Relationship Advice needed

Giggidy

Hey, I haven't used boards.ie in years so apologies if I've posted in the wrong forum..

I need advice on my relationship with a girl. Need to know what I should do, basically confirm if my thinking is right. I may as well start from the top

I'm living in Sydney, I was back home last Xmas & met this girl. We hit it off straight away & met up a couple of times before I came back. We ended up keeping contact for the next 5 months

She's recently arrived in Sydney with 4 of her friends. She came out two days earlier to stay with me & hang out.

I basically thought we'd kind of continue where we left off. She had said she wanted to take it slow, which is what I wanted as well but thought we would have romantic relationship to start at least. After a few days she said she wasn't sure what she wanted & felt we should strip things back, start as friends as she was overwhelmed by everything, the move to Sydney, getting set up & me. She said there was too much pressure. I reluctantly agreed to do that

We were still hanging out plenty. I was out one night, she texted me when she was finished work in a bar & she came home with me, we ended up sleeping together. The next day she said all the same stuff.. Then she went on Sunday, got drunk & rang me asking could she come over, we didn't do anything, she basically broke down crying telling me about her depression (which I knew she suffered from previously). In the morning she said all the same stuff "I don't know if I can give you a romantic relationship" etc. saying she needed time to settle to figure out what she wants.. Then afterwards, following some flirting we again slept with each other. Because of work etc, we had only seen bits of each other, mainly her coming to see me or asking me to hang out.

She got drunk after work on Saturday & again rang me asking could she come over. Nothing happened as I'm not going to have sex with her while I'm sober & she's drunk..

She had been living in a hostel for two weeks with her mates, but was struggling with it. She said she needed some space from her friends as the room was cramped etc. so she found a place for herself to live. However, she can't move in for a week so asked me could she stay with me. I said that was fine. So the last two nights she's slept in my bed. I hadn't tried anything as I'm trying not to pressure her. But this morning I tried to kiss her before I left for work, my idea was to keep some for of romance there. She said she needed time to figure out what she want etc. that she sees I'm getting annoyed. I said I was, but I can accept what she wants.

I'm trying to figure out what to do here. I'm mad about her, but I don't want to chase something that's not there.. Am I chasing a shadow? Should I continue to hang around with her & just relax about it & see what happens? I was thinking about suggesting time apart when she moves, let her decide....

I'm so confused, just need to know what's the best step forward

b_mac2

Looks like your a stopgap, until she finds her feet over there, she is being honest about it though.

I'd walk away if I had feelings for someone like that for sure.

strobe

I dunno, seems she's told you repeatedly she isn't gone on the idea of being in a relationship with you. So if that's what you're after, I'd forget about things. It doesn't seem to be what she's after. Seems from the brief info in your post, and on a first impression, without being able to know her mind obviously, is that what she wants is you there when she needs emotional support, or a place to crash, or someone to hook up with when she needs a pick me up and a bit of an ego boost/to feel wanted, but that's all she wants or will offer. That's just the impression I get from your post mind... you know her better than me (although keep in mind you don't really know her, you met her twice at home and have been exchanging e-mails or facebook messages for 5 months, that's a different thing entirely than actually knowing someone for 5 months imo, it's just not the same at all). Honestly if it was me I'd be moving on as I don't think what you want to be there is there, sorry.

LeonardNelson

Your being the sweet guy and yet still cant make a decision for you. Its good you're helping her because he's your friend but if she's into you she already gave you an answer, why take it so long. Until when are you going to wait if you will. Dude I think she only see you whenever she needs you. Move on and find another, you deserve someone better. Save yourself now.

Merkin

I don't think she knows what she wants and I think until she figures it out she is happy to use both you and your hospitality. For someone you barely really know she has taken a whole host of liberties while regularly issuing a disclaimer that she doesn't want to get involved. Are you even going to hear from her once she gets sorted? And just how high maintenance is she to come a. crying to you about her mental health issues and b. having to move out of a hostel she is only going to be in for a couple of nights because it's cramped? Jeez Louise! I'd be showing her the door and incidentally you sound like a lovely guy, very gentlemanly, don't waste your time on someone like this.

Matteroffact

She went over to Sydney for adventure and she doesn't want to be stuck in a relationship with you (or anyone else) while she lives this adventure. That is about the height of it. She does like you but she wants to be free to make the most of her time over there. So let her go and keep in touch with her and you never know what will come out of this in the end.

fergie24

Matteroffact wrote: »

She went over to Sydney for adventure and she doesn't want to be stuck in a relationship with you (or anyone else) while she lives this adventure. That is about the height of it. She does like you but she wants to be free to make the most of her time over there. So let her go and keep in touch with her and you never know what will come out of this in the end.

X2

I think this is about the size of it. She likes you alot but at the same time she is using you to get settled in Sydney which it seems she is finding it tough at the start but when she does, she will be off on her adventure like most people will do.

I would try not get too attached to her to protect yourself which must feel very hard to do. When she does land on her feet and is off backpacking around Oz, keep in touch every now and again if you like her that much and if she feels the same she will do the same and maybe when she has had her adventure you both might feel there is still a connection. (that's if both of you haven't moved on by that stage)

CaraMay

Ah no she is taking the mick. When is she moving out? Is she contributing to the house while she stats there? She sounds like a user

Plus she obviously dumped the friends she came with. She is out for herself