Opinions Please!!!

anoym2014

I am a single parent and my daughter does not have any contact with her father, some relations of his have changed schools to the same one I wanted my daughter to attend.

what should I do now, continue and start her in this school or change her to a different one close to the area we live?

spurious

Moved to Parenting as I think there may be more relevant replies.

ekimiam

how many years until shes attending ?

Synyster Shadow

I wouldn't allow your daughter be put out.. Kids don't pay much heed on these things..

Example.. My parents split and my dad had a child then my mam had a child and they both attended the same school and never had any dealings with each other.. By 5th class they knew everything but nothing came of it

anoym2014

ekimiam wrote: »

how many years until shes attending ?

she starts in september

anoym2014

Synyster Shadow wrote: »

I wouldn't allow your daughter be put out.. Kids don't pay much heed on these things..

Example.. My parents split and my dad had a child then my mam had a child and they both attended the same school and never had any dealings with each other.. By 5th class they knew everything but nothing came of it

thanks for your reply, why I cant decide is my daughter doesn't know her father and that's the way I want to keep it until she is old enough to decide for herself, he is a drug user and the family don't have the best track record either. I would love to just send her to the school she's been attending but afraid Il have a constant battle come September with these people.

Chattastrophe!

I'm not sure I understand ... first you're saying she's starting in September, then you're saying you want to send her to the school she's been attending? What age is she and what class is she in?

If she hasn't started yet, it would seem to make sense to send her to a school in your area, as you suggested in your first post ...

However I wouldn't be inclined to base my decision on the fact that his relations will be in the same school. Why do you think you'll have a constant battle with them? Will any of them even be in the same class as your daughter?

eviltwin

At this stage OP will you even be able to get her into a different school? It seems extreme but she hasn't started yet and it might be worth it to avoid the hassle if you think these people will make life hard for you both.

anoym2014

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand ... first you're saying she's starting in September, then you're saying you want to send her to the school she's been attending? What age is she and what class is she in?

If she hasn't started yet, it would seem to make sense to send her to a school in your area, as you suggested in your first post ...

However I wouldn't be inclined to base my decision on the fact that his relations will be in the same school. Why do you think you'll have a constant battle with them? Will any of them even be in the same class as your daughter?

she is 5,she attended playschool and preschool in this school, starting national school as in junior infants, both schools are near where we live, constant battle being the way these kids are I don't want my daughter acting up like they do, they want to be involved already offering to drive her to school, one of them is a year older and should be in the year above my daughter but she is being kept back so now they will both be in the same class

anoym2014

eviltwin wrote: »

At this stage OP will you even be able to get her into a different school? It seems extreme but she hasn't started yet and it might be worth it to avoid the hassle if you think these people will make life hard for you both.

I can try to get her changed to the other school, this being the school this family did change from, but they could change back, what would make life hard is them knowing they are the reason I'm changing her, I just don't know what to do and now one child is being kept back a year to be in the same class as my daughter!

Chattastrophe!

My own opinion would be that no matter what's going on with the adults, no need for children to be dragged into it ... I'd be inclined to keep her in that school, if she wants to stay there, and let her be friends with the other little girl if that's what happens.

You can politely decline the offer of a lift, just say you'd prefer to bring her yourself.

No need for you to interact with the girl's family at all, even if they do end up being friends. But are you really totally opposed to letting his family have some bit of access to her? I can understand you'd want to do it on your own terms, of course, but if they want to be involved I don't see the harm in letting her spend some time with them (with you there as well.) It seems a bit extreme to consider moving schools just to avoid any bit of contact with them.

If you do have any trouble or hassle, you could always review after a year and move school then if necessary, she'll still be young enough to settle in well at a new school with minimum fuss.

eviltwin

anoym2014 wrote: »

I can try to get her changed to the other school, this being the school this family did change from, but they could change back, what would make life hard is them knowing they are the reason I'm changing her, I just don't know what to do and now one child is being kept back a year to be in the same class as my daughter!

Are you sure they have arranged this to get close to your child? Could it be just a coincidence? I wouldn't worry about them knowing you changed schools to avoid them, they probably already know you don't want your daughter around them so it won't be a big surprise. Have they ever tried to contact you or her before this? Is there a history of behaviour here that you are basing your fears on?

anoym2014

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

My own opinion would be that no matter what's going on with the adults, no need for children to be dragged into it ... I'd be inclined to keep her in that school, if she wants to stay there, and let her be friends with the other little girl if that's what happens.

You can politely decline the offer of a lift, just say you'd prefer to bring her yourself.

No need for you to interact with the girl's family at all, even if they do end up being friends. But are you really totally opposed to letting his family have some bit of access to her? I can understand you'd want to do it on your own terms, of course, but if they want to be involved I don't see the harm in letting her spend some time with them (with you there as well.) It seems a bit extreme to consider moving schools just to avoid any bit of contact with them.

If you do have any trouble or hassle, you could always review after a year and move school then if necessary, she'll still be young enough to settle in well at a new school with minimum fuss.

I don't want to change her just don't think its best for my daughter to be involved with them, I know she is young and I shouldn't worry too much they are kids after all, but at the moment we live near each other and don't interact but at times the kids do try to involve my daughter which leads to her attitude being different within half an hour of them being around, I wish this wasn't the case by I guess there parenting is different to mine.

think I should just start her and see how it goes for the first year.

eviltwin

anoym2014 wrote: »

I don't want to change her just don't think its best for my daughter to be involved with them, I know she is young and I shouldn't worry too much they are kids after all, but at the moment we live near each other and don't interact but at times the kids do try to involve my daughter which leads to her attitude being different within half an hour of them being around, I wish this wasn't the case by I guess there parenting is different to mine.

think I should just start her and see how it goes for the first year.

The family won't be able to get close to her, the schools are very strict about that so don't worry about that. If you are worried the family might use the other child to get to your daughter it might be no harm to explain the situation to the principal and ask if they can be put in different classes. If the behaviour of the child is an issue then the teachers will be best placed to deal with that. I think if you want her to stay where she is then let it go, don't assume something will happen because it might never come to pass and just deal with things as and when they arise.

anoym2014

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you sure they have arranged this to get close to your child? Could it be just a coincidence? I wouldn't worry about them knowing you changed schools to avoid them, they probably already know you don't want your daughter around them so it won't be a big surprise. Have they ever tried to contact you or her before this? Is there a history of behaviour here that you are basing your fears on?

the mother keeping the child back to be in the same class is not coincidence, they are big on family and want my daughter to know, the father of these kids is my daughters uncle and has told my daughter he is her dad, (its no secret her father/his brother is a waste of space) i have corrected this but just this past father's day my daughter made a card a school and wanted to give it to her uncle. so that's my dilemma do i let her go to this school and see how it goes, she is settled and is looking forward to big school with a girl she attended pre-school with, or change her.

diveout

anoym2014 wrote: »

the mother keeping the child back to be in the same class is not coincidence, they are big on family and want my daughter to know, the father of these kids is my daughters uncle and has told my daughter he is her dad, (its no secret her father/his brother is a waste of space) i have corrected this but just this past father's day my daughter made a card a school and wanted to give it to her uncle. so that's my dilemma do i let her go to this school and see how it goes, she is settled and is looking forward to big school with a girl she attended pre-school with, or change her.

It's not up to the mother to keep the child back. The schools decide that.

You are giving these people way too much control by allowing an educational decision be directly related or responsive to their educational choices.

Father's day is always a minefield for single parents and their kids in one form or another. Don't sweat the small stuff.

anoym2014

diveout wrote: »

It's not up to the mother to keep the child back. The schools decide that.

You are giving these people way too much control by allowing an educational decision be directly related or responsive to their educational choices.

Father's day is always a minefield for single parents and their kids in one form or another. Don't sweat the small stuff.

It's true why should my daughter have to change because of these people, I just want her to be happy in a school and not have to change once started and settled. father's day doesn't bother me its the fact this is what she is be led to believe that her uncle is her father.

nc19

What happens when the children become friends and birthday parties roll around. You dont want her going to theirs and you dont want them coming to yours.

I would ask for different classes if possibe but if not change schools

anoym2014

nc19 wrote: »

What happens when the children become friends and birthday parties roll around. You dont want her going to theirs and you dont want them coming to yours.

I would ask for different classes if possibe but if not change schools

different classes wont be an option, and if I change schools and they go back to this other school (this being the one they changed from), do I change my daughter again, I want my girl in one school and not have to keep changing.㌴

Chattastrophe!

anoym2014 wrote: »

It's true why should my daughter have to change because of these people, I just want her to be happy in a school and not have to change once started and settled. father's day doesn't bother me its the fact this is what she is be led to believe that her uncle is her father.

Are you sure that's what her uncle told her ... is there any chance your daughter might have misunderstood? Were you there with them at the time ... and, if not, why was she left with him unsupervised - considering what you've told us about them so far, it doesn't seem like the best idea!

anoym2014

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

Are you sure that's what her uncle told her ... is there any chance your daughter might have misunderstood? Were you there with them at the time ... and, if not, why was she left with him unsupervised - considering what you've told us about them so far, it doesn't seem like the best idea!

I was there, it happen when he walked passed my house and he asked had his brother tried to get in contact, he hasn't, I don't want her to know him and he isn't trying to see her either, her uncle words were she doesn't need him, turned to her and said u can call me dada, I stopped it there and then his youngest got upset and he then went on to her and said she doesn't have a daddy like you do so il be her daddy, he actually thought this was ok!! this has since been cleared up but they now know they are cousins, my daughter doesn't pay much attention to this but his three kids do, the oldest, 12 actually told my mother not to correct my daughter one day "leave my cousin alone".