My wife is a different person on fb

LegacyUser

I just want to hear a couple of opinions of what I can do as it drives me mad.

Offline my wife is a really lovely person, caring, giving, friendly and generally a human being that you love to spend time with. When she gets online though its whole different scenario. She argues with everyone about everything even her family, posts all kinds of ridiculous BS from hardcore feminist crap to stupid pics with "meanings" and quotes from famous people. It's a person that not only wouldn't have I married but I would most possibly block in facebook so to not see another post from her.

I 've tried very calmly to explain to her that she doesn't need to argue with everyone all the time and some things just need to be let go and while she kinda agreed on that she continue doing the same. She generally has a strong personality which is attractive in general, but while on the internet it's unbearable.

It has come to a point that it really annoys me and I am even thinking of deleting my fb account so I don't see any more of her crap. It's like two different people.

I am on the wrong to be that bothered and if not what can I do? I can always try to chat with her again, but the first time proved a bit pointless. I have tried few others time using humor to tell her.. but that didn't register either..

Alf. A. Male

How is this actually affecting you?

Starokan

For many people their online persona is different than their real life character.

The reality here is that you are irked / embarrassed by her online behaviour, I personally would leave her alone on this, for want of a better phrase you are trying to impose your online values onto her which you don't really have a right to do.

Her individuality as a person did not end when you married, this is an aspect of her individuality, I would respect that and let her act how she wants to act.

Deleting your account may not be a bad idea as this is probably something that will annoy you more the more you read. In the greater scheme of things its pretty harmless

LegacyUser

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

How is this actually affecting you?

As we 've been together for a long time we have a lot of common friends so a lot of times I do feel embarrassed for her behaviour, to friends or family. And also online she is not the person I know, how could it possible not affect me?

How can I just let it go when it's like talking to two different people? Because that's how I feel when I look at her postings.

amdublin

A difficult one alright....

Yes maybe deleting your account is best way to go. Or just "hiding" her from your feed?

Big Bag of Chips

Just "hide" her. I'm guessing a lot of other people have!

username123

Unfollow her AND put her on your Restricted List so that she doesn't see any of your posts to reply to.

Alf. A. Male

anon3 wrote: »

As we 've been together for a long time we have a lot of common friends so a lot of times I do feel embarrassed for her behaviour, to friends or family. And also online she is not the person I know, how could it possible not affect me?

How can I just let it go when it's like talking to two different people? Because that's how I feel when I look at her postings.

By not letting it. People do understand that despite being a couple, you have different views on all sorts of things and her opinions don't reflect on you.

ManOfMystery

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

By not letting it. People do understand that despite being a couple, you have different views on all sorts of things and her opinions don't reflect on you.

In a perfect world, yes. We don't live in a perfect world though, and many people will naturally assume that what is posted by the wife is also reflective of the husband's feelings on things.

OP, I do think you need to call your wife up on this. If she ends up damaging a relationship with family or friends, that will directly (or indirectly) affect you eventually.

Some people can be the nicest people in the world, but somehow gain a keyboard warrior mentality once they sit in front of a PC in relative anonymity. In extreme cases, these people are what we call trolls. I think it's time to nip this one in the bud.

LegacyUser

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

By not letting it. People do understand that despite being a couple, you have different views on all sorts of things and her opinions don't reflect on you.

I would totally respect that IF that's how she was all the time. You can't be A offline and B online, it's at least frustrating and embarrassing.

macplato

OP, you need to learn to stop viewing your wife as an extension of you. She is an entirely separate being from you and what she does reflects on her, not you. If she does something embarrassing, let her be embarrassed, don't claim that embarrassment as your own.

On the other hand, you have a fragmented view of her. You had this vision of her as being a lovely, caring, friendly, giving person before you got married, and now you are getting to know her other qualities that perhaps don't appeal to you as much. She is all that she was before you married her, it seems, but she is also someone who likes to argue online, post meaningful pictures and quote famous people. You need to figure out if you can accept her and continue to love her as she is, or not. If you can, great. If you can't, then I'd strongly suggest that you figure out why that may be.

Now, I don't know in what way she argues with people online. If she is insulting and rude, then that would bother me too. But some people enjoy having a good, meaningful argument about issues that are important to them - nothing wrong with that. I don't see anything wrong with posting quotes or meaningful photos either. If it annoys you that much, I'd suggest that you do block your wife, but don't blame her for it - it bothers you, so it's entirely your issue.

Alf. A. Male

ManOfMystery wrote: »

In a perfect world, yes. We don't live in a perfect world though, and many people will naturally assume that what is posted by the wife is also reflective of the husband's feelings on things.

No they don't. People aren't that stupid.

username123

OP you know the way you know your wife is one way offline and another way online? Well so do all the other people.

I see it loads myself, people who are quite quiet in real life are over sharing weirdos on FB. Or are aggressive or mouthy.

FB isn't real life. It's just social media. Your wife's actions on FB are her own, not for you to worry about.

Lou.m

anon3 wrote: »

As we 've been together for a long time we have a lot of common friends so a lot of times I do feel embarrassed for her behaviour, to friends or family. And also online she is not the person I know, how could it possible not affect me?

How can I just let it go when it's like talking to two different people? Because that's how I feel when I look at her postings.

Maybe she is not two different people maybe that IS who you married?

Lou.m

ManOfMystery wrote: »

In a perfect world, yes. We don't live in a perfect world though, and many people will naturally assume that what is posted by the wife is also reflective of the husband's feelings on things.

OP, I do think you need to call your wife up on this. If she ends up damaging a relationship with family or friends, that will directly (or indirectly) affect you eventually.

Some people can be the nicest people in the world, but somehow gain a keyboard warrior mentality once they sit in front of a PC in relative anonymity. In extreme cases, these people are what we call trolls. I think it's time to nip this one in the bud.

LOL that will go down well :rolleyes:
He is not her keeper. He cannot tell her what to say and how to behave.

Lou.m

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Just "hide" her. I'm guessing a lot of other people have!

I want to say I love this post.

Lou.m

OP I would say that people can be different on FB

But it is more likely that it is a part of her persona. People are different with different individuals.

You don't share her political beliefs and values and have a different communication style. It is likely that you overlook this in some way in life.


MAN OF MYSTERY SAID

In a perfect world, yes. We don't live in a perfect world though, and many people will naturally assume that what is posted by the wife is also reflective of the husband's feelings on things.

Oh yes because a spouse has no thoughts of their own of course. That's ridiculous.

ALFA MALE said

How is this actually affecting you?

I agree with Alfa male.

miamee

Can't you just unfriend her? It's just Facebook, mostly full of nonsense anyway.

A friend had to do this with her husband, the things he was posting were annoying her and embarrassing her constantly so after she'd talked to him about it and he continued anyway, she removed him from her friends. Problem solved.

She eventually added him back when he ran out of steam/interest in Facebook and relaxed with the constant posting. It took a while.

DukeOfTheSharp

anon3 wrote: »

I just want to hear a couple of opinions of what I can do as it drives me mad.

Offline my wife is a really lovely person, caring, giving, friendly and generally a human being that you love to spend time with. When she gets online though its whole different scenario. She argues with everyone about everything even her family, posts all kinds of ridiculous BS from hardcore feminist crap to stupid pics with "meanings" and quotes from famous people. It's a person that not only wouldn't have I married but I would most possibly block in facebook so to not see another post from her.

I 've tried very calmly to explain to her that she doesn't need to argue with everyone all the time and some things just need to be let go and while she kinda agreed on that she continue doing the same. She generally has a strong personality which is attractive in general, but while on the internet it's unbearable.

It has come to a point that it really annoys me and I am even thinking of deleting my fb account so I don't see any more of her crap. It's like two different people.

I am on the wrong to be that bothered and if not what can I do? I can always try to chat with her again, but the first time proved a bit pointless. I have tried few others time using humor to tell her.. but that didn't register either..

I had a whole thing written out, but my session timed out really quickly, so I'll give you abridged version:

Wow. That's all I can say to that attitude. I mean, going so far as to say "if I had known someone was like this, I wouldn't have married them" screams insecurity and a need for dominance that, in this day and age, is archaic and damaging to any relationship. Given your reactions; calling her feminist ideologies 'crap', having issues with her posting things that are meaningful to her and embarrassment over her having 'arguments' (which, given the circumstances, I believe are just heated debates), I really believe you need a Councillor. Or better still, you need a therapist. And I'm not saying that as an insult, I genuinely believe you've built up an 'ideal' version of your wife in your head, but can't accept that there's more to her than you knew (which is surprising). You actually can't accept your wife being who she is, all of who she is, because you think it negatively impacts you as a person.

In reality, your love for your wife seems heavily conditional; that she pertains to your ideal without question, and adheres to your narrative without question, otherwise you've a massive problem that leads to this sort of post. I'd hazard a guess and say that you're disdainful of your wife's personality and I'd ask you: why can't you handle your wife's personality? She's still the woman you married, nothing has changed, but you've started to see her differently and the issue lies squarely on your shoulders. This isn't about existing in a perfect world, this is about taking stock and realising that imposing your narrative on your marriage will only end up harming it, if not ending it. Your wife is who she is, and if you're looking at what she's doing as if it's a poor reflection on you, when it's got nothing to do with you. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, it just sounds like you dislike your wife for not being who you want her to be, and it seems a hell of a lot bigger than a simple facebook personality 'change'. I'm not trying to insult you, I mean no disrespect, it's just my perspective on the matter.

LegacyUser

If my partner behaved so badly towards our friends, I'd pull her up on it. Same if she treated our friends so badly in person. I can't understand people excusing her bad behaviour because it is online.

If she wants to be aggressive towards her family (as opposed to friends), I wouldn't be happy about it - but it affects her more than me, so I'd try to let it go. Not so if it was a mutual friend though.

Why does she feel the need to be so rude? That would really damage my relationship tbh. Does she realise this?

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being controlling at all, just embarrassed by her aggressive behaviour

omahaid

Needs a therapist?? Ah ffs.

If I was acting like a moron I would certainly hope my wife would pull me up on it. I would prefer that to all my friends thinking I was a tool.

Foolscap

anon3 wrote: »

ridiculous BS from hardcore feminist crap

I can't believe only one other poster picked up on this. This is a major alarm bell

Feminism: A belief in the sexual, political, economic and social equality of both sexes.

Considering you think such a stance is "crap", it's little surprise that you view your wife as an extension of yourself. She's not.

Cyclepath

Leaving aside the OPs views on feminism, the issue seems to be the disconnect between his wife's real life and online personas.

There are two principal possibilities here:

1. Her online persona more truly reflects her thoughts and beliefs - in that she has taken the trouble to write them down.

or

2. She experiences 'cyber-disinhibition' when online. The internet provides a cocoon or buffer which might allow her to be more aggressive or argumentative - the lack of an immediate feedback response such as facial expression, body language, verbal response etc can amplify one's positions in discussions or general assertions.

LegacyUser

Being honest OP, I think you're over-reacting just a tad. Hide her from your newsfeed? Easy peasy and then you dont have to look at her postings?

Seems like you're having a rant about her and I dunno maybe there's other things she does that bothers you, maybe you were having a bad day when you posted here, but honestly, it's a simple task of hiding her from your FB. Problem solved.

Just on a side note I was on FB for YEARS and I deleted it this year and honestly, I'm so glad I did it. I now dont give 2 sh!ts about mundane crap I saw every hour on it.. I dont see it, so I dont think about it. Believe it or not I have a family member (sis in law) who posts the most head wrecking, mind numbingly BORING updates on an hourly basis. She was the main reason I left FB. When I contacted her to say if she was looking for me to text me as I had deleted my FB, her reply was "oh right I see.... well I thought you had blocked me???"

WHY would I block my own sis in law. Seriously that just shows how petty people can be on that stupid site. If you have that much of an issue either hide her updates, remove her from your friends or delete your page.

ManOfMystery

Lou.m wrote: »

MAN OF MYSTERY SAID


Oh yes because a spouse has no thoughts of their own of course. That's ridiculous.

First off, I never said a spouse has no thoughts of their own. I said that SOME people may think the wife's thoughts are also reflective of the husbands.

It's hardly ridiculous. Last week in my work there was a discussion amongst some staff who sit near me about a sectarian comment which had been posted by a woman one of them knows, on FB (I live in N.Ireland so it's par for the course here). Comments were made by those staff which implied that they assumed her husband must share her feelings on things or else he would have pulled her up on such comments and asked her to remove them.

That is what I'm getting at.

DukeOfTheSharp

omahaid wrote: »

Needs a therapist?? Ah ffs.

If I was acting like a moron I would certainly hope my wife would pull me up on it. I would prefer that to all my friends thinking I was a tool.

It seems like his attitude is so obvious and unreasonable that she just doesn't bother engaging with him. Therapy would help with his unrealistic need to have someone always be what he wants them to be, and his unhealthy expectations of who someone should be. He doesn't know, or want to accept, a big part of his wife's personality, to the point where he said the words 'if I had known someone like this, I wouldn't have married them, let alone followed them on facebook'...that doesn't ring any alarm bells for anyone else? That his priorities are so screwed up that that's the order his mind placed that sentence in is disturbing and incredibly unhealthy. There's a reason his wife goes online to 'argue' with people, and it's not the one he thinks.

Foolscap wrote: »

I can't believe only one other poster picked up on this. This is a major alarm bell

Feminism: A belief in the sexual, political, economic and social equality of both sexes.

Considering you think such a stance is "crap", it's little surprise that you view your wife as an extension of yourself. She's not.

Yeah I found this incredibly odd, especially how angry it seemingly made him. It's not even that he accepts it, he wants her to stop being a feminist; so his view is that she HAS to be an extension of her, and she HAS to believe what he believes. There's no room for middle ground or understanding anywhere in his post. I agree that his viewpoint, especially on feminism, is a huge red flag, given that it's part of her life and his views it as crap.

Cyclepath wrote: »

Leaving aside the OPs views on feminism, the issue seems to be the disconnect between his wife's real life and online personas.

There are two principal possibilities here:

1. Her online persona more truly reflects her thoughts and beliefs - in that she has taken the trouble to write them down.

or

2. She experiences 'cyber-disinhibition' when online. The internet provides a cocoon or buffer which might allow her to be more aggressive or argumentative - the lack of an immediate feedback response such as facial expression, body language, verbal response etc can amplify one's positions in discussions or general assertions.

You can't really leave that aside, since he decided to bring that up first and as such, it's part of the situation at hand. There's no disconnect, it's pretty obvious, and there's nothing inherently 'wrong' with his wife's actions. She likes to argue with people, I know plenty of people like that, it's just a thing that some people like doing. Her 'online persona' is her facebook page...with her name and picture and information on it, so it's not a persona, it's an extension of herself where she's more freely able to express her personality (which is troubling for a bunch of other reasons). That second point doesn't really work with facebook though, since the key difference of 'cyber-disinhibition' is the understanding that on facebook, you know the people you're talking to. Also the concept is more applicable to people with web-handles and more focused on the concept of cyber-bullying, flame wars and hostile, volatile comments that go well over argumentative status. Like threatening someone's life or saying something really, really terrible just because.

Given this guy's reaction, that he's so angry over not controlling the situation, I'd take everything he says with a grain of salt in terms of how his wife is acting. His views on feminism not only jar with his wife's, but his overall attitude leaves little-to-no desire to respect her, her views or her freedom to do what she pleases. It's disheartening and it makes sense that, given his attitude, she'd go elsewhere for interactions with people. Everything needs to be taken as a whole, so the issue of feminism in his wife's life, and his attitude towards it, is extremely important.

username123

ManOfMystery wrote: »

First off, I never said a spouse has no thoughts of their own. I said that SOME people may think the wife's thoughts are also reflective of the husbands.

It's hardly ridiculous. Last week in my work there was a discussion amongst some staff who sit near me about a sectarian comment which had been posted by a woman one of them knows, on FB (I live in N.Ireland so it's par for the course here). Comments were made by those staff which implied that they assumed her husband must share her feelings on things or else he would have pulled her up on such comments and asked her to remove them.

That is what I'm getting at.

People who think that a wife's thoughts also reflect her husbands must be a bit thick. People do not merge into one Borg entity upon marriage. I certainly do not ever see a comment on FB and think 'oh, the hubby/wife must think that too'.

Fair enough if he Likes the comment or makes a comment himself agreeing with it, but to assume that people's spouses hold the same views as a post made by one of them on FB would suggest a limited thought process no?

amdublin

Put yourself in the guys shoes.

His wife is one way irl.
But on the Internet she becomes one of those really really annoying people on fb. You know the person! We all know that person!

Why would this possibly NOT be an issue for him?
Why would he need therapy (:cool::cool::cool:) for daring to suggest something as obvious as the nose on his face.
"Mary you're acting crazy on fb, chill the beans would ya. You're wrecking my head, and you're possibly wrecking everyone else's head and frankly I feel (rightly or wrongly) it reflects on me".

He has said it already to her but she does not want to do anything about it (rightly or wrongly) so as before I'd suggest op, either hide her from your feed, or delete your fb.

amdublin

Ps. You have to question her motives why she is one way irl but another on fb.

A hardened feminist on the net, but not so much irl??? Well that irks me. If you are such a Feminist (and we all should be!) then own it and shout it from the rooftops not just from your keyboard.

LegacyUser

amdublin wrote: »

Put yourself in the guys shoes.

His wife is one way irl.
But on the Internet she becomes one of those really really annoying people on fb. You know the person! We all know that person!

Why would this possibly NOT be an issue for him?
Why would he need therapy (:cool::cool::cool:) for daring to suggest something as obvious as the nose on his face.
"Mary you're acting crazy on fb, chill the beans would ya. You're wrecking my head, and you're possibly wrecking everyone else's head and frankly I feel (rightly or wrongly) it reflects on me".

He has said it already to her but she does not want to do anything about it (rightly or wrongly) so as before I'd suggest op, either hide her from your feed, or delete your fb.

Completely agree! If she wants to be an argumentative person in her own life, like in her workplace, where it doesn't affect the OP, then off she pops - and she can bear the consequences.

If she behaves like this to her own family, well that affects the OP a bit - but ultimately her choice. If she behaves badly to her family on FB, then lots of people can see it, so I can understand why the OP would be a bit fed up.

If she enjoys being agressive toward mutual friends of hers & the OPs, that's not acceptable - in real life or online. And I can fully understand why he has an issue with this! Saying that she can do what she wants online is beyond ridiculous - of course it has consequences! For her & the OP. I wouldn't want to hang out with a friend if their partner was aggressive/argumentative, whether that happened in real life or online.

I honestly can't believe that people think the OP should seek therapy because he's concerned that his wife is being nasty online. I think he is right to raise this as an issue, and that she should limit her argumentative 'qualities' to a space where it doesn't affect the OP. Let her lose her own friends if she cares that little - but not his friends.

ManOfMystery

username123 wrote: »

People who think that a wife's thoughts also reflect her husbands must be a bit thick.

Hence why I said this wouldn't happen in a perfect world, but we don't live in a perfect world. There are thick people out there.

DukeOfTheSharp

amdublin wrote: »

Ps. You have to question her motives why she is one way irl but another on fb.

A hardened feminist on the net, but not so much irl??? Well that irks me. If you are such a Feminist (and we all should be!) then own it and shout it from the rooftops not just from your keyboard.

Or, as I've said multiple times, she's aware of his downright negative attitude (i.e.: calling it "crap") and doesn't want to talk to >him< about it. The fact that he seems to be a complete stranger to part of his wife's personality, and is in many ways quite disdainful of it, points to the idea that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to him about it knowing his overreactions would make her life a misery. I mean, the guy outright stated he wouldn't be married to someone like her...that should tell you everything you need to know about the situation. To others, she's probably like this all the time, and more than likely, around him, she has to keep quiet about certain aspects of her personality knowing that he doesn't like them. Given that he seems bafflingly controlling and insecure about what people think of him by-proxy, and she has to live with him, what else can she do?

His wife isn't an extension of him, she's a different being entirely. She has her own interests and does her own thing, it has no reflection on him, yet he thinks the exact opposite. He's got an ideal world-view that can't handle change to preconceived assumptions, no matter what she does, if it doesn't fit into his concept of 'ideal', she'll always be 'wrong' or in need of some intervention. You don't have to question anything.

And yes, therapy is a thing that could help him understand that his overblown ideals are dangerous and unhealthy to both himself, and his wife. Honestly, to me, he seems like the one in need of an intervention, and in need of his motives and actions being questioned. He's literally losing his head over part of his wife's personality that he's seen, (more than likely before and just ignored) and doesn't like. Things like this are precursors to bigger problems, namely that of being severely unhappy in a relationship and finding flaws when someone cannot meet your lofty idealistic views. I find it suspect that he didn't know his wife was like this prior to marriage, and even then, that he'd go as far as to say he wouldn't have married someone like that if he'd have known, even though she might have grown into the feminist ideology and search for deeper meaning.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think you are suggesting that Facebook users see your wife's posts and think you must think the same thing. It's probably more likely that you think people think she's a bit of a headwrecker and attention seeker and would more than likely avoid any real contact with her, and you, as a result.

I have to say if I find someone really very irritating I tend to avoid them, and their partner because I think they must be similarly irritating to put up with the person in the first place.... And often times they are

Ask her to tone it down. Tell her it's coming across bad. (because honestly, to anyone not into all that it IS coming across bad!.. we all have one or two in our friends list!) She mightn't tone it down, and she doesn't have to just because you don't approve, but you always have the "hide" option.

amdublin

DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »

He's literally losing his head over part of his wife's personality that he's seen, (more than likely before and just ignored) and doesn't like. Things like this are precursors to bigger problems, namely that of being severely unhappy in a relationship and finding flaws when someone cannot meet your lofty idealistic views. I find it suspect that he didn't know his wife was like this prior to marriage, and even then, that he'd go as far as to say he wouldn't have married someone like that if he'd have known, even though she might have grown into the feminist ideology and search for deeper meaning.

I don't see him "losing his head". I just see a man sick of his wife being an idiot on fb.

You're way over thinking this IMO.

tara73

OP, did you ever ask her why she's doing it? Maybe you've done it and I skipped it, but if not, I think it is important you ask her about her motives, sounds like some underlying anger issues she has.

If you only ask her to stop it, it comes across as kind of patronising. but if you are interested why she feels the urge to do this, it would be a much better and a mature approach in this situation.

If my partner would change personalities on the internet, I would be naturally interested where this is coming from, not only demanding to stop it. It's caring for each other that defines a healthy relationship.

DukeOfTheSharp

amdublin wrote: »

I don't see him "losing his head". I just see a man sick of his wife being an idiot on fb.

You're way over thinking this IMO.

"It's a person that not only wouldn't have I married but I would most possibly block in facebook so to not see another post from her."

That's a sentence he has written. About his wife posting stuff on facebook that has nothing to do with him. At all. If his wife posting innocuous stuff on facebook that he disagrees with has him come to that conclusion, you can certainly say that he has, indeed, lost his head. That's not a sentence you write out of frustration, that's a sentence you write when you've completely and absolutely lost the plot. It's disdain, pure and distilled. His wife can do whatever she wants on facebook, he shouldn't care because it's got nothing to do with him, even indirectly, it's not harming his emotional state at all, he just feels like she should do as he says, because he believes it reflects badly on him. And an adult who is secure wouldn't have that problem.

This is not overthinking anything, just think about this: a man whose thought process was to immediately jump from 'my wife posts some stuff on facebook that I don't agree with' to 'I wouldn't have married that person, AND I would've blocked her' can't be thinking clearly, or rationally. In fact, even if you were tired of it, you'd just let it slide because it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. But he's questioning the validity of his marriage over this, and that isn't healthy in any way, shape or form. He clearly has a fixed ideal of his wife that she can't possibly meet, and anything outside his bubble needs to be dealt with because it effects him to much. She doesn't need the help, at the end of the day, he does, because he's the individual overreacting to such an unhealthy degree.

professore

DukeOfTheSharp, you are completely over reacting to this. It is possible you are right, but there is no evidence of this from the OPs posts.

Maybe his wife uses expletives to all and sundry who dare disagree with her online and calls all men evil rapist murderers with no exceptions?

Would you not broach something like this with your partner, male or female, if you found their behaviour disturbing? What is wrong with that as part of a healthy relationship?

professore

I would be concerned if my wife was very different on FB than in person, especially if she was nasty to people on it. It would warrant further investigation.

Lou.m

You are all doing what she does.

Taltos

Lou.m and others - please keep your posts on topic and directed with helpful advice to the OP. This is not a discussion forum and discussions are considered off topic posting...

Thanks
Taltos

Lou.m

Sorry, Mods.

OP it is possible your wife thinks you lacking in political conviction reflects badly on her.

You obviously have opposing views. She allows you the right not to be political. Maybe she think you are not the man she knows.
How exactly has she been nasty? What does she do?

Are politics a sore issue between you two?