The kindness of strangers.

x Purple Pawprints x

Hello ladies (and gents)

Some of you will know that I've been posting in TLL and on Boards for quite a while but this is only one of a handful of times where I've actually started a thread.

I had an odd experience last night. An odd one, but quite a nice one nonetheless. I was out having a few drinks with some friends when a girl walked up, sat down beside me and said "You're stunning, but I know you don't believe me..." I was taken aback to say the least. I can't remember what I said, I probably mumbled a "thank you" and blushed!

It actually turned out she knew my friend who was sitting beside me at the time. She then proceeded to tell me that she could see it in my eyes that I'm not confident in myself and told me that I should believe in myself, and that I'm worth a whole lot more than I think. I honestly didn't know what to say. I know she was definitely drunk. But she was right, I doubt myself constantly even though I'm a thousand times more confident than I used to be.

So, I suppose my question is this: Has a stranger, or anyone, ever said anything to you that made you stop and think about yourself, or your life in a different way?

I really enjoyed myself last night, but I honestly couldn't believe that girl had said those things. She doesn't know me, yet she could say something about me that was 100% correct. She really got me thinking. I'm thinking that maybe I am worth more than I think, maybe things will work out how I want them, maybe I will find what I want in my life, if I just believe in myself that little bit more.

Little bit of a random post but I really wanted to share that little story. There are so many negative posts on here, and online in general. I decided to post something positive and see if I can get people to share some of their experiences.

eviltwin

I think if someone said that to me I'd be quite irritated actually

D Trent

I changed a tyre for a lady once

Edit- oh Jesus Christ I'm after posting in the ladies lounge unbeknownst to myself

jca

I find that all the time. Girls who are very attractive don't think they are at all.

jca

D Trent wrote: »

I changed a tyre for a lady once

Edit- oh Jesus Christ I'm after posting in the ladies lounge unbeknownst to myself

Oops so am I. I didn't realise it was the LL, but shur now that I'm here.......

meeeeh

eviltwin wrote: »

I think if someone said that to me I'd be quite irritated actually

If someone would say something like that it would make me quite uncomfortable. In fact a drunk gob****e told me how good looking and stunning and blah blah blah I am (it went on and on) and how I should model her jewellery. Later the same night she said to her bf that I must be some sort of a victim of abuse because someone like me wouldn't be with a fat guy like my bf. It was insulting on so many levels but there is a longer and quite funny story to it.

I have to admit that it did make my day when her school mate she didn't see for a long time told my mother how good looking I am. Mum wouldn't even tell me but we were just talking about something and I said to mum how I know I will never be good looking but that's ok. Mum said we'll I was just talking to so and so and she saw you the other day... That made me smile.

I was also approached by some very weird people through the years who commented on my personality or problems without really knowing me and that drives me mad. I am usually very guarded about my emotions, even emotionally stunned so I really don't like when people try to prod into my feelings or personality.

x Purple Pawprints x

I guess people are just different then. I don't get compliments so it was nice. I was a bit uncomfortable just because I didn't know the girl but that's it. I know she wasn't being insulting.

sullivlo

eviltwin wrote: »

I think if someone said that to me I'd be quite irritated actually

Me too, but only because my self confidence is so cripplingly low that I can't believe anyone would say anything nice about me. So I'd get irritated at my own inability to accept a compliment.

A few weeks ago I was in the gym working out and a stranger came over to me and complimented me on my weight loss since Christmas. Which was very kind of him to say. It really put a pep in my step for the rest of the workout.

Chattastrophe!

She sounds like a very rude and extremely presumptuous individual, but I'm happy for you that you seem to have something good out of the experience.

x Purple Pawprints x

She was a bit over emotional because she's apparently had quite a hard time lately and her daughter just turned one. My friend told me later that she'd been in quite a bad car accident a few months back. I seem to have had quite a different reaction than everyone else. Little bit embarrassed now but it made me stop and think.

meeeeh

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

She was a bit over emotional because she's apparently had quite a hard time lately and her daughter just turned one. My friend told me later that she'd been in quite a bad car accident a few months back. I seem to have had quite a different reaction than everyone else. Little bit embarrassed now but it made me stop and think.

I think the context and personality of people involved are important. I didn't want to derail the thread or make you feel uncomfortable it is just that almost whenever I got those compliments they were a bit awkward. I am not photogenic so that one going on about taking the photos of me was just tiring even before she got really insulting. I remember being told in Mexico by a painter that I have great cheek bones for a portrait and I quite liked that one. I think it depends whether person saying it is believable.

x Purple Pawprints x

It wasn't the comment tbh, it was more the conversation that followed because I do have very little confidence in myself, so I suppose I just didn't realise that other people could see that in me as well, if you know what I mean. Maybe it was alcohol talking in her case though. Still, alcohol or no alcohol, she was right about me in that regard.

Roesy

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

She was a bit over emotional because she's apparently had quite a hard time lately and her daughter just turned one. My friend told me later that she'd been in quite a bad car accident a few months back. I seem to have had quite a different reaction than everyone else. Little bit embarrassed now but it made me stop and think.

PP, it's how it made you feel is what counts. I'm not sure how the encounter would have made me feel to be honest. It's nice to get a compliment and I am getting better at accepting them in my old age but only if I feel the person is genuine.

woodchuck

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

She was a bit over emotional because she's apparently had quite a hard time lately and her daughter just turned one. My friend told me later that she'd been in quite a bad car accident a few months back. I seem to have had quite a different reaction than everyone else. Little bit embarrassed now but it made me stop and think.

For what it's worth, I'd be very happy if that happened to me too PP

eviltwin

If you got something from it then that is the important thing and who knows, maybe in the same situation I would feel differently but imagine if it had been a man who said this, it would be seen as patronising. I never really understood compliments on the basis of looks because we don't have any input in that and why should it matter anyway. As for the comments on your confidence, how can you tell all that from someone's eyes? I'm sure she meant it well and everything but if someone came up to me when I'm trying to enjoy myself and started pointing out my flaws it would rankle.

woodchuck

eviltwin wrote: »

If you got something from it then that is the important thing and who knows, maybe in the same situation I would feel differently but imagine if it had been a man who said this, it would be seen as patronising. I never really understood compliments on the basis of looks because we don't have any input in that and why should it matter anyway. As for the comments on your confidence, how can you tell all that from someone's eyes? I'm sure she meant it well and everything but if someone came up to me when I'm trying to enjoy myself and started pointing out my flaws it would rankle.

Looks shouldn't matter, but they do to a lot of people. And I would've thought that there are plenty of people with low self esteem that would welcome a compliment! I know I would anyway. Sometimes I see people who look very well (either naturally, or dressed very stylishly etc), but I never say anything to them because I assume they'll think I'm a weirdo (judging by the majority of the comments on here that would be true :P). But I'd love if it we could all just compliment each other whenever the thought pops into our heads... wouldn't the world be a much happier place!?

As for the comments about self confidence, some people are just very perceptive to body language etc. From the sounds of it she didn't mean anything negative by it, she was just trying to emphasis that the OP should take the compliment as genuine.

x Purple Pawprints x

Beginning to think I'm the weird one now!

x Purple Pawprints x

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

Beginning to think I'm the weird one now!

You were the one actually there, so nobody can have the same context as you. Most communication is non verbal so we can't really get the same image of the conversation that you do. You felt it was nice, and you feel good after it, so thats all that counts and there's nothing weird about that at all .

I'm glad you gained from it, but I do think it could have been a risky thing to do with most people. I don't think I'd be flattered personally, but who knows?

SueBoom

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

Beginning to think I'm the weird one now!

I wouldn't really be worrying about how other people might react to it. You appreciated it and it made you feel good, that's all that should matter for you.

I don't think it would annoy me but I do think I'd find it strange but then again I don't know how it was said. It all depends.

shalalala

If I saw someone that was very pretty that seemed nervous or insecure. I would tell them so. I don't see it being a bad thing to do. I actually did this with a woman waiting at my bus stop once. She kept checking herself in the mirror. I told her she looked lovely and not to worry. She looked so relieved and happy and we ended up chatting for the whole bus journey

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Chattastrophe!

shalalala wrote: »

If I saw someone that was very pretty that seemed nervous or insecure. I would tell them so. I don't see it being a bad thing to do. I actually did this with a woman waiting at my bus stop once. She kept checking herself in the mirror. I told her she looked lovely and not to worry. She looked so relieved and happy and we ended up chatting for the whole bus journey

I think that if I was feeling nervous or insecure, someone commenting on it would make me feel even more nervous and insecure.

It's great that, in your case, the woman seemed to take it well. Personally I'd have found your comment quite patronising, and I really wouldn't have appreciated it.

shalalala

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

I think that if I was feeling nervous or insecure, someone commenting on it would make me feel even more nervous and insecure.

It's great that, in your case, the woman seemed to take it well. Personally I'd have found your comment quite patronising, and I really wouldn't have appreciated it.

How is telling someone that they look lovely and not to worry being patronising?! If I said "oh you poor dear, you are so nervous about going out but don't worry that little head of yours, you look so pretty" then I could see your point.

Chattastrophe!

shalalala wrote: »

How is telling someone that they look lovely and not to worry being patronising?! If I said "oh you poor dear, you are so nervous about going out but don't worry that little head of yours, you look so pretty" then I could see your point.

If I'm feeling insecure about my looks, the last thing I want is someone commenting on it - because then I'll not just be feeling insecure about my looks, I'll also be feeling self-conscious of the fact that I'm so obviously visibly insecure that random strangers feel the need to pass comment on it!

I don't think Purple Pawprints was expecting her story to be picked apart so much! Let's just take it as a story of kindness which she wanted to share, and as per her opening post if anyone has any other stories related to "The kindness of strangers" they would like to share - post them here.

Thanks guys.

x Purple Pawprints x

I really didn't think people would react so negatively to the story to be perfectly honest.

Anyway, it was a positive experience for me so I suppose that's all that matters.

Misticles

I was walking back to my house in hysterics crying and a lady who was walking her dog saw I was distressed and walked over to me asking was I ok. I mumbled through tears that I was but she kept asking and looked genuinely worried.

I think that was very nice of her to show concern. Not often it happens, most wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Chattastrophe!

For the record, my last two points were relating to shalalala's post, which I had quoted, not to your experience xPPx!

As I had mentioned earlier, I'm happy for you that you got something positive out of your own encounter.

Daisies

I was visiting my cousin in London before going back to Africa this time last year. I had a backpack, a big suitcase and a small carry on suitcase. My cousin lived near a tube station that had no lift and when arriving and leaving I would struggle at the stairs and both times people came over and helped me with my bags. Just something small but it was hot, I was frustrated and I really appreciated it.

Neyite

Toddler was having an epic tantrum because I wouldnt let him play on the escalator in Dunnes so right in the detergents aisle, had a lie-down-kicking-the-floor-screaming tantrum. I try not to care too much about what people think and it can be stressful, but I do have to teach him that tantys dont bring results or sweets, and have to ride this phase out until he gets the message and learns to behave in public for me.

While waiting for him to run out of steam a middle aged lady was coming towards me with her trolley. You know the type, the ones who will sniff disapprovingly at lax mothering and mutter something about sparing a rod and spoiling the child.

Except she didnt. She smiled down at him as if he was being angelicly endearing and not the snotty little red faced ball of rage he was at the time, patted my arm, smiled at me and said "Ah, that takes me back, mine are all grown and gone. Hang in there, it gets easier. You are doing a great job"

It was just a little thing, but that support and understanding from someone instead of the expected rolleyes and passive aggressive sighs meant so much to me that day.

iwantmydinner

You know, I actually can't think of any particular stories about strangers being kind - in the sense that all the little kindnesses I've received from strangers have been rather of the everyday/common-or-garden type situations that don't tend to stick in the memory. I do make a conscious effort to be a kind stranger though. You never know what a person's day has been like so if I can be kind or helpful to someone, I do my best.

Oh! I was out with a group of girls last weekend though, and one girl - who I hadn't met before the night out - said at one point that she thought I was lovely and she was glad we'd met! Super cute. I plan to make sure we see each other again.

xzanti

eviltwin wrote: »

I think if someone said that to me I'd be quite irritated actually

Me too, it would be up there with someone I don't know calling me "Pet"

*Twitch*

Precious flower

Purple Pawprints, I think what she said to you was lovely and the fact that she meant it because drunk people are obviously going to say what they think. I dont think she meant the whole "you dont look confident" in a cruel way, id say she just wanted to contrastvthe way that you were attractive but couldnt in her opinion see it yourself.

We should all really compliment either more! I agree with another poster who said that you would be reluctant to tell someone how nice they looked/pretty/ nice person even though it would more than likely really brighten their day.

This might be stupid but being told I was "A very nice girl" is one of the best things that people who I have worked with or just strangers have seen about me really genuinely and just said it.

I make an effort to be as nice to people as possible and it is really nice when people tell you that they think you're a nice person. One day when I was working a child who told me I had a kind face and seemed nice when her mother jokingly threatened to leave her with me!!

Ambersky

Years ago I did a course in co counseling and one of the exercises was interesting and reminds me a bit of the OP. I think this exercise was designed to draw our attention to how much information we communicate about ourselves non verbally, as well as how common the ability to pick up on that information is. The exercise also shows how we are often wrong in our guesses about others but what shocked most people was how often others were right about them.

So after the group had done a bit of mixing around, shared a cup of coffee etc we were asked to split up into twos. Both people would sit facing one another and the idea in all these exercises was one person listened and one talked. The listener was not suppose to nod, smile, agree or speak at all, until the exercise was over. The speaker began with "I would say you ........................." and they would continue guessing about the other persons level of patience, humour, where they would be most comfortable, if they have children, what kind of work they would you do etc. One of the main things about co counseling was learning to listen and not just to what someone was verbally saying.

I found it fascinating to hear what others thought about me. It gave me loads to think about even in the bits I disagreed with, like were they right, were there aspects to me Im not fully conscious of that are apparent to others. Sometimes people seemed to present a kind of held back impression to the world and others could see the potential beneath that surface anyway.

Id like to say in this exercise mostly people were kind. I suppose in this environment with people working on their own stuff and wanting also to be of assistance to others the group was predisposed to kindness of a sort anyway. But I think a lot of people especially those a bit more sensitive to others are basically kind. I can well understand that someone, a complete stranger even, feeling the freedom to express whats in their own head about you to you, their imaginings and their well wishes could be a really nice experience. I think you know where something like that is coming from when you are there in the situation and I think the OP had a good positive experience.

I just want to say to the OP that I have had similar experiences with people I didnt know and it was a positive expericene for me too.
It can be kind of validating that your efforts to be a good person, to do the best you can, that it is a bit of a struggle, that you are really trying and not doing too bad either, can sometimes be seen and appreciated by others. Its also a kind of feeling of not being alone and of being in this together, an expression of our interconnectedness in a way that means no harm.
I like validations and I think I really like them from strangers now that I think about it and the few times it has happened Ive remembered and held onto the nice feeling it created for a very long time.

UpCork

On the train back to Cork today a man in our carriage got a weakness over him and passed out momentarily. A call went out over the tannoy for medical assistance and at least 5 people came running varying from people know knew first aid to a 3rd year Dutch (I think!) medical student who is on holidays in Ireland. We all had to rummage in our bags for something sweet to give him quickly to bring him to. The trainee medical student was deemed by the others most qualified so he sat with him for a good 45 minutes - incident happened not long out of Heuston. He just sat with him to make sure he was OK. Train hostess said she'd call an ambulance for man at next stop but he refused saying he'd be OK. Thankfully he was - later he needed to use the bathroom - his wife was worried about him walking down the carriage on his own given what happened - the man across the way in the aisle offered to walk down to bathroom with him in case he got a funny turn on walking etc.

Really showed me that it is only the small little things that count. Nothing major was done but the man kept thanking everyone and seemed so moved by their care.