perfect parenting

So collective wisdom of Boards how should it be done.

According to the "experts" it the boring middle class stuff that makes good parenting its called authoritative parenting this is from part of the wiki on it.


Authoritative parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behaviour of children. Punishments for misbehaviour are measured and consistent, not arbitrary or violent.[1] Authoritative parents set limits and demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to authoritative parenting punishment because it is reasonable and fair. A child knows why they are being punished because an authoritative parent makes the reasons known. They are attentive to their children’s needs and concerns, and will typically forgive and teach instead of punishing if a child falls short.[17]

Buzz Killington the third

Sooo.... what's the question?

ch750536

Very thinly veiled 'I had sex' thread

Sunnyisland

There's no such thing as perfect parenting only bad parenting.

BeerWolf

Know this, the TV makes for a perfect babysitter.

Dravokivich

All I can promise my kid is I won't drop him. As long as I don't, I'd say it's pretty close to perfection.

The idea's behind what you copied above makes parenting sound like it's very rigid. If not done in such a manner it really isn't parenting. Where as that couldn't be further from the truth. Still early days for myself, but even I can see what he'll need from me as a parent will vary based on what is happening.

Duggy747

Remember that time when Richie Rich had a McDonald's built in his house?

That was pretty bad parenting and a plain disregard for money.

vitani

I knew how to parent perfectly until I had a child.

Buzz Killington the third

Duggy747 wrote: »

Remember that time when Richie Rich had a McDonald's built in his house?

That was pretty bad parenting and a plain disregard for money.

Sure remember the time Josef Fritzl built that basement in his house...

When my oldest was a child there wasn't really any parenting books as such, well there was one, but nobody I knew actually got books about parenting and there was much less judgement of parenting.

danniemcq

Nobody knows how to be a perfect parent.

All they can do is hope to be the best parent they can be

BeerWolf

BeerWolf wrote: »

Know this, the TV makes for a perfect babysitter.

Couldn't sleep with the heat one Sunday recently I got up and went for a walk on a beach near by, it was about 7.30 and there were loads of dads out walking with the baby in a bugger or with a toddle, obviously I don't live in a area where the children are given a DVD to keep them quite on a early morning weekend nor are they told its stupid o clock go back to bed, they are take out for a walk.

Muise...

Dravokivich wrote: »

All I can promise my kid is I won't drop him. As long as I don't, I'd say it's pretty close to perfection.

The idea's behind what you copied above makes parenting sound like it's very rigid. If not done in such a manner it really isn't parenting. Where as that couldn't be further from the truth. Still early days for myself, but even I can see what he'll need from me as a parent will vary based on what is happening.

The OP doesn't have the other side of the authoritative equation: praise when the child is good/mature/considerate. Mol an óige. I think the ability to reason and understand abstract principles of being good doesn't develop until about 6 or 7 - up till then the child is only behaving so its parents don't give out to it. (not a parent; open to correction.)

These threads always have loads of bad-parent stories, but there must be plenty of good ones too. Once I heard a father leaving a supermarket with a trolley full of groceries say to his son, who looked to be about 4, "you were very good helping me do the shopping, so until lunchtime we will do what you want to do." The child wanted to go and feed the ducks.

Akrasia

Authoritative parenting seems to just be ''don't be a dick' parenting.

I'm all for this style of raising children.

Children have a ridiculously over developed sense of fairness and parents need to use this to teach their children the difference between right and wrong. This means the parent needs to be extra careful that he/she is fair to the children and prepared to admit when he/she is wrong.

Kids of all ages respond well to being talked to with respect and having things explained to them in clear consistent terms. 'Because I say so' is not an explanation and this is only required when the parent knows he/she is being unreasonable and can not defend his/her own position.

"Don't talk back!" is another phrase parents use against their children. Children are supposed to talk back. The parent is supposed to give instructions for a good reason, and the children are supposed to question the reasons, this is how they learn.
Instead of 'don't talk back' parents should encourage questioning but not rude or agressive behaviour. Punish aggression or deliberately disruptive behaviour, but explain why these are being punished and allow space for the children to express themselves.


^^^ easier said than done

osarusan

"Catch your child(ren) being good" is one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever heard.

Does parenting make much of difference though? I think people are born with innate characteristics.. one of mine was difficult enough as a teenager, but her inner sensibleness came out eventually and thats nothing to do with parenting.

dashcamdanny

mariaalice wrote: »

Does parenting make much of difference though? I think people are born with innate characteristics.. one of mine was difficult enough as a teenager, but her inner sensibleness came out eventually and thats nothing to do with parenting.

Yes . Without a doubt.

My young lad is on his second grounding in the space of a month . One week of sitting at the window glaring out at his friends playing in the sun.

It kills me to punish him, but when he blatantly disobeys and lies to us, what else can one do?
Its like talking to a wall sometimes, but he has to learn that there is consequences for his actions. If this is not taught as a child then they can go down a very bad path in the future.
In my opinion ofcourse.

Akrasia

Stephen Pinker argues that parents have a surprisingly limited effect on how their children's personality develops, much less than most parents would like to believe.

http://pinker.wjh.harvard.edu/books/tbs/media_articles/2002_09_04_times.html

Peers are more important than parents and genes play a bigger role than the nurturing of a well meaning parent.

I'll accept this up to a point because for the first 5 years of a childs life, the parent has a lot of control over who the childs peers are, and the parents choice of where to live, where to send the children to school, what activities to pay for etc will affect what opportunities the child has growing up.

Parents main role could be to set boundaries early on and provide opportunities for positive growth.

I observed two little brothers recently, one would give his last piece of food to his brother, now the other would be much more careful about doing that....I could already see one had the personality of.. what's in it for me and one had the personality of.. what can I do for you,.. parent can have only a little influence on that.