Bridesmaid - who pays for what?

magicmushroom

Hi all,

I just wanted to get an idea from others of what is reasonable to expect when it comes to bridesmaids.

Out of the following, would you expect the bridesmaids to pay for any or would you think the cost should be covered by the bride and groom?

Hair
Make-Up
Dress
Shoes

Pistachios & cream

I am paying for Hair, MAke up and the dress.

My sisters are my bridesmaids and i know they have shoes which will go with the dresses so i don't need to pay for them.

A good rule of thumb is, If you want something specific, hair, makeup, dress and shoes then you should pay for it.

Addle

Bride pays, or should at least offer to pay for, everything she chooses.

magicmushroom

ahayes84 wrote: »

I am paying for Hair, MAke up and the dress.

My sisters are my bridesmaids and i know they have shoes which will go with the dresses so i don't need to pay for them.

A good rule of thumb is, If you want something specific, hair, makeup, dress and shoes then you should pay for it.

If the bridesmaids didn't have shoes that go with the dresses and thereford needed to buy new, would you expect them to pay or would you happily cover the cost?

maryfred

magicmushroom wrote: »

Hi all,

I just wanted to get an idea from others of what is reasonable to expect when it comes to bridesmaids.

Out of the following, would you expect the bridesmaids to pay for any or would you think the cost should be covered by the bride and groom?

Hair
Make-Up
Dress
Shoes

I think if you ask someone to be your bridesmaid,then all of the above should be paid by you.Other things like nails,tan etc,if they want they pay,unless they wouldn't normally get these things done but you want them.

on_my_oe

It depends - do you want to specify the style/ colour or are you happy with generic 'silver strappy sandles' or 'black peep toes'? If you want the bridesmaids to buy a specific shoe or colour, then you pay, but if you are happy for your bridesmaids to chose a broadly generic shoe ( leaving the window open to a €10 Penneys special), then you might have a case for the bridesmaid paying part/ all of the shoes.

curlzy

I have 4 and I'm buying their dress, hair, make up and hotel room. They are paying for shoes and accessories.

clint_silver

magicmushroom wrote: »

If the bridesmaids didn't have shoes that go with the dresses and thereford needed to buy new, would you expect them to pay or would you happily cover the cost?

If they needed to buy something to go with what bride picked, ie dress, cost should be on bride. If bride wanted to cut costs, let them wear whatever they want so there's no obligation.

Pistachios & cream

magicmushroom wrote: »

If the bridesmaids didn't have shoes that go with the dresses and thereford needed to buy new, would you expect them to pay or would you happily cover the cost?

I would pay for them. Like i said if i want a specific item then i believe i have to pay for it.

magicmushroom

Thanks girls.

I am the bridesmaid in this case and I've been asked to pay for my own shoes.
If I had some that went with the dress then fine, but I don't and they will need to be some kind of strappy silver sandal which I wouldn't normally buy so I don't feel I should pay.

We were also asked to pay for makeup but I put my foot down on that one and said No - I am travelling to the UK for the wedding and will be paying for 3 nights in a hotel so I think it's fair to expect no further expense for being a bridesmaid!

Thanks for your comments

Addle

They might do things differently in England...

pooch90

I am paying for BMs hair, make up, dress + alterations, shoes, tan because it was my suggestion and I have bought them a necklace and will be buying earrings as part of their gifts.
Not paying for nails or rooms

Faith

I had a thread and poll about it recently (http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057229283) and Irish couples are very, very generous when it comes to looking after bridal parties. In America, bridesmaids pay for everything themselves. I'm not sure how it is in the UK, but I paid for my own shoes as a bridesmaid in the past.

Merkin

Paid for dress, hair, shoes, make up and hotel accommodation. I think if you ask someone to do you the honour of being your bridesmaid they shouldn't have to incur any costs whatsoever.

magicmushroom

I think it must be different over there as when I suggested makeup should be paid for I was made to feel like I was asking for a lot!
And when it surfaced today that we are expected to buy shoes I was given with a very frosty reception when I questioned it.

When I was married I paid for dresses, alterations, hair, makeup, shoes and also bought jewellery for them so I guess I expected the same back.
Ah well!

Alf Veedersane

The bride should pay for anything that's going to cost the bridesmaid to have.
But seriously...I don't understand the paying for them to get made up.
Unless they have a history of looking like they've been shot in the face with Homer Simpson's make-up gun.

daithi84

The bride and groom should pay for everything associated with the cost of being in the bridal party. Im a grooms man at my sister wedding this year and she wanted me to fork out to get my own shoes, i told her where to go as im am already forking out around €150 for a present for them and have to pay €200 for a room in the hotel, which i think they should be paying for. Im not paying anything else!! Sure its mostly my parents money paying for her wedding so she get her purse out and pay for my shoes!!

Milly33

Go on Daithi stand your ground..Surprised too with the hotels and that, that the wedding party are expected to pay for it. Planning to give us as part of it, they are helping you out by being there so

cuana

I think the thing to do would be for the bride to covers cost of make up, dress & shoes. At the end of the day the bride asked you so I would expect that the direct cost is taken care of. I wouldn't expect accommodation. Being a bridesmaid is painful and I wouldn't do it for anyone but family my friends have been well warned! It also brings all this additonal cost from hen nights, time off work for dress fittings, looking for dresses & shoes etc etc it can be tiresome & stressful.

I've been a bridesmaid twice and my gift to bride was to actual cover cost of dress, shoes hair & make up. I also get to keep items so its grand. Both brides I was bridesmaids for both paid for accommodation.

daithi84

The attitude on her since they started planning this wedding, barking at everyone. Im trying to stay well away from her until the wedding day. She has my other sister driven up the wall with badgering her and shes not even the maid of honour. It will be interesting to see if she has anybody left at the end of it lol. I do think the hotel room should be paid for more so due to the fact that its €150 cheaper if i just got a taxi home at the end of the night but she wants all her family to stay!! W-T-absolute-F!!! Im ready to kill at this stage!!

An Bhanríon

I've been bridesmaid twice (Irish weddings) and wasn't let to pay for anything (although I did offer!) My accommodation was also paid for and I also received a gift from the bride.

However, there were only two bridesmaids each time. As wedding parties get bigger I think things are changing. I believe in America bridesmaids have to pay for the privilege and buy their own dresses, etc. I personally don't agree with this. I think the bridal party shouldn't have to pay for anything. They are, after all, the people who support the bride and groom before and during the wedding. But that is probably just based on my experience of weddings.

We will have no bridesmaid or best man at our wedding. We are paying for my sister's hotel room, however. She has done a lot already and I know she will support me a lot coming up to the wedding so this is my little gesture of thanks.

Milly33

sounds like she is being a bit of a Zilla.. Let us know how it goes on the day would be interesting.If she is staying ye have to say i would be more than pied if she asked me to pay the bill also..

xzanti

We're paying for:

Dresses
Shoes
Hair
Makeup
Accessories

If they plan to say in the Hotel, they'll pay for themselves.

whatdoicare

I'm a bridesmaid for a wedding in a few weeks and it was sprung on me that id be paying for
Dress, shoes, hair and make up.

I decided that she's getting a budget, if I was a guest i wouldn't be buying a dress or getting hair and make up done and id normally give 150 as a present.

150 is her budget now, she wont be getting a gift, the stuff is now her gift. If she goes over the budget then I'm not paying the difference, she can pay it.

Its pure rude to demand anyone pay towards your wedding. If you want Bridesmaids, you pay for them or else let them wear what they want and do their own hair.

cookiecakes

we paid for:

make up trial
hair trial
hair and make up on the day.
dresses which they picked themselves
alterations
shoes
hair pieces
brooch bouquets
hotel rooms
flats for the evening
cardigans for the evening
furry jackets for the outside photos (we got married in november and it was pretty cold!)

Being a bridesmaid didn't cost either of them a penny which was how I wanted it. Plus by letting them choose themselves what they wanted and having trials, they looked so happy and comfortable and so them on the day. It was awesome!

princess-lala

I've been a bridesmaid 3 times.

First time - sister in law. They paid for the dress, shoes, hair, make up and accessories. We paid for our own rooms, tan if we wanted it and nails.

Second time - another sister in law. They paid for dress, shoes, nails, tan, accessories. Hair and make up was a present from me.

Third time - cousin. They paid for dress, shoes, accessories - which were quite expensive and if we wanted a bracelet it would have been purchased on the day if we thought we needed it. Hair and make up. Brought us out the night before, spa day the week before paid for by the brides mam. Day after we were taken for dinner too.

Imo if you want something specific you pay for it.

solerina

Have been bridesmaid three times, and got my dress, shoes, hair and make-up paid for each time.

For my own wedding I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair, make-up and jewellery.
They didn't get nails done or tan and didn't need a hotel room for the night.

Sunny Dayz

I have never been bridesmaid. When I got married, I just had one bridesmaid, my sister who was just out of secondary school. I paid for her dress, hair, tan and make up. Her shoes and jewellery were bought by my parents for her Grad/Debs which was the week before our wedding so she wore them again. My mum said it was a pity that her grad wasn't the week after the wedding, the one dress would have done both! Her accomodation for the night of the wedding was actually free/included in the hotel package. The hotel included the parents rooms for the night and my parents went for an apartment room (2 bedrooms & pull out sofa) in the hotel so my sister stayed there.

StripedBoxers

I'm not married, but I have been a bridesmaid for a wedding abroad and the bride/groom paid for our dresses and shoes and they offered to pay for us to get our hair and make up done if we wanted that.

Lia_lia

I was a bridesmaid last year. She paid for the dress and hair. And also a make-up kit, we did our own make-up Didn't get tan.

I paid for the shoes (€6 in Penneys!) and the hotel room.

I've heard of brides that ask their bridesmaids to get teeth whitning...and pay for it themselves :eek:

GarIT

magicmushroom wrote: »

Thanks girls.

I am the bridesmaid in this case and I've been asked to pay for my own shoes.
If I had some that went with the dress then fine, but I don't and they will need to be some kind of strappy silver sandal which I wouldn't normally buy so I don't feel I should pay.

We were also asked to pay for makeup but I put my foot down on that one and said No - I am travelling to the UK for the wedding and will be paying for 3 nights in a hotel so I think it's fair to expect no further expense for being a bridesmaid!

Thanks for your comments

You're a bridesmaid you shouldn't be paying for travel or accommodation. IMO the couple to be married should pay for everything. Anything to do with appearance, clothing and attending the wedding should be covered.

kkcatlou

I've been bridesmaid twice.
First time, she paid for dresses, alterations, hair and make up. We bought our own shoes and paid for our own nails. As both us bridesmaids were single and her parents didn't want to stay in the hotel, she let us have their room.

Second time was my sister. She paid for the same as the above. We bought our own shoes and as I was with my boyfriend then, we paid for our own hotel room.

For our wedding, we are paying for dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and accommodation the night of the wedding. We have asked them to contribute towards accommodation cost for the second night (asking for €65 per person)....does this sound stingy? Our venue is extremely expensive, and this is the only way we could justify the cost. They recommend charging €120 per person per night but we thought that was too much, so are charging a little less than the hotel across the road from it. Kinda feeling bad about it now though..... But my boyfriend says if they were coming as guests, they'd be paying for 2/3 night accommodation anyway and they have no other expenses...

Also, nails - going to suggest we just do each others - don't see the point in forking out for that. Hate fake tan, so really hoping they won't want that. In September, they should be brown enough anyway! Handbags for after, just going to buy cheap €10 ones online.

Present wise, I'm just going to buy them their jewellery - earrings and bracelet. That sounds like the norm, is it?? Have budgeted about €70 each?

lazygal

Anything the bride/groom expects the bridal party should be paid for. Obviously dress, shoes (I don't get the 'they can wear their own' line, not everyone has evening or formal shoes), makeup, hair and accessories. I think accommodation should be covered unless the bridal party can head home without too much trouble, in which case taxis should be paid for.

The 'if they were a guest they'd be paying for their room/outfit/whatever else you're trying to justify not paying for' arguments don't cut any ice with me. Guest won't be expected to be present on the morning with bride and groom, guests won't have to pose for the formal photos, guests won't be handed cards to mind, they can recycle an outfit and guests won't have to give speeches and do the first dance with the happy couple. If you expect the bridal party to stay a night before or after or both you pay for it. As a guest I rarely stay more than one night for a wedding, depending on the distance, so I wouldn't stay three nights for a wedding just because it was expected because I was a bridesmaid.

Malari

I've only been a bridesmaid once, for a close extended family member. I used my own dress and shoes, but my sister had to buy a dress. I lent her shoes. The bride paid for hair and make-up (optional if we wanted it) and we paid for our own hotel rooms. She also gave us each a gift of jewellery.

I guess I didn't have anything to compare it to, so I didn't have any "expectations" in terms of what should or shouldn't have been covered. I was happy anyway!

I think if I got married I would like my sister as a witness (not sure if "bridesmaid" is appropriate!) and would pay for accommodation but she could arrange everything else herself if she wanted.

rainbowtrout

kkcatlou wrote: »

For our wedding, we are paying for dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and accommodation the night of the wedding. We have asked them to contribute towards accommodation cost for the second night (asking for €65 per person)....does this sound stingy? Our venue is extremely expensive, and this is the only way we could justify the cost. They recommend charging €120 per person per night but we thought that was too much, so are charging a little less than the hotel across the road from it. Kinda feeling bad about it now though..... But my boyfriend says if they were coming as guests, they'd be paying for 2/3 night accommodation anyway and they have no other expenses...

Yes I think it is stingy. You chose the expensive venue, not them - you're making them pay for your choices. If they weren't part of the bridal party they would have the choice of going home on any of the nights, unless it's at the other end of the country. They could also choose to stay in a cheaper hotel/B&B. Not fair expecting them to stay 2-3 days and then asking them to pay for it. If you're calling the shots you should be paying. Saying they have no other expenses is just a stingy way of justifying why you're lumping part of the cost of your wedding onto them. They're also giving up a huge chunk of their time to basically be on call for you for the weekend of your wedding.

If the average cost of an Irish wedding is approx 20k and I'm going to assume 2 groomsmen and 2 bridesmaids, so 4 beds @ €65 each = €260, it wouldn't kill you to pay that for them for the night. Look after your bridal party, as they will be ones looking after you and if money is that tight, cut back on the crap that no one cares about or notices on the day.

Leogirl

I was only bridesmaid once for my sister - there were 4 of us in the party.

They paid for dress, alterations, shoes, jewellery, hair/make up & a gift for us all. We all paid hotel rooms, tan/nails if we wanted them & of course gave a good gift too. She also paid for my Mums hair/make up & parents hotel room.

It can add up to €500 PLUS the cost of the day - ridiculous to ask someone to fork out that kind of money for you plus the hen weekend & the hassle of being a bridesmaid (sorry but it is a bit of a pain - for months). If she had told us to all buy dresses worth a couple of hundred, matching shoes, get hair & make up done etc - I'm pretty sure she'd have been left without any bridesmaids!!!

Penny Dreadful

I had one bridesmaid and paid for everything except the accomodation. I covered:
Hair and make up trial
Hair and make up on the day ( and for my Mum and other sisters and nieces that day of the wedding too).
Dress and alterations
Shoes (were the BM present and got her Loubioutins as she'd always wanted them and was only have the 1 BM).
Tan and nails.

I was BM for the same sister this year and she paid for everything except the hair and make up trials. I wanted a particular pair of shoes too so she gave me the amount of money she was spending on the other BMs shoes to put towards the ones I wanted and I paid the difference. All of the BMs (7 in total) got a piece of jewellery as their gift.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I'm finding this quite interesting. My only experience as a bridesmaid was for an American Bride getting married in England. I paid for the dress, shoes, flights and accommodation and the lot of us (incl the bride) just did our hair and make up together. The dress and shoes didn't cost a huge amount though (about 150) and I was going to be going over anyway so I just went along with it. I think that it's just normal practice with the US and possibly UK too.

BabysCoffee

magicmushroom wrote: »

If the bridesmaids didn't have shoes that go with the dresses and thereford needed to buy new, would you expect them to pay or would you happily cover the cost?

If you expected them to wear specific shoes you should pay for them.

If they can wear any shoes they should pay....or wear a pair that they already own,

Electric Sheep

kkcatlou wrote: »

We have asked them to contribute towards accommodation cost for the second night (asking for €65 per person)....does this sound stingy? Our venue is extremely expensive, and this is the only way we could justify the cost. They recommend charging €120 per person per night but we thought that was too much, so are charging a little less than the hotel across the road from it. Kinda feeling bad about it now though..... But my boyfriend says if they were coming as guests, they'd be paying for 2/3 night accommodation anyway and they have no other expenses...

It is not your bridesmaids' fault that you chose an extremely expensive venue. Nor is it your guests' fault. I think it is VERY inconsiderate to choose a venue that is so expensive for your guests.

Electric Sheep

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I'm finding this quite interesting. My only experience as a bridesmaid was for an American Bride getting married in England. I paid for the dress, shoes, flights and accommodation and the lot of us (incl the bride) just did our hair and make up together. The dress and shoes didn't cost a huge amount though (about 150) and I was going to be going over anyway so I just went along with it. I think that it's just normal practice with the US and possibly UK too.

It is normal in the US for the bridesmaids to pay all their own expenses. Also, it is not at all normal in the US to have spray tans or professional makeup. As a result, US brides and their bridal parties generally avoid the overdone look that has become the norm in Ireland over the past few years.

cactusgal

Eh. I'd still take a spray tan, etc, than have to fork out all that cash. I'm American, have been a bridesmaid twice in the USA. Paid for dress, shoes, alterations (nearly the same price as the dress!), accessories. Brides paid for hair on the day, that was it. Each bride had 6 bridesmaids, I think. Accommodation wasn't covered, either. Annnnd, both couples divorced a few years later! Oh, America.

Merkin

:eek: That just beggars belief about customs in the States. I would be absolutely mortified at asking someone to do me the privilege of being my bridesmaid and then having the bare faced cheek to expect them to expense it! I'd be so embarrassed!

WoollyWoman

Ah the absolute craziness of weddings. I'll have the pleasure of being a bridesmaid for the 3rd and 4th time later this year. For my sister and then for my friend.
I'm about to have a baby and am currently trying to get money from dozens of people on both parties for hen doos in September...both brides don't want to contribute towards their hen...even if they want over night stays in hotels with meals/activities etc. I think this is a joke.
Both of them are paying for my dress/hair/make-up etc but I wouldn't be shocked if they ask for a contribution later on. It just seems to happen with some brides. They get wrapped up in the whole event and don't realise how much time their bridesmaids have put in behind the scenes. It's like a slap in the face when you're expected to pay for things you wouldn't normally get for a wedding as a regular guest.
Simple weddings MUST come back into vogue! It's all too stressful...

lazygal

WoollyWoman wrote: »

Simple weddings MUST come back into vogue! It's all too stressful...

I don't think the relative simplicity of the wedding is at issue here. I'm in the middle of a stage where friends and family are getting married and anyone I know has paid for the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair and makeup (if they are getting it done, others did DIY), accommodation and other costs. Regardless of whether the wedding is a pull out all the stops five star no budget affair or where the couple is doing it on a shoestring (in which case they didn't have a large bridal party).

Arbiter of Good Taste

I had two bridesmaids and paid for

dresses and alterations
furry wraps (it was November)
pearl bracelets and earrings
hair accessories
handbags
makeup
nails
hotel room for night before and night of
Jo Malone candle and moisturiser sets

I didn't pay for shoes as it was a November wedding and the dresses were a dark purple we agreed on black shoes and they both black heels which would have been much more comfortable than anything in my budget.

Tarzana

I'm a bridesmaid to my sis in a few months and am paying for my accommodation even though I'm not obligated to. I'd be paying for that anyway so don't mind.

Teyla Emmagan

This is brilliant stuff, I wish I was going. Kinda.

I went to one wedding where there wasn't a meal. B&G wanted to do 'something different' so they served a few sandwiches at about 8pm (like 2 triangles each) and the wedding cake later. We had all been in the venue since 3 and by 8pm the bulk of the wedding party were so deranged with red wine that they nearly ripped the place apart to get to the sandwiches. It was an absolute clusterf*ck. We all went to burger king on tthe way home. And yes, they are very scabby.

Dredd_J

We paid for everything for all of the bridal party. Hair, makeup, shoes, dresses, suits, hotels for them and their partners.
Its just not fair that someone should have to spend money at our request and not have a choice whether they want to do it or not.
We even paid for a spa day for the girls in the bridal party the day before as a treat and a thanks for going out of their way for us.
The lads were happy with a few pints

One of our bridesmaids is getting married in September a nd asked my other half to be a bridesmaid. It turns out now that she wants the bridal party to not only pay for everything themselves, but to all stay the night before and after at the hotel too, at their own expense.

So one of the bridesmaids said she was pregnant and would be 8.5 months on the day of the wedding.
My other half is going to just say that she is hoping we will try now and that she'll be 6 - 7 months pregnant at the wedding. The bride is now frantically trying to get them both to say they dont want to be bridesmaids. Masterful

Dredd_J

kkcatlou wrote: »

I've been bridesmaid twice.
First time, she paid for dresses, alterations, hair and make up. We bought our own shoes and paid for our own nails. As both us bridesmaids were single and her parents didn't want to stay in the hotel, she let us have their room.

Second time was my sister. She paid for the same as the above. We bought our own shoes and as I was with my boyfriend then, we paid for our own hotel room.

For our wedding, we are paying for dresses, shoes, hair, makeup and accommodation the night of the wedding. We have asked them to contribute towards accommodation cost for the second night (asking for €65 per person)....does this sound stingy? Our venue is extremely expensive, and this is the only way we could justify the cost. They recommend charging €120 per person per night but we thought that was too much, so are charging a little less than the hotel across the road from it. Kinda feeling bad about it now though..... But my boyfriend says if they were coming as guests, they'd be paying for 2/3 night accommodation anyway and they have no other expenses...

Also, nails - going to suggest we just do each others - don't see the point in forking out for that. Hate fake tan, so really hoping they won't want that. In September, they should be brown enough anyway! Handbags for after, just going to buy cheap €10 ones online.

Present wise, I'm just going to buy them their jewellery - earrings and bracelet. That sounds like the norm, is it?? Have budgeted about €70 each?

Yes it does. But all of your friends will tell you ah no its not stingy and we understand. But you WILL be known for it among them all in the future and they'll all have a good old bitch about you when you arent around. Deep down, You know this already. Dont even know why you are asking the question.

seanaway

Yer mad!
It's an honour to be asked.

Pay for your own stuff or don't become a bridesmaid.