Girlfriend Going Away With A Guy Friend

Zipp101 · 23-06-2014 4:22pm #1

Right, so me and my girlfriend bought tickets a while back to see a concert at the end of this month.

I have been in Frsnce for the last few months and had hoped to find a job at home and return home before the concert so we could both go. Unfortunately I didn't find a job and so it made more sense to stay here until July as I have some income here. My girlfriend was a little disappointed at this but I explained to her that coming home just for the sake of one day would be a bit silly.

It was originally hoped by both of us earlier in the year that she would come over anyway . I even suggested recently that we could sell the tickets and that she could use all the money to pay for her flights. It would have covered everything.However, she decided against it despite having no ties at home.

Anyway, now she is asking me to give my ticket to her friend. I have never even met the guy in question but have heard from mutual friends that he had a thing for my girlfriend before.

Furthermore, the two of them would be staying over in Dublin together as they live far away. I trust my girlfriend but to be honest the idea that she would rather go here than sell the tickets and come and see me does not sit well.

Should I really be expected to give my ticket to this randomer to go on the mooch with my girlfriend ? Or maybe I'm the one being unreasonable to expect her to come over ?

Any opinions would be appreciated.

Backstreet Moyes · 23-06-2014 4:39pm

Why would you give him the ticket if you are parting with the ticket he can at least pay for it.

Personally i would be annoyed if she asked me to give up my ticket to some fella i never even met. It all depends on you and if you trust her but i can see why you would be annoyed.

macplato · 23-06-2014 4:55pm

I have to say, if I was in a similar situation I would be really disappointed. And it wouldn't be about trust either, just the fact that someone I'm with would not jump at the opportunity to come and see me.

Would I give away my ticket? I have no idea. Chances are I would (actually I most likely would), but the disappointment and sadness would linger.

baby and crumble · 23-06-2014 4:57pm

I don't see why she should be expected to miss a gig she was probably really looking forward to, because you decided to stay in France. I mean I do think that this chap should pay for his ticket, but since you're coming home for good in a month, I don't see the problem.

PinkLemonade · 23-06-2014 5:00pm

Maybe she just really wants to go to the concert?

CaraMay · 23-06-2014 6:19pm

IMHO she should want to see you and I think it stinks to high heaven. She could spend time with you but she chooses to stay here so she can spend a night away at a concert with this guy. It's even worse she isn't asking him to pay for his ticket.

Op proceed with caution.

eviltwin · 23-06-2014 6:36pm

I think you're making a mountain of a molehill, she could be really looking forward to this thing, why should she miss it because you want her to especially seeing as your're back in a few weeks anyway?

Alf. A. Male · 23-06-2014 6:36pm

Not a lot of context there OP. Have you been together long? Doing LDR long? You see a future together and are you on the same page about it?

LegacyUser · 23-06-2014 6:38pm

PinkLemonade wrote: »

Maybe she just really wants to go to the concert?

+1 this was my thought reading the first post. If you got the tickets ages ago clearly it's a concert you both wanted to see, sucks you can't go but why should she skip it? I do think her friend should pay for the ticket but other then that I'm not getting the issue. Maybe I misunderstood the post but aren't you coming back at the end of next July so why spend that kind of money to fly over when she wants to go to the concert and your back in a month?

My husband and I often work for several months overseas for our jobs away from each other and it has happened events we planned to go to together come up and one misses out, it sucks but it happens. The friend should pay for the ticket though, I'd only give it away if it was family.

MissFlitworth · 23-06-2014 6:40pm

You haven't jumped at the opportunity to see her either, even though you had definite plans to, you cancelled on her & chose to stay in France. I don't think either of you have done anything wrong & you potentially both have reason to be annoyed with each other but you're both doing the same thing to each other.

If you don't give your girlfriend the ticket to use, that you have chosen not to use, it'll mean that she either go to the gig alone or not go at all. You trust your girlfriend, the only thing you know about the guy is pure gossip, why wouldn't you give her the ticket to use so that she doesn't have to go to the gig alone.

Azwaldo55 · 23-06-2014 8:03pm

Tell her you are not giving her the ticket so she can go to the concert with some other guy especially so a guy who has a thing for her can go with her to the concert. End of. You shouldn't even have to explain that to her. The guy is obviously going to try it on with her especially if she is staying overnight in Dublin. She might be your girlfriend and she might be loyal to you but you can't predict what might happen if the temptation is there and you are miles away in France and she misses you and this guy becomes a shoulder to cry on.
Stick to your guns. When you come back to Ireland arrange to go away with her some place and also have word in this guy's ear to let him know what he can do with himself. He is obviously trying to take your girl away from you when you are out of the country.

Matteroffact · 23-06-2014 8:32pm

Your g/f is disappointed with you for not wanting to come home to go to the concert with her. She probably feels that if you have been away for a few months that it is about time you came home. Wanting to stay an extra month is disappointing for her, so she is digging her heels in now and showing you you are not the only one who wants to go to the concert with her. All you can do is give this guy the ticket and if anything happens between them then it would have happened anyway. If you are that annoyed about it then come home and go to the concert with her yourself. You are annoyed that she does not want to go over and visit you and she is annoyed that you won't come home to see her.

bee06 · 23-06-2014 8:37pm

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

Tell her you are not giving her the ticket so she can go to the concert with some other guy especially so a guy who has a thing for her can go with her to the concert. End of. You shouldn't even have to explain that to her. The guy is obviously going to try it on with her especially if she is staying overnight in Dublin. She might be your girlfriend and she might be loyal to you but you can't predict what might happen if the temptation is there and you are miles away in France and she misses you and this guy becomes a shoulder to cry on.
Stick to your guns. When you come back to Ireland arrange to go away with her some place and also have word in this guy's ear to let him know what he can do with himself. He is obviously trying to take your girl away from you when you are out of the country.

Do this if you want to make it clear to your girlfriend that you don't trust her.

OP would you still have a problem if she was going with a female friend?

Azwaldo55 · 23-06-2014 9:17pm

bee06 wrote: »

Do this if you want to make it clear to your girlfriend that you don't trust her.

OP would you still have a problem if she was going with a female friend?

The OP is right to be suspicious.
She wants to go to a concert with another guy who has a history with her while he is miles away in France and expects him to give the guy who may or may not be trying to steal her away from him his ticket after he already proposed she come to France to meet him. The whole set up stinks.
She is taking liberties and that is not on.

bee06 · 23-06-2014 9:45pm

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

The OP is right to be suspicious.
She wants to go to a concert with another guy who has a history with her while he is miles away in France and expects him to give the guy who may or may not be trying to steal her away from him his ticket after he already proposed she come to France to meet him. The whole set up stinks.
She is taking liberties and that is not on.

No one can be stolen if they don't want to be and forbidding them for doing things is never going to prevent someone from cheating if they are inclined to cheat. In fact your approach will more than likely drive his girlfriend away rather than prevent anything from happening.

DukeOfTheSharp · 24-06-2014 12:31am

Honestly? You don't sound too cut up about her not coming over. And, as it stands, you stayed an extra month since you have some 'income' there, but you've not found a job? Are you really that strapped for cash that you need to spend another month on rent and whatnot just to keep whatever income you have there coming? I don't see the harm in her wanting to go to the concert, the only real issue here is that you don't want her going with a guy who 'supposedly' has had a thing for her. Now, I wouldn't be thrilled, I'd let her know that, but if he coughs up the money for the ticket, then that's grand.

At the end of the day, it seems like neither of your particularly want to change your lives to revolve around each other, so much so that you didn't come home for a concert - which like you said, was for a night so I really don't get the logic if you're getting some income - and she didn't want to sell her ticket, instead opting to go with someone else, instead of visiting you. It's a hairy situation, but really, neither one of you seem to be showing their best side in this, so I wouldn't judge. Tell her you'll send the ticket when he sends the money, it's all you can do. I think the both of you made a hash of this, play it by year.

I will say that when you do get home, you both need to sit down and reexamine your priorities. Neither one of you made the other a priority in this case, for whatever reason you both use to justify your actions, you need to sort this out. It doesn't bode well when you flake on her on a pre-scheduled event, and then she doesn't bother skipping said event to head off and meet you. Essentially, you're both doing whatever you want, regardless of the other's feelings on the matter - to you, staying an extra month for extra income came before going home, and to her, a concert trumped seeing you. It really, really doesn't sound good.

blueb · 24-06-2014 2:13pm

Here buddy i have never met you before.. and i know you fancy my gf... but sure take this ticket i have .. bring her to dublin.. have a few drinks.. and stay the night together

Dude are you insane!

shalalala · 24-06-2014 5:45pm

Personally if i was in a relationship i wouldn't be going away for a night with another man and i would expect the same from whoever i was dating. Friends or not. If it were a group then maybe but in separate rooms. Maybe i am just a bit old fashioned

Mr. Incognito · 24-06-2014 9:11pm

Anyone else think its a gun to his head.

Get home and come to the concert ot ill go with a lad who will.

I wouldnt like my missus heading to a concert with a lad who had a thing for her overnight. Thats just not normal. Mates, sure but a lad out of the blue. Nada.

LegacyUser · 24-06-2014 10:02pm

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Anyone else think its a gun to his head.

Get home and come to the concert ot ill go with a lad who will.

I wouldnt like my missus heading to a concert with a lad who had a thing for her overnight. Thats just not normal. Mates, sure but a lad out of the blue. Nada.

I agree with this OP. Just seems dodgy to me, I'd say she probably is upset that you aren't coming home as planned and she would miss this concert too, but is there really only THIS particular person she can go with? What about any other friends? Who isn't actually someone that may have/has/had a thing for her?

Picturing this situation in my own relationship I can tell you that neither of us would be jumping for joy at the prospect. Especially the staying the night in Dublin either! I personally don't think it's a case of not trusting, But I think it's a bit brazen on her part and yer man!

strobe · 25-06-2014 1:51am

To be blunt... If they wanted to **** they'd probably be ****ing already. Sex doesn't require a concert beforehand or staying in a different county together... If they're gonna **** they'll do it away together after this concert or back at home together having not gone to the concert...

If they do **** after the concert, the whole concert/staying in the hotel after the concert thing, is going to be just where and how it happened to happen rather than somewhere and somehow else.

implausible · 25-06-2014 10:19am

Hmmm, OP, are you sure they are staying together or is this something you've assumed? I'd find it hard to believe that neither of them know anyone in Dublin that either he or she could stay with. Obviously, if they're booked into a double room in a hotel, that's a no-no, but you haven't given any specifics on the sleeping arrangements.

I'm married with two kids and I have gone to concerts with a male friend, as we are into the same music and my other half isn't. My husband has no problem with this. We might go for a drink afterwards and then he stays with his sister or whoever and I stay with a friend or my sister - it's not a big deal.

Imho, I'd say it's harmless, but she might be p*ssed off at you and is making a point.

Lou.m · 25-06-2014 2:53pm

Could you come to a compromise?

Perhaps you give give the ticket to a friend of YOURS that she could go with. A friend that might like the concert.

Or could you say perhaps you would like it if she went with a girlfriend or someone else and then you can wish her the best.

I have to say ...if it was me ...I think as a girlfriend it would not be such a big issue if you were uncomfortable with it...i would go with someone else. But if I was you it would not be such a big deal either I would just give the ticket.

I think it is the fact that you don't feel right about it. I would always want my partner to feel ok about stuff. Maybe when you get back then you can get to know this guy and prob find out he is ok.

But tell the truth ...nicely..say it just feels a little upsetting not that you don't trust her ..but seeing a guy who likes go instead of you ....and could she this once take someone else...and that you don't want her to stop being his friend or anything..but it is prob because it was something you thought you would do together so it has a sting for you.

If i thought my BF was feeling not right about it for genuine reasons and I would ask a girlfriend or my brother or something. I would also have paid you for the ticket by the way :-/ especially if it was someone you did not know.

yes there · 25-06-2014 3:42pm

Very strange scenario. Would you put your GF in this position if the roles were reversed. Very unreasonable on her part but as someone else has said if they are at it anyway then it doesnt matter. I would probably give her the ticket (when you get back you may sense if anything happened and start interrogations if so) but would also organise a night away with a female friend aswell regardless.

Lou.m · 25-06-2014 3:53pm

yes there wrote: »

Very strange scenario. Would you put your GF in this position if the roles were reversed. Very unreasonable on her part but as someone else has said if they are at it anyway then it doesnt matter. I would probably give her the ticket (when you get back you may sense if anything happened and start interrogations if so) but would also organise a night away with a female friend aswell regardless.

People who play silly games win silly prizes. If the relationship descends into farce and that level of lies it is not worth keeping.

The OP should be honest about his feelings and stop trying to play cool.

He has no right to order her but he can say look I am not comfortable about it could you this once just maybe take another person.

OP talk it all out honestly with the GF tell her everything on your mind.

See how you feel after.

25-06-2014 3:58pm

I agree with strobe.

I also don't understand "staying together". Different rooms in the same hotel or something? - in which case who cares if they are just friends. You're home in a month anyway, why would she give up a concert opportunity for that?
Of course the male friend should pay for his ticket but other than that, meh

discus · 25-06-2014 4:28pm

Mate, I would be telling her to get a grip on the reality of a relationship. You can't tell your other half that you are staying in a hotel with some stranger. That's bang out of order.

bee06 · 25-06-2014 4:35pm

discus wrote: »

Mate, I would be telling her to get a grip on the reality of a relationship. You can't tell your other half that you are staying in a hotel with some stranger. That's bang out of order.

He's the girlfriend's friend not some randomer.

discus · 25-06-2014 4:58pm

OP has never met him!

LegacyUser · 25-06-2014 5:14pm

discus wrote: »

OP has never met him!

so she can only have friends the OP has met and I assume approved?

It's the OP's choice if they want to give/sell their ticket to their GF friends or someone else or sit in their room and look at it but I agree with implausible and ask if the OP actually knows that they are sharing a room or if he's just assumed this. He's heard via third party that this person had a thing for this GF yet why doesn't he just do the adult thing and ask his GF? He seems to thick that she's opted to go to the concert they got tickets rather then missing out and going to france to see him even though he's back in a month. He doesn't say how long they've been dating, how long he's been away or when they last saw each other so it's hard to judge if the GF is being selfish and should drop everything and go see the OP or if the OP is just sulking that she's opted to go to the concert anyway. Both myself and husband often go to concerts without each other, often with friends of the opposite gender as we both work overseas for several months at a time and we don't share much musical taste in common. My OH is pretty hardcore into one band I can't stand and has traveled all over Europe following them and met with total strangers via the band fan club both male and female and traveled with them to see the band. Doesn't bother me in the slightest as I trust my OH.

bee06 · 25-06-2014 5:21pm

discus wrote: »

OP has never met him!

So now as well as the girlfriend not being allowed to decide where she goes and with who she's not allowed have friends who her boyfriend doesn't know?

implausible · 25-06-2014 6:08pm

discus wrote: »

You can't tell your other half that you are staying in a hotel with some stranger.

We don't know if that is the case. He is not a stranger.

discus · 25-06-2014 9:45pm

bee06 wrote: »

So now as well as the girlfriend not being allowed to decide where she goes and with who she's not allowed have friends who her boyfriend doesn't know?

Thats not what I said. Do you think the OP might be more at ease if he knew the man she was spending the night with?

Lou.m · 25-06-2014 9:51pm

discus wrote: »

Thats not what I said. Do you think the OP might be more at ease if he knew the man she was spending the night with?

It is not like 'spending the night with someone'. And you are making the OP sound like her mother.

Big Bag of Chips · 26-06-2014 6:44am

At the end of the day, this is an event you both bought tickets for. Presumably were both looking forward to. Now, at the last minute you decide to change ALL plans. You decide you are not bothered about going. So don't want to take a few days home from France to go with your gr, who presumably is STILL looking forward to the gig, despite your change of heart. And just because you've changed your mind about going, you now want her to not only not go aswell, but to go to France!

Maybe she doesn't want to go to France?

In this situation I think you are being completely unreasonable. And I agree, if something is going to happen between them it will already be happening, or it will happen regardless of whether they are in Dublin or not.

I would be really pissed off with a boyfriend if we had arranged something and then he changed all plans because "it wasn't worth it", but yet expected me to change all plans, sell my ticket and use the money to go see him.... When he couldn't be bothered coming to see me and sticking to the original plan.

Edit: and indeed, that sort of attitude from my boyfriend might actually lead me to feel very unappreciated by someone who just seems to want to suit themselves. And may even have me reconsider if I'd be better off in a relationship with someone who seems to value me and make an effort to stick to pre-arranged plans with me....

RDM_83 again · 29-06-2014 6:55pm

^^^^

Thats extremely harsh, its not like he is staying in France to go on the beer with his mates or something similar he is staying put to work so he can come home with a reserve of cash, life would be easy and there would probably be a lot less relationship issues if money was never an object but in the real world these days its not like that.

In relation to this

strobe wrote: »

To be blunt... If they wanted to **** they'd probably be ****ing already. Sex doesn't require a concert beforehand or staying in a different county together... If they're gonna **** they'll do it away together after this concert or back at home together having not gone to the concert...

If they do **** after the concert, the whole concert/staying in the hotel after the concert thing, is going to be just where and how it happened to happen rather than somewhere and somehow else.

Yeah thats technically correct, if some one is never going to cheat they are never going to cheat, but if you apply that sort of logic to a relationship thats in a grey area/understress, isn't a fun night at a concert drinks hotel etc making it way more likely for their to be a moment?

Like if we follow your logic fully people would never bother making romantic gestures arranging dates, fancy romantic meals, weekends away etc when they are trying to get with people, cos sure its just going to happen at some stage anyway!

Edit: I am not excusing the OP's demand that his GF sell her ticket and visit him thats selfish too, but it does sound like she hasn't visited him and that the concert wasn't just about seeing the band but also seeing each other

Zipp101 wrote: »

It was originally hoped by both of us earlier in the year that she would come over anyway . I even suggested recently that we could sell the tickets and that she could use all the money to pay for her flights. It would have covered everything.However, she decided against it despite having no ties at home.
.......
I trust my girlfriend but to be honest the idea that she would rather go here than sell the tickets and come and see me does not sit well.
.

limnam · 01-07-2014 2:47am

Sounds to me like she's engaging in a bit of mind games.

You won't come back from France?

OK let me ask a male friend who you don't know very well to go to Dublin more than likely drink taken and stay in a hotel together..

OK.

I'd have sent the ticket in the post all ready.

Girlfriend Going Away With A Guy Friend

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