paying for dinner protocol

merkal

my mum is turning 50 next month and my sister and i were thinking it would be nice to organize a meal at a restaurant for her with all her close friends and family. in all there will be about 15 people. there is no way my sister and i can afford to pay for the whole meal so we were assuming everyone would be fine paying for their own meal. but my aunt (mum's sister) insists that this would be very bad form and people would not expect to pay for their own meal. thoughts?

roboshatner

I got screwed once big time.

My cousin and I brought our grandmother for dinner my cousin.

My cousin at the time was a poor student.

So the dinner went pretty well and our grandmother enjoyed it.

So my cousin goes to the toilet and my granny slips a 50 into my hand.

I didn't know what to do or how this was going to work paying for things at the end so confusing.

so I said it to her that she slipped my 50.

So we got to pay the bill which was 50 quid and my poor student cousin wants to tip the waiter 15 percent.....

and it wasn't even her money at all.

Lesson learned so nothing next time.

stargazer 68

Op we have had several of these events over the years with my granny being 91! No one minds paying for their own. We usually have a restaurant who do a set group menu and when inviting people tell them how much it will be. Never had an issue

The Hill Billy

Your aunt is having a laugh! You & your sis should pay for your Mum's meal & everyone else pays for their own. Normal people would be cool with that. If your aunt kicks up a fuss - tell her to take care of it & you arrange a separate, more private celebration with your Mum.

rhapsody

I would certainly expect to pay for my own dinner when going on a family dinner like this. For our last family dinner, we all paid for ourselves & split Mam's between us. A set menu should avoid a drawn out bill division at the end of the night, though I find drinks tend to be a bit tricky. Does your aunt expect you & your sister to pay for everyone?!

merkal

ok well thats a relief. yes it was implied that my sister and i should cover the cost of the meal as we are the ones inviting people. my aunt wouldn't mind paying at all but she is adamant that it is expected that meal be paid for. we are in cork and i was gonna invite my mums best friend who lives in dublin 9she comes down to cork frequently) and my aunt said it would be awful to expect her to pay for her own meal and that my mother would be horrified if she knew. me personally i don't see whats awful at all.... i was wondering was it a generational thing?

merkal

i was going to ask everyone to put in 50 euro and if whatever money is left can go on drinks afterwards.

nuckeythompson

merkal wrote: »

my mum is turning 50 next month and my sister and i were thinking it would be nice to organize a meal at a restaurant for her with all her close friends and family. in all there will be about 15 people. there is no way my sister and i can afford to pay for the whole meal so we were assuming everyone would be fine paying for their own meal. but my aunt (mum's sister) insists that this would be very bad form and people would not expect to pay for their own meal. thoughts?

15 family and friends went out for my mothers birthday a few weeks ago. What I did was has a set menu with a choice of 5 starters and five main course and the same for deserts. When inviting people we just told them it was a set menu at 30 a head. drinks are extra. Worked out great and everyoine knew what their night would cost also. Maybe ask the resturant to provide such a menu.
If people would not expect to pay for their own meal I suggest you change your surname by deed poll and wish death upon them all

BaZmO*

Yeah just let people know beforehand, that way they'll under no illusion.

There are times when you invite people to dinner for a landmark event/birthday etc. when you'd probably be expected to pick up the tab but if you don't have it you don't have it.

The set menu seems like the best way to go as it stops people taking taking the p1ss ordering the most expensive thing on the menu and then expecting the bill to be split equally.