what can i do

LegacyUser

Hi,
I am absolutely devastated and my heart is broken. I can't deal with the way I'm living any more. I'm 18 and live with at home with my Mom and Dad. My Dad has schizophrenia and my mom has mild depression due to my Dads behaviour. My Dad is consistently verbally abusive to us and nearly every morning that I wake up I hear him cursing and shouting. I need to leave this house. I am from a rural area so I cannot get a job as I would not be able to get to it so I'm basically trapped here. Dad is so unbearably ignorant and I know he cant help having what he does but it doesn't make it any easier to live with.

I have applied for college in September and because of where I live I would be moving away for college. This has been something I have always looked forward to as it would also mean a break from living with Dad. I am very worried as to how my exams went and I could be facing the possibility of not getting any offers for college.

I have promised myself that even if I get no offers for college in August I am moving out of this house. I have a small amount of money that would probably suffice for a couple of months , my problem would begin after that. I already feel lonely and different from everyone else because of my situation at home.

If I don't get into college I will more than likely be trapped here for even longer. I only have money for at best 2 months rent and food and even saying that is being optimistic.

Is there anything I can do to leave this house if I don't get into college or am I basically trapped? I feel like me going on the dole is just repeating the cycle of my parents and I really don't want that to happen.

Sorry if the way I wrote this is confusing.

LegacyUser

HI
Sorry to hear about your situation. Its sounds like your in a very unhealthy environment regardless of whether it is your parents fault or not itll bring you down. Although not as extreme I come from a dysfunctional family (that may appear somewhat normal on the outside) so I can kind of relate. My mother constantly puts me down etc , siblings don't speak .. anyway just trying to say I can relate to your story.
You can go to college and try get a grant (as your parents aren't working it should nt be a problem).. you could also try get a part time job while in college if that isn't enough. or you can go on the dole look for work or move abroad and get a job.
When I went to college it was great I met knew people.. sometimes I felt like a bit of a fake because I was hiding what went on at home but it didn't prevent me from making friends and enjoying myself .. you don't have to tell people your whole life story..
Waking up to abuse in the morning is going to drag you down, knock your confidence.. and prevent you from living you r life to the best you can.. you can still come home at weekends (if you decide to go to college or even a plc course).. and you have the comfort of knowing you are leaving in a few days you can still stay in contact with your parents but live your own life too..
just one thing from my own experience.. college is great .. you will meet new people because everyone or most are like you moving away on their own.. but it doesn't solve problems at home.. i started counselling to deal with problems in my family last year and it was the best thing i have ever done .. and i think you could really benefit from it.. it will help you to realise you cant change your family but you can change yourself and it will give you the skills to deal with it.. it took me a while to realise that moving away doesn't solve anything.. and while you make new friends most will have their own families etc and you can depend entirely on them for everything if that makes sense?

blatantrereg

Apply for jobs. Move to where the job is if you get one. Then you will be able to get to the job and afford to live away from your parents.

LeonardNelson

Yes I agree the only option will be looking for a job. You may seem to hate your home but you still need to look after your parents from time to time. Besides they are your family. Dont put your hopes down. Still, pray and hope for getting your college grant.

Wishing you a best luck.

An Bhanríon

OP, you don't realize it now because you're only 18... but your life is only beginning!

My mother has a mental illness and when i was your age I had very few people to talk to about it. I just pretended everything was fine. Over the years, though, I have met lots of people in the same situation as me. The more of these I met, the less alone and different I felt because all those people I met were really cool and interesting people. I realized I didn't have to feel inferior just because my mother had the troubles she had. It's not fun when your parents act strangely in public!

I am now 37. Dealing with my mother still brings its challenges, but her condition no longer defines me. When things are difficult I have lots of people to support me. Most importantly I have learned to take care of myself. And not to get upset when things go wrong with Mam. It's just part of my life.

You will get out of home. You will meet new people. You will meet people who are in the same situation as yourself. And you will meet others who don't understand your situation but are prepared to listen to you when you are having a tough time.

A lot of colleges have a free counselling service. I suggest you go to see the counsellor if you end up in college. When I started off college I didn't have many people I could talk to about Mam and talking to the counsellor was great. It made me feel less of a freak.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thank You everyone for the replies,
I am hoping I get into college and I will definitely avail of counselling there. I need to talk to someone. Sometimes it feels like I'm crying on the inside if that makes any sense.
I am sort of beginning to realise that I'm not the only one in this situation and that plenty of people have to deal with a lot worse.
Thanks again