Is the grass greener?

johdoe

I realise this topic has been discussed many times before and the conclusion is usually the same but I would be grateful for some opinions nevertheless. I have been in a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend since the age of 17. We have grown up together and experienced many highs and lows together be it long distance relationship for extended periods to now living together for the past year. We are getting to the stage where the discussion of marriage is now happening and what the future holds for us. My girlfriend is a wonderful person; she is kind and caring and we are very compatible i.e. we share many of the same views and goals in life, I know we could have a happy and productive life together.

My only problem is that I sometimes get a “what if” feeling. As we have been together for our teenage years and twenties I feel, to some extent, that I have missed out on some of the life experiences that my peers would have experienced such as dating other people etc. I realise that I am lucky that I have met someone that I love and that I am happy with but as I approach my late twenties and prospect of marriage is near I just get a slightly uneasy feeling. My question is have people found that the grass is actually greener or have you regretted your decision to move to greener pastures?

Ande1975

OP,

From my experience, we have a tendency to put little value on things that come easy to us. You have a great relationship with your girlfriend and you can see yourself marrying her but what if she decided to walk away and leave you. How would you feel?
Or what if you guys decided to give each other a break for a year and see what happens? Its possible you could meet someone else or its possible your girlfriend could meet someone.
Dating different people isn't all that enjoyable and you are lucky to have found someone so compatible.
We can't predict the future but you need to decide which is better for you, a future with or without your girlfiend.

Good luck,
A

Alf. A. Male

I'm not sure anybody else's regrets or the lack of them is relevant to you. I've made decisions before that I made with the information I had at the time and the lack of ability to predict the future. Some I can see now were completely right, some I regret, but I can also see those things may not have worked out anyway and I've had great experiences since, so I don't lose sleep over them.
For everyone who tells you to stick with what you have, there'll be someone who says they made the move and it worked out, plus some who tell you it didn't, as well as some who find they made a change and realised it made no difference, they were still the same person and brought their issues with them.
It's natural to feel you've missed out as you've been together since an early age, but obviously had the relationship not happened you'd have missed on all the good it brought too.

In making your decision, I'd suggest, and it is only a suggestion, you focus on this; don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without. Only you know which side of that equation you're on now.

CaraMay

Who is bringing up the conversations? I'm a bit surprised you've taken ten years to suddenly decide 'what if?'

suicide_circus

The grass is almost never greener

An Bhanríon

The uneasy feeling about getting married happens to loads of people so I wouldn't worry about that bit. I know very few people who didn't freak out in some way after deciding to get married. And these are all people who were marrying somebody they really really loved to bits.

As regards the 'missing out' bit, I'm sure lots of people have looked at you over the years wishing they had the stable and loving relationship you had.

Try and find sometime to be on your own and have a think. All will become clear eventually and you will make the best decision for you.

comewatmay

As Alex ferguson said. The cow in the field isn't always better than the cow in your field.

LegacyUser

johdoe wrote: »

I realise this topic has been discussed many times before and the conclusion is usually the same but I would be grateful for some opinions nevertheless. I have been in a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend since the age of 17. We have grown up together and experienced many highs and lows together be it long distance relationship for extended periods to now living together for the past year. We are getting to the stage where the discussion of marriage is now happening and what the future holds for us. My girlfriend is a wonderful person; she is kind and caring and we are very compatible i.e. we share many of the same views and goals in life, I know we could have a happy and productive life together.

My only problem is that I sometimes get a “what if” feeling. As we have been together for our teenage years and twenties I feel, to some extent, that I have missed out on some of the life experiences that my peers would have experienced such as dating other people etc. I realise that I am lucky that I have met someone that I love and that I am happy with but as I approach my late twenties and prospect of marriage is near I just get a slightly uneasy feeling. My question is have people found that the grass is actually greener or have you regretted your decision to move to greener pastures?

It's hard to know.

I went out with a guy from 16 to 26. (the relationship wasn't as good as your relationship by description) It's been over for a year now. I've felt things and had experiences that I never would have had if I were still with him. I've done a lot of growing and i often say to myself I wouldn't want to go through life not having experienced what I've got right now. Saying that, I needed to do that growing on my own. Your relationship seems healthy and you two seem to have grown together.

It's hard to give you answer because nobody knows what the future holds. To be honest, for me it's not about the grass being greener. It's more like the grass is different. There will be many benefits and experiences that you will appreciate if you leave your relationship and you will look back and smile. The same can be said if you stay with this girl.

My one piece if advice is that if you have any doubt whatsoever moving forward with this girl take time now and think it through, figure out what's right for you and follow through. Both of you deserve that.

Saulcortez

OP it'a tough situation. Be aware that the uneasiness you feel now will probably never go awat for good. It will return periodically for the rest of your life if you stay in your relationship and often much more intensley than what you feel now. You will never know what it ia like to be with so many other different women. That fact will bother you intermittently for the rest of your life. Depending on your own personality it could be a minor fleeting feeling every now and then or it could suck the the soul out of your body and depress you.

You have to decide if your girlfriend is worth that.

Starokan

There is no real definitive answer here, it will be very much down to peoples experience of relationships.

For me personally I have always enjoyed the times when I was single but if I had to pick being single or pick being in a good relationship I would pick the relationship every time. Its a pretty great feeling when you get someone and they get you. Its hard to find and a lot of people just end up settling for a life with someone that they are just not compatible with.

I would say imagine life without your girlfriend as in a life where you will never be in touch with her again in any way as that is pretty much what would happen if you leave. Can you imagine her building a life with someone else. If you think you could handle that then indeed the grass may be greener but hopefully its something you do not want to envisage

eviltwin

I think your feelings are pretty normal tbh OP and probably something a lot of people in a long term relationship can identify with. I am married to my childhood sweetheart and felt similar jitters everytime we took our relationship to the next stage, buying a house, marriage etc. I would find myself looking at my single friends with a bit of envy even though these same friends were regularly telling me how fed up they were of being alone. But its human nature to see only the good things and ignore the bad. Deep down I always knew I would be miserable without my partner so never did anything about it and I have no regrets.

If you love her and she loves you and you are both on the same page re your future and nothing has happened to make you evaluate your relationship then there is a good chance its just nerves and I wouldn't worry about it too much. Its when you find yourself distancing yourself from her that I would be concerned. Don't be afraid to tell her how your're feeling and look at ways of freshening things up a bit. Relationships need constant work cause it can get a bit boring from time to time.

Dating other people may feel like something you have missed out on but would you really be prepared to end things with this woman who you seem to love very much for a few randomers?