Unsure about relationship future

LegacyUser

Hi all.
I think I know i the answer to my question, but I could do with being told what I should do.
I'm 25, living with my son and Gf. Lease is up at the end of the week.
Chances are we'll be renewing it, but I'm not sure if it will be worth it.
Basically my Gf is very controlling. Everything must be to her standards ( cleaning is mostly done by me, but she does help out every now and then.)
I'm up at 6am every morning with my son and she sleeps in until about 9. I usually go for a nap when my son goes for one. And then I'm woken up when he gets up.
I don't have control over when I want to jump online and play a few games of Xbox with my mates back home.
I like to play with them as I have no friends where we live. Neither does she, for that matter. She has no friends, just her family. She's very anti social and has no interest in taking up any hobbies and making friends due to her supposed anxiety.

Lately, she's been putting pressure on me to get engaged because a couple of my friends have gotten engaged. We're going out 4 years now.
We're both unemployed.
I don't feel like I'm happy much any more. We argue over the smallest of things, usually about her demands and commands.
I don't want to break up because I fear I won't see my son again for a long time, since our home towns are far from each other. A few counties over.
I'm looking looking advice here. She wants to know we'll get engaged this year or its over.

Barely There

Anon25 wrote: »

I don't have control over when I want to jump online and play a few games of Xbox with my mates back home.

As a taxpayer, my heart bleeds.

LegacyUser

Barely There wrote: »

As a taxpayer, my heart bleeds.

Ditch the sarcasm. I've only been unemployed a few months, having worked full time for 7 years.

blatantrereg

Barely There wrote: »

As a taxpayer, my heart bleeds.

It does sound like your priorities might not be in order alright! How much time do you spend playing games a week?

Don't get married to someone you don't like.

Can you not move somewhere nearby if you break up?

LegacyUser

blatantrereg wrote: »

It does sound like your priorities might not be in order alright! How much time do you spend playing games a week?

Don't get married to someone you don't like.

Can you not move somewhere nearby if you break up?

I only play about 8 hrs a week. 2hrs approx for 4 nights. Sometimes it's a lot less.

The problem is, if we broke up, she would move back to her home town, a 1hr drive away. I don't drive because car insurance is just too much. Then there's the issue finding a place to live which is within the rent allowance limits. For the latter, I can just hope my job interview this week goes well.

My priorities are perfectly normal. I'm all about providing for my family. I've been to 5 interviews since January and any money we have left after paying our bills etc. usually gets spent on our son.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Your life sounds boring and draining. Depressingly so. You have to weigh it all up, in the long run: do you want to be married to someone who you don't love, is boring, anxious, anti-social, controlling and demanding and get to see your son all you want OR do you want to break up with your girlfriend, play Xbox as much as you like and have to fight tooth and nail to see your son (if she's uncooperative) OR do you want to break up with your girlfriend, get back into education/training, get a job, grow up a bit and pay a solicitor to fight tooth and nail to get you access to your son. Personally I'd go with the last option and hope that she'll be cooperative and allow you weekend access to your son. I really wouldn't marry someone like you describe, son or not.

Best of luck with it.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

Your life sounds boring and draining. Depressingly so. You have to weigh it all up, in the long run: do you want to be married to someone who you don't love, is boring, anxious, anti-social, controlling and demanding and get to see your son all you want OR do you want to break up with your girlfriend, play Xbox as much as you like and have to fight tooth and nail to see your son (if she's uncooperative) OR do you want to break up with your girlfriend, get back into education/training, get a job, grow up a bit and pay a solicitor to fight tooth and nail to get you access to your son. Personally I'd go with the last option and hope that she'll be cooperative and allow you weekend access to your son. I really wouldn't marry someone like you describe, son or not.

Best of luck with it.

The last option is something I've certainly considered before.
I dropped out of college when I was 19 and I've always regretted it. Getting back in to education and bettering my future careers is something I do want to do.

Neyite

Barely There wrote: »

As a taxpayer, my heart bleeds.

Read the charter and post advice that is civil, constructive and helpful to the op from here on in. The next warning will be a card or ban.

LegacyUser

Hey man,

Your story sounds so similar to my story, which I ended in the latter part of 2012. My ex gf was very controlling and dare I say....not a very nice person. I worked full time and still do, I paid for everything, did most of the house work, made my own food, while she sat around all day watching TV and looking after our daughter. Yes I know, she did look after our daughter. I did this for 4 years, and I couldn't do it anymore. Walking a half hour to the train each morning...she "needed" the car and was too lazy to get up and drop me. All my own fault I know..........She shouted and screamed at me in front of our daughter, she shouted at my young daughter, she never wanted to do anything as a family, but would jump at the chance if it was just me and her

Man if you don't love her or if you think it will not work, pluck up the courage and do the right thing for not only you but also for your daughter. My daughter now lives a 2 hour drive away...I meet her mom at a half way point from where I live and where she now lives. We get to see eachother every weekend, forget the money side of things. Get the bus if you have to, and kids do not need the latest gadgets and toys. A cardboard box would suffice!!! I feel happier, I feel free and me and my daughter are happy. It can be done. Jobs come and go, all you can do is your best. No doubt your daughter loves you, its now time for you to love yourself

strobe

Do you have legal gaurdianship of your son? That's the first thing to get sorted if not.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all of the replies.

I definitely really need to sit down and think about what will make me happier in the long run.
If I decided to end the relationship, I'll have to find the courage to do so. That will be hard to do.

Thank you again.

Typer Monkey

Why are you getting up every morning with your son? If you're both not working surely the early mornings should be shared. This is what my boyfriend and I do and we both do shiftwork full time. If you can't negotiate and cooperate on something that simple, there's no way you should even consider getting married.

If you've tried to negotiate a fairer system and she refuses then she is being incredibly selfish and dismissive of your welfare/happiness which is even worse!