Is this going nowhere?

Ms. Pingui

Hi, I would just like to ask for some opinions on my current relationship situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for the past two years, we are both in our mid twenties and both in college at the moment.
I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship, and my boyfriend is great with her. We are both from the same town and go both go to the same college which is about an hours drive from our home town. During term time he rents with friends in the city where the college is and lives with his parents during the summer.
I live with my parents full time and commute to college during the year. My mam helps with childcare while my daughter isn't in playschool.

This is where things get a bit tricky. During the summer because we both live with our parents we literally have no where to go and nothing to do when we meet up. We basically end up wandering around a tiny town with my daughter and we don't even have any money to do anything.
My mam will have no visitors in the house and obviously I can't drag an unrelated 4 year old to his parents place. My mam isn't keen on babysitting any evening so we can have alone time, which of course is her right.

I am having a hard time at home for various reasons and would love to move out, and would of course love to get a place with my boyfriend even more! I mentioned it to him and he said he would like to live with me maybe in a few years time!

Understandably I am quite upset about this. Moving in together in our home town and sharing a commute to college come September would be a solution to our not having time to ourselves etc. However this does not seem to be an issue for him as it is for me. He has a weekend job, heaps of friends hobbies etc. which means that he obviously doesn't miss quality time with me as much as I miss him.

He would be very happy moving back in with his mates come September and going out drinking during the week in September. I only see him if we both happen to have an hour off during the day during term time.

To me this situation is far from ideal. I would things to be more serious but he doesn't seem to see himself as grown up enough to move in with a gf etc.

Sometimes this bugs me so much that I think about ending things, but maybe that would be cutting off my nose in spite of my face as I do love him and I know he loves me.

Thoughts???

highly1111

I don't understand how you have no money to do anything during the summer yet you can both afford to move out?? If you moved in together would your mam still mind your daughter after playschool?

I do understand your boyfriends point of view - he's still a student and wants to enjoy student life. You had to grow up quickly and have the responsibilities he doesn't. I think that you should look at someone other than your mam to try and help you in the evenings so you could get out a bit. You're in a rock and a hard place otherwise - because if she won't babysit, she can hardly stop you having someone else babysit - but then it is her house??? Its a tough one.

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about long term plans. Does he see you as a girlfriend who happens to jabw a child and this suits him as because you're tied up as a parent you're not placing any demands on him and he can go have the craic - or does he view this as a sustainable long term relationship where he supports you 100%?? If its the latter he should be offering you more support re your daughter.

Ms. Pingui

highly1111 wrote: »

I don't understand how you have no money to do anything during the summer yet you can both afford to move out?? If you moved in together would your mam still mind your daughter after playschool?

I do understand your boyfriends point of view - he's still a student and wants to enjoy student life. You had to grow up quickly and have the responsibilities he doesn't. I think that you should look at someone other than your mam to try and help you in the evenings so you could get out a bit. You're in a rock and a hard place otherwise - because if she won't babysit, she can hardly stop you having someone else babysit - but then it is her house??? Its a tough one.

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about long term plans. Does he see you as a girlfriend who happens to jabw a child and this suits him as because you're tied up as a parent you're not placing any demands on him and he can go have the craic - or does he view this as a sustainable long term relationship where he supports you 100%?? If its the latter he should be offering you more support re your daughter.

Hi, thanks for your quick reply!
Well he has a lot more money than me, I'm unfortunately on social welfare until I finish my degree. I don't have money to be spending on lunches out and stuff over the summer, which of course costs me double what it costs my boyfriend. We could definitely afford something cheap if we pooled our resources, I don't want to go down the rent allowance route.

My mam won't have anyone else in to babysit so I'm stuck in that way.
As for your last point I'm not sure which it is, honestly he just seems oblivious to the whole situation.

strobe

You have his thoughts on things. He isn't of a mind to move in somewhere cheap full time with you and your four year old daughter right now, not many twenty something college going lads would be, I'd imagine.. You can't really force him and I'm sure you wouldn't want to. So what advice are you hoping for?

CaraMay

You are at different stages op and even though he may adore your child it seems he doesn't want to be a full time dad just yet.

You can't force it. You have to wait and see if you are happy to do that.

Ms. Pingui

What advice was I hoping for? Well like the title says I was looking for opinions on whether people thought the relationship was going anywhere or not.

Of course I wouldn't want to force him to move in with me!

I am a bit irritated, because he knew about my daughter all along and still chose to get involved with me. If he was against getting serious, I'm a bit put out that he stayed with me this long which has stopped me finding someone who does want to share the kind of life that I have.

Thanks for all the input!

CaraMay

Ok so he knew about your child but did he know you would want him to live with you so quickly. You are on different planets op with regard settling down and it's not fair to be mad at him as he is being honest with you

Ms. Pingui

CaraMay wrote: »

Ok so he knew about your child but did he know you would want him to live with you so quickly. You are on different planets op with regard settling down and it's not fair to be mad at him as he is being honest with you

I know it's not fair to be mad, but I can't help it!
I didn't think two years was too quick to move in with someone...

I don't see the relationship lasting, the way things are

CaraMay

Op it's a HUGE deal to move in with someone's kid especially so young and before he has experienced life at all. You are just indifferent places right now

LegacyUser

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I know it's not fair to be mad, but I can't help it!
I didn't think two years was too quick to move in with someone...

I don't see the relationship lasting, the way things are

2 years isn't too quickly to move in with a partner but you're missing one cruial detail,
In your case it'll never be 'just moving in', it's becoming a step-dad of sorts', becoming a family unit, living with and looking after a 4 year old child day in day out.That is a massive ask, for anyone, let alone a mid 20's student.

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP but it seems as if you viewed your bf as a means of escaping your living situation at home and are upset that that has fallen through. If you want to move out then move out but it's not up to a partner to 'save you'. Ye're obviously at completely different stages in life, and it's not fair to blame him for that, he is perfectly entitled to live the student lifestyle at his age. If you can't handle that then its probably time to move on. Work on building the life you want for you and your child OP and then the right person will come along, don't expect a partner to come along and help you build your life into the one you want you, it's unrealistic and setting yourself up for a fall, that job is yours and yours alone IMHO.

Tasden

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

or not.

Of course I wouldn't want to force him to move in with me!

I am a bit irritated, because he knew about my daughter all along and still chose to get involved with me. If he was against getting serious, I'm a bit put out that he stayed with me this long which has stopped me finding someone who does want to share the kind of life that I have.

Thanks for all the input!

He may not necessarily be against getting serious, it may just be that the timing is not right. Yes it suits you practically re commuting and spending time together etc. but it may not suit him in other ways, like another poster said, he may not be ready to commit to the daily responsibilities that come with a child, and while he is studying I think that is a fair decision tbh.

As you are all too aware, it is difficult raising a child and studying. You're asking him to willingly take on the stress of, firstly, moving in with a partner for the first time which is stressful in itself, and then on top of that the stress of adjusting to becoming a (step) parent, all while he is still studying. I know he may be off for the summer but you know yourself that the adjustment period when it comes to parenthood is a lot longer than a couple of months, his life is going to change completely and going through these changes while in college is going to make the transition a lot more stressful.

You may not like his decision but I think he is genuinely considering things long term. He needs to be ready and sure to take the step of moving in with you and your child. He needs to do it free from doubts and resentment if its going to work. I think if he was to move in when not fully ready he would end up finding things extreme difficult and resentment might build. Right now, while things might be serious between ye, ye are still in the honeymoon phase in comparison to if ye moved in together as a family. Your boyfriend might want to keep it this way a little longer which is fair enough really, especially since moving in together is a greater responsibility and lifestyle change in this case.

Imo, I think your boyfriend is respecting your child more than you're giving him credit for. He realises he is not ready and is being honest with you about that rather than making rash decisions and moving in with you for convenience and potentially hurting you and your daughter as a result. He seems to be considering things carefully and responsibly and I think you should listen to his reasoning and try to judge it from his point of view rather than seeing it as a blatant refusal.

If you were able to see him more freely and the idea of moving in together at this point in time had not been brought up would you be questioning anything?

Tasden

Also, instead of adding to an already long post, you're saying you want to pool your resources and rent privately without rent supplement, yet you're on social welfare, that's hardly pooling resources, you're going to be depending on him for a roof over your head. You're not only asking him to take on the practical responsibilities of a child but also financial as well. I think hes making a mature decision here tbh.

Ms. Pingui

Thanks for all the input!

I would like to point out that this idea wasn't for convenience nor would I expect him to pay for anything for me or my child, I would cover all our needs.

I just think without a more definite plan for the future at least then this relationship is over. You can't have a relationship built on meeting for coffee once a week!

If he's not ready then he's not ready though, maybe we are just not meant to be.

Stavro Mueller

What strikes me as weird is that he doesn't make more of an effort to see you while you're in college? Or am I missing something here? Do you never meet up at break times? Between lectures? It looks like he's prioritising his friends over you to be honest.

You posted about this before I think? About much the same issue?

Ms. Pingui

cymbaline wrote: »

What strikes me as weird is that he doesn't make more of an effort to see you while you're in college? Or am I missing something here? Do you never meet up at break times? Between lectures? It looks like he's prioritising his friends over you to be honest.

You posted about this before I think? About much the same issue?

Yes I did ages ago. You have a good memory!

We do sometimes but we are in different courses in different parts of the college, plus we rarely have corresponding free time during the day so it's very difficult.

Tasden

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Thanks for all the input!

I would like to point out that this idea wasn't for convenience nor would I expect him to pay for anything for me or my child, I would cover all our needs.

.

If hes the sole earner then he would be responsible for the bulk of your needs- accommodation/bills, you may be able to get the weekly groceries but the main financial responsibilities will be his. And being responsible for a childs home is a big ask- its not just accommodation, it will be your childs home, its ok for single adults to up and move whenever if things dont work out due to finance or a break up- but your child needs stability.

Also what payment are you on atm? Is it back to education you're on or opfp? If its opfp then you wont be entitled if you move in with a partner. If your partners earnings are enough to be paying rent for a family home then any other payment you're on will probably be reduced anyway, if its not so much that your payment is reduced then imo its too little for a family to live on.

I think you may be jumping the gun in deeming him "not ready" or "not committed" to the relationship, he is right to have reservations about moving in at this stage of yours and his life and I don't think its a reflection of his intentions long term, he just isn't ready right now. I mean its your child, you took on those responsibilities and chose to parent when you did, he is making the same decisions now and hes not ready for it, only in this case the child is already in the picture with you, that's not his fault though; but at the end of the day you cant rush him into it just because you want him to be ready now. I understand why you want it and how it might feel like a big blow to your relationship but honestly I think hes doing the right thing I'd hate for him to pretend to be ready and then get suffocated by the responsibilities of it all (happens to the best of us with our own biological children, let alone someone else's child that you're only developing a relationship with) and then he ends up resenting you and the child as a result. College is known to be the best time of your life- your last few years of being young and free and with your friends etc. You don’t have that luxury because you have a child but he wants to preserve the luxury a little longer and I think hes right to do so.

I'm saying all this as a parent that attended college while my child was a baby btw. And I know how it feels to miss out on the fun side of college because you have family responsibilities, it was hard for me to do it when it was my own child /lifestyle I was sacrificing it all for. I think asking him to do it for you and your child when its not yet a necessity is a big ask tbh.

ManOfMystery

There was a thread on here a while back from a girl who's issue was that she wanted to get married, and her boyfriend didn't - yet. She thought the relationship had no point any more.

It took a lot of posters (myself included) and numerous pages before she accepted that her boyfriend's reluctance to get married yet didn't mean that he didn't love her, or didn't want to be with her, or that there was absolutely no future for their relationship.

Your thread reminds me of that because once again, a person thinks there may no point to their relationship just because their partner's idea of timing doesn't match up with theirs.

It's hard enough for 2 young people to agree when their relationship should move on to the next level (moving in together, getting engaged, whatever) when it's just the two of them. In your case, you're also throwing in a tense home life which is forcing your hand somewhat, and the fact that you have a daughter - which means your partner is not just moving in with his gf as a carefree young guy, but moving into a family unit and (officially or unofficially) becoming a full-time father figure.

It's a lot to ask of anyone, never mind a guy who's still mid 20s and still at college.

I'm not saying you're wrong to ask. You want your relationship to progress, and you see this as the solution. There's nowt wrong with that. The problem is that for any relationship to progress successfully, the two people involved fundamentally have to agree it's what they both want and that they're both ready. Your partner isn't ready yet. He's not saying he won't move in with you ever, or progress things, he's saying he is not ready now. And I think you have to respect that and accept that you can't rush things just to alleviate your home situation.

If you had been together 10 or 12 years and in your 30s, I'd say your partner should know what he wants by now. But it's only been 4yrs and you're both still relatively young, so I think pushing him to accelerate things is unfair.

Louise Jordan

I think the situation suits him right now and it doesn't suit you. I'm in my thirties, full time employment and if a guy asked me to move in with him and his 4 year old I would be terrified. Regardless of how much I cared about the child and him I would be scared. I think it's a big ask for a twenty something year old student. Life with a young child is full of responsibility and exhausting I imagine, no parties, no late nights.....even if he did move in there's a good chance he might resent you for it when he sees the freedom his counterparts have in his previous diggs.

He said he'd like to live with you in a few years, maybe he just honestly enjoys the situation as it is, your alternative makes the most sense for you but it's a huge ask for him and remember, it's very likely his friends and family would also be concerned about someone his age taking on such a situation. He'd in a way be sacrificing his youth. The college years and partying sound important to him.

Maybe it's time to sit down and tell him where you're at, work out what he wants from the relationship. I think for a couple in your twenties there shouldn't be a "wasting time" issue, you've loads of time to meet different people..... if you see it that way, then maybe you need to calm down and relax the jets. Accept that you might be at home a little longer and work out what you need from a relationship right now. If he doesn't bring you that, then maybe it's time to move on.

The college years are honestly the best years of your life, once you start working you can never have that back, so maybe try to see it from his side too. You are in a situation and looking for the best way to improve it for you, is it really the best thing for him?

Ms. Pingui

ManOfMystery wrote: »

There was a thread on here a while back from a girl who's issue was that she wanted to get married, and her boyfriend didn't - yet. She thought the relationship had no point any more.

It took a lot of posters (myself included) and numerous pages before she accepted that her boyfriend's reluctance to get married yet didn't mean that he didn't love her, or didn't want to be with her, or that there was absolutely no future for their relationship.

Your thread reminds me of that because once again, a person thinks there may no point to their relationship just because their partner's idea of timing doesn't match up with theirs.

It's hard enough for 2 young people to agree when their relationship should move on to the next level (moving in together, getting engaged, whatever) when it's just the two of them. In your case, you're also throwing in a tense home life which is forcing your hand somewhat, and the fact that you have a daughter - which means your partner is not just moving in with his gf as a carefree young guy, but moving into a family unit and (officially or unofficially) becoming a full-time father figure.

It's a lot to ask of anyone, never mind a guy who's still mid 20s and still at college.

I'm not saying you're wrong to ask. You want your relationship to progress, and you see this as the solution. There's nowt wrong with that. The problem is that for any relationship to progress successfully, the two people involved fundamentally have to agree it's what they both want and that they're both ready. Your partner isn't ready yet. He's not saying he won't move in with you ever, or progress things, he's saying he is not ready now. And I think you have to respect that and accept that you can't rush things just to alleviate your home situation.

If you had been together 10 or 12 years and in your 30s, I'd say your partner should know what he wants by now. But it's only been 4yrs and you're both still relatively young, so I think pushing him to accelerate things is unfair.

Thanks for your reply.

I accept that he is not ready now and I do know he does love me. However not moving in together is not the reason that I don't see future for our relationship. I think it's going to end because of the overall situation. At the moment the whole relationship is based on meeting for coffee once a week. That is not a relationship to me. We haven't even had the chance to have sex for over 2-3 months. These are the reasons it looks pointless to me.

Tasden

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Thanks for your reply.

I accept that he is not ready now and I do know he does love me. However not moving in together is not the reason that I don't see future for our relationship. I think it's going to end because of the overall situation. At the moment the whole relationship is based on meeting for coffee once a week. That is not a relationship to me. We haven't even had the chance to have sex for over 2-3 months. These are the reasons it looks pointless to me.

But this is going to be the same with any partner no? If you meet a new guy he'll either be working full time or studying or whatever else. You still wont have a sitter for the time you do have. It seems its just a timing issue to me. Meeting for coffee once a week may not be what you want in a relationship but right now that might be all that can happen until circumstances change and if you love each other surely you can just cherish the time you do have and work towards what you do want.

username123

OP - I think you should be looking to change your own circumstances, regardless of any boyfriend.

You need to move out of your parents home and live independently. This may not suit you though because you have a child and need help with childcare etc...

Why will your mum have no visitors in the house? Surely that has a negative effect on your child, are no other children allowed to call over for play dates etc? Can you not talk to your mother about this, it seems like a draconian measure tbh.

You should also speak to citizens info re changing your circumstances and see what you are entitled to. Get your name on the council housing list as well.

ibarelycare

OP if you say you'd be able to afford to look after yourself and your daughter financially if you were living with your boyfriend, then surely you'd be able to do it on your own as well?

Also, if you did move out would your mother still babysit?

I think you need some independence. You're being treated like a child in your parents' house, even though you HAVE a child. If that's not going to change then you need to move out, but you can't rely on someone else to make these changes in your life. What if you DO break up with your boyfriend over this? Would you just continue living with your parents until someone else came along? There are plenty of single mothers in your situation who are able to manage, YOU need to take the steps to do the same.

Stavro Mueller

Yeah I was wondering about your home situation as well. I wonder is your mum deliberately trying to stifle your social life and stop you forming a relationship? And why can't you bring your 4 year old to his parent's house? I mean, they know their son is dating you don't they? Can you not leave your child with a friend for a few hours? Or is mum not allowing you to do that either?

I definitely think you need to sort your home situation first. For your boyfriend going from wandering around town on a weekend afternoon to moving in with a woman with a child is a very big ask.

Ms. Pingui

cymbaline wrote: »

Yeah I was wondering about your home situation as well. I wonder is your mum deliberately trying to stifle your social life and stop you forming a relationship? And why can't you bring your 4 year old to his parent's house? I mean, they know their son is dating you don't they? Can you not leave your child with a friend for a few hours? Or is mum not allowing you to do that either?

I definitely think you need to sort your home situation first. For your boyfriend going from wandering around town on a weekend afternoon to moving in with a woman with a child is a very big ask.

ya, that's definitely part of it. She's quite old fashioned about relationships and sex anyway so she doesn't want me with anyone. She would never admit that of course.

Well I probably could bring her but I would find it extremely awkward and stressful. I would have to watch her like a hawk to make sure she isn't going out of bounds, breaking something etc.

I don't have any close friends in the area to take her and no my mam wouldn't allow it either.

Stavro Mueller

Until you get you and your daughter out from under your mum's roof you're at nothing. You and your daughter are a family unit all of your own yet your mother's still the one calling the shots. She won't let anyone visit the house. She won't babysit so you can get to spend time with your boyfriend. She won't allow anyone else to babysit your daughter either.

Do you have any sort of plan for getting out of home? I assume you're hoping to get a decent job at the end of your degree. Have you long left?

Ms. Pingui

cymbaline wrote: »

Until you get you and your daughter out from under your mum's roof you're at nothing. You and your daughter are a family unit all of your own yet your mother's still the one calling the shots. She won't let anyone visit the house. She won't babysit so you can get to spend time with your boyfriend. She won't allow anyone else to babysit your daughter either.

Do you have any sort of plan for getting out of home? I assume you're hoping to get a decent job at the end of your degree. Have you long left?

Ya, I hope to get a decent job, but I have another 2 years left.

Ms. Pingui

I suffer badly with depression and I have had a very very hard time of things the last few years.
It seems my boyfriend doesn't notice these things or do anything to help me out at all (not talking about moving in here) because he's too busy with his own life. It's really getting me down.

ibarelycare

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Ya, I hope to get a decent job, but I have another 2 years left.

How would you afford to live with your boyfriend then?

Ms. Pingui

ibarelycare wrote: »

How would you afford to live with your boyfriend then?

Well I could move on my own and get rent allowance or move with him and split the rent. It can be done, but it's not going to happen anyway so it's irrelevant.

ibarelycare

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Well I could move on my own and get rent allowance or move with him and split the rent. It can be done, but it's not going to happen anyway so it's irrelevant.

Why won't it happen? Why can't you move out on your own?

Stavro Mueller

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I suffer badly with depression and I have had a very very hard time of things the last few years.
It seems my boyfriend doesn't notice these things or do anything to help me out at all (not talking about moving in here) because he's too busy with his own life. It's really getting me down.

That's all the more reason not to move in with him. If you did move in and things didn't work out, what then? It'd be worth trying to find out if there are other students in your college who are single parents and how do they manage? Is there a creche there, for example? Could you get a part-time job?

Ms. Pingui

cymbaline wrote: »

That's all the more reason not to move in with him. If you did move in and things didn't work out, what then? It'd be worth trying to find out if there are other students in your college who are single parents and how do they manage? Is there a creche there, for example? Could you get a part-time job?

I'd love to find other single parents in my college but don't know how I'd go about that.
There's no creche unfortunately. Anyhow, my daughter has already completed one part-time year of pre school and will be attending full time from September. I'd hate to move her because she has really settled where she is.
I don't really have any option regarding moving out only to stay in my home town and commute to college.
Honestly, I'd love a job but I would be completely stuck regarding childcare.

I'm not sure about rent allowance anyway, I've heard hardly any landlords accept it and I'd hate to be thought of as a sponger. I hate being on social welfare and I've often gotten negative comment etc. about being a single mother.

I think the whole idea of moving in with my boyfriend is because I'm really unhappy being a lone parent and haven't given up on the idea of a proper family yet. Silly I know

username123

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I'd love to find other single parents in my college but don't know how I'd go about that.
There's no creche unfortunately. Anyhow, my daughter has already completed one part-time year of pre school and will be attending full time from September. I'd hate to move her because she has really settled where she is.
I don't really have any option regarding moving out only to stay in my home town and commute to college.
Honestly, I'd love a job but I would be completely stuck regarding childcare.

I'm not sure about rent allowance anyway, I've heard hardly any landlords accept it and I'd hate to be thought of as a sponger. I hate being on social welfare and I've often gotten negative comment etc. about being a single mother.

I think the whole idea of moving in with my boyfriend is because I'm really unhappy being a lone parent and haven't given up on the idea of a proper family yet. Silly I know

Rent allowance isnt sponging - its there to help people who are having a hard time putting the roof over their heads!

Any negative comments re being a single mother must come from celibate do gooders who never had sex themselves. Pity they cant use that negative energy on actually doing something useful. Just ignore them - theyre eejits.

I think you need to formulate a plan to move out on your own and manage childcare. You need to move out of your mothers house because you are being treated as a second class citizen there and thats not good for you, but more importantly, its not good for your daughter to see you being treated that way.

Is there someone in the college you can talk to who helps with student accommodations? You never know what they might have available, or have access to. Also speak to them regarding being a student who is a parent and see what supports they have.

You also need to speak to citizens info and find out what entitlements you would have as an independent adult - not living in your mothers house. And also speak to your local housing authority re getting on local housing lists.

To be totally blunt - your daughter is not going anywhere and the childcare issue is going to be there for you for the next decade or so anyway, so why not make steps towards resolving it now?

Is your daughters father making financial contributions?

ibarelycare

OP sorry but it seems like you're waiting for someone else to make changes in your life, but you're not doing anything to make changes yourself. You're not being proactive at all and just making excuses. You've been asked a few times how you intend to afford to live with your boyfriend when you can't afford to live on your own, but you haven't answered this.

Ms. Pingui

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP sorry but it seems like you're waiting for someone else to make changes in your life, but you're not doing anything to make changes yourself. You're not being proactive at all and just making excuses. You've been asked a few times how you intend to afford to live with your boyfriend when you can't afford to live on your own, but you haven't answered this.

Maybe that is the case. Affording childcare would be a problem if I moved from my home town.
I could afford to live on my own if I got rent allowance, I'm already paying rent at home so it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference.
I could afford to live with my boyfriend without rent allowance as we could split costs, I've already said that.
I wouldn't be living with any luxury mind you, but I could do it.
I suppose it's a lot scarier moving on your own with a child than moving in with someone else! I don't really have the confidence to take the first step.
My dad has said that I wouldn't be able to manage on my own any time I've mention moving out. That attitude doesn't help really!

Ms. Pingui

username123 wrote: »

Is your daughters father making financial contributions?

No, it was abusive relationship and he's now deceased.

ibarelycare

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Maybe that is the case. Affording childcare would be a problem if I moved from my home town.
I could afford to live on my own if I got rent allowance, I'm already paying rent at home so it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference.
I could afford to live with my boyfriend without rent allowance as we could split costs, I've already said that.
I wouldn't be living with any luxury mind you, but I could do it.
I suppose it's a lot scarier moving on your own with a child than moving in with someone else! I don't really have the confidence to take the first step.
My dad has said that I wouldn't be able to manage on my own any time I've mention moving out. That attitude doesn't help really!

It sounds like your parents are holding you back. Do you have any older siblings or any other relatives who you could talk to about wanting to take this step? It must be horrific for your confidence to have your parents basically tell you that you can't be a grown up. It's daunting but once you gain some independence and start standing on your own two feet you'll never look back. Start seriously putting some effort into doing this. Speak to social welfare/community welfare officer about your options. That's the first step anyway.