Can't decide or trust my feelings

LegacyUser

My bf broke up with me about a month ago and today got back in contact asking if I'd be interested in getting back together. We broke up because of difficult personal circumstances and both still really love each other.
About a month or so before we broke up I felt quite unsatisfied with the relationship. I started to wonder if there wasn't someone more suited to me out there, but the problems were sort of small (I'm a morning person, he's a night owl, I like to travel, he hates it) whereas we agree on all the big idealogical things as well as day to day things. But during "the calm before the storm," as I like to think of the period before we broke up, I fell more deeply in love with him than before. Then we broke up.

Now I'm wondering if I should try again or not. I still love him and definitely want to be with him but I'm scared of saying yes now only to have to break up if the feelings I had before return. Neither or us believe in "The one" or marriage but I feel like getting back together now is definitely a long term commitment due to our circumstances. And while I feel that meeting someone as awesome as him is unimaginable, meeting him was unimaginable in the first place! I know I can live without him (especially since we were long distance about 60% of the time), sure, and I'll probably find someone else but I think I'll always look back on him as the one that got away. I feel like I can't trust my feeling, I don't know how to make a decision on something like this.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

Nobody can really tell you what to do here because at the end of the day, only you can decide whether this person is who you want to be with long term or not. Having said that however, I'm also a firm believer in the fact that breakups, especially those that have had a lot of thought behind them, happen for a reason, and that it's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses a month down the line and see only the good things that you are now missing, and none of the bad.

The concerns that you had pre-breakup have not gone away in the past month - the only thing that *may* have changed is that being without your partner might have given you a sense of perspective on whether they were as important as you thought they were. However my big concern in your case would be that even though you describe the differences as "sort of small", there was enough dissatisfaction there to make you consider on more than one occasion whether there was someone else out there for you that would be more suited to you, that you'd be happier with, which makes me think that the differences aren't actually as small as you make out in your post.

Ultimately it's up to you whether you get back together, but take some time to read your own post and to think about it objectively. Look at the way you describe things - "the calm before the storm", "the one that got away", "meeting him was unimaginable in the first place!" and so on, and ask yourself honestly if this really is the way things were, or if it's just how you want to see them a month down the road of singledom. And then decide which way to turn...

Merkin

A good rule of thumb is to examine if the fundamental reasons that caused the break up in the first place have been fully resolved. If not then you're wasting your time.