Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Am I just a backup plan

  • 10-06-2014 1:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    With my bf since late last year. Everything was going well or so I thought. He did most of the running around. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and the abuse went on for years after we split. It took me a long long time to give anyone else a chance until I met the current guy. He always told me he was one of the nice guys but

    I caught him on the online site we met on. Brought it up and was told it would not happen again until recently same story. Now he tells me we got too serious too soon and he wants to back off. He is hardly talking to me right now and not making definite plans yet he is surfing a dating website.

    I can't talk to anyone about this as my friends all thought he was a lovely person.

    We are not young and I have some major responsibilities and I just can't function right now. I have lost half a stone in a week. It is like he wants to keep me but look around at the same time. Help......


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    The fact that you say "I just can't function right now. I have lost half a stone in a week" is of bigger concern than anything else. The anxiety over this is obviously taking over your life to the point of having a physical impact on you, so if you had been seeing a counsellor in the past then I strongly suggest payign them a visit again to get things off your chest. If not, make an appointment with your GP and get a referral.

    Regarding your boyfriend, you say that you have nobody to talk to about this, but you have - you need to talk to him about what's been going on. It's possible that he might have been browsing out of idle curiosity, it's also possible that the relationship might have become too much fro him, but nobody here can tell you that one way or the other - the only person who knows is him. The best advice I can give you is to sit down with him and lay out your concerns and the fact that you know he was on a dating website, and ask him what he wants. Whether it's the answer you wnt to hear or not, at least you'll then know the truth, and you can then decide where to go from there.

    Good luck.


  • #3
    Bafucin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Bafucin


    Veryverydistressed wrote: »
    With my bf since late last year. Everything was going well or so I thought. He did most of the running around. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and the abuse went on for years after we split. It took me a long long time to give anyone else a chance until I met the current guy. He always told me he was one of the nice guys but

    I caught him on the online site we met on. Brought it up and was told it would not happen again until recently same story. Now he tells me we got too serious too soon and he wants to back off. He is hardly talking to me right now and not making definite plans yet he is surfing a dating website.

    I can't talk to anyone about this as my friends all thought he was a lovely person.

    We are not young and I have some major responsibilities and I just can't function right now. I have lost half a stone in a week. It is like he wants to keep me but look around at the same time. Help......


    Don't let this man affect your life so much. You need a lot more emotional independence.

    You need to decide if you are able for what he wants. Or for any relationship right now.

    He wants to back off. If you feel he is keeping you strung along tell him and tell him you are not happy with it or leave.

    Do what would make you healthiest and happiest.


  • #4
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Veryverydistressed wrote: »

    I caught him on the online site we met on. Brought it up and was told it would not happen again until recently same story. Now he tells me we got too serious too soon and he wants to back off. He is hardly talking to me right now and not making definite plans yet he is surfing a dating website.

    Sorry, but sounds like he's made himself pretty clear both in his actions and his words...

    He wants to see other people.

    Talk to your friends, they're your friends, that's what they're there for. And like mike says, if you are being serious about being so distraught that you've lost half a stone in a week consider talking to a professional.


  • #5
    makeandcreate
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 451 ✭✭makeandcreate


    I have to agree with the previous posters. He has made it quite clear that he does not want to be in an exclusive relationship with you - does he think that you will be ok with us & allow him to cruise dating sites hoping that he'll one day realise what he has?
    You can't hand all your power away to him - make a decision and carry it through. It will hurt like hell but you will get over it. Living the hell can't be an option - you'll end up making yourself really ill.
    Look after yourself.


Advertisement