What is wrong with me??

mauraf

Hi
Not sure where to post this – so feel free to move if someone thinks it’s the wrong spot.
I am in my early 40’s – married, two lovely young children, good job – from the outside, everything looks rosy. People even comment how bubbly I am….
But inside, and when I close the door behind me in the evening – I feel like I am a different person. Pre kids – I was a social butterfly – my weekends were full, and I was never indoors, but I just seem to have lost my zest for life.
Crying is a regular feature in my life…and often the slightest thing sets me off. My other half works as well – but works different shifts – some at night. We don’t go out as a couple – you could count on two hands how many times we have been out since my daughter was born 6 years ago – my husband maintains its because we are watching money, but he does sometimes make a joke about our lack of social life to others….I have mentioned to him that it gets to me, it may change for 1 night – but then that’s it for months/years again.

I live a bit away from where I grew up, whereas most of my friends have stayed local. They go out religiously, and I seldom get an invite – but often have to listen to stories of their nights out / people I don’t know, when I do meet up with them. I find it hard, given my husbands work patterns, to meet up midweek, and at the weekends – I just feel its important to have family time for the kids sake when my husband is not working. If he is – I can obviously go nowhere because I have the children. One of my friends actually confronted me a while ago for not making an effort – she said some really nasty things – but because I hate an argument – I will still be ‘friends’ with her. I know they talk about me behind my back too….
It really gets to me, that on a whole, my weekends are generally the same, week after week. Between school work, house work, working FT, and a husband who has erratic work patterns – I cannot join a club / gym or get out for a walk of an evening – so feel I am enclosed from the time I get home from work.

I feel I lead two lives – one in the house, and one when I go outside – and to those on the outside, I know they would struggle to believe what I was like when I close the doors. Sometimes I am grand – I seem to snap out of it – but at the moment, I just seem to be ratty and down all the time. Not sure what is wrong with me – is it loneliness? Is it selfishness? Pls be honest – I know many would love to be in my boat, with two small children – but I do find it hard, and I worry about my behaviour affecting them.

ShowMeTheCash

Hi OP
End of the day only you will be able to answer some of the questions here:
But what you are going through is not unusual, I myself have two kids one just turned 4 and the other is only 4 months old.

Why can't you get a babysitter and get a night out with the girls?

Myself and my OH will take turns from time to time let the other go out.
Going out together can be hard but we can usually find someone (family to take care of the kids for a night). But it is less frequent...

The one thing however that is coming across is you appear envious of the life you had before the kids...

The way you are feeling, do you think it's about not getting out as much or perhaps the life you have now is not what you expected?

Can I ask how old you are?

Xterminator

Hi OP

Its not infrequent that people lose some of the social life from their lives as parents. Truth is it can leave you feeling a little lonley.

Kids are not young forever. But while they are you may be able to do family stuff to help fill the void. I think i have seen 5 times more 'child' films in the last couple of years than the ones i would pick.

and perhaps getting a baby sitter/ family sitter once a month would give you a chance to go out and be an adult? Is there a reason you cannot arrange to take your Hubbie out rather than waiting for him to arrange?

PS i worked unsocial hours for over 10 years, and took a pay cut to get one where i was off weekends and bank holidays etc. Perhaps your partner could at least assess if this was possible?

X