Boyfriend has really bad breath

LegacyUser

I feel really bad even writing this but I'm at breaking point now.
I've been with my boyfriend almost 2 years but the problem is that he has really, really bad breath and bad oral hygiene in general. I know he does brush his teeth but a lot of the time there is obvious bits of food and yellow plague stuck in his teeth and I'm sorry to say that I find this repulsive.
I'm now actually avoiding intimate situations because I really don't want to have to kiss him. In fact he last few times we have had sex I've been drunk and It hasn't been often at all lately.
I've tried carrying gum and offering it to him but it's been no use. I really don't want to have to say it to him because is a lovely guy and quite sensitive and I would hate to embarrass him. It would also be incredibly embarrassing to have to say it in the first place.

I would love if anyone had any advice for me on the situation because f things don't change asap I'm going to have to end the relationship.
Thanks.

Tokyo

You've tried the subtle approach with gum and so on and it hasn't worked. For me this would fall into the category of "sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind" and say it straight out to him. That doesn't mean you have to wade in with "Jesus your breath is terrible" or similar, but you've been together for two years now, and as such you should be able to point out that he has bad breath and that he might want to see a dentist about it before things get worse, without it beign too much of an issue. It's a problem that's not going to go away, and quite often bad breath like that can be a sign of tooth decay or similar, so in the long run you are doing him a favour by encouraging him to see a dentist sooner rather than later.

At the end of the day if you can suffer the hardship of "if things don't change asap I'm going to have to end the relationship" with a guy you say you love, then you can suffer the slight embarrassment of telling him that he has bad breath.

AnonMouse

If you are with each other 2 years, you should be able to bring up the issue with him, in a gentle way, that is not critical of his character. To be honest, i'd want my other half to tell me something like that, so I could rectify it. If it is as bad as you say, other people probably notice it as well, so you'd be doing him a favour.

dellas1979

gettingdesperate wrote: »

I would love if anyone had any advice for me on the situation because f things don't change asap I'm going to have to end the relationship.
Thanks.

The thing is OP, gum doesnt get to the bottom of the problem.

I've a dear friend at work, and his breath was awful. I stuck it as long as I could. One day, while in the car and all windows down. I just said "Im only telling you this cause you are a dear friend of mine, it is not to hurt you and if it was me, Id hope you'd tell me the same, but your breath stinks."

He told me "but I do brush my teeth" and I said "I think its beyond that-you need to go to dentist and get the problem looked at."

And he did. And now its much better. Sometimes it does get bad again, and I just say it to him, straight out.

Edit: Can I just say though, its kindof odd that you'd nearly prefer to break up with him than being honest and telling him whats really going on...whats that about?

marie12

my bf and i tell each other these things the whole time which Im glad about. i would hate going off to work with bad breath. just tell him and if he's that sensitive about it, tough! you're only trying to help. bad breath is repulsive, i don't blame you. could be his digestive system or that he skips breakfast. if he was wearing dirty smelly clothes would you tell him? just say it as if its the first time and say you'd like to be told too "oh honey your breath is a bit funny" if he ignores that "baby your breath isn't great" id bring it up every few days until he gets pro active

Merkin

Look, if you're sharing bodily fluids you should be able to say something like this to him. If you find him to be an oral hygiene abomination you can be guaranteed that friends and colleagues have noticed too. Tell him how bad it is, recommend a trip to the dentist and recommend he stocks up on antibacterial mouth wash and floss etc.

ongarboy

I also find it surprising that you'd be partners for two years and not be able to broach such subjects as this even if they are a little awkward. God knows, my partner is not shy about highlighting areas I need to address or improve (and vice versa) but it is always done in a considerate, contextual manner.

Daily flossing and mouthwash in the morning is great for addressing issues such as bad breath. Gently explain to him that he needs to do something about it as it is very noticeable. A decent person, even if initially embarrassed or put out by it, will appreciate hearing such advice. Subtle hints like offering gum do not work in these scenarios.

stickybookmark

sunflower27 wrote: »

Most likely he needs to get his teeth cleaned at the dentist - who will be able to clean the bacteria out from under the gum line.

Sounds like he really needs to start flossing as well. Have you ever said to him 'hey, you have a bit of food stuck in your teeth'?

Both of these. He needs a scale and polish and this is something that we all need regularly - at least once a year. Book him in for one? That's what I did with my boyfriend after going out with him 1 year (up til then I felt it was rude to bring it up!) he went along no bother. Some men just need women to organise that kind of stuff for them. If it was up to my bf to organise I'd say he'd never get around to going to the dentist (unless he had a pain that kept him awake at night)
And buy mouthwash and ask him if he can start using it. As the person who kisses him, you are 100% entitled to dictate these matters !!

irishguy1983

stickybookmark wrote: »

Both of these. He needs a scale and polish and this is something that we all need regularly - at least once a year. Book him in for one? That's what I did with my boyfriend after going out with him 1 year (up til then I felt it was rude to bring it up!) he went along no bother. Some men just need women to organise that kind of stuff for them. If it was up to my bf to organise I'd say he'd never get around to going to the dentist (unless he had a pain that kept him awake at night)
And buy mouthwash and ask him if he can start using it. As the person who kisses him, you are 100% entitled to dictate these matters !!

I'd agree with this - had a girl before let me know I wasn't be clean enough down below. Form there on in I made sure to give my balls a good wash with soap every morning and have maintained that to this day.

Tis all about you approach this really - just don't be nasty or mean or anything like that.

iusedtoknow

you need to tell him - It's for the best.

Just be prepared though....he could have a dental phobia or something like that - you may need to help him find a "kind" dentist.

I had a problem with bad breath, i brushed and flossed but that doesn't get rid of the problem. I needed a "deep" clean of my gums...however, I had awful experiences of dentists growing up, and put it off and put it off. Eventually my gf at the time told me that I had to do something - it was a dentist that fixed my problem (after nearly 12 years of not going). Now I'm pretty proud of my teeth and my breath has never been better, as I've starting paying more attention to my oral health.

You're going to have to be cruel to be kind here

I8A4RE

iusedtoknow wrote: »

you need to tell him - It's for the best.

I had a problem with bad breath, i brushed and flossed but that doesn't get rid of the problem. I needed a "deep" clean of my gums...however, I had awful experiences of dentists growing up, and put it off and put it off. Eventually my gf at the time told me that I had to do something - it was a dentist that fixed my problem (after nearly 12 years of not going). Now I'm pretty proud of my teeth and my breath has never been better, as I've starting paying more attention to my oral health.

Sorry, slightly OT
This is a problem I have myself. Can I ask what do you do daily and how often do visit the dentist? Any food/drink you avoid?

AnonoBoy

Dental problem - rotting teeth.

Possibly a stomach issue.

You've got to bring it up with him.