In good relationship, but totally miserable.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I don't know what I'm expecting here, maybe writing it will be therapeutic. Maybe someone has advice.

I should start by saying that I've always been a fairly cynical and miserable person who has always seen the bad side of things. I work hard, and have a good job (quite stressful).

I have always had feelings of being miserable, but you wouldn't think it, as I am quite funny and have a small but close group of fantastic friends. I feel I have always dealt with my feelings of misery with a caustic sense of humour and have done my best to hide it. One night, when drunk, I told a friend how I felt. He was very supportive, but the next morning, I felt mortified that I let my true feelings slip. I am also in a relationship of approx 5 years with a fantastic girl.

I think I may be depressed because recently I have been feeling worse than usual. I am tired all the time, sleeping in (I used to NEVER do that), I do my best to socially isolate myself (I just love being on my own), I've been putting on weight (not a huge amount, but noticeable), I have begun smoking again.

I have horrible feelings of guilt over my relationship though. I have never cheated or anything like that, but I just want to be left alone all the time. She's a great girl and there have never been any issues in the relationship. We're both busy and it's not as if I see her a huge amount anyway.

I think I'm burnt out with life in general. I worked hard to get where I am and work in a stressful environment, but things are going well. But I don't really want to see my friends, or my girlfriend as much. When I get up in the morning, my first thought is "I can't wait to go back to bed.

I'm having thoughts of just packing everything in. My fantasy is to quit my job, break up with my girlfriend and leave the country alone for a while. I know it sounds stupid because I don't have any issues in the above areas and on the face of it, I should be happy. But deep down, I know that whatever I do, I'll just be miserable. I can escape the country, but not my own mind!

Im not looking for a diagnosis and I'm in no way suicidal.

I'm just wondering has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you deal with it?

Thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings.

debit2credit

Hi Op,

You sound like you are under a lot of pressure in your job. Is there anything happening at work making it more stressful than usual?

How do you cope with stress? Do you talk about it with others or figure it out yourself? You say you want to go away and be by yourself for a while. When you go into work on Monday why not book a weeks holidays and do just that?

Use that time to figure out what you really want. Perhaps you would enjoy your relationship and friends more if you weren't as tired and stressed?

Hope this helps :-)

macplato

shouldbehappy wrote: »

Hi all,

I don't know what I'm expecting here, maybe writing it will be therapeutic. Maybe someone has advice.

I should start by saying that I've always been a fairly cynical and miserable person who has always seen the bad side of things. I work hard, and have a good job (quite stressful).

I have always had feelings of being miserable, but you wouldn't think it, as I am quite funny and have a small but close group of fantastic friends. I feel I have always dealt with my feelings of misery with a caustic sense of humour and have done my best to hide it. One night, when drunk, I told a friend how I felt. He was very supportive, but the next morning, I felt mortified that I let my true feelings slip. I am also in a relationship of approx 5 years with a fantastic girl.

I think I may be depressed because recently I have been feeling worse than usual. I am tired all the time, sleeping in (I used to NEVER do that), I do my best to socially isolate myself (I just love being on my own), I've been putting on weight (not a huge amount, but noticeable), I have begun smoking again.

I have horrible feelings of guilt over my relationship though. I have never cheated or anything like that, but I just want to be left alone all the time. She's a great girl and there have never been any issues in the relationship. We're both busy and it's not as if I see her a huge amount anyway.

I think I'm burnt out with life in general. I worked hard to get where I am and work in a stressful environment, but things are going well. But I don't really want to see my friends, or my girlfriend as much. When I get up in the morning, my first thought is "I can't wait to go back to bed.

I'm having thoughts of just packing everything in. My fantasy is to quit my job, break up with my girlfriend and leave the country alone for a while. I know it sounds stupid because I don't have any issues in the above areas and on the face of it, I should be happy. But deep down, I know that whatever I do, I'll just be miserable. I can escape the country, but not my own mind!

Im not looking for a diagnosis and I'm in no way suicidal.

I'm just wondering has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you deal with it?

Thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings.

OP, you said you've dealt with your feelings of misery with sense of humour, but that's not quite accurate. You've been covering up your profound disappointment with life by being funny, that has nothing to do with dealing with your feelings, and everything to do with creating an illusion that everything is ok. When you can generate laughter, people don't doubt you, they don't question what they see, and so you can safely hide yourself and your pain away.

Your sense of distress and regret after revealing your inner truth to your friend points to deep shame, and this is serious stuff that has to be addressed in therapy if you want to have a lovely, happy life. No wonder you put so much energy into keeping your true feelings covered up - shame will eat you up alive if you don't deal with it properly. So yeah, no wonder you are so drained and sleepy all the time, it takes a huge effort to pretend to be someone you are not, to keep that sense of shame away from your own awareness.

The reason you want to drop everything and run away, the reason why you are isolating yourself, why you are thinking of breaking up with your girlfriend is because on a very basic level you know you've been living a lie. People know you as someone you don't feel you are, and the cost of pretending to be that person has become too high. Your psyche is fighting to break free, but of course that doesn't feel safe to you, so you're fighting back. You are in a state of constant war.

I've been there, OP. Had a great job, was engaged to be married, had lovely friends. But I felt like I was living someone else's life. I was constantly drained and really miserable, but like yourself, I wouldn't show it. Nobody knew just how unhappy I was, how much pain I was in all_the_time. So I do know what it's like, and yeah, tis not fun at all.

You need to be brave and get some help, OP. Your life will change, your whole world will change. Maybe you will lose your girlfriend, some of your friends and your job, or maybe they will transform with you, who knows. Be prepared that your emotional freedom and peace and happiness will bring some losses. But it will come naturally, and it will be so worth it!

Colser

Great reply macplato...can I ask if you recommend councelling or some other form of help? ( Sorry for butting in OP)

macplato

Colser wrote: »

Great reply macplato...can I ask if you recommend councelling or some other form of help? ( Sorry for butting in OP)

Thank you, Colser. I would recommend Inner Bonding, this is what saved my life. If you google it, it will bring you to a website with loads of free resources. You can become a member for a monthly fee, but you really don't have to, because all you need to start your healing process is there free of charge. Just download the manual, start practicing and you will see first permanent results in weeks, it's a really great tool.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here... apologies in the delay in replying.

Thanks so much for your advice. I was never one for opening up (except that drunk moment!).

I am looking into counselling, but money is a little tight at the moment. I really hope it will be of benefit though and I can open up about it.

I work in healthcare and see so much misery and sad stories, and I feel I constantly have to have my guard up...I always feel I have to be the strong decisive and assertive one both in my personal and work life. I feel I may disassociate myself from the misery and stress at work, butI have gone too far and I am disassociating myself with life in general.

I know I will find it hard to open up to a counselor- have to try, though. Thanks again for all the sound advice.

A very nice bunch here!

mistress_gi

Well I would like to first suggest you get a full screen of bloods. Especially thyroid hormones those buggers can really affect mood, weight, sleep among many other things.
Secondly if money is a little tight you may try to get into a community based psycological services or even get a referal to the hse from your gp.
Good luck!