He's Blocked me on everything

ellafitzi

Right so here goes. I was in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years but recently we broke up. After waiting for him to be transferred back here with the company he works for he gave up and finally decided to apply to other companies. But these things take time and I think he got fed up. He became more distant and to cut a long story short he decided it would be best to break up while we were in different countries. But if we got a chance to live together then we would do that.

I was heart broken of course. But I could barely get him to talk to me about it. Then he asked would I go to spent a weekend with him like we had talked about previously. Willing to try anything I went hoping he would talk. There we spent the weekend like a couple. He was very affectionate, holding my hand the works. However when I tried to talk to him about the break up he wouldn't talk. All I got was he just wanted to be on his own right now and he wasn't sure what he wanted in his life. When he dropped me at the airport he said we could talk and that he would reply anytime I text. But it was my decision and he would respect it if I didn't want to speak to him.

When I returned I was upset but felt I needed time before we spoke. So in the following week I did just that. But he text to ask why we're still friends if we don't talk. Then said it was ok that he deleted me on Facebook and would delete my number. I calmed him saying we could still be friends but obviously we wouldn't talk like before. Happy with this he left me a line. But in the next 2 weeks he began to text everyday and send me pictures of things he was doing. Just like he had when we were in a relationship. He would suggest he missed me by saying he missed being in my house or that he was confused about how he felt. He would do things like follow me and unfollow me on instagram. When I asked he said it was hard for him to see me because he wanted to be here. I'm confused because he dumped me!!

It all came to a head last weekend when he was talking about going to a bar to watch a hurling game. As he doesn't live in ireland I knew he was going to an Irish bar where he lives with some irish students that are on exchange there. He knows I don't trust one of the girls. But I didn't bite. I just said enjoy. I was out with friends so I sent a pic of my drink on the table but my friends husband's torso was in the background. He flipped asking if I only sent it to show I was out with a guy. I replied I was with a group and that I was only showing him the drinks and that I didn't think it would bother him who I was out with. He replied he was f@# k you!! I didn't rise to it and just said ok.

Later that night when he was working he sent me a pic of his drink with the girl I don't like in the background. Then he blocked me from everything whatsapp facebook instagram the lot!! Can anyone give me insight into what's going on with him? I'm obviously upset and sad that he has to be like this. I guess I had half hoped we would get back together. He had talk of an interview here and it seemed like he was still thinking about a life with me. I wonder is it that he's trying to hurt me because he still cares and that I'll hear from him again when he calms down and realises he's been childish

Czarcasm

ellafitzi wrote: »

I wonder is it that he's trying to hurt me because he still cares and that I'll hear from him again when he calms down and realises he's been childish

OP nobody tries to hurt someone they care about. Things aren't working out for your boyfriend and he's chosen to take it out on you rather than focus his efforts on addressing his issues.

I would suggest that you cut off contact at this stage, for your own sake, because any attempt you make at maintaining a friendship, he'll read into it negatively and continue to take his frustration out on you.

pookie82

ellafitzi wrote: »

Right so here goes. I was in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years but recently we broke up. After waiting for him to be transferred back here with the company he works for he gave up and finally decided to apply to other companies. But these things take time and I think he got fed up. He became more distant and to cut a long story short he decided it would be best to break up while we were in different countries. But if we got a chance to live together then we would do that. I was heart broken of course. But I could barely get him to talk to me about it. Then he asked would I go to spent a weekend with him like we had talked about previously. Willing to try anything I went hoping he would talk. There we spent the weekend like a couple. He was very affectionate, holding my hand the works. However when I tried to talk to him about the break up he wouldn't talk. All I got was he just wanted to be on his own right now and he wasn't sure what he wanted in his life. When he dropped me at the airport he said we could talk and that he would reply anytime I text. But it was my decision and he would respect it if I didn't want to speak to him. When I returned I was upset but felt I needed time before we spoke. So in the following week I did just that. But he text to ask why we're still friends if we don't talk. Then said it was ok that he deleted me on Facebook and would delete my number. I calmed him saying we could still be friends but obviously we wouldn't talk like before. Happy with this he left me a line. But in the next 2 weeks he began to text everyday and send me pictures of things he was doing. Just like he had when we were in a relationship. He would suggest he missed me by saying he missed being in my house or that he was confused about how he felt. He would do things like follow me and unfollow me on instagram. When I asked he said it was hard for him to see me because he wanted to be here. I'm confused because he dumped me!! It all came to a head last weekend when he was talking about going to a bar to watch a hurling game. As he doesn't live in ireland I knew he was going to an Irish bar where he lives with some irish students that are on exchange there. He knows I don't trust one of the girls. But I didn't bite. I just said enjoy. I was out with friends so I sent a pic of my drink on the table but my friends husband's torso was in the background. He flipped asking if I only sent it to show I was out with a guy. I replied I was with a group and that I was only showing him the drinks and that I didn't think it would bother him who I was out with. He replied he was f@# k you!! I didn't rise to it and just said ok. Later that night when he was working he sent me a pic of his drink with the girl I don't like in the background. Then he blocked me from everything whatsapp facebook instagram the lot!! Can anyone give me insight into what's going on with him? I'm obviously upset and sad that he has to be like this. I guess I had half hoped we would get back together. He had talk of an interview here and it seemed like he was still thinking about a life with me. I wonder is it that he's trying to hurt me because he still cares and that I'll hear from him again when he calms down and realises he's been childish

The part in bold there is what you need to hold onto.

His actions are screaming exactly that. He hasn't a clue what he wants. One minute he's breaking up with you, the next he wants constant contact like when you were still a couple.

He probably hoped to provoke you with talk of socialising with a girl he knew you didn't trust, and when you didn't rise to it, clearly threw a strop.

The whole following and then un-following is incredibly immature and smacks of someone making irrational decisions second to second and then changing their mind an hour later... is he young?

There's really only one way to deal with this kind of behaviour... If he gets back in touch again in another fit of remorse/rethinking, just explain that when you break up with someone, while it's lovely to remain friends and check in now and again, at the start at least, space is advisable. It shouldn't have to be either constant contact like before, OR extreme measures like complete blocking on all forms of media. Put simply, he dumped you, he wants to have his cake and eat it now in terms of having your constant contact and friendship without any formal ties.

You've done a good job so far of being the bigger person, I would continue to do just that. Lay off sending him photos of what you're at, it will feed into his sense of entitlement to still know what you're up to at all times. Anyway, everyone knows that the best way forward when someone breaks up with you is complete and utter cut of contact. Anything else just drags it all out.

Maybe he'll realise after a few weeks of silence that he's made a mistake, if so, it'll be up to you then to see if you can forgive his break up and his subsequent idiocy.

diveout

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP nobody tries to hurt someone they care about. Things aren't working out for your boyfriend and he's chosen to take it out on you rather than focus his efforts on addressing his issues.

I would suggest that you cut off contact at this stage, for your own sake, because any attempt you make at maintaining a friendship, he'll read into it negatively and continue to take his frustration out on you.

Are you kidding? People hurt each other all the time!

Op to answer your question, there are some ex's you can be friends with and some you can't.

Some will be angry or cut off to protect themselves from feelings they have for you.

Czarcasm

diveout wrote: »

Are you kidding? People hurt each other all the time!

Op to answer your question, there are some ex's you can be friends with and some you can't.

Some will be angry or cut off to protect themselves from feelings they have for you.

I think you're misreading what I wrote. I said nobody tries to hurt someone they care about, and the OP's ex is going out of his way to hurt the OP.

The OP's ex might be going through a hard time, but that's no excuse for treating the OP like crap. His issues aren't the OP's fault, and the OP shouldn't, and doesn't have to, put up with his behavior.

Her ex is only thinking of himself and how HE feels, and is playing mental mind games with the OP. The OP has feelings too that her ex should take into account before he goes off on one.

ellafitzi

Thanks everyone for your insightful replies. What you say does ring true. Surprisingly all this is coming from a 33 year old man. Note I use the term man loosely! He obviously can't be mature. I suppose I left out a big part of why it was important to me to stay friends. We lost twins at 9 weeks pregnant early this year. As the only other person who understood the sense of loss I was hoping we could stay connected. But guess I've just lost my third child this year instead

diveout

Czarcasm wrote: »

I think you're misreading what I wrote. I said nobody tries to hurt someone they care about, and the OP's ex is going out of his way to hurt the OP.

The OP's ex might be going through a hard time, but that's no excuse for treating the OP like crap. His issues aren't the OP's fault, and the OP shouldn't, and doesn't have to, put up with his behavior.

Her ex is only thinking of himself and how HE feels, and is playing mental mind games with the OP. The OP has feelings too that her ex should take into account before he goes off on one.

Yes it's immature.

Not saying it's the right way to do things, but people do crap like this all the time. He probably thought he was making a point because he misread her intentionality. It's cheaper in terms of emotional risk than saying like an adult, "that really bothered me what you did. I felt threatened."

ellafitzi

diveout wrote: »

Yes it's immature.

Not saying it's the right way to do things, but people do crap like this all the time. He probably thought he was making a point because he misread her intentionality. It's cheaper in terms of emotional risk than saying like an adult, "that really bothered me what you did. I felt threatened."

I guess it's a kin to spitting the dummy out of the pram really! I don't know..... I tried to deal with something as maturely as I could only to have it blow up in my face. As I consider myself a pretty rational person I'm having a hard time figuring his reasoning for such drastic action. No need to block me after all I didn't run off with his father or anything like that! It's just hurtful to think that someone who claimed they loved you now seems to hate you with the same vigour!

diveout

ellafitzi wrote: »

I guess it's a kin to spitting the dummy out of the pram really! I don't know..... I tried to deal with something as maturely as I could only to have it blow up in my face. As I consider myself a pretty rational person I'm having a hard time figuring his reasoning for such drastic action. No need to block me after all I didn't run off with his father or anything like that! It's just hurtful to think that someone who claimed they loved you now seems to hate you with the same vigour!

Yes I know it makes no sense. It's also a story as old as the ages. It's easier to hate than to sit their pining, that's why. Try looking up negative intimacy...that might help clarify a few things.

You think because he dumped you that makes things clear? Au contraire. He maybe just confusing himself with the contact. Give it some time.

Sorry about your miscarriage.

pookie82

ellafitzi wrote: »

I guess it's a kin to spitting the dummy out of the pram really! I don't know..... I tried to deal with something as maturely as I could only to have it blow up in my face. As I consider myself a pretty rational person I'm having a hard time figuring his reasoning for such drastic action. No need to block me after all I didn't run off with his father or anything like that! It's just hurtful to think that someone who claimed they loved you now seems to hate you with the same vigour!

I doubt he "hates" you at all, quite the opposite! His actions are borne out of frustration, jealousy and not knowing what he wants, not out of hatred.

Vojera

diveout wrote: »

He maybe just confusing himself with the contact. Give it some time.

This. Maybe his strop made him realise that he's not helping himself by looking at your Instagram the whole time or texting you when he's out with other people.

It's very hard to get a clear head on a situation when you still have one foot in it. He hasn't exactly gone about things the best way, but space could be the best thing for both of you.

Lou.m

ellafitzi wrote: »

Right so here goes. I was in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years but recently we broke up. After waiting for him to be transferred back here with the company he works for he gave up and finally decided to apply to other companies. But these things take time and I think he got fed up. He became more distant and to cut a long story short he decided it would be best to break up while we were in different countries. But if we got a chance to live together then we would do that.

I was heart broken of course. But I could barely get him to talk to me about it. Then he asked would I go to spent a weekend with him like we had talked about previously. Willing to try anything I went hoping he would talk. There we spent the weekend like a couple. He was very affectionate, holding my hand the works. However when I tried to talk to him about the break up he wouldn't talk. All I got was he just wanted to be on his own right now and he wasn't sure what he wanted in his life. When he dropped me at the airport he said we could talk and that he would reply anytime I text. But it was my decision and he would respect it if I didn't want to speak to him.

When I returned I was upset but felt I needed time before we spoke. So in the following week I did just that. But he text to ask why we're still friends if we don't talk. Then said it was ok that he deleted me on Facebook and would delete my number. I calmed him saying we could still be friends but obviously we wouldn't talk like before. Happy with this he left me a line. But in the next 2 weeks he began to text everyday and send me pictures of things he was doing. Just like he had when we were in a relationship. He would suggest he missed me by saying he missed being in my house or that he was confused about how he felt. He would do things like follow me and unfollow me on instagram. When I asked he said it was hard for him to see me because he wanted to be here. I'm confused because he dumped me!!

It all came to a head last weekend when he was talking about going to a bar to watch a hurling game. As he doesn't live in ireland I knew he was going to an Irish bar where he lives with some irish students that are on exchange there. He knows I don't trust one of the girls. But I didn't bite. I just said enjoy. I was out with friends so I sent a pic of my drink on the table but my friends husband's torso was in the background. He flipped asking if I only sent it to show I was out with a guy. I replied I was with a group and that I was only showing him the drinks and that I didn't think it would bother him who I was out with. He replied he was f@# k you!! I didn't rise to it and just said ok.

Later that night when he was working he sent me a pic of his drink with the girl I don't like in the background. Then he blocked me from everything whatsapp facebook instagram the lot!! Can anyone give me insight into what's going on with him? I'm obviously upset and sad that he has to be like this. I guess I had half hoped we would get back together. He had talk of an interview here and it seemed like he was still thinking about a life with me. I wonder is it that he's trying to hurt me because he still cares and that I'll hear from him again when he calms down and realises he's been childish

Yes , he is a dick. End of story.

You give him a picture of your drink ...he swears at you and tells you to **** off.

He is is a headwreck and a moron.
Also you are slightly obsessed.

He broke up with you and backed off you kept trying to contact him.

He does not want to talk to you.

If he wanted to talk to you he would . If he wanted to talk you he would make an effort.

He doesn't and he is exceptionally rude and has the temperament of an 8 yr old.

Sending swear texts is juvenile.

Big Bag of Chips

ellafitzi wrote: »

When he dropped me at the airport he said we could talk and that he would reply anytime I text. But it was my decision and he would respect it if I didn't want to speak to him.

He wants you to still want him. When you didn't contact him, even though he said he'd understand, he got annoyed, thinking you should be pining over him and trying to keep in contact, begging him back.

Just ignore him from now on. There is no benefit to you in trying to maintain contact with him anymore. He has changed. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, but he'd like you to still want to be his girlfriend.

Lou.m

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

He wants you to still want him. When you didn't contact him, even though he said he'd understand, he got annoyed, thinking you should be pining over him and trying to keep in contact, begging him back.

Just ignore him from now on. There is no benefit to you in trying to maintain contact with him anymore. He has changed. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, but he'd like you to still want to be his girlfriend.

As deranged as that sounds I would say it's true. And if you were to contact him and ask if he wanted to try he would probably enjoy rejecting you.

Some people when they reject you can't be direct back.

Pay attention to his direct contact with you or lack there of. Not things he shows sideways.

Nothing he is doing is for your benefit merely his. If someone is playing around pay little attention to what they want you to see.

Following and showing you things and then unfollowing and blocking you tells me he needs to create the drama that your break up did not create because you simply accepted it and tried being friends.

blatantrereg

Long distance relationships usually don't work and are usually an awful headwreck.
I doubt he hates you. I don't think he's trying to manipulate you. I think he's not able to manage his emotions at this time.

he decided it would be best to break up while we were in different countries. But if we got a chance to live together then we would do that.

Sounds like the best plan. It seems like you aren't able to be friends at this time.

ellafitzi

Lou.m wrote: »

Yes , he is a dick. End of story.

You give him a picture of your drink ...he swears at you and tells you to **** off.

He is is a headwreck and a moron.
Also you are slightly obsessed.

He broke up with you and backed off you kept trying to contact him.

He does not want to talk to you.

If he wanted to talk to you he would . If he wanted to talk you he would make an effort.

He doesn't and he is exceptionally rude and has the temperament of an 8 yr old.

Sending swear texts is juvenile.

No quite the opposite is true after we broke up I stopped contacting him and he threw a strop over it. Then he continued to text everyday sending me pictures of things he doing. I had backed off entirely. So that makes his actions even more confusing and juvenile.

jellyboy

ellafitzi wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your insightful replies. What you say does ring true. Surprisingly all this is coming from a 33 year old man. Note I use the term man loosely! He obviously can't be mature. I suppose I left out a big part of why it was important to me to stay friends. We lost twins at 9 weeks pregnant early this year. As the only other person who understood the sense of loss I was hoping we could stay connected. But guess I've just lost my third child this year instead

Hi op

What i read from your post is that both of ye are playing games ,the end result with games in a relationship is somebody gets hurt

He knows I don't trust one of the girls. But I didn't bite.

I was out with friends so I sent a pic of my drink on the table but my friends husband's torso was in the background.

Surprisingly all this is coming from a 33 year old man. Note I use the term man loosely! He obviously can't be mature.
But guess I've just lost my third child this year instead

The above is abuse ,no matter how or what way you want to look at him or his actions ..to question or mock his gender is uncalled for

is this the level that ye are at in the relationship?

Are ye at toxic level ?

have you both talked about the loss that you both have suffered?
Has he opened to you about the loss of children ..

Can ye receive help together?

Good luck op,and stay away from games ,theres never a winner

tara73

sorry OP, but for me it seems he has actually mental issues which indicate in the direction of bipolar. he's 33, I mean, if he would be 18 or max. mid twenties, but such behaviour with 33? My goodness.

it's absolutely headwrecking behaviour, I would let him know you are not entertaining this anymore and cut contact.

ABajaninCork

Look at it this way, OP. You've lost weight. About 12 stone of useless, immature b******d's worth...

Nice way to treat you after your mc. You're well rid.

Look after yourself!

ellafitzi

tara73 wrote: »

sorry OP, but for me it seems he has actually mental issues which indicate in the direction of bipolar. he's 33, I mean, if he would be 18 or max. mid twenties, but such behaviour with 33? My goodness.

it's absolutely headwrecking behaviour, I would let him know you are not entertaining this anymore and cut contact.

It's interesting that you should reach that conclusion. He's hinted to me before that sometimes he's had to take xanex at times when he's been stressed. Also on a recent holiday I found victan and other meds in his bag. So I am wondering if there is something in what you are saying. I know victan is an anti - anxiety drug.

ellafitzi

jellyboy wrote: »

Hi op

What i read from your post is that both of ye are playing games ,the end result with games in a relationship is somebody gets hurt






The above is abuse ,no matter how or what way you want to look at him or his actions ..to question or mock his gender is uncalled for

is this the level that ye are at in the relationship?

Are ye at toxic level ?

have you both talked about the loss that you both have suffered?
Has he opened to you about the loss of children ..

Can ye receive help together?

Good luck op,and stay away from games ,theres never a winner

I see no issue in pertaining to him as a child and not a man considering his behaviour. Considering we don't speak and one of the last things he said to me was "f@# k you" I think we might be beyond talking about feelings somehow. I certainly don't think we'll be holding hands in front of a therapist. It might also have something to do with the fact we don't live in the same country. That's also the reason I sent him a picture. As we are long distance this is what we did most days to include each other in our lives when we couldn't be together. So I don't get how me sending one is game playing in your view.

CaraMay

Op it's done. It's over and done with and he is doing you a favour by cutting contact. A lot of people behave badly during break ups and it's best to be away from it. Trying to analyse why he is doing this is wasting time.

Onwards and upwards op

Big Bag of Chips

tara73, you should know that medical advice/diagnoses is not allowed on Boards. If you're not sure have a reread of the site rules specifically this section.

rainbowtrout

ellafitzi wrote: »

No quite the opposite is true after we broke up I stopped contacting him and he threw a strop over it. Then he continued to text everyday sending me pictures of things he doing. I had backed off entirely. So that makes his actions even more confusing and juvenile.

It sounds like he enjoys feeding off drama. He was expecting this when ye broke up and you didn't provide it, so he tried to create it. He wasn't going to let you forget him and what he was doing by giving you a daily update of what you were missing.

He may have been expecting you to try and get him to change his mind and boost his ego. 'I dumped her but she still wants me' type thing and you didn't do that either.

So he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to be with you either. Ideally he would like you to be at home waiting for him and would probably like to retain the option of getting back with you if it suited him, or to continue to enjoy the notion of 'I could have her if I wanted her'.

Sounds like his ego has been dented because you're not providing that. Your aim to remain friends may have been well meaning but you probably don't need the drama. Just cut contact and move on.

blatantrereg

tara73 wrote: »

sorry OP, but for me it seems he has actually mental issues which indicate in the direction of bipolar. he's 33, I mean, if he would be 18 or max. mid twenties, but such behaviour with 33? My goodness.

it's absolutely headwrecking behaviour, I would let him know you are not entertaining this anymore and cut contact.

It's a massive leap to decide he's BP from what is written here.
The suggestion bugs me. Mania is a dangerous condition which requires treatment. Plonking it as a label on someone because they lose the run of themselves after a break up is cheap and misinformed.

It's not terribly progressive to equate behaviour you disapprove of with mental illness. BP is a dangerous illness that requires treatment. It's not "being a dick" as has been put across here. Judgemental ignorance.

Benzos are given for anxiety. I wouldn't read into things beyond that.