some advise please.

Egan2012

Hi guys,
Where do i start? I am with my partner just over 4 years now. We have 3 kids together. We have been through some hard times over the last 4 years. We have gone through a lot toheather Lately i feel things are just not right. I feel i am just loosing interest by the day. This has been going on over the last few months. Some days i we get up in the mornings and she would just be in bad form. We couldn't have a conversation. It just feels like she doesn't want me around. Its all small things. She was out with her friends on a Friday night a few weeks back and i said on the Saturday night i would go for a couple of pints. I did and she stopped speaking to me for 3 days. That was my first time out i n 12 months i stopped going out a long time ago because every time i did she stopped talking to me. And then these stupid posts would be put up on Facebook like its a mans life
I just get the feeling that its her way or no way.
As for a sex life we i would initiate sex when we are in bed and i basically get shot down and she says leave her alone. We didn't have sex for months so i just gave up trying. Then a couple of weeks ago she had a few drinks at home and she wanted to have sex. Again my impression is its her way or no way. I have just lost all interest lately and have been thinking of calling it a day. She has noticed my change in form and she is starting to try and be nice to me but to be honest i think it has gone to far. I just feel like she is controlling me.
Any advice or thoughts would be
Much appreciated

ameee

Three kids in four years would put a strain on any relationship and for the sake of your kids you really owe it to them to try to fix your relationship if you can. You are both having nights out but are you having any together? Are you making time for each other or has that gone to the wayside with the little ones? You say she lacks sex drive and wakes up in bad form sometimes could she be stressed and overwhelmed by the three young kids or have post natal depression?

Egan2012

Hi thanks for the reply. I really don't think that's the problem as I'm out of work and have been looking after the kids as well. When i say nights out i mean once i. 12 months. If i suggest we go out there is always an excuse like no babysitter but i can get a babysitter no problem its just excuse after excuse. We try and spend time together in the evenings and when the kids are in bed she just heads off to bed

ameee

Think the best thing you can do is sit her down tell her how you feel find out how she feels and how you can both move forward hopefully together. Even with you at home helping she could well have pnd I only mention again as no sex drive, waking in bad form, going to bed early, not wanting to go out at all well it doesnt sound like someone who is feeling happy in themselves so bear it in mind but you could be right maybe nothing to do with it but you will only get guesses from strangers so talk to your partner and best of luck with it

strandroad

Are you both unemployed? That's a lot of stress in itself...

Egan2012

mhge wrote: »

Are you both unemployed? That's a lot of stress in itself...

I started back work recently this is going a while now i actually came home from work the other evening and a friend rang me and asked me was everything OK at home i said why and hr said there is stuff up on Facebook in not on Facebook so he showed me it was all how men are pigs and all this stuff and how we do nothing i went home and said it to her and she said your paranoid who said i was talking about you and she walked off to her friends house it's all mind games I'm not the only one picking up on it now i was on the night shift last week And
My ma went to see the kids she rang me the following day and said she felt like she wasn't welcome in the house i just cant do nothing right around the place the only thing I'm afraid of is if we did spilt up she would move back to her home place which is 5 hours from where we are now and i wouldn't get to see my kids

greenieted

Falling out with you for having the odd night out isn't fair at all. Does she have insecurities/trust issues? Exhaust all options before you consider separating seeing as you have three kids together. You say she is trying to be nice recently-why don't you give it a chance for a while?

In terms of sex, three kids in 4.5 yrs will have serious impact on a woman's sex drive. Your body is not your own while pregnant or in the months afterwards. The other issues are separate but I think you need to have more patience with her in terms of sex.

I hope things work out.

Chara1001

Hi Egan,

I remember your other thread. You and your family have been through the worst, most traumatic situation that most of us are lucky enough not to have experienced. And this is all in the very recent past.

If you haven't already done it, please speak to someone professionally before you make any major decisions. A family member of mine has been through something like what you have, and it almost tore them apart also.
i understand that separating with your wife might ultimately be for the best, but maybe deciding to call it a day right now could be a knee jerk decision?

It's a horrible situation to be in where you can't do anything right, and i've been there before too. It wears you down and exhausts you completely, but I think she sound utterly miserable also.
Try and talk to her, arrange to speak to someone (i really REALLY think you need this) and give it a try before you make your mind up.

The very best of luck to you

Lou.m

Small things cover up a layer of emotional unease I think you will never pinpoint one issue. You are living with someone you don't like or love.

I don't know your other thread.

She seems very bitter at the moment. I think if you guys are to have a chance you need professional help.

Best of luck.

allym

Chara1001 wrote: »

Hi Egan,

I remember your other thread. You and your family have been through the worst, most traumatic situation that most of us are lucky enough not to have experienced. And this is all in the very recent past.

If you haven't already done it, please speak to someone professionally before you make any major decisions. A family member of mine has been through something like what you have, and it almost tore them apart also.
i understand that separating with your wife might ultimately be for the best, but maybe deciding to call it a day right now could be a knee jerk decision?

It's a horrible situation to be in where you can't do anything right, and i've been there before too. It wears you down and exhausts you completely, but I think she sound utterly miserable also.
Try and talk to her, arrange to speak to someone (i really REALLY think you need this) and give it a try before you make your mind up.

The very best of luck to you

OP, I agree with this. What you've been through as a family is so traumatic. I'm not trying to make excuses for your wife, but there is naturally going to be a lot if sadness and anger there, that she may be taking out on you. It is absolutely not the right way to deal with it, and you should both look at getting some counselling or someone to talk through your emotions with.

As for the sex, I'd imagine she is still too emotional and perhaps scared of getting pregnant again? Of course that's just a guess, but this was all very recent and she may take a long time to recover from it.

I really think you need to help each other through this time, and get any other help you may need.