How to cope with seeing ex and family

bones123

hey, just looking for some advice or perspective on this. I was with my ex for 6 years, living with him etc. We split for a couple of months, he was with another girl, we got back together, four months later he finds out she's pregnant. We do our best to work through it but I found it very hard, he was constantly getting calls from her, which to an extent I understood, he went shopping with her for everything needed for the new baby etc, wouldn't contact me during this time or anything. We split, kept in contact tho and kept meeting up, the child was born, he'd visit me with the child, he said he hoped we could make it work and had a visitation plan worked out, it didn't work out that way though in reality he was at the houseaall the time. I ended up going away with work for 6 months, during that time we were in touch 24/7, he sent flowers, cards etc. I came back, we met up, went away for a few weekends, all going great, did things with the child. and then I see him with the mother by chance, he said he was helping her buy shoes for the child. I couldn't deal with that so we split. He has since moved in with them, though has been on a dating website since and also has texted me to meet up saying he still loves me. But now I see him with her and their child everywhere. We're from a small town so it's difficult to avoid. However when I see them it's literally like a physical pain in my chest. I get totally devastated everytime. So my question is, how do I cope with this? sorry for the rambling post.

Rubberchikken

for the child's sake, i would hope he makes a proper go of it with the kid's mother.
for your sake, he can't be left to swop between the two of you depending on how he feels.

try to get on with your life. avoid calls, texts, any contact other than a polite hello if you bump into him on the street.

in time it will fade and you will move on.

LegacyUser

I had a friend who went out with a guy, they both worked in the same company, sh1t hit the fan and they broke up, it was difficult at the beginning as he was trying to maintain a friendly stance with her but she chose to ignore him and not speak to him as it was easier for her to get over the breakup, they still work in the same company and see each other pretty regularly but she doesn't speak to him and chooses to ignore him.

Op be the bigger person here and move on, cut all contact with him and don't engage with him. He has moved in with the mother of his child and yet he is sending you txts telling you he loves you. He sounds messed up and very immature. I doubt his current partner would be very happy if she knew what was going on. Delete his number, block him on all social networking sites and get on with your life. He sounds like a headwreck. Would it be possible for you to move away with work again?

Xterminator

Put on a mask when you see them..

And in time it will be easier to keep up the mask, until you longer have to fake it.

X

ShowMeTheCash

This sounds really difficult.

But really the baby really needs to come first in these situations.
If I was to give advise which by the way is impossible to give here, as any scenario could cause you pain, it would be to just leave it alone.

If he has moved in with her and on dating websites the guy really has other things other than you on his mind.

The baby will always be there and by the looks of it the relationship with the mother looks to be at least on and off...

I think you need to move on with your life, his situation litterally could take years to work out...

kjl

Sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants.

Why would he get dumped by you and quickly move in with the mother of his child?

Flippyfloppy

kjl wrote: »

Sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants.

Why would he get dumped by you and quickly move in with the mother of his child?

I assume to be a family for the child.

Tokyo

bones123 wrote: »

He has since moved in with them, though has been on a dating website since and also has texted me to meet up saying he still loves me.

I don't envy his position - I very much doubt that he planned his life to be this way, and I"m sure that from time to time that thought crosses your mind too. However, there is no possible way that you could consider being with a person who is acting like he is right now, whatever the reason.

Cruel as it sounds, it's his mess now to deal with, and you have your whole life ahead of you, with a partner who loves you and a family of your own somewhere down the line. Stop taking calls or texts from him. Stop checking up on what he is doing online (I doubt that you accidentally found out he was on a dating website). Avoid meeting him if you can, and if you do, a polite nod or a hello will suffice. It's not going to be easy for sure, and some days will be harder than others, but it will get better over time.