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The Doctor is in
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11-07-2014 9:26am#1
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Dammit man, I'm a doctor not a mechanic. I am legally required to spend 47 hours on a golf course after every patient.
Now, who is next?
Aha, well we should examine this in detail.
Firstly FEAR is merely False Evidence Appearing Real, so I guess we should check if you have been travelling to any alternate realities, perhaps on a vacation or business trip?
Depending on your travel agent it may have looked like this?
This FEAR you think you have is quite contagious, however easily treated with high doses of LSD.
Next we should really check if turning into an eagle is such a negative thing, I mean it is not really like turning into a lane, just take a look at this.
I am sorry but I think not wanting to be an eagle is indicative of a much more troubling underlying problem, have you had any compulsive obsessions you cannot control lately? Like if your lungs suddenly and without warning inhaled oxygen for a few seconds every few seconds?
Of course being a vulture is well...
and we can hardly ignore the vultures infamy
Hwever we all have to eat at sometime or other in our lives.
So in conclusion, cut - don't cut, just as a matter of interest, should you choose to cut them...how, how much would you be looking for them??? per nail?0 -
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C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »Not much of a Doctor thread, this. Typical, ask a question today, get an answer when they return from their fitness to practice hearing:rolleyes:
Actually all I wanted to know is if I could have a few sausage and bacon rolls now and again- not everyday mind, just once in a while
Fine, I have been in a whole 20 minutes and seen one patient, I have not had enough whiskey to wake myself up yet, but sure I will see another patient this week.
Unfortunately I will be forced to triple the price - 9 unguis sculptures.
Now your Symptoms seem very clear, I have not seen a case quite like this one.
But I do remember an occasion during one of those tedious Fitness To Practice hearings, a colleague I met while on trial for gross misconduct, He assisted me to extract a demon from the judge. In all fairness I do think they would have executed me that time, if I had not sensed the presence of a Demon in the courtroom. Once again proving that having the only qualification to see and excise demons in a room saved me. This fellow practitioner was merely a novice in exorcism though I found his help most rewarding on that occasion.
After securing my freedom, we reconvened to the pub to celebrate a job well done, when he spoke of an amulet, whose trail he had been following through a mysterious and blood soaked thread all the way back to 1996 where it's story began.
Legend has it the amulet was crafted from the world cup stolen in 1983, Rumored to contain an incantation to summon Michael Collins heself. He went on to tell me about how he traced the amulet, with his wife of 15 years, for the past 15 years! But while together they managed to unearth the key to the amulet - at which point he showed me the key
Which of course he wrapped in a silver silk scarf. He recalled vividly how upon touching the key his wife melted into a pool of goop, It really was fantastically concise yet it had such simplistic thorough detailing of the environmental factors to drag you right into that cave in the shadowy light watching as she locked eyes with him twice, before letting his blood from her dagger, fall into the center of the dais unlocking it, finally allowing her to plunge her hand inside the prison to release the key. And the way he described her look of realization to know her final error as the corrosive acid began its easy task, was amazing to hear.
During a brief pause in the story, while at the bar ordering two more drinks, I realized I was a bit bored of this story and decided to call a taxi
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Hey doc, anytime I have a cold, my left nostril runs more than my right. Do you know why this is?
I have had to consult with the books on the 'cold' you mentioned and although they started out very cagey, it is a Sunday night which I guess would be their night off, I am unsure as I do not generally socialize with books - I just was not brought up that way. However after a little small talk, they were happy to help, if you do notice symptoms of this cold, gather firewood from your local pharmacist, and place beneath feet. Purchase some medically sterile matches and apply to the firewood to prevent the cold from spreading, while fighting the cold at the source.
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Now down to your nostril issue, the left one is it?
Running fast. So fast nostril, I will just run some tests.
And I see we have the results now I will just fetch my medical dictionary for...all of these words, and
I'm Sorry to have to be one to tell you, Your Left nostril has tested positive for EPO, I believe it is in training for a marathon or some kind of cycling tournament given these levels of blood-doping. The good news is that your right nostril is running on time but has developed an inferior complex towards the left, I would recommend a separation now, but I broke my lightsaber yesterday fishing for lobsters.
Luckily it broke before it evaporated the ocean
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C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »Where's Doctor Foster. I always see Doctor Foster in this surgery:(
Doctor foster has been fired for dukeing the stats, calling dead patients who were actually alive, The health system is a numbers game and we have to make sure that enough people are dying every day, as there is a lot of hungry mouths to feed!
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When choosing a foundation for your patio, people is the most obvious choice, although if you are planning on keeping cock-horses around it will be necessary to make a very deep foundation as they will dig up the patio to get to the delicious bodies. also as a side note if you can it is advisable to leave the arms and legs protruding from the foundation to support a table and chair set which will look fantastic.
As for the growth on your knee, I believe it is a fungal infection, which is nothing to worry about for at least 2-3 hours. After that you will begin to turn into...
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Oh sweet Zombie Jesus, you've got it!
Introducing the all-new fandangled patent-unending CRACK-WINDOW
This should sort the easily placated from the thrill seekers!
( Your service provider has deems this emoji to be, too damaging and graphic
to be viewed by, you, anybody you know and other. )
I am sorry friend but it looks like your time is up! It is almost tuesday morning, which means I am almost 12 hours overdue om my midweek halfweek vacation. Bon Somthing!0 -
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Deeply unsatisfactory levels of calm on the ward these days, If I hear one more sensible thing being uttered down these hallowed halls I will be calling of the ghost of Sarky to restore disorder.
This guy gets it, let the madness out and shake it all about.
What a fuckin NUT, I bet once he is off the meds he will be great craic.0 -
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aHHHH Finally a new Volunteer\Patient.Doc, what kind of a thread is this?????????
To answer your question...Please take a seat!
people from all over the world roam through these doors because they seek to escape the shallow and empty boredom of their ordinary everyday lives.
And I tell each and every one of them. "shhh, there their they're. The world is anything but boring, The problem is you are boring!"
But there is Hope
I suppose I should say for future litigious actions. "Doc and Doctor are more nicknames than formal titles".
I specialise in the careful diagnosis and treatment of everything that 'they' are hiding from you, you will not find anything in my clinic in your standard medical texts.
NURSE, 10cc [font=arial, sans-serif]Sodium Pentothal for me, and a jar of honey-mustard for my friend here.[/font]0 -
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