Depressed guy 36

LegacyUser

I'm here writing this post wondering what went wrong with my life because at this moment in time I'm living a **** life , work all week , do nothing at the weekends but get pissed drinking by myself because I haven't very many friends , I have a number of issues in my life such as being overweight , drinking too much and not being good with women , but I know all these are fixable . Whats more difficult to fix than what I just mentioned is trying to build a social group of friends at my age (36). It rarely happens after you leave college. I don't have friends from home because my parents moved home 4 times when were kids so we were always blow ins , in collage I had a small group of friends . The best of them died 6 years ago and rest have families and are settled down . I know for sure I can lose the weight , cut down or even quit the drink , I can take up new hobbies and maybe go to meetup groups and maybe have a few flings lol but I think I'm too damaged to have a girl friend at this stage , I mean whats any girl I meet going to think if I A. Have never been in a relationship and B. don't have many friends , sure , I realise I can improve things but it's that high social status and having a strong network of friends that attracts most girls , the way things are now I just don't have a life

themissymoo

Hi OP,

You sound like you could benefit from going to see a counsellor. They would give you some support and sort out any confidence problems you have, as it sounds like you may have some. Have you tried joining a club or taking an evening class? That could be a great way to make friends, and you would have a definite common interest with the people there.

Remember, none of this will happen overnight. It might take a while, but if you start tackling your problems now and try to meet people, in a few months time you might be surprised how far you've come.

Eircom_Sucks

How can I sort this issue out ? wrote: »

I'm here writing this post wondering what went wrong with my life because at this moment in time I'm living a **** life , work all week , do nothing at the weekends but get pissed drinking by myself because I haven't very many friends , I have a number of issues in my life such as being overweight , drinking too much and not being good with women , but I know all these are fixable . Whats more difficult to fix than what I just mentioned is trying to build a social group of friends at my age (36). It rarely happens after you leave college. I don't have friends from home because my parents moved home 4 times when were kids so we were always blow ins , in collage I had a small group of friends . The best of them died 6 years ago and rest have families and are settled down . I know for sure I can lose the weight , cut down or even quit the drink , I can take up new hobbies and maybe go to meetup groups and maybe have a few flings lol but I think I'm too damaged to have a girl friend at this stage , I mean whats any girl I meet going to think if I A. Have never been in a relationship and B. don't have many friends , sure , I realise I can improve things but it's that high social status and having a strong network of friends that attracts most girls , the way things are now I just don't have a life

Dude u hit the nail on the head ( you can lose the weight , cut down on beer ) i was were ur at with lack of friends

I joined meetup website it caters for all peoples situations and have regular meet ups with other people in same situation

Losing weight will have u healthy and brimming with confidence and cutting down on booze will help the wallet

If u dont think these will help then go see a councellor

Best of luck

Split

+1 on the counselling suggestion.

Personal choice and responsibility is also going to have a huge bearing here . Local clubs such as slimming , walking , cycling can assist you to broaden your social circle .

Likewise charitable work for as little as 2 hours a month can give you an opportunity to meet new people .

Alcohol can act as quite a depressant and can be zapping of energy and motivation - what can you do to change your patterns ?

I don't mean for this to sound lecturing and I sincerely wish you the best of luck

krispin

Do Facebook do speed dating now?

Seriously, man, no girl is going to think any less of you for never having been in a relationship or not having many friends. What they tend to have issue with is a man with no motivation, a man who knows what he ought to do but doesn't bloody do it; ie. lose weight, get fit, and stay well. Focus on those things first, then take a look around and you might be surprised; there might be someone there, looking at you!

What about a pet? Having one around can help with the loneliness, especially if it's a dog. You can walk together and use those moments as exercise and motivation. Also, walking your dog could lead to simple ice-breakers between you and fellow dog-walkers, who might have more in common with you than you realise. Doesn't have to be a dog, but it's a start, right?

Good luck!

Rubberchikken

definitely do something about the weight/drink/getting well. everything else will fall into place because you'll find your mindset will improve.

start walking/running. it's costs nothing morethan a good pair of runners. is there any group running for fitness in your town? great way to meet people (men and women) and have a common interest.

don't be too hard on yourself. look on this as the start of a new stage in your life.
good luck.

mylefttesticle

Your in a rut, you don't sound depressed or completely down on it actually it all comes across as matter of fact!

Here on boards they have beer nights for instance all like minded people having a few pints, that is assuming you don't think you have a drinking problem.

Regardless of gender people like confidence and if you haventh got it you need to gain it. Physical exercise is great for cleansing a person, it gives you energy which makes you feel better, it makes you look better which makes you feel better, it gives you the opportunity for interactions (GYM) and to take small steps on how to mingle and eventually build relationships whether that's intimate or just friendships does not really matter at this stage, what is important is that you start living rather than existing as I think that is what your doing now.


There is also lots of healthy food and exercise forums here that you can browse and when comfortable contribute too. Small steps are important as they really do lead to big steps.

Argos have some good deals on weights and chin up bars for your doors, these are good for home as you can do five minutes here and there instead of being bored and just eating or drinking at home and you would be surprised at how quickly you get in shape when you practice like this at home instead of being lazy and predictable.

Finally I am a firm believer in being friendly as a way of building up confidence and I would always say hello to strangers on the street or in the shop or anywhere really as sometimes its just a simple hello and smile back but it gets you used to being friendly and sometimes it can lead to a conversation and a date or even a friendship as really there is a lot of people in the same boat, few friends, unhappy and lonely but to afraid to change, to open up and to try new things, it never changes unless you change it.

Best of luck and life can be beautiful it just takes a step and some guts and a little less fear.

thegreatgonzo

OP I'm a woman and I certainly wouldn't be put off a guy your age who hasn't had a girlfriend. I'd just think you were selective and I'm far more wary about serial monogomist types who go from woman to woman. I think it's a cop out when I hear people say it's hard to make friends after college, in my experience it's just not true. Developing some interests and taking up sociable hobbies, voluntary work and travelling are all opportunities to make new friends.