Is my son lonely?

LegacyUser

I am worried my only child is lonely. I don't know if I'm paranoid because of so many people
guilt tripping me about only having one child. My son is almost two. We don't live near family and it's just me and my partner. When he is in the front garden playing, he screams "Hiya, hiya to every child or adult that walks by. He is so desperate for their attention. He cries when they go away or walk away. When we are at the park or play barn he grabs onto other kids and won't let go and goes up to every adult. I feel so bad for him. I only have a few close friends and non with kids. I have sisters with children but we only see them about once a month. I rang a creche to inquire about him attending maybe one day a week and they told me that a child of 2 wouldn't need other kids to play with and his too young. We go out everyday for walk and we go out for days out quite a lot but I sometimes wish he had a little friend because all the other children at these places are with kids they know.

Am I over reacting?

December2012

My 2c,

My kids love company. I've two and they play with each other all the time - even when the youngest was two.

The crèche are correct in a way - 2 year olds usually play in a "parallel play" fashion - as in they play side by side with other two year olds rather than directly engaging. However I have found that there were many times that my youngest loved doing this with her "friends".

One of the reasons why I am happy that I have two children is because they are such good company for each other and love each other so much.

But I wanted two children.

An only child doesn't necesarilly end up lonely, and siblings won't automatically end up best buddies.

You have to decide what's best for you.

Play group, Gymboree, little kickers, gymnastics are all great social activities for two year olds.

At his age, that's normal. Kids don't play together until they're around 3 or so.

Also, take a look at other forums here on boards and you'll see many people with siblings who are very lonely. Loneliness is not the preserve of people without siblings.

Never allow yourself to be guilt-tripped by people not living your life. Never.

Victor

Is there a local playgroup where he can socialise?

Perfectly normal for a child of that age to say hello to passing strangers.

ariana`

My 20mth old has a big brother but he still says "hiya" and waves at passer-bys & passing cars all the time. He gives random people hugs as well and reaches up his arms to be picked up by randomers, it's quite funny and sometimes embarrassing. I wouldn't worry too much, at 2 their world's are small. Time enough for socialising when he's 3+ IMO.

hoodwinked

Our daughter is 5 and an only child, nobody in our family or friend circle are having children yet so she's always been "on her own" around adults, we put her into a creche at 2 years of age and she went through toddlers, montessori and most recently naoinra with the same group of friends,

it's done her the world of good, as the creche staff keep telling us "you'd never guess she's an only child" she isn't needy and is great at sharing, and overall is as developed as her peers, (if not more so as she can communicate with adults better than her peers can)

would you even consider taking him places like a swimming pool? or a cinema? (they do children specific showings) where he can have fun and will be too distracted with you helping him to notice the world passing him by?

Chattastrophe!

Some small children are just very friendly! Collecting my baby from creche the other day, one of the bigger babies ran up to me and gave me a massive hug and a big slobbery kiss when I was leaving ... he's a kid who's been in creche for a few months and has three older siblings, so he's certainly not overly affectionate because of loneliness! If anything, I'd be more worried about your son if he was withdrawn and didn't want to interact with other people. He just sounds like a friendly sociable little guy!

I do think it's odd that the creche seemed to be putting you off sending him there. I don't think it's necessarily essential for babies/toddlers to be around others their own age, but there are definitely benefits, even if they're still playing "beside" each other rather than "with" each other ... and actually, I'd expect a two-year-old to be interacting quite a bit with the other kids. Are there other creches/playgroups in the area that you could look into?

Suucee

In my area most parent and toddler groups finish for the summer but it might be something you could look into in your area. Also play centres. Its a way for you to meet other mums to so you can organise play dates outside the groups. I met so many other mums through those grps and now we meet ourselves in play centres or our local park.

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Cuidiu groups generally run though the summer if they are meeting in each others houses.