hello

OP, if you're 100% sure that it is your family causing you this grief then I'm afraid that the answer is yes. You need to cut them out or at least put some distance between you and them. Moving away from home is the best decision I ever made by far.

SaoirseRose

Hi OP

From what you've said, it sounds like distancing yourself from them is a good idea. Don't for one second feel bad about that, you are your no.1 priority and you have to look after your own health first and foremost.

With regards to cutting them out completely, well - I did it years ago with my parents and I have no regrets. However, I was absolutely 100% sure for many reasons and I had been for a long time. To me, it sounds like you love them but they're causing you pain and grief right now that you just can't and shouldn't have to deal with. This definitely warrants distancing yourself, but only you can decide whether you want to sever ties completely.

Take care and best of luck with your decision.

Rubberchikken

there's nothing more upsetting than being there for others, esp family, and when the tables are turned there's no one there for you.
if you feel capable of letting them go, then do.

end of the day, life is way too short for unnecessary hassle.
take care.

tenifan

I realised time and time again the affect my family were having on me. The problem is, the more I tried to create even a small amount of personal space, the more certain people thought I was lonely and really crowded me out.. the problem is, they acted as a gateway, even an enabler for the family members giving me the real problems.

The best thing you can do is make yourself ridiculously busy doing other stuff. it keeps you from getting depressed, and you'll be doing something you like instead of hanging around a family who are draining your energy. Keep the family visits to once a week, an hour at a time. Remain civil, and if you can't hack that, then cut all ties.