Wedding alone...only single person going.

therealme

So my friend of many years is getting married in two weeks - around 100 people attending.
I was ok with going until my last two single friends announced they were bringing their new partners.
I am now REALLY dreading the thoughts of it. I'm mid 30's, female and single. Am the only one of my gang not in a relationship - don't have a desire to have one but also it gets harder to meet someone as you get older.
The thoughts of going to the church on my own, reception and meal, the cringe dancing and the end of the night when everybody gets drunk and couply is really stressing me out.
Same weekend there is something else going on and I can't get a plus one for the day.
Would it be bad not to go???

5p9arw38djv2b4

therealme wrote: »

So my friend of many years is getting married in two weeks - around 100 people attending.
I was ok with going until my last two single friends announced they were bringing their new partners.
I am now REALLY dreading the thoughts of it. I'm mid 30's, female and single. Am the only one of my gang not in a relationship - don't have a desire to have one but also it gets harder to meet someone as you get older.
The thoughts of going to the church on my own, reception and meal, the cringe dancing and the end of the night when everybody gets drunk and couply is really stressing me out.
Same weekend there is something else going on and I can't get a plus one for the day.
Would it be bad not to go???

If its a good friend you should go for their sake, the day is about them - but only go to the church and meal if you feel uncomfortable?

therealme

LadyLabyrinth wrote: »

If its a good friend you should go for their sake, the day is about them - but only go to the church and meal if you feel uncomfortable?

Thanks LadyLabyrinth.
To be honest the church and meal are as bad as the night. I know it's their day but the thoughts of the next two weeks and then the day itself is causing me to feel really stressed.
It is a good friend and I do feel very bad but the more I think about it the more I don't think I can face it.

Virgil°

If its a good friend and your absence would be noticed i really think it's a poor excuse not to go because you're stressed about being the only one on your own there.

Unless you plan on just sitting by yourself sulking in a corner i don't see any reason that you can't go and at least try have a good time.

I recently went to a wedding where i was pretty much the only lad there who came by himself. I didn't care. I had some very merry chats with new people and the occasion was grand.

Not trying to be harsh but I really think you're making mountains out of molehills here.

Raminahobbin

You should go OP. I had to do pretty much the same thing in January- a good friend of mine was getting married and I didn't get a plus one. I knew only 2 of the guests at the wedding, but I hadn't seen either of them in about 7 or 8 years and I never REALLY got on with them anyway. I was dreading it, absolutely dreading it, but I didn't let it get to me and had a blast in the end. Everyone is very sociable at gatherings like this, and you'll find people to pal around with very easily- if you don't know what to talk about, just talk about how beautiful the bride looked! Every conversation I had with a stranger on the night started with this, more or less :P

Suck it up, for your friend, and just go. Don't let your nerves hold you back

therealme

Thanks for your reply. I don't plan on sitting in a corner but I do feel extremely uncomfortable where I only know a few people who will be there & most are in the bridal party so I won't even get to sit with them.
I think it is very different for a girl to be on her own than a guy. Maybe that's just me but I think it's more "socially acceptable". I asked my friend are there any non couples going but there aren't.

therealme

Thanks Raminahobbin. I know on the grand scale of things it's not a biggie but to me it is.

retro:electro

Why don't you bring a female friend? My sister who is in her late thirties got married recently and some of her close friends brought other female friends as their plus ones. Nobody looked at them any differently nor would they had they attended alone. I think you're overthinking this op, who knows you may even meet some an unattached hunk at the afters!

Guffy

Where is it? Blind date... what's the worst that can happen? Ha

miamee

Anytime I've been invited to bring a plus one to a wedding, I've always brought my sister. I know we will have a fun day regardless of how good or bad the wedding is and we share a room in the hotel if staying over. Going alone is mostly fine too, but bring a friend if you have a plus one - it really doesn't have to be a date just someone to keep you company and be your partner in crime for the day

Merkin

Bring a good friend with you and you'll have a blast!

R.D. aka MR.D

I'm female and went to a wedding on my own.

I don't think that it is socially unacceptable. I had lots of fun and just chatted to a bunch of people. As another poster said, people are generally friendly at these things.

I think that it would be kind of mean to miss your friends wedding just because you don't have a date.

Addle

You should go.
You won't be on your own, you have friends there.
I've never been to a wedding where just couples dance.
Usually there are lots of groups dancing, and pairs who dance together don't have to be a couple.

Typer Monkey

Can you not arrange to go to the church with one of your friends and their guest? The people you know there will be all mingling and talking together. They won't just be exclusively talking and dancing with their partners. Your friend will put you at a table with the people you know. It'd be different if you didn't know anyone there but the couple getting married. In that case I'd definitely bring a friend. Can you stay in the hotel so you have your room as a respite if you're feeling a bit awkward?

I wouldn't not attend a good friend's wedding for this reason alone. You can always leave after the meal if you really can't cope

CaraMay

It's really to late to pull out now. Even go to the church and meal as others suggested.

rock22

therealme wrote: »

Thanks LadyLabyrinth.
To be honest the church and meal are as bad as the night. I know it's their day but the thoughts of the next two weeks and then the day itself is causing me to feel really stressed.
It is a good friend and I do feel very bad but the more I think about it the more I don't think I can face it.

If you feel it is stressing you then don't go. It is not worth it.
Just let your friend, the bride, know you will not attend.

Meauldsegosha

I think it is really poor form not to go to the wedding. You will know people there and it's not like they will ignore you just because they have a partner with them.

Saipanne

Bring a mate.

IvyTheTerrible

I think you should go. You have friends that are going, they are not going to be glued to their boyfriends all night. I think it'll be actually more awkward for the new partners of your friends, they'll really know no-one.
Or bring a friend/sister!

Raminahobbin

therealme wrote: »

Thanks Raminahobbin. I know on the grand scale of things it's not a biggie but to me it is.

Oh, it was for me too. I was extremely anxious beforehand. I'm crap with new people and social situations, but it really was fine. At the reception afterwards some lad just leaned over and said he'd love a beer instead of this poncy wine, so we went and got a beer and everything else was fine after that.

The point of my story is not that beer makes everything okay ( ) but that people will just chat to you because you have something instantly in common with each other- the people getting married!

kbell

Op, a wedding can be a great place to meet people and hook up too, especially when the evening part kicks in and more people arrive
Just go and have fun!

username123

I'm female and I've gone to lots of weddings on my own. At one I was actually seated at a table of complete strangers and by the end of the night they were good pals with me!

I used to way prefer going alone than hunting up a plus one when I was single. On one memorable occasion there were a lot of single ladies and the only single man at the wedding was the wedding singer - I did indeed manage to score lol!

Weddings are generally good craic and there's always someone to talk to. It's good to be able to go to social events alone, what if you end up alone later in life, are you going to sit in all the time because you've no one to go to something with?

Rubberchikken

if you're finding it very difficult, then just don't go. it's not worth the stress.
but if you think you could manage the church and meal initially, then go and see how things are. when you're in company awhile, you might find it starts getting easier.

i dont think it's unusual for a single person to go to a wedding. in fact i'd say loads do, and you'll be with friends.

i also dont think it's the 'attending a wedding alone' that's upsetting you, but maybe the fact that you're single when you're friends aren't.
go easy on yourself. who knows who you might meet at the wedding;)

LegacyUser

I was at a wedding on my own a couple of weeks ago. Walking into the church on my own was the only time I felt a bit on my own. I got chatting to the people sitting next to me and I wasn't on my own at any stage after that.

I've been single at most of the weddings I've been to. It is never an issue with anyone else.

I've been at weddings where single girls invite their friends along when they get a plus one...

There is never a slow set other than the first dance and usually the dance floor is packed with everyone. Dinner is usually a good laugh and you get to know people at your table.

Go and enjoy yourself.

whiskeyman

Not all couples that go to weddings are joined at the hip either.
They'll both likely head and have the craic with the 'the lads' or 'the girls', so it's not as if you'll be a gooseberry.
Change your attitute and have a great time!

ongarboy

I know it's not ideal having to go to social events by yourself but really, a wedding isn't a couples event at all (apart from the bride and groom of course) so no one will be looking at you in that context of "look at her, on her own!" Of the many weddings I've gone to, people don't end up all couply at the end of the night, in fact, it's the exact opposite - it becomes a free for all dancing affair to Galway Girl, Rock the Boat and all the other cliched floor fillers or else everyone chatting to complete strangers at the bar as booze increasingly uninhibits them so I can't understand why you'd feel conspicuous.

If anything weddings are an open ended group or gathering event. It's the type of event where you always get individuals or couples who know the bride or groom but hardly anyone else so rarely are you the only one in that position and even then, others will be delighted to strike up a conversation with a new person even if you never see them again after the wedding. Considerate brides and grooms, when organising the seating plan will generally try to put people together where there is a good mix, eg perhaps some other solo guests will also be seated at your table.

Your friend wanted you to be there to celebrate her/his day with them - your reasons for not going are a little self centered but if you decide it's too much stress for you, then it's your prerogative.

ElleEm

When I went to a wedding alone in the past, I 'asked' a friend and her boyfriend could I be their plus one! We arrived together, were at the same table for the meal, and by the time the meal was over, I was comfortable mingling with everyone else. It is only ever awkward for the first couple of hours, but if you tell a friend your concerns first, they will include you. If you know people in the bridal party, then their partners will be looking for someone to hang around with during the important weddingy bits!

JeffKenna

OP,

I can't understand why you won't be able to hang around with the two orginal friends you were going with. Just because they will have a plus 1 with them doesn't mean they suddenly won't talk to you?

LegacyUser

JeffKenna wrote: »

OP,

I can't understand why you won't be able to hang around with the two orginal friends you were going with. Just because they will have a plus 1 with them doesn't mean they suddenly won't talk to you?

+1 as someone said above a wedding isn't really a couples event, I actually feel more sorry for OH's going as sometimes they only know the person they came with and can be left on their own unentintioanly for parts of the day when their partner goes to talk to people they know. I've never gone to a wedding with a partner, timing wise it I just never happened to be seeing someone and didn't want to have to entertain a friend all night when I knew I'd know people at the wedding. Most recent wedding my cousin brought his new GF whose from another country so knew no one, hadn't even met his mum before the wedding and while we did include her as much as possible there were points she was left out as she didn't know people and what we were talking about.

I'm not an out going persons so I can understand you might feel you can't be very forward and would feel better with someone with you but weddings are pretty easy social gatherings as you have an immediate taking point "how do you know the bride/groom" and while some couples are unable to separate from each other I think you'll find most aren't like that and even if they are what's wrong with taking to two people?

therealme

Hi all, thanks for the kind words...and the reality checks.
She is a good friend & I do want to support them. I'm freaking at the thoughts of 49 couples...and me!
I didn't mean to sound selfish & I go out of my way to help others...I have never been a big fan of weddings if I'm brutally honest.
I do find (over 50 weddings attended) if in a relationship at a wedding or not that singles do end up like sheep - the last wedding I went to (with my ex), I talked to a guy who was on his own for the night as people were not interacting with him & I saw he was relaxed and nice but people were in their own groups.
As for my 2 friends, I don't want to play gooseberry and have them feel they have to be minding me when they are both in new relationships.As I said the others i know will be in the bridal party so will be busy.
There is another event on the same day so I can't bring a friend (even 1 in a relationship!!) as I know they are all attending something else.
Also no, this isnot about me wanting a relationship as one person mentioned.
It genuinely isn't meant to sound selfish, but I still dread the thoughts of going.

ongarboy

Fair enough - if you've been to 50 + weddings, you know the score from your own personal experience of how much you enjoy or are comfortable with them. I don't blame you for having wedding fatigue tbh with that number!!

Maybe compromise and attend the church/civil ceremony and meal and leave thereafter. You'll have made your contribution without having to endure the entire night as well.

If it's any consolation, the wedding invites of friends start dropping big time once you hit late 30s...I'm glad to see the back of them!!:)

santana75

therealme wrote: »

Hi all, thanks for the kind words...and the reality checks.
She is a good friend & I do want to support them. I'm freaking at the thoughts of 49 couples...and me!
I didn't mean to sound selfish & I go out of my way to help others...I have never been a big fan of weddings if I'm brutally honest.
I do find (over 50 weddings attended) if in a relationship at a wedding or not that singles do end up like sheep - the last wedding I went to (with my ex), I talked to a guy who was on his own for the night as people were not interacting with him & I saw he was relaxed and nice but people were in their own groups.
As for my 2 friends, I don't want to play gooseberry and have them feel they have to be minding me when they are both in new relationships.As I said the others i know will be in the bridal party so will be busy.
There is another event on the same day so I can't bring a friend (even 1 in a relationship!!) as I know they are all attending something else.
Also no, this isnot about me wanting a relationship as one person mentioned.
It genuinely isn't meant to sound selfish, but I still dread the thoughts of going.

Im gonna go against the grain and say dont go if you really feel its something you wont enjoy. I went to a wedding by myself, it was a really good friend so I wanted to go for him, but bloody hell it was awkward. I dont drink so it I think a lot of people who go to weddings alone will rely on alcohol as a kind of crutch to get them through it but I didnt want to do that. I was seated at a table with all couples and when the meal ended they all got up and went off to do their own things. I was literally sitting there at the table by myself. I got up and went to my hotel room and just sat there until I heard the wedding band strike up. I really wanted to go home at that point but I went back down and tried to make an effort to mingle. But I found that the couples had clustered in groups and anytime I tried to talk to somebody they would politely say a few words but then return to their other half. I stayed the entire night but to be honest it was a test of endurance more than anything. I did stay only because the groom was a close friend but looking back on it I shouldn't have gone. The best thing to do would've been to go and talk to my friend face to face before the wedding and told him the truth about how I was feeling about the whole thing. I know he would've been cool with it and understood.

So I think thats your best bet OP, talk to your friend, explain to her how you're feeling, be honest and Im sure she'll be ok with it.

bee06

therealme wrote: »

Hi all, thanks for the kind words...and the reality checks.
She is a good friend & I do want to support them. I'm freaking at the thoughts of 49 couples...and me!
I didn't mean to sound selfish & I go out of my way to help others...I have never been a big fan of weddings if I'm brutally honest.
I do find (over 50 weddings attended) if in a relationship at a wedding or not that singles do end up like sheep - the last wedding I went to (with my ex), I talked to a guy who was on his own for the night as people were not interacting with him & I saw he was relaxed and nice but people were in their own groups.
As for my 2 friends, I don't want to play gooseberry and have them feel they have to be minding me when they are both in new relationships.As I said the others i know will be in the bridal party so will be busy.
There is another event on the same day so I can't bring a friend (even 1 in a relationship!!) as I know they are all attending something else.
Also no, this isnot about me wanting a relationship as one person mentioned.
It genuinely isn't meant to sound selfish, but I still dread the thoughts of going.

If you don't want to go then don't go but tell your friend ASAP. You could end up causing her a lot of hassle with table plans and hotel numbers.

Colonel Panic

I went to a wedding solo last year. Got to sit with people I knew, and their girlfriends... I'm not shy but I'm somewhat introverted so it was a pretty draining experience. Any event where I need to interact with a large number of people makes me feel anxious.

At the same time, I'm glad I went. The chap getting married had been a really good friend to me in the past and even though I hadn't seen him in years, he still thought of me when he was getting married despite the fact that I'm a pretty crap friend due to aforementioned introversion. It was nice to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a few years too.

I stayed until the band came on and everyone started getting really drunk.

So I guess you should go and it's going to be as good or bad as you make it!

Addle

OP, do you treat all social occasions like this?
Do you always have to have a date when you go out?

LegacyUser

Just another quick one...

I went to a friend's wedding a few years back (on my own)... he came up to me during the day and thanked me profusely for coming. It meant a lot to him for me to be there.

Now, I would have gone anyway as we're old pals but I didn't realise how much it meant to him for me to be there.

I think that you are over thinking this.

The wedding I was at a few weeks ago, as a single guy, I had a fun time at the table at dinner, then I got chatting to some people (a couple) and it was a great night.

Flippyfloppy

bee06 wrote: »

If you don't want to go then don't go but tell your friend ASAP. You could end up causing her a lot of hassle with table plans and hotel numbers.

As in there's every possibility she'll still have to pay for you if you cancel after a certain date!

LynnGrace

Colonel Panic wrote: »

I went to a wedding solo last year. Got to sit with people I knew, and their girlfriends... I'm not shy but I'm somewhat introverted so it was a pretty draining experience. Any event where I need to interact with a large number of people makes me feel anxious.

At the same time, I'm glad I went. The chap getting married had been a really good friend to me in the past and even though I hadn't seen him in years, he still thought of me when he was getting married despite the fact that I'm a pretty crap friend due to aforementioned introversion. It was nice to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a few years too.

I stayed until the band came on and everyone started getting really drunk.

So I guess you should go and it's going to be as good or bad as you make it!

That's a really nice way to look at it, and to have gone for that reason, even though it wasn't easy for you.

therealme

Thanks again :-)
Santana75 you put into words exactly what I was trying to say how I will feel on the day.
I am a very independent person and very confident at work but thinking about it, I am very shy which most people don't see.
I don't always need a date with me but for weddings I do not enjoy them - especially on my own.
I am more than happy to pay to cover my meal or any other expenses - I have €200 for the present. I know I will be the one there for my friend any other time in her life when she needs.
It is great to get others views on it though. I think I might go to the church and leave then.

Diane Selwyn

I'm voting GO. Your friend has invited you to their wedding - people don't just do that as an afterthought but because they value your friendship and want you to join in their celebration. You say you are happy to be single so what's the issue? I've been to weddings where I was the only single person and I've also brought a female friend as a +1 to a wedding and not only survived but actually had a great time! Are you going to the hen? That can be a good way to meet some of the other guests as well. Don't over think it - just remember that you are fabulously independent and anything could happen...

Lollipops23

I recently went to a good friend's wedding solo. I went with two couples-also good friends of mine-who certainly didn't make me feel like a fifth wheel. Myself and the girls hit the dancefloor together, we were all sitting together for the meal and we all had an absolute blast.

It's all about what you make it.

Bafucin

therealme wrote: »

So my friend of many years is getting married in two weeks - around 100 people attending.
I was ok with going until my last two single friends announced they were bringing their new partners.
I am now REALLY dreading the thoughts of it. I'm mid 30's, female and single. Am the only one of my gang not in a relationship - don't have a desire to have one but also it gets harder to meet someone as you get older.
The thoughts of going to the church on my own, reception and meal, the cringe dancing and the end of the night when everybody gets drunk and couply is really stressing me out.
Same weekend there is something else going on and I can't get a plus one for the day.
Would it be bad not to go???

Why is the fact that you are single stopping you from doing things in life? It is playing MUCH more of a big issue than it should be. It is like BDMS only single status dismorphic disorder. You are still human!

You will still be single if you stay at home. And you never know you could MEET someone at the wedding. You will not meet people by avoiding going out as a single person. That is how you meet people and start relationships.

therealme

It's not about being single, it's just not having the security of having somebody I'm comfortable with that I can turn to when others have that. If it was any other weekend, I could ask one of the girls but that weekend, my group all have things on.
I admire anybody that can go to a wedding alone and really enjoy it - I'm just not that person.

Lollipops23

therealme wrote: »

It's not about being single, it's just not having the security of having somebody I'm comfortable with that I can turn to when others have that. If it was any other weekend, I could ask one of the girls but that weekend, my group all have things on.
I admire anybody that can go to a wedding alone and really enjoy it - I'm just not that person.

There's really no stage where all the couples go do something together...like there were no slow dances at the wedding I was at. It really is just another party, just with fancier clothes.

CaraMay

Ok so you have decided you can't go so tell the couple immediately.

You don't seen to have much faith in your other friends if you think they would leave you to feel like a gooseberry.

The €200 won't compensate (emotionally) for your absence on the day but if you aren't going then just tell them ASAP.

therealme

I think after the meal etc. where people go for a walk or whatever or are in their groups - times like that I can't just go and join a random group whom I don't know - I just can't impose and don't feel comfortable doing so. I think previous poster was right about that. I also feel like an eegit looking around to see who I can try converse with. It is a confidence thing but I can't force that.
If I go to the church for the ceremony and leave then, it will be only 1 place absent for hotel - I will put in €100 extra with present to cover that cost.
I know if it was me, I wouldn't in a million years expect a friend or staff member to do something for me that they were not comfortable with. Still interesting to see others views - thanks for those.

retro:electro

therealme wrote: »

I think after the meal etc. where people go for a walk or whatever or are in their groups - times like that I can't just go and join a random group whom I don't know - I just can't impose and don't feel comfortable doing so. I think previous poster was right about that. I also feel like an eegit looking around to see who I can try converse with. It is a confidence thing but I can't force that.
If I go to the church for the ceremony and leave then, it will be only 1 place absent for hotel - I will put in €100 extra with present to cover that cost.
I know if it was me, I wouldn't in a million years expect a friend or staff member to do something for me that they were not comfortable with. Still interesting to see others views - thanks for those.

You seem to have your mind made up and that is fine, but make sure you let them know that you won't be attending. I know you intend on giving them extra cash to cover your costs but it's not just about that, they may have to reorganise things and shuffle some stuff around. You may think you're only one small person what's the big deal, but things like that are a huge nuisance for people getting married.

Flippyfloppy

therealme wrote: »

I think after the meal etc. where people go for a walk or whatever or are in their groups - times like that I can't just go and join a random group whom I don't know - I just can't impose and don't feel comfortable doing so. I think previous poster was right about that. I also feel like an eegit looking around to see who I can try converse with. It is a confidence thing but I can't force that.
If I go to the church for the ceremony and leave then, it will be only 1 place absent for hotel - I will put in €100 extra with present to cover that cost.
I know if it was me, I wouldn't in a million years expect a friend or staff member to do something for me that they were not comfortable with. Still interesting to see others views - thanks for those.

Sure if ur worried about 'walks after the meal' go to the meal and leave? No matter how bad it is or how much you overthink it beforehand it's not going to be the death of you. But just to put it in perspective not going to someone's wedding to go to a different event (that's what it will look like) is a huge thing.

therealme

Is it that much to remove 1 place setting?? I was thinking of going to church and then just not going to the hotel but I'd still have been seen then. Could say I didn't feel well or just fess up and say I didn't want to be akward but I'm just not able to "join in" with others & it was causing genuine stress for some time before.

Flippyfloppy

therealme wrote: »

Is it that much to remove 1 place setting?? I was thinking of going to church and then just not going to the hotel but I'd still have been seen then. Could say I didn't feel well or just fess up and say I didn't want to be akward but I'm just not able to "join in" with others & it was causing genuine stress for some time before.

It's up to you what you do, just gonna say though, I was married last year and all you really see is a sea of faces at the ceremony. They won't really see you.

JeffKenna

therealme wrote: »

I think after the meal etc. where people go for a walk or whatever or are in their groups - times like that I can't just go and join a random group whom I don't know - I just can't impose and don't feel comfortable doing so. I think previous poster was right about that. I also feel like an eegit looking around to see who I can try converse with. It is a confidence thing but I can't force that.
If I go to the church for the ceremony and leave then, it will be only 1 place absent for hotel - I will put in €100 extra with present to cover that cost.
I know if it was me, I wouldn't in a million years expect a friend or staff member to do something for me that they were not comfortable with. Still interesting to see others views - thanks for those.

I take it those other two friends you initially spoke of aren't going?