Toddler starting crèche, advice needed!

emmabrighton

Hi I need a bit of advice,

My 2 year old son is due to start crèche in a couple of weeks. He has been at home with his daddy during the day and I get to come home from work every day at lunch. When ever he is out either myself or my other half is right there minding him. At the playground, at playgroup and other social environments. The only time we don’t have control over what happens to him is when I am with my sister.

Her daughter is a jealous little girl and while I take care to make sure she does not hurt him, I have seen her deliberately push him over and pull him down. I have also seen her run at him with her walker to deliberately hurt him and slamming the door on her play house while he is holding the door frame. So his little fingers would get squish - we distracted him in this instance before anything happened an got him to play on the slide instead. In the past two years he has cried as a result of her actions.

My sister does recognise that her little girl is in the wrong and will get her to say sorry and make her hug my son. Naturally, my son is afraid of her at these times because he will have just been pushed or bumped or whatever it is and will push her away. I actually think that making her daughter hug my son after she has pushed him is further victimising him as he will push her away and try not let her get close to him.

Through a mothers eyes, my little boy is like Elmo - only full of love. I have never seen him do one mean thing to another child. So how is my innocent child going to handle crèche if this is an every day thing? I dont want him becoming like that. He is so beautiful just the way he is.

My sister says the crèche says my niece is very quiet and keeps to herself. I cant believe this and if it is true, what hell lies in store for my little boy? If she is one of the good ones?!?! He is not going to the same crèche as my niece but I do know another little girl in the crèche he is going to and I know she too has pushed my little boy down at playgroup.

I don’t want to mollycoddle my little boy and I never cause a big fuss when it happens. I say to my sister that he will need to toughen up for crèche and cant let other kids pick on him. But, I think deep down, I don’t believe this. He has such a gentle nature, I am afraid his life is going to become hell in crèche or I will lose my beautiful little boy and get a mean little bully in his place.

What can I do to protect my son from these type of incidents while I am not there? I can’t. I have requested that he should be put in with the smaller toddlers as he is in the 2 percentile having been born prematurely - but I don’t think the crèche has listened. I am terrified but my husband has gotten work - finally, after several years unemployment.

Some advice on how to prepare my little boy for crèche or even social interactions with other kids - when at my sisters house, i tell him to just look at my nieces toys unless my niece give him the to to play with because otherwise he will be in for a push or she will throw something at him.

Neyite

Talk over your concerns with the creche and his minders there. They will explain the methods they use to get children to share and play nicely together and will reassure you.

pwurple

What age is your niece? She can't be very big to be in a walker, seems a bit mean to be calling a baby a 'jealous little girl'. They just don't know how to share or play together when they are very young. Most you can hope for is playing alongside eachother.

Your boy will encounter a bit of rough and tumble play alright. And invariably two toddlers will want to play with the same toy at the same time. As neyite said, speak to the creche about it. Also see if they have a settling-in policy so help you adjust. In the creche I use, they had a 1/2 hour session on the first day, wheere i was there too. Then a 2 hour session with me there but keeping my distance. Then two hours with me not there... And so on, building up to the half day on their own.

emmabrighton

pwurple wrote: »

What age is your niece? She can't be very big to be in a walker, seems a bit mean to be calling a baby a 'jealous little girl'. They just don't know how to share or play together when they are very young. Most you can hope for is playing alongside eachother.

Your boy will encounter a bit of rough and tumble play alright. And invariably two toddlers will want to play with the same toy at the same time. As neyite said, speak to the creche about it. Also see if they have a settling-in policy so help you adjust. In the creche I use, they had a 1/2 hour session on the first day, wheere i was there too. Then a 2 hour session with me there but keeping my distance. Then two hours with me not there... And so on, building up to the half day on their own.

After I re-read the post I did think it came across mean alright it wasn't supposed to come across that way. By jealous - maybe is the wrong words - but I mean she wont share and will defend her property with all her strength. She is nearly 3 and has been in creche since her mom went back to work at 6 months so I cannot say how much of her behaviour is down to being in creche because she was pretty immobile when she started there.

She is too old for the walker that referred to but it is one of those push along things - bit like a zimmer frame with wheels and would do serious damage if she ran into him with full force. It didn't happen but it could have.

I have noticed that she is aware that it is not a good thing to push and shove him and will do it when she thinks the adults are not looking. I imagine that she picked up this behaviour in creche.

I have brought it up with the creche but I think I will do it again. My niece was bitten in her creche so they seem very dog-eat-dog. I would like him to be in with the smaller kids so he would have a chance defending himself. I wish I had put his date of birth down as his corrected age instead of actual age. 7

Chattastrophe!

I wouldn't agree with you that you should have put his age down as his corrected age instead of his actual age. He may have been born small but it's fantastic that he's come on so well, and even if he's not as big as other children his age, I don't think it would be fair to try and hold him back. I do understand that it's important to bear in mind their corrected age for developmental milestones etc, but I would imagine that he's pretty much caught up to speed with others his age by now. My own feeling would be that putting him in with children his own age - even if you think they're more "advanced" or mature - will speed up his development ... keeping him with younger children will only slow him down.

I've heard loads of people say that their children act completely different at creche than at home. So it could be true that your niece is very good and quiet at creche, but acts completely differently at home.

I would think it'll actually be very good for your child's confidence and independence not to have you or his dad there looking out for him all of the time. Bear in mind that creches have very strict staff/child ratios, they are not going to let the toddlers run rampant beating up each other!

I imagine it must be an awful lot harder to "let go" when your child is that bit older - especially when he was born premature, so you're probably naturally a little bit more protective of him. But creche will be so good for him. He's a great age to be starting, and I'm sure he'll love it and will make loads of friends.

By the way don't be afraid to raise any concern - big or small - with the creche. Our children are the most important things to us, we're entrusting these people with them (and paying them well for it!), they should be able to address any concerns you may have.

mordeith

emmabrighton wrote: »

Through a mothers eyes, my little boy is like Elmo - only full of love. I have never seen him do one mean thing to another child. So how is my innocent child going to handle crèche if this is an every day thing? I dont want him becoming like that. He is so beautiful just the way he is.

I would't worry about him changing. Our oldest son was (and still is) the same. He never shows aggression to others except to maybe talk loudly at them to stop. To be honest I was hoping he would start pushing and shoving other kids so that he wouldn't be bullied in primary school. However he is now in senior infants and getting on brilliantly. Exposure to other children's behaviour will not necessarily influence another child. Plus I don't think it's any harm for children to see how others can be a bot mean. After all, as adults we generally come across some kind of a**hole on a daily basis

emmabrighton

You are probably right, I am afraid for him and I am afraid of losing him the way he is but even if he did change, I would still be madly in love with the person he would become. And as for being afraid for him? This might be completely normal. Maybe all parents are terrified of this before their little toddlers start crèche. Who knows, my house angel may in fact be a street devil but we have never let him out of our sights so we have no way of knowing. I will just have to be a big girl and be brave.

He is so easygoing, he will be fine



*i hope*

Akrasia

It's absolutely terrifying for any parent when they first unleash their child on a world where they have no control over their environment but children learn by doing and your little boy will probably find a niche in the creche that he is happy with.

I don't think you should be labeling your sisters daughter as 'jealous' or mean when she's barely 3 years old. That's terribly unfair. Your attitude towards this little girl could inadvertedly affect your childs relationship with his cousin. Children can pick up on negative feelings and your child could end up labelling her as naughty which would be unfair to both children.

All Children under the age of 3 have difficulty interacting with other children their age. They're not developed enough to control their impulses and emotions and often they are happier to play by themselves than with other kids their age.

Rose35

My 22 month old boy has been in creche since he was 5.5 months old, So I can't really say if it
has changed him or not but it has definetly been a great experience for him, they do so much activities and the mixing
with other kids is great for him, he is very sociable and advanced has lots of words and his understanding is brilliant.
He is our only child we love him to bits but everyday I send him in I see it as a fun experience for him and I am
confident that he enjoys it. I have heard from other parents that starting a toddler for the first time can be a bit
daunting for them, when they are younger they don't take as much notice, im sure your little boy will be fine, try and ease him in slowly with some half days to begin with.
The only thing I have noticed that surprised me at first was the word 'MINE' expressed very strongly if I wanted to take something off him for a minute so obviously they have to fight their corner from time to time which can be a good thing maybe.
Hope it all works out for you and your little boy, it's hopefully a new and exciting chapter in his life.