lunch with another lady

LegacyUser

Hi,
I’m just looking for an unbiased perspective on this. So myself and OH have been together for over 2 years and are currently living together. We’re both in our thirties. Things have been great between us. Recently though we’ve been fighting more than usual. He lost his job a couple of month ago and hasn’t been working since. So as you can imagine moneys been tight and this has led to disagreements. These disagreements are quite rare though.
A couple of months back my OH ran into an old female friend from university. He says she was his best friend in college but I had only heard her name mentioned once or twice prior to this. He arranged to meet with her for lunch after bumpinig into her. I had no issue with this at all. However, since that initial lunch they’ve been meeting more and more frequently. They’ve met once a week for the last 2 months without fail. They usually go for lunch or a quick drink. He mentioned that he might go to a particular gig of a band they both like soon. Hes been very open all of these meet ups.
Part of me is frustrated by the money issue. We have no money to do anything yet he priorities these meetings. However, if im honest, the main thing that gets to me is how frequently they are meeting. He talks about her a lot. As it turned out she also lost her job recently. What got to me was that he told me that it felt great to be have someone he could talk to about losing his job and being unemployed. They also bonded over having siblings with the same disability. These are things I’m sure he finds harder to talk to me about.
Its not that I mind him having female friends but for whatever reason this is really bothering me.
Am I totally in the wrong here to feel like this? Should I be more ok with him meeting so frequently with this woman?
On a side + important note he’s never done anything to make me doubt his trust before.
I havnt brought it up yet as i wanted to get other perspectives first.
Give it to me hard!

Merkin

Is he encouraging you to meet this girl?

AnonMouse

Having spent a lot of time unemployed, I know it is good to have a reason to get out of the house for a few hours, so it sounds to me, that's all he is doing. He has been completely upfront with you, they are good friends, and in my opinion, he has done nothing wrong.

GalwayGirl26

I think as long as he is being open and honest about these meetings it's on the level to be honest. Maybe suggest the three of you meet up for a drink or something sometime; it might make you feel more comfortable with the arrangement.

mylefttesticle

When he starts to hide meetings with others then you have a problem.

Don't turn him into the guy who has to hide things from his GF, sometimes its easier and less judgemental to speak about things to a person in the same boat.

IT always comes down to trust and if you don't have complete trust in your partner then better to find someone who you do have complete trust in.

As for money, is he paying his fair share?


If your pissed off that your not going places together as a couple then talk to him about that as that is a valid point to bring up, but keep them separate as he is your BF and not your husband so how he chooses to spend his money for now is his business.

Matteroffact

This is all a bit of diversion for him as he is not mixing with people at work anymore and so he probably looks forward to meeting this woman and then being able to come home and have something different to talk to you about so I would not spoil this for him as it really doesn't seem like there is any need for you to have any worries as he is telling you all about it. It stops him getting too depressed about not having a job and maybe between the two of them they are helping one another to find ways of getting jobs by discussing different things they have both tried to find work. I don't think you have anything to worry about.