Afraid to Drive

sweet_angel28

I'm starting to learn the basic driving with my husband but it just I'm afraid to drive, thinking the worst thing could happen always. Also everytime, I've done some mistakes or just stuck because of my nervous, my husband is talking a lot and gettin angry, saying that I'm not listening. I understand him and I'm listening but it just I can't move the car, it triggering my fear, my feet is shaking and my mind is wandering and thinking that I might hit something.
-- Nervous girl---

solomafioso

First of all don't practise with your husband! That may sound harsh, but never practise with a family member. It's always better to practise with a registered instructor as it's their job and business to ensure you're getting the right training.

Personal feelings won't interfere and you will be more focused on the road. Also, an instructor will give you correct details whereas a family member (or someone who has been driving for a while) may teach you their bad habits that creep in after a while....lack of indication, no patience when overtaking a bicycle, road position, etc.

Nerves are natural, but they can be overcome by creative visualisation or breathing. You're not the only car on the road. Just drive right and safe and you'll be fine. You don't need added stress by being "shouted at" while driving.

cruizer101

Find someone else to go out driving with would be my advice. At the end of the day if he is making you feel uncomfortable you are not going to learn as easily. Have you any friends or other relatives you can go out with instead.

sweet_angel28

Thank you for the replies, I did some basic driving lessons with a driving instructor before, just had to recall some basic one with my husband but seems like I lost my confidence again. I will have to get another lessons with driving instructor but hopefully it would minimize my fear.

solomafioso

sweet_angel28 wrote: »

Thank you for the replies, I did some basic driving lessons with a driving instructor before, just had to recall some basic one with my husband but seems like I lost my confidence again. I will have to get another lessons with driving instructor but hopefully it would minimize my fear.

When you start off your mind will go a mile a minute. Overthinking every single action you're doing and second guessing. You need to work up to feeling what's right and when to do what (if that makes sense). Then it becomes almost muscle memory and you're not worrying about inside the car and more focused on what's going on outside (road awareness).

If you stall, don't panic. It happens to everyone! In my first year of driving I would stall occasionally (new car), but just shrugged it off and calmly started it back up again. If someone is behind you inconvenienced that they've spent seconds waiting on you...it's their problem for reacting harshly, not yours. Some drivers nowadays seem to forget that they were once like that, and I'd like to think that I'd give someone the benefit of driving safely around them so not to stress them out. (IE not dangerously close to them!).

Find a natural safe distance, speed, indication, mirror. You'll find that you'll no longer think about these as separate tasks.

Craftylee

Agree with the above - family members just get angry with you and they won't have any dual controls etc. Get a instructor and you will build confidence and even enjoy it once you get going

ProudDUB

Agree with the others. Ditch the hubby. Close family can be the worst to learn how to drive with.

Also consider taking the car to places where there is little or no traffic. Industrial estates and business parks are great places to take a spin around, as there is little to no traffic there during the evening and on Sundays.

galson

Yeah, I refused to teach my wife as well, not worth getting divorced over it It's upsetting for both sides. You'll be better off with an actual instructor.

Day Lewin

This can be done!
I used to have a phobia about driving, almost panic-attack level.

Finally took the plunge at the age of 40, and the whole process took four years! (two provisional licences, the then maximum, back-to-back)

First driving teacher was dreadful, I abandoned that: (and scratched his car, gloat!)
Husband is a hopeless teacher anyway.
Found myself a teacher I liked and could work with and slowly we worked our way through the slowness of my learning, the crying jags, the reluctance...and I did pass my driving test at the first attempt!

(My teacher is still in business: PM me, if you like, for her name, number etc

Renegade Mechanic

Never practice driving with someone who gets angry at failure or impatient with inexperience. Things going a little pear shaped is part of the package with learning to drive. What you need isn't someone uselessly shouting at you, its someone with the actual experience and level-headedness to work out whats happened and talk you through the easiest way back on track. Anyone with a level, that doesnt rise will do.
But, Ideally, a trained instructor is the safest bet.

BuffyBot

I remember stalling and getting stuck in the middle of a really nasty junction the first time I was out with my eldest brother. At which my time he started giving a lecture on what I did wrong..while I was stuck in the middle of the junction, instead of helping me.

Needless to say it was the last time I had him in the car with me.

Find someone that isn't close to you..it makes it ten times easier.

miss no stars

Ah OP I feel for you, is there ANYONE else you can practice with?

My dad was similar to your husband. I took 2 lessons with an instructor (in a housing estate) and then got insured on my mothers tank SUV. After being added to the policy I went on my first proper "Drive" in it with my dad and brother. At this point my brother had just passed his test so was actually a fairly decent person to drive with, but he couldn't be my accompanying driver because of the 2 year experience rule. So I had my dad in the passenger seat.

He drove as far as a housing estate on our route and I took over, got a bit of practice in in the estate doing basics like stopping at junctions, turning left, turning right, stopping and starting. Drove back to the main road and indicated to turn left. Saw a cyclist approaching and figured I couldn't make it out in front of him because I just wasn't confident enough in my ability to pull out expediently so I waited. When I didn't pull straight out in the manner of an experienced driver my dad lost it. Went ballistic.

So after the cyclist passed I pulled out but didn't have any opportunity to overtake the cyclist for ages. In retrospect, I actually didn't have an opportunity to overtake even if I had been a perfectly competent driver, rather than a complete and absolute novice learner who'd only driven for a little over an hour before - ever. However, that didn't stop the ranting. For about a km I was shouted at about "This is why I told you to pull out" and no amount of explaining "but I didn't think I could pull out in time" helped, I just got a response of "there was plenty of space!". It was like having an angry brick wall beside me. At this point even my brother was shouting at my dad to leave me alone, it's not like I actually did anything wrong, I just wasn't quick at the controls.

So we get past the cyclist and then about 2km later I come to a junction to turn right off the main road. It has a filter lane for traffic turning right. Never having sat on the right hand side of the car before (even as a kid I sat on the left so I could see what the driver was doing ) and being unused to the size of the car I didn't judge my lane position properly and was a little too far left. Not a big deal in a small car, but in the SUV I was driving it meant that traffic passing on my left had to slow right down to get by. Yeah, a mistake but eh, learners make mistakes. It's also not the worst mistake I've ever seen made and in the greater scheme of things, not something to lose the head over. A simple "okay, so in future you need to be a little more to the right, You can judge your lane position by imagining a line coming out of your left foot and for filter lanes that should be right down the middle of the lane" would have done. But no, my dad lost it completely. Started shouting at me about getting properly into the lane and f-ing and blinding and my attempt to explain that I thought if I was any further over I'd be facing into oncoming traffic and I wasn't used to the car or being on that side of it just brought on more shouting. So the filter light went green, I moved off pretty well, turned the corner and pulled in 50m after the junction, took bus fare out of the spare change kept in the car and went back around the corner and got a bus home.

5 years on, I STILL avoid driving with my dad. He just can't cope with 2 things: 1. Not being in control - he's the ultimate back seat driver and has no qualms about openly criticising anyone's driving when he's a passenger. 2. Being a rubbish instructor with poor communication skills - he gets spooked by not being in control and then he can't easily or readily explain how to make corrections and so on.

So OP, others have been there. Family vary between okay-ish to drive with and absolute nightmares and they are NEVER the ideal to practice with, especially when you're only starting out. Try to ask a friend or neighbour if they'd accompany you at least until you get to some level of mechanical competence.