Attitude towards men

LegacyUser

Like the title says find myself treating men quiet badly, intentionally ignoring them, being impatient and intolerant, especially towards more laid back males. I think I can be quiet intimidating tbf. Even on casual hook ups I have treated the men quiet badly especially if they couldn't perform so to speak, making no allowance for alcohol or other. Guy will find himself out on the street after a strop. This has happened once to often and i know i need to handle interactions better. don't know where the anger and irritation comes from, it seems very deep seated and something I haven't grown out of. A male friend said to me years ago, oh you get away with it because your good looking. But guess what, looks are going to fade and I want to relate to someone as a human being, without the self created barriers and dramatics.

Merkin

I think you need to find yourself a decent counsellor as a matter of priority to establish where all the hatred and anger is coming from. You can't just disregard and mistreat an entire gender without some very deep seated mental issues so you need to address this serious problem urgently.

GalwayGuy2

I second the therapy. One of the options are that you are mistreating some people badly, but another is that you're obsessing over everyday moments. But it's hard to know which one is which without knowing more?

Either way it'd be a good idea to talk to someone.

CaraMay

Why do think you have the right to intentionally treat any other (either make or female) person so badly. It's absolutely obnoxious. You really do need to get counselling and stay away from guys in the meantime. Until you get help, the only way to stop this trail of destruction is to stay away until you can behave

LegacyUser

Just to be clear I absolutely do not think for a second that I have a right to treat people badly. I have lots of men in my life and like them immensely. It is not done consciously, it is definitely something I want to addresss. I have been in long term relationships. But it always felt like a see-saw, never an equal partnership, even though it plodded along. I cannot put my finger on why this is happening. There is always some kind of power struggle that seems to arise. I think it is self created. But don't know why I do it. It doesn't feel good. But it is like some primeval instinct takes over and I want to make the person feel my annoyance. I am sure there must be some insecurity on my part, something that feels threatened.
I have been single for a while now and would not get into a bad relationship but I seem to be stumbling on this. If I sense a weakness I can be so intolerant.

tenifan

Hi op. Yes, what goes around comes around. The guys you're treating badly will find a girl and be just fine. If you're not careful, you'll get a reputation and end up on the shelf. I think you need to be more respectful and appreciative of what people are offering you instead of having a chip on your shoulder.

Mike747

Yeah you sound like a mean bitch. Better get your **** together before your pretty face goes to hell. Remember a man's value increases as he gets older whereas a woman's diminishes.

Unless you want some desperate guy to provide for you, you better start being nice.

Lou.m

Merchantiler wrote: »

Like the title says find myself treating men quiet badly, intentionally ignoring them, being impatient and intolerant, especially towards more laid back males. I think I can be quiet intimidating tbf. Even on casual hook ups I have treated the men quiet badly especially if they couldn't perform so to speak, making no allowance for alcohol or other. Guy will find himself out on the street after a strop. This has happened once to often and i know i need to handle interactions better. don't know where the anger and irritation comes from, it seems very deep seated and something I haven't grown out of. A male friend said to me years ago, oh you get away with it because your good looking. But guess what, looks are going to fade and I want to relate to someone as a human being, without the self created barriers and dramatics.

There is a sycophantic bubble that surrounds beauty. If you have a soul and intelligence you will see value beyond that. Men who treat an internally deeply ugly person on the inside with kindness because of looks are not worth it. I am good looking ....but what I enjoy most is living with my heart. I am a nice person. And it is a JOY to be nice and to see the beauty of all people. You may think its sickly but its true. You are missing out on the experience truly.

No matter how drunk or ill mannered or sleazy a guy is ( not saying anyone you have mentioned was like that ) I have always behaved civilly and with manners. It is called class. Something you obviously lack.

Oh and by the way if you have to take drunk men home ...you are not as hot as you think. I have never had to be so desperate.

Enough with the psycho mumbo jumbo....just be nicer.

I also prefer a more attentive man to the laid back types....guess what I am not RUDE to them. I'm polite.

Looks don't fade they change ..I will still be as beautiful in my eyes when I am 76 ..maybe even more so.

Be kind for the sake of it and the sake of other people ...for the joy of it. Because you love people. Because they deserve it.

You don't have to sleep with everyone ..but you should be polite at least to the ones you do ...and don't.

If you want to be kind don't do it because you are afraid people will not like you if you were not beautiful.

Often people are less kind to nice people ...or take advantage. And to be truly kind you have to have the character to withstand that with stoicism. Being truly 'nice' is not for a reward ...you are only truly kind if it is a part of who you are. That is a true vibration of your being.

I view kindness as a form of self expression. I have no right to hurt others ..and I would never want to.

The meeker and more vulnerable I still respect.

When I come across people who are vibrating something else I leave them be. Or state my position as best I can.

Just be nicer. And honestly at least have a little class.

Lou.m

Mike747 wrote: »

Yeah you sound like a mean bitch. Better get your **** together before your pretty face goes to hell. Remember a man's value increases as he gets older whereas a woman's diminishes.

Unless you want some desperate guy to provide for you, you better start being nice.

You sound like the male version of her.

Once you start to rate and value people like commodities like that you have lost your soul and represent deep ugliness like her.

Why fear or resent ice queens? Why do you want pretty girls to be nice to you?


Why are you saying older women are of less value? YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE OP. TRULY UGLY.

All people are equally valuable. All the best people know this.

And I would not say you are internally beautiful at all.

If you valued kindness you would value the kinder older women regardless what a hypocrite.

You have a cold ugly shallow heart just like the OP.

monkeysnapper

The fact the op is being honest in her thread will tell you she wants to change,

She needs to speak to a counciler or someone she can trust and get to the real problem .

I think people on here have not been very helpful in their replays in fairness.

Change is needed in this behaviour and getting help and talking about it is the beginning in sorting it out .

Lou.m

monkeysnapper wrote: »

The fact the op is being honest in her thread will tell you she wants to change,

She needs to speak to a counciler or someone she can trust and get to the real problem .

I think people on here have not been very helpful in their replays in fairness.

Change is needed in this behaviour and getting help and talking about it is the beginning in sorting it out .

If it requires a Councillor. I don't understand why someone would need a Councillor to be simply nicer though.

Perhaps also if she brought only men into her life that she really liked and respected.

I am not negating any positive change the OP tries to make ..all is welcome.

I am just saying ....most people call 'nice ' ....'normal'.

I am all for self improvement OP.

JeffKenna

OP, do you have many female friends? I find it hard to believe you just treat men this way and not women?

Tokyo

Mike747 - we have zero tolerance for personal attacks here, and it's earned you a red card. You're not welcome to post in this thread again, and post in that manner again anywhere in PI, and next time it will be a ban.

Lou.m. Same for you. If you see a post that warrants action, report it. Taking it upon yourself to berate a poster like that is against the forum charter, and it's something we've asked you to refrain from before.

Regards,
Mike

Bafucin

Merchantiler wrote: »

Like the title says find myself treating men quiet badly, intentionally ignoring them, being impatient and intolerant, especially towards more laid back males. I think I can be quiet intimidating tbf. Even on casual hook ups I have treated the men quiet badly especially if they couldn't perform so to speak, making no allowance for alcohol or other. Guy will find himself out on the street after a strop. This has happened once to often and i know i need to handle interactions better. don't know where the anger and irritation comes from, it seems very deep seated and something I haven't grown out of. A male friend said to me years ago, oh you get away with it because your good looking. But guess what, looks are going to fade and I want to relate to someone as a human being, without the self created barriers and dramatics.

If you are bringing home drunk men all the time its a beer goggle affect. They possibly would not take it sober. If you are taking a lot of drunk guys home it is not exactly going to make you feel good. When I am with a girl I like, I want to remember it.

You come across not so much as a femme fatale more as someone who actually does not know what kindness is. You go for hooks ups with random drunk guys and turn mean on them. It actually does not sound like yourself much. You obviously don't like them either. So why are you hooking up with them?

By laid back males I assume you mean 'confident' do you feel they need taking down a peg or two?

DO you resent people who like themselves because you don't like yourself?

Also another poster asked how you are with women? I would be interested to know. Usually dramatic girls don't have many girlfriends either. Are you a type that feeds only off male dramatics?

The guys that are going for you now. They don't really like you. They just want sex. They will let you away with it so long as you give them what they want.

You don't seem happy you seem ill and lost. You don't seem to have a sense of you at all, you find yourself behaving like this and have no idea why after all this time?

You need less ego and more sense of true self. When you feel comfortable with you then you will feel comfortable being kind to others.

Just to say though i find your behavior absolutely awful though OP.

I hope you find better happiness soon.

Merkin

Merchantiler OP wrote: »

Just to be clear I absolutely do not think for a second that I have a right to treat people badly. I have lots of men in my life and like them immensely. It is not done consciously, it is definitely something I want to addresss. I have been in long term relationships. But it always felt like a see-saw, never an equal partnership, even though it plodded along. I cannot put my finger on why this is happening. There is always some kind of power struggle that seems to arise. I think it is self created. But don't know why I do it. It doesn't feel good. But it is like some primeval instinct takes over and I want to make the person feel my annoyance. I am sure there must be some insecurity on my part, something that feels threatened.
I have been single for a while now and would not get into a bad relationship but I seem to be stumbling on this. If I sense a weakness I can be so intolerant.

It's good that you want to address it. As I said earlier, this is something quite deep seated and mentally complex that only a professional will be able to assist you with so I urge you to find a reputable counsellor as priority so you can start working on this problem. I doubt you're just pathologically cruel, talking to a therapist will help you explore where this anger and insecurity comes from and take it from there.

kiffer

Merchantiler wrote: »

Like the title says find myself treating men quiet badly, intentionally ignoring them, being impatient and intolerant, especially towards more laid back males. I think I can be quiet intimidating tbf. Even on casual hook ups I have treated the men quiet badly especially if they couldn't perform so to speak, making no allowance for alcohol or other. Guy will find himself out on the street after a strop. This has happened once to often and i know i need to handle interactions better. don't know where the anger and irritation comes from, it seems very deep seated and something I haven't grown out of. A male friend said to me years ago, oh you get away with it because your good looking. But guess what, looks are going to fade and I want to relate to someone as a human being, without the self created barriers and dramatics.

Lots and lots of effort, keep an eye out for the behaviour you don't like and then don't do it.
re: the bit in bold... it sounds like you're not all that concerned for the feelings of the people around you but rather what you can get out of this...
"It was ok in the past because I could get away with it, but now I can't I need to change"... you should be trying to change regardless of whether you can get away with the behaviour or not.

mylefttesticle

Merchantiler wrote: »

Like the title says find myself treating men quiet badly, intentionally ignoring them, being impatient and intolerant, especially towards more laid back males. I think I can be quiet intimidating tbf. Even on casual hook ups I have treated the men quiet badly especially if they couldn't perform so to speak, making no allowance for alcohol or other. Guy will find himself out on the street after a strop. This has happened once to often and i know i need to handle interactions better. don't know where the anger and irritation comes from, it seems very deep seated and something I haven't grown out of. A male friend said to me years ago, oh you get away with it because your good looking. But guess what, looks are going to fade and I want to relate to someone as a human being, without the self created barriers and dramatics.

A few things stand out to me.

1. People who say things like my friend said that its is because I am good looking that I get away it. Usually people who say things like this quite like the persona they have built up but like rocks beside the sea they too erode with time and rather than actually want to change they want tips how too mask their persona.

2. You have actually shown no remorse for what you have done and the damage you have potentially done to a fellow person, this is really at middle of what is wrong, a good step firstly would be to apologise to those you have demeaned, it would be a first step to admitting you have problems.

3. You come across as having a over the top personality that we often see hides a very insecure person, the over the top personality was more than likely the common denominator in the men in your life failing to ''rise to the occasion'' so you see you are putting men off with this personality to the point that fail because you expect them too.

4.Your post comes across as very cold, clinical and full of loneliness.

Maybe something has made you to become like this maybe something you cannot even remember and you should really stop interactions with other people until you find out what and until you become mentally healthier and even mature enough to deserve interactions with the man of your choice.

Also beauty never wins over personality, maybe at a sprint sometimes but never in the marathon.

I hope you get the help you need and become a happier person, best wishes.

Rubberchikken

is there any chance the hatred you direct towards these guys is actually being directed to you?
is it only guys that you hook up with temporarily that you get angry with?
tbh i'd say a bit of counselling would help you get you emotions in some sort of order. you are honest and willing to admit these feelings and that's excellent.
best of leuck.