An honest answer please

tempura

Two bottles of wine, four nights a week

Is that a drinking problem.

emer_b

2 bottles on each of 4 nights a week (8 total), for one person?
Yes that's a problem

tempura

I thought so.



its not me, it my partner, he doesn't think it is, but I think I have a long battle ahead of me.


thank you for your honest answer.

emer_b

I guess if you added up the actual units of alcohol in 8 bottles of wine it would give you an idea of how much higher that is than the recommended intake.
I think 2 bottles of wine in one night is a lot to drink, might happen occasionally at a party/celebration, but consistently on 4 nights per week....that's a lot.
My partner would often drink one bottle, 4/5 nights per week, and that bothers me sometimes.
I'm no expert on whether 8 bottles puts that person in alcoholic territory but it definitely has serious health implications.

JillyQ

tempura wrote: »

Two bottles of wine, four nights a week

Is that a drinking problem.

If that was me I think I would still feel tipsy the following day. I think it is a problem.

xLisaBx

It depends. If he insists on drinking all 8 each week and cannot cope with any less ,then yes. If he likes to drink 8 but doesn't necessarily need them, then he might just be really fond of drink.
One can be an alcoholic who NEEDS to drink a bottle a week.
Another person does not have a problem although they drink many bottles a week because they CHOOSE to and ENJOY it. They don't NEED it.

Grandpa Hassan

xLisaBx wrote: »

It depends. If he insists on drinking all 8 each week and cannot cope with any less ,then yes. If he likes to drink 8 but doesn't necessarily need them, then he might just be really fond of drink.
One can be an alcoholic who NEEDS to drink a bottle a week.
Another person does not have a problem although they drink many bottles a week because they CHOOSE to and ENJOY it. They don't NEED it.

That seems like semantics to me

Lux23

Regardless of whether or not they are actually an alcoholic, 8 bottles of wine a week is really bad for your health. I would consider myself a binge drinker, I can have one or two, but if I go on to my third or fourth drink - well that's me drinking two bottles of wine. I would do once a week at most and that's bad enough, doing it four times is very dangerous.

If they don't believe it's unhealthy, well maybe they should go to the doctor and get their bloods done and see what comes back. That kind of drinking could kill someone, especially a smaller female.

Eeden

tempura wrote: »

I thought so.



its not me, it my partner, he doesn't think it is, but I think I have a long battle ahead of me.


thank you for your honest answer.

If you think it is, then it is. It doesn't matter whether he thinks it is or not. It's a problem for you. And by the way, you won't be able to change his attitude.

Merkin

The recommended weekly allowance for a man is 21 units and each bottle of wine alone contains 10 units. So on any given week he is drinking almost four times the recommended weekly amount but more worryingly he is exceeding the recommended daily maximum of three units daily by over three times as much. I think we've all been guilty of going over our recommended guidelines but to drink so heavily and on such a sustained basis is really bad for him. The liver is a truly phenomenal organ with a wonderful ability to regenerate but worryingly does not often cause a problem until damage is significant and advanced. There probably is something to be said for him having three weekly booze free days but the heavy binge drinking will a. cause long term damage b. his tolerance will increase and c. he'll get to the stage where he will need to drink to feel normal or better. I think he needs to get his liver function done with his GP and look at cutting down drastically.

username123

It's surprising that the question would even need to be asked regarding that volume of alcohol weekly.

Irish people generally are in denial about what constitutes responsible drinking and our whole culture is built around regular binge drinking as an acceptable method of socialising and every big celebration is marked by massive alcohol consumption also.

Even within the above context, 2 bottle of wine, 4 times weekly, is a huge amount of alcohol to be consuming consistently.

Your partner is in denial OP. I suggest you have a think about Alanon for yourself. You can't fix his drinking, you can only help yourself.

tempura

tempura wrote: »

Two bottles of wine, four nights a week

Is that a drinking problem.

On the human continuum of drinking it is at the worrying end. But no one can say 100% is is a problem. It all depends on the person and their metabolism and their life and their situation and more.

Some people can simply handle that much and be a-ok with it for their entire life. Others can have a problem at only a fraction of the quantity you are talking about.

Things to look for are:

1) Dependency. Is this something the person needs and can not get by without it? Can they go without it or do they get narky, needy, desperate or under go personality changes.

2) Life detriments. Are they allowing the drinking to affect them in negative ways in their life? Are they missing work or working drunk or hung over and not to the best of their ability? Are they missing appointments? Losing interest in aspects of life they otherwise used to invest time in - such as friends, cooking, healthy eating, excercise, contacting and nurturing relations with family, spending time with their kids, walking the dog - anything at all.

3) changes in mood - energy levels - libido - romantic gestures or other attributes of your relationship.

As I say some people can handle such quantities but the higher the quantitties the lesser the probability any given person IS "one of those" and I repeat 8 bottles a week is on the higher end of the scale. Most of the people I know - myself included - who worried about their drinking and put a stop to it did so at 3 or 4 bottles a week.

A few things put me off drinking in my life - seeing what i was like drunk - seeing what other people were like drunk - and so forth was the biggest. But also noticing how much I was drinking on a "binge" worried me too. I would only drink one night a week. But on such a night I was drinking 6 half litre bottles of beer and then washing it down with 2 bottles of wine.

The idea of drinking that 4 nights a week rather than 1 - is far beyond anything I would have even contemplated.

As for advice on how to confront your partner on this - simply confronting them for drinking too much is likely not going to help. Just irritate them and start a festering war of resentment on both sides.

Rather if you notice anything in 1 2 and 3 above bring these up in a worried, concerned but supportive manner, not confrontational. For example one friend we had got seriously drunk a lot for a period of time and let us all down in a number of ways. Including his partner. I advised people not to confront him directly about being alcoholic or drinking too much - including his partner - but instead to simply call him up and say "Ah dude ya let me down on X - what happened is everything ok?" and eventually he started saying "Ah I drank too much - sorry I let you down - its been happening more and more lately" at which point we were able to reply with things like "Ah that sucks dude - if ya wanna tackle that head on let me know - there to help and all that ok mate?" and eventually he came to us for help - got it - and is ok now.

Were we to have confronted him from the start saying "Yer some ass for letting us down - its the drinking causing this - sort it out or else" and other confrontational approaches - it likely would have pushed him further into it rather than drawn him out of it.

In summary: Make sure such a person is seeing the failings their drinking is causing and the hurt and harm - so they get there by themselves - rather than attempting to drag them to this realization kicking and screaming.

Also attempt to find out what this person is using drink as a crutch for. Is there something wrong in this persons life? Lack of hobbies? Boredom? Worry? Lack of goals or challenges? And attempt - without making it about drink - to address these issues and perhaps the alcohol issue will also improve itself. That is - treat the cause rather than the symptoms. That way the alcohol doesn't become an issue but you still confront the issue indirectly and cure it by proxy in other ways.

All of this advice is general I admit as your OP and second post are vague so my advice is equally as vague. Do feel free to update us with any and all information on this - regardless of how insignificant you feel it may be - that we may be able to advise you further.

As you say you have a "battle" here but it might not have to be a full frontal war - but there may be better and more effective ways to go about it and I - along with many people who invest time in trying to help on this forum - are more than willing to invest as much time as you in attempting to find the best path for you.

I have helped a lot of people with addiction too through an entirely free guided meditation course I run here in Maynooth. Both through the meditation and through other things I do for them as friends or contacts outside of meditation. So as I say - keep coming back for advice. Its here - its free - and best of all it comes without you having to use it after reading it

mrty

tempura wrote: »

Two bottles of wine, four nights a week

Is that a drinking problem.

I think so try and have one or two a week for a few weeks see how your body reacts, that'll give you your answer.

gugleguy

Try the period in your first post OP

’on the dry’

You should be honest enough to know what I mean.

Merkin

gugleguy wrote: »

Try the period in your first post OP

’on the dry’

You should be honest enough to know what I mean.

??

mickrock

Just because someone is a heavy drinker doesn't necessarily mean they have a drinking problem.

If the downsides of the drinking are minimal the drinker will not regard it as a problem.

evolving_doors

mickrock wrote: »

Just because someone is a heavy drinker doesn't necessarily mean they have a drinking problem.

If the downsides of the drinking are minimal the drinker will not regard it as a problem.

If you can't cease any unnecessary habit voluntarily then its a problem.
I think there might be a weebit of a downside to drinking that much too.. namely health.

mickrock

Armelodie wrote: »

If you can't cease any unnecessary habit voluntarily then its a problem.

Who determines whether a habit is necessary or not?

There are lots of habits that are "unnecessary" but people carry on with them because they find them enjoyable.

Armelodie wrote: »

I think there might be a weebit of a downside to drinking that much too.. namely health.

True, but some may have constitutions that allow them to drink quite heavily without adverse effects.

evolving_doors

mickrock wrote: »

Who determines whether a habit is necessary or not?

There are lots of habits that are "unnecessary" but people carry on with them because they find them enjoyable.




True, but some may have constitutions that allow them to drink quite heavily without adverse effects.

Wake up Joe, if he aint getting a bang off the first bottle and he feels the need for a second (times 4} then he has a bad habit.

Its unnecessary because it doesnt benefit him in any way, unlike a necessary habit like say brushing your teeth or checking the blind spot on the left whilst driving.

Theres enjoying a drink then theres just drinking to get drunk most nights a week, constitution is all well and good but what about the mental effects.

As I said, if you want to find out if you have a bad habit then try stopping ....if its not that big a deal after a week or two then its not a bad habit if its is then it is.

mickrock

Armelodie wrote: »

Wake up Joe, if he aint getting a bang off the first bottle and he feels the need for a second (times 4} then he has a bad habit.

Its unnecessary because it doesnt benefit him in any way

Drinking this amount mightn't benefit you but it might benefit him. He might be loving the effects without experiencing any significant downsides; lots of pleasure and little pain.

Because his drinking patterns don't conform to what's considered "normal" it doesn't necessarily follow that he has a problem.

(Over time the pleasure/pain balance might swing the other way and he might then consider that he has a problem.)

Tokyo

There are other fora for debate and discussion forum guys - posts that address the OP's question from here on in only please.

Regards,
Mike

Thomas D

A single bottle a night for most nights of the week is a alcoholic behaviour.

Paddycrumlinman

Here's the key to your problem, Ask him for ****s and Giggles to stop the drinking for a week. You see with problem drinking, stopping is the easy part, it's staying off the drink is the hard part. If he can quit for a week without any issues, great, you need to discuss the health implications of him choosing to drink 8 bottles in one week.

The key, can he stop and stay stopped for a period of time and how does it affect him when he attempts to stop drinking.

RossFixxxed

2 bottles of wine.... Jesus, that's a LOT of alcohol. Being honest if it was a big night out then yeah the odd binge isn't recommended BUT we've all done it. 4 times a week though is way too much to my mind. The 2 bottles is a lot of hammering on the liver, and it adds up quick. Often what actually causes the damage in drinkers is malnutrition. I've seen it first hand, the booze replaces meals at times, or at least stops the appetite and that's where confusion, delerium and the beginnings of brain damage happen. I'm not suggesting that is happening, but it's enough booze to certainly throw your body into shock.


Even assuming he's about 15 stone, this is well into the "Possibility of temporary alcohol poisoning" stage, and bordering into "Possibility of death". There's also a lot more risks around there, decreased respiration and so on.

Even if he isn't "experencing" the downsides there are downsides. You have to pay the piper with any drug like this, and there are a lot of physological effets of a high quantity of alcohol like this. Everyone has different tolerances, but that doesn't mean your liver, heart etc are able for it. I knew a guy who died at 39 of a heart attack attributed to drinking and smoking. It takes its toll in the background.

Just to be clear: NOT a medical professional or an expert on any of this, but I've seen a lot of damage caused by alcohol over the years.

kjl

Not only a problem but a bad one.

Alcoholism is sneaky, most people are blissfully aware they have a problem until it's really bad. It sounds to me like your partner is in a very strong denial mode.

KungPao

Clearly it's a problem. I'd recommend a slow reduction, like knocking one day off, so have 3 days instead, for a week and see if he's okay with that. And then hopefully continue reducing bit by bit.

Does he only drink wine? Is a switch to beer possible?

I only drink beer and drink up to 6% stuff, but if I feel like I am getting a little fond of it, I'll cut back to pissy 4 - 4.2 % stuff, and reduce intake. I find that helps me control my drinking and no the other way around.

2 bottles of wine is a lot! I'd be falling over after that.

Colonel_McCoy

yes