Is this a good cover note ?

Hollister11

Dear Sir/Madam

I'm Submitting an application for the ****** position advertised on Jobs.ie on *****

I Have just finished up school and my leaving cert. I have experience in retail. I worked in *****. My responsibility included working on the till,updating the labels on items in the shop,handling cash,answering the phone,stacking shelves and helping out customers.

I have also worked part time during the summer in ***** Construction.My responsibilities included painting garden trellis, carried slabs and paving,and cleaning decking,


I think i would be an ideal candidate for this job because I'm good at communicating with people,good with people. working in a team environment and on my own. I am a hard worker and a fast learner. Although i don't have previous experience in this environment i am willing to put in the work to become competent in this position. In order to gain experience i would be willing to work two weeks for free.

If you wish to contact me about anything my phone number is ***** and my email address is ******@gmail.com.

Thanks for you time
******

Stheno

Hollister11 wrote: »

Dear Sir/Madam

I'm submitting an application for the ****** position advertised on Jobs.ie on *****

I have just finished my leaving cert. I have experience in retail and worked in *****. My responsibilities included working on the till,updating the labels on items in the shop,handling cash,answering the phone,stacking shelves and helping out customers.

I have also worked part time during the summer in ***** Construction.My responsibilities included painting garden trellis, carrying slabs and paving,and cleaning decking,


I think i would be an ideal candidate for this job because I'm good at communicating with people,good with people, working in a team environment and on my own. I am a hard worker and a fast learner. Although i don't have previous experience in this environment i am willing to put in the work to become competent in this position..

If you wish to contact me about anything my phone number is ***** and my email address is ******@gmail.com.

Thanks for your time
******

I think you should change it as above, stop capitalising words in the middle of sentences, keep tenses correct and don't offer to work for free.

youjammydodger

Also, keep all your i's capital - 'I'

Put spaces after your commas, ie "on the till,updating" should be "on the till, updating"

Mr. Loverman

As a manager I would be thinking: is this guy going to college in two months? If not, I'd mention you are looking for a permanent, full-time position.

@gmail

I'm no expert, and I'm being incredibly picky here, but just what I'd do:

Dear Sir/Madam[,]

I'm Submitting an application for the ****** position advertised on Jobs.ie on *****[. and I wouldn't bother putting the date in - the two consecutive 'on' words don't have a nice flow]

I H[h]ave just finished up school and my leaving cert[Leaving Certificate]. I have experience in retail. I worked in ***** [for X amount of time and when]. My responsibility[responsibilities - although really this should be on your C.V. so there's no need to list everything, maybe just the things that really stand to you and are relevant to the role you're applying for] included working on the till,[there should be a space after each of these commas]updating the labels on items in the shop[I would just say 'products' - short and sweet, but not a big deal],handling cash,answering the phone,stacking shelves and helping out[assisting] customers.

I have also worked part time during the summer in ***** Construction.[another missing space]My responsibilities included painting garden trellis, carried slabs and paving,and cleaning decking,[unless the role you're going for is going to involve these responsibilities, I wouldn't bother listing them out, but maybe instead list the things it required of you, e.g. 'manual work', 'attention to detail', 'teamwork', 'time management'.]


I think i would be an ideal candidate for this job because I'm good at communicating with people,good with people.[instead of two 'people' and 'good' words so close together, I'd put 'I have excellent communication skills, I'm good with people,] working in a team environment and on my own. I am a hard worker and a fast learner. Although i don't have previous experience in this environment i am willing to put in the work to become competent in this position. In order to gain experience i would be willing to work two weeks for free. [I wouldn't mention that you have no experience in the environment - they'll have your C.V., so they know. Maybe instead, say 'I would excel in developing the skills involved in this role', or something that just focuses on the learning instead of the lack of experience. As someone else has said, don't offer to work for free, they either want to hire you or not.]

If you wish to contact me about anything my phone number is ***** and my email address is ******@gmail.com.

Thanks for you time
******

I would put your contact details either after a blank line after your sign off (so just 'Tel: ****', new line 'E-mail: ***'), or underneath your sender's address at the top of the letter.

TimeToShine

Agree. The grammar and syntax is quite poor, stick with the edited version above.