My mother "despises" me

LegacyUser

I have a feeling this might be a lengthy post so I apologise in advance!

for as long as I can remember, my mother has never really been loving towards me. There were never hugs or kisses or support of any sort. I'm now in my late 30's and last night I had an unmerciful row with her after spending a lovely weekend together. The row started over me giving out about her blatant lack of respect and general lack of appreciation for me. I often feel like her maid/carer rather than her daughter.

This is bad enough but the things that she comes out with whenever we do have a row are *incredibly* nasty and downright vile and I know that she says things just to hurt me.

We can go for months and months and get on like a house on fire but every now and then she just goes into this sea of anger where her whole demeanor changes and she literally explodes! This used to happen quite regularly when she was in her 40's-50's and it was put down to being hormonal because she was around about the right age for the menopause. It hasnt happened in about 5 years now but in the space of a month it has happened twice and I'm literally at my wits end.

Just to put some perspective on it: She had a small procedure on her back last week in the city where I live so she stayed at my place the night before and I drove her into the hospital the next morning and waited until she was finished and then drove her almost 200km back home. She had a friend coming to visit for the weekend so I said I'd clean the house and do the garden because she was just after the procedure on her back.
I had planned on going home that evening but she asked me to stay and have a laugh with them and relax for the night, which I did.

I decided I'd cook so that herself and her friend could catch up and spend time together and we all had a lovely night. The next day I got up and did all the dishes and made the breakfasts, drove her friend about 100km roundtrip somewhere where she needed to go. That was grand.

Again I was planning on going home that evening but my mother again asked me to stay and have a laugh, which I did. Again, I cooked and cleaned that night and again the following morning.
Now can I just state at this point that the only reason that I'm mentioning all the cooking and cleaning is not because Im looking for a gold star but because I think it was pretty decent of me to do so. Granted, she didnt ask me to do any of it but her back was sore and I genuinely dont mind doing stuff around the house for her.

So yesterday afternoon I said that I was going to head off home and because my mother has to be back at the hospital on Tues she said "sure I'm going on tuesday so just stay until then and we can drive down."

Like I said earlier, generally speaking, as in 99% of the time, we get on brilliantly and we genuinely have a laugh together so I didnt mind staying.

Her friend went home and we had a bottle of wine with dinner and I was wrecked tired at about 9:30 and when I went to go up to bed I realised that the bedclothes hadnt been changed on the spare bed that her friend had used. Now call me precious if you like but Im a bit finicky about getting into a bed that someone else has slept in and I said "ah ****, I have to change all the bed clothes...!" and my mother, knowing I was wrecked, said "ah sure just hop into my bed and I'll change that bed tomorrow."

This is where the story starts.

So I got into her bed and I was probably there for about 20 mins or so, just about to fall asleep when my mother comes in, turns on the light and starts flicking through the newspaper. Now dont get me wrong, her house, her bed, her rules, I know, but I just thought that I deserved a *little* bit more respect than that.

So, half asleep I sat up and I said "do you have *any* respect for me at all?!" Now this has been an ongoing peev of mine for the last few years in that she just shows no respect towards me even though I treat her really well. But her reaction last night was truly spectacular. It was almost as if she had been brewing downstairs while I was going to sleep and came up looking for a fight. She started screaming at me that it was her fcking bed and she can read the fcking newspaper if she fcking well wants to, etc.

So I said that I was absolutely sick of having this same argument with her over and over and that a little bit of respect wasnt too much to ask. I said that she had been downstairs, why didnt she read the paper down there.

She went apesh!t, started calling me every name under the sun, like I said, VILE names, then started telling me that Im the laughing stock among her and all her friends and that one friend in particular (who I would be quite close to but no the one who had been visiting) had said something really nasty about me. I was already really upset because of the things she was saying to me so I rang this woman and asked her if it was true and she was horrified. She said that she had never (and would never ) say that about me.

This absolutely enraged my mother, to the point where she told me to get the fcuk out of her house and never come back, that she "" me and that the only reason I rang her friend was to put my mother "in a corner on her own." This rage lasted about 30 mins, some of which I recorded on my phone and listening back to it today she sounds like a woman possessed. It was like she just couldnt stop herself. She tried to say that the reason she was so livid was because I had involved her friend and tried to "stir sh!t" between them but the reality was that she was so livid because she had been caught out in barefaced, dangerous lie. At one stage she threatened to break my neck...

I couldnt leave then as I had had a few glasses of wine and no way was I going to get behind the wheel and face into a two hour drive.

So I hardly slept a wink, was very upset, got up early this morning and left.

I sent her a text just a little while ago saying that I really feel that we could both benefit from some form of family counselling together (obviously there is a lot of background stuff that has gone on over the years such as her leaving myself and my sibling for weeks on end when we were 11 and upwards while she swanned off to south america with her boyfriend - this pattern became the "norm" for all of my teenage years and was told never to tell anyone in school that she was away because then we'd be taken into care) and the reply to the text was "you are dead to me. dont ever contact me again you psycho bitch."

Im really really upset over it. An argument I can handle, but her nastiness is really something I have never encountered from anyone else in my life, ever. And it all seems like a huge over reaction.

Its like she has some deep rooted hatred for me. I dont know what to do. If I was reading this, I'd probably reply and say "stay away from her, shes not good to you, blah blah" but at the same time, shes my mother and I love her. I have wondered for a good few years whether she has some sort of mental disorder but I have no idea what it could be.

I remember about 6 or 7 years ago when she was in one of her rages she insinuated that my conception was as a result of my father raping her. When I confronted her about it after the dust had settled, she denied ever having said anything like that, saying that I had made it up! Part of me wonders if it is true though and thats why she is the way she is with me but I seriously cant imagine my father raping her. They were divorced when I was about 10 because she had an affair...

Does anyone have any ideas or adivce on how to deal with such an angry mother? By no means am I saying that Im any sort of angel but I would NEVER speak to anyone the way she spoke to me last night. It was almost as if the nastier she got, the more satisfied she became.

Ive broached the subject of her going to counselling before and she just point blank refuses. Its an absolute no-go area with her. She told me a few months ago that she had been sexually abused as a small child and when I said that I wasnt equipped to deal with it and that it wasnt really fair to dump that info on me, she just said "no, i dont want to talk to a stranger about my feelings. What good would that do?!"

She doesnt speak to any of her siblings so I cant ask one of them to step in and obviously I cant ask her friends because Id be well and truly lambasted if I did!

I could probably say it to her GP but the problem is that she would never ever behave like that in front of anyone but me and like I keep saying, when shes not on a mad one, shes actually lovely to be around so I dont even know if anyone would believe me.

thanks for reading and again, apologies for such a long post.

MagicMarker

Your mother said she was sexually abused as a child and your response was that it was unfair of her to "dump that info on me"? Are you for real?

Look, she sounds like she has issues that she needs to deal with, especially if these things she says are true, but you're not helping yourself with your snarky responses either. It sounds to me like you prompted the whole argument when she came into the room to read the paper.

mylefttesticle

You cant change her and yes she is your mother but I will guess she is the biggest thing in your life that causes you misery.

You tried to suggest help, she not only refused but said it in a nasty vile way.

She sounds really toxic and sometimes its best to walk away and even if you don't walk away just take some time out, wait for her to contact you and if she doesn't she doesn't, maybe go get help for how your feeling also.

mylefttesticle

MagicMarker wrote: »

Your mother said she was sexually abused as a child and your response was that it was unfair of her to "dump that info on me"? Are you for real?

Look, she sounds like she has issues that she needs to deal with, especially if these things she says are true, but you're not helping yourself with your snarky responses either. It sounds to me like you prompted the whole argument when she came into the room to read the paper.

Sometimes people use any means to justify the past and the guilt they felt and feel about it.

It is not a child's place regardless of age to by a therapist to their own mother.

Matteroffact

[QUOTE=
I had planned on going home that evening but she asked me to stay and have a laugh with them and relax for the night, which I did.

Again I was planning on going home that evening but my mother again asked me to stay and have a laugh, which I did.

So yesterday afternoon I said that I was going to head off home and because my mother has to be back at the hospital on Tues she said "sure I'm going on tuesday so just stay until then and we can drive down."

Like I said earlier, generally speaking, as in 99% of the time, we get on brilliantly and we genuinely have a laugh together so I didnt mind staying.

Her friend went home and we had a bottle of wine with dinner and I was wrecked tired at about 9:30 and when I went to go up to bed I realised that the bedclothes hadnt been changed on the spare bed that her friend had used. Now call me precious if you like but Im a bit finicky about getting into a bed that someone else has slept in and I said "ah ****, I have to change all the bed clothes...!" and my mother, knowing I was wrecked, said "ah sure just hop into my bed and I'll change that bed tomorrow." END QUOTE

Do you mind telling us where you slept when your mother's friend was staying in the house and why did you have to stay in the bed that the friend slept in for the last night ?? Could you not have slept in the bed that you slept in the night before ?

As for your mother she does seem to be very unkind with the things she says. I don't know what the answer is OP but I would not dwell on this too much if you can help it. Sometimes people who anger easily can say very hurtful things and not really mean them but it is very hurtful to hear such things from your own mother.

Could you send her a letter and explain how you feel without accusing her of anything? Would that clear the air a bit ?

Whispered

She was flicking through a paper in her room and your reaction, after having a nice few days together, was to say

"do you have *any* respect for me at all?!"

rather than politely ask her if she could do that downstairs, or offer to move from her bed?

You also felt the need to call her friend and involve her in your argument (yes I know your mother brought her up, but you called her!). That is pretty unbelievable to be honest. I'd be disgusted if I was your mothers friend to have received that call and I think that was really really unfair of you.

It sounds like you could both do with looking at your behaviour.

LegacyUser

Op here

thanks for all the responses. In relation to her abuse - the first words out of my mouth certainly were not "i'm not equipped to deal with this." I sat and listened and found it very upsetting but didnt let her see that it had upset me. It was only when I couldnt think of anything else to say that I said that I wasnt equipped to deal with it, which I'm not in fairness.


Re the sleeping arrangements - I had slept in with my mother the night before as there is only one spare room


The letter is a good idea, I'd have to hold off for a few days maybe cos when she gets like this she holds on to the anger for weeks!

LegacyUser

I don't think it's personal or a hatred of you with your mam. It's about a slightly disfunctional person and her lack of acknowledgement of boundaries. It seems to be all about her, she sees you as "her" child in a proprietal way so you will never get a fraction of the appreciation or respect she gives to those who aren't her children. Mother- daughter relationships are tricky and she probably resented her own dependency on you over the back recovery period. It's quite a role reversal of relying on you for her care. She is obviously a bit selfish given her track record and she's not going to change. Was she drinking bedore she went off the deep end? Try to let go of expectations, don't commit a lot of time to thinking about it and focus on building on the more positive relationships in your life. Limit the time you spend with or in contact with her if/ when the current storm passes.

Penny Tration

OP, I'm genuinely astounded that your mother had the guts to open up and tell you she had been abused, and you reprimanded her for telling you!

Honestly, you started that argument. She definitely over-reacted completely, but you gave out to her for reading a newspaper for god's sake, in her own room!

If the two above examples are standard for how you speak to her, then honestly, I can see why she lost it, not that I agree with her reaction. Calling her friend up is ridiculous. You shouldn't be involving others in your arguments.

If I were you, I'd apologise to your mother in a letter, try to forget her reaction because I doubt you'll get an apology, and try to move on and speak to her a bit better.

WellThen?

Playing the victim in a situation like this will never work out well for you. My mother is exactly the same, same issues, same explosive personality...and I love her dearly.

This is who your mother is, won't change now. Accept it and stop starting petty arguments. You are too old to be getting upset because your mother was a bit selfish and read the paper while you were trying to sleep. You were a unkind with your response and you over reacted.

LegacyUser

Whispered wrote: »

She was flicking through a paper in her room and your reaction, after having a nice few days together, was to say

rather than politely ask her if she could do that downstairs, or offer to move from her bed?

You also felt the need to call her friend and involve her in your argument (yes I know your mother brought her up, but you called her!). That is pretty unbelievable to be honest. I'd be disgusted if I was your mothers friend to have received that call and I think that was really really unfair of you.

It sounds like you could both do with looking at your behaviour.

thanks for your response. I have actually booked an appointment with a therapist for this wed.
Im actually really upset and raw about it all and my question was if anyone had any advice or ideas on how to deal with it...

As I said in my OP, I know; her house, her bed, her rules etc and I know that people like to read in bed, I do it myself every night but I would never go into a dark bedroom where I knew someone was sleeping and turn on the light and start rummaging through the paper - especially if I had said to them that they could use my bed. No matter who they are, that is just total lack of respect.

with regards her friend - as I said in the OP, I would be quite close to her friend anyway and we would often call/text each other so it wouldnt have been strange for her to receive a call from me.
As for it not being fair on my part, I do honestly feel that by my mother lying about something that someone said in order to do exactly what she accused me of doing, ie trying to cause a rift between two people, was not only unfair on her part but was very very sneaky and dangerous behaviour and again shows total lack of respect, not only towards me, but towards her friend too.

MagicMarker

mylefttesticle wrote: »

Sometimes people use any means to justify the past and the guilt they felt and feel about it.

It is not a child's place regardless of age to by a therapist to their own mother.

She doesn't have to be a therapist, a little empathy and tact wouldn't go amiss though.

Rubberchikken

Do these blow-ups occur after you've both been drinking?

It seems such strange behaviour from your mother. Is there any chance she's unwell and maybe suggesting a visit to her gp would be the next step.

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Do these blow-ups occur after you've both been drinking?

It seems such strange behaviour from your mother. Is there any chance she's unwell and maybe suggesting a visit to her gp would be the next step.

not necessarily after drinking. It can happen at any time.
Although its strange behaviour from the outside, its not really strange behaviour for her. Shes been like this on and off for as long as I can remember.

mylefttesticle

MagicMarker wrote: »

She doesn't have to be a therapist, a little empathy and tact wouldn't go amiss though.

I sent her a text just a little while ago saying that I really feel that we could both benefit from some form of family counselling together (obviously there is a lot of background stuff that has gone on over the years such as her leaving myself and my sibling for weeks on end when we were 11 and upwards while she swanned off to south america with her boyfriend - this pattern became the "norm" for all of my teenage years and was told never to tell anyone in school that she was away because then we'd be taken into care) and the reply to the text was "you are dead to me. dont ever contact me again you psycho bitch."


You cant believe a person like this, I am sorry but what sort of person does that and frightens children into staying alone at that age and staying quite about it.

She already told a potential lie about her child being the result of as rape by her father who I presumed she fathered another child with and then cheated on?

But you are quite right, the mother is the victim. The mother is doing her utmost best to have a better relationship with her daughter, her mother is suggesting therapy so they can gain a better understanding of their obviously fractured and deep rooted relationship isn't she?

Whispered

dazedandconfused wrote: »

thanks for your response. I have actually booked an appointment with a therapist for this wed.
Im actually really upset and raw about it all and my question was if anyone had any advice or ideas on how to deal with it...

My advice was to look at your own behaviour as well as your mothers. Which you're doing. I'm glad you have a therapist booked because it sounds like a very toxic relationship. Any support/help you and/or your mother can get should be helpful.

dazedandconfused wrote: »

As I said in my OP, I know; her house, her bed, her rules etc and I know that people like to read in bed, I do it myself every night but I would never go into a dark bedroom where I knew someone was sleeping and turn on the light and start rummaging through the paper - especially if I had said to them that they could use my bed. No matter who they are, that is just total lack of respect.

Different priorities though, my husband regularly rummages around the room after I've gone to bed. Likewise, I'm an early riser and often wake him in the morning. The joys of sharing a room :pac:

Respect works both ways and I think your go to reaction was OTT, as was your mothers.

dazedandconfused wrote: »

with regards her friend - as I said in the OP, I would be quite close to her friend anyway and we would often call/text each other so it wouldnt have been strange for her to receive a call from me.
As for it not being fair on my part, I do honestly feel that by my mother lying about something that someone said in order to do exactly what she accused me of doing, ie trying to cause a rift between two people, was not only unfair on her part but was very very sneaky and dangerous behaviour and again shows total lack of respect, not only towards me, but towards her friend too.

It doesn't matter if the third person was a sister, an aunt, a close friend. Your mother was 100% wrong to bring her friend into your row, but you escalated it by calling her.

It really sounds like there is a lot at play here and the two of you could do with some support.

LegacyUser

Whispered wrote: »

My advice was to look at your own behaviour as well as your mothers. Which you're doing. I'm glad you have a therapist booked because it sounds like a very toxic relationship. Any support/help you and/or your mother can get should be helpful.



Different priorities though, my husband regularly rummages around the room after I've gone to bed. Likewise, I'm an early riser and often wake him in the morning. The joys of sharing a room :pac:

Respect works both ways and I think your go to reaction was OTT, as was your mothers.




It doesn't matter if the third person was a sister, an aunt, a close friend. Your mother was 100% wrong to bring her friend into your row, but you escalated it by calling her.

It really sounds like there is a lot at play here and the two of you could do with some support.

Ah, in fairness, its one thing when you're sharing a bed/bedroom/house/life with a husband or partner, its a very different thing when you've been invited to stay as a guest in someones house and they do that. I wouldnt do that to her if she was in my house - and she hadnt done it the two nights previous. As I said, something was brewing in her head when she was downstairs and she came up looking for a fight.

It wouldve been different if I had have invited myself for the weekend, sat around watching tv all day and night and getting breakfasts, lunches and dinners handed to me all weekend, didnt lift a finger and then said "fek this, Im getting into your bed and you can fek off..." But I feel that I had been very respectful to her all weekend and quite good to her and all Im saying is that I would have liked the same show of respect in return.

retro:electro

Op people can be quite narky when they've just been woken up and often don't even remember some things they say. The fact that your mother called you a "psycho bitch" makes me believe that you too said some hurtful things to her. I mean what exactly were you doing when she was shouting obscenities at you? Sitting there quiet? There's a pair of ye in it tbh. The fact that you rang her friend and involved her has taken this fight to a whole new level and thus these issues may take longer to repair.

Also, you say you cooked and cleaned for her all weekend and that because of that you deserve some more respect; op she had a procedure on her back, your her daughter, if you cannot do these simple things for her when she's not well without looking for or expecting something in return (you even say you feel like her maid/carer) well that doesn't say a lot for your character. I don't know why you felt the need to even include the fact that you did that stuff anyway, it's neither here nor there. From reading your post you come across as having a bad attitude.

Big Bag of Chips

dazedandconfused wrote: »

As I said, something was brewing in her head when she was downstairs and she came up looking for a fight.

So you took the bait!

Honestly, OP, your mother might have said some very nasty, very unnecessary things to you, but you are not a little innocent wallflower in all of this. You started the aggression. You started by sitting up in bed and shouting at her. Obviously something was also brewing in your head, and you took the opportunity to let it out at your mother. You were very good to your mam over the weekend, you helped out. Now, for some people doing the cooking and cleaning etc wouldn't be that big a deal and they wouldn't be looking for a pat on the back for it. Anything you did, is stuff that you would have been doing in your own house anyway. But you expected a great big show of appreciation from your mother for it. And when you didn't get it you let rip what was brewing, not your mother... She just joined in.

You don't know what conversations go on between your mother and her friends. There is every chance that your mother was giving out about you one day and the friend was nodding along and making sympathetic noises, which your mother took to mean her agreeing with her..

Why on earth you would ring anybody else to involve them in your row is difficult to understand, and just highlights the very dysfunctional relationship between you and your mother. And to be honest.. Even if the woman had ever said anything bad about you, she was hardly likely to admit it to you in an out of the blue phone call late at night!

You were frustrated with your mother for not being appreciative enough of your help. So you took the opportunity to let rip at her.

Again, I am not saying your mother is in anyway right, but you're not the victim here either. It is a clash of personalities. (I'm guessing you are two very similar people and that causes the friction!) If you felt she was coming up looking for a fight, why not just ignore her rustling newspaper? Take a deep breath and don't give her the row she was looking for.

But that's not how things work between you. You are right to be going to counselling. But even trying to insist your mam should go is just fuelling the drama. You go. And you work on your reactions to your mother's behaviour. It's up to her to decide if she needs to go. I'm guessing she's quite happy plodding along as she is. You cannot change her. But you can change how you react to her.

Whispered

dazedandconfused wrote: »

Ah, in fairness, its one thing when you're sharing a bed/bedroom/house/life with a husband or partner, its a very different thing when you've been invited to stay as a guest in someones house and they do that. I wouldnt do that to her if she was in my house - and she hadnt done it the two nights previous. As I said, something was brewing in her head when she was downstairs and she came up looking for a fight.

It wouldve been different if I had have invited myself for the weekend, sat around watching tv all day and night and getting breakfasts, lunches and dinners handed to me all weekend, didnt lift a finger and then said "fek this, Im getting into your bed and you can fek off..." But I feel that I had been very respectful to her all weekend and quite good to her and all Im saying is that I would have liked the same show of respect in return.

You keep talking about respect. It wasn't respectful to shout at your mother for a really small incident and as for calling her friend!? The opposite of respectful. It was way ott, juvenile and just a nasty trouble making thing to do. Totally disrespectful to your mother but also to her friend, yourself and your friendship. Where is the self respect in all of this??

Sharing a room is not that much different really. It's all about give and take and not acting like an ass over little things. On one hand you keep referring to yourself as a "guest" on the other, you started a fight with your "host". Had to not decided to respond to your sleep being disturbed with unnecessary anger, how do you think the night would have gone?

Really, I can only imagine how horrible it must feel to think that you're having a good time with a relative for them to start giving out out of the blue. Your posts read like those of a 16 year old throwing a strop.

Quite unbelievable that you think your mother is 100% at fault here.

Dellnum

I think it was very nice and thoughtful of you to cater to your mother and her friend and I really do think it was a bit ott for your mother to shout at you like this. Is she on medication that gives her a short fuse? It is probably best to stay away from her for a few days and let things settle and when you meet her again just don't get angry with her. If she verbally abuses you just walk away. I would not enter into any arguments with her in the future. It is unfortunate that she has upset you like this, but anyone would be upset at that sort of behaviour. If you could just put it down to her health and medication it might make it easier for you to deal with it. I am sure she is regretting her burst out by now and there is no doubt she will miss you. Time will sort this one out, so chin up and continue being the thoughtful person you are.

Babooshka

dazedandconfused wrote: »

Op here

thanks for all the responses. In relation to her abuse - the first words out of my mouth certainly were not "i'm not equipped to deal with this." I sat and listened and found it very upsetting but didnt let her see that it had upset me. It was only when I couldnt think of anything else to say that I said that I wasnt equipped to deal with it, which I'm not in fairness.


Re the sleeping arrangements - I had slept in with my mother the night before as there is only one spare room


The letter is a good idea, I'd have to hold off for a few days maybe cos when she gets like this she holds on to the anger for weeks!

Believe me, I know what it's like being at the recieving end of a parents wrath. It's worse maybe as she does sound like she's dealing with issues. Letters tend to get taken up the wrong way, people read all sorts of things into them that aren't meant that way...you think they will understand what you're saying and sometimes they don't or they think you're sending an "I am right and you are wrong" eulogy and they get defensive and don't even take in what you really mean, even if you're only trying to say how you feel! Families are insane..well, mine is anyhow, I can't be around them for more than an hour without reverting to type and feeling like a ten year old, so I keep it brief and polite and then i take my leave, This is after years of hurting and learning that it won't change unless someone changes, and the someone had to be me, and my reactions to them.

You're entrenched in years of being around this behavior, and it's bound to have affected yours, so do some work on yourself, don't worry about sending letters for now, let the dust settle, your mother will come around, she sounds like she relies on you and needs you a lot and you may just need a bit of space before you go back into the war zone! Mind you and get back to your Mam in a few weeks, I know what stubborn old mothers who think they are right 100% of the time are like, they take energy, and work...do some healing yourself and you'll be better able for her when you take some time out. It's not nice to be around such anger all the time anyway but pulling back a bit you can learn that you don't have to be a part of the drama to live alongside it

A favorite movie of mine was on last week, an old Bette Davis movie called "Now Voyager"....I recommend you rent it out and watch it on your own some evening, you'll totally relate to it, I try to live by it sometimes, and you'll know what I mean when you watch it. The relationship dynamic between Batte Davis and her Mother is woeful,, until she learns how to detach from it. I know I know it's just a movie but I actually learned a little from it! And her dresses are wonderful in it

Best of luck I know it's hard - B

Gael23

I agree that it sounds like she is suffering from some mental health issues.
Really its up to her to get the help she needs, all you and your family can do offer her support if she does or else walk away if nothing changes

Ballfro

I am shocked at the amount of criticism the OP is getting. It is NEVER okay to put your issues on your child regardless of age. OP I think you handled it well by suggesting she see a professional, I don't think you were cold and you aren't equipped to handle it.

As for ringing her friend, whilst not the best decision I get the feeling you were very hurt and by the sounds of it your mother often tells these types of lies and you had had enough.

The best thing you can do is to get yourself some counselling and work through your issues. If your mother wants to participate that's great but you cannot control what others do. Focus on repairing you.

You should not have to bear the brunt of someone else's issues. Good luck.

nc19

I never understand why people continue to persue relationships like this.

Cut her out of your life. End of story.

My mother has her moments and there have been times where I haven't spoken to her for weeks on end because of her behaviour but if she went on like your mother that would be it forever

retro:electro

I don't know op, would the two of you not try counselling together to get to the root of your issues? It would seem a shame to let the relationship that ye have crumble because of this. As someone whose mother is currently ill I would give anything for her to be okay again and to have the relationship we once had. Life is short, don't let yourself live to regret things.

Flippyfloppy

anna080 wrote: »

I don't know op, would the two of you not try counselling together to get to the root of your issues? It would seem a shame to let the relationship that ye have crumble because of this. As someone whose mother is currently ill I would give anything for her to be okay again and to have the relationship we once had. Life is short, don't let yourself live to regret things.

In fairness to the OP , she did try to broach counselling. She can't force her mother to go, and the onus is on the mother for that.