how to curb temper

Synyster Shadow

My little guy is 14 months and developed an awful temper.. He shakes he gets so thick.. It happens when with him or him playing by himself.. I ignore until he does something dangerous.. But he's getting worse.. Now there's full on tantrums and he throws things.. Wouldn't be so bad if his exhausted sister didn't keep been woken.. I've tried get her to sleep and put her up to her cot (6 weeks old) but he sees me leaving and screams blue murder waking her again.. It's never ending.. He eats well gets his naps has play time and I interact all day with them both and he sees her and touches her (supervised as he's rough)

Just don't know what else to do.. Topped of with her reflux returning and wanting to be held all day.. (only mercy she sleeps all night)

lukesmom

Well he is sharing your attention with a new sister so perhaps he is acting up to get more attention. Has it gotten worse since new baby born?

Synyster Shadow

No he started the temper along time ago but just before she was born started tantrums.. It's just wearing me thin now..

LegacyUser

Synyster Shadow wrote: »

No he started the temper along time ago but just before she was born started tantrums.. It's just wearing me thin now..

I never like to give people advice about kids cos they are all different and all react differently, however this is what I did.

When my son at 2 yo started that, for a while I did the ignore thing. Didn't make a difference. I then faced it head on each time I could see it about to start.

I went down to his level, held both of his hands and very very very calmly spoke to him telling him not to do it, explaining why followed by a hug. It did calm him immediately and within a couple of weeks he stopped altogether. Now of course he may have simply grown out of it himself but equally it may have worked

theLuggage

It could have gotten worse while you were pregnant, they do sense change even if it is just the size of your stomach! Even not picking them up or being as nimble or being tired and that. But regardless, the issue is what to do now. If ignoring the behaviour isn't working time to try something else.

I actually find that age the worst in terms of communication and I found my own two would get very frustrated when they couldn't communicate what they wanted or if they couldn't do something because the coordination wasn't there yet. Could any of that be the issue? What triggers it? If it's communication then show you understand he wants to communicate and try to figure it out. I used to say that to my oldest "Mammy doesn't understand but we'll figure it out together" Phrases like "I know, I know" seemed good too. Some expert recommends you match their intensity and volume level - can't remember. It does seem to get through the tears more (we're in the moany/whingey stage !)

If you have a playpen try popping him in for a few seconds/minutes till he calms down. He's a bit small for the whole process of naughty step but not too young to get some of the basics. "Don't do x, if you do that again you have to go in playpen/sit on my lap etc" And then follow through. Way too young for timing how long, just long enough for him to get the message that you don't tolerate this behaviour anymore. A few seconds till he realises this is a consequence and that you can lengthen it if it's working.

All trial and error really till you find what works for ye. Bribery is good too! He's still very small so that could be a way to go, offer a treat if he stops or as distraction. Though you don't want a link between if I kick off and I get something yummy! Or other distractions - play toys, read book, whats that noise? etc.

Synyster Shadow

Yeah I think alot is down to not been able communicate.. That said I have him thought words at least to the point he knows what I'm saying and if I say tired or yum yums he knows and puts hands up when I get it right.. Unfortunately distractions don't work he screams more.. And he won't let me leave the room without him

How Strange

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say it's about his inability to communicate. My son was a living terror from 14-20 months but it really was a frustration at knowing what he wanted but not being able to articulate it. Your situation isn't helped as there's a new baby to add fuel to his existing frustrations.

It's not boldness or temper as such. He's trapped in a situation of not being able to tell you what he wants. It's a time to start setting boundaries and limits so hitting or slapping should be met with a 'gentle, gentle' ( I think positive words are more effective than negative in these cases). Screaming and shouting should be ignored but do give him kisses and cuddles afterwards to show you love him especially considering he's probably very insecure with the arrival of his sister.

Then use the opportunity to talk to him and say things like 'I know you're angry because you want x or y' and talk about the situation. At the very least he'll detect the empathy in your tone of voice but you're also helping to build his vocabulary.

bp

Would you include him in her nap time - why don't you help mammy out baby to bed and then we can read your book together/ play with toy together

dublinlady

The only way I could get my eldest to behave whilst I was putting baby down for naps in the cot was by popping on peppa or some baby tv. It's the only time she gets to watch tv so loves it. My eldest was 15 months when S came along and really we found her very tantrumy from then to 2. She's 27 months now and has full language skills with a huge vocabulary and only had the occasional out burst and it's always when she's not allowed to do what she wants or when she has to come in from outside etc. I find giving her plenty of warning of what's going to happen helps - 5 mins 2 mins 1 min warnings. She has time to adjust then. Then if she has a tantrum she get two choices... Like are you going to walk or will I have to carry you etc as she's going through an independent phase and wants to do everything herself so that snaps her out of it. But when she was smaller and clingy we would just explain everything fully and then if she had a tantrum we would just say until you calm down I can't help you and we would leave her cry for one minute and then go back in and ask her are you ready to calm down and help mama feed S or change s's nappy etc and if she kept crying we would leave for another minute and then try again. She eventually realised that if she cried she got ignored. However it's not ideal as I think you have to remember when a child is only 15 months for example in our house they are very much still a baby them selves and so I felt awful not being able to pick her up every time she wanted it especially considering how much had changed in her world - she needed reassurance - so for naps I did try and put the baby up in her cot so that I could spend lots of quality time with A and I found if she had that her behaviour was better. Even now at 27 months and 1 year the oldest occasionally says I'm a baby and wants hugs like a baby! The rest of the time she is a 'big girl' tho and quite happy to help with her sister! But I do think that her behaviour was worst at that age right up til a few months ago when she turned 2 - then it's like she transitioned from baby to big girl herself and is much easier talk through things now! I think preventing tantrums by identifying triggers and minimizing them is the way forward... A few bribes for some healthy things like snacks if fruit or a pack if raisins got me out if many a ropey situation!! Distraction much better than dealing with the escalates situation cos once my little lady got angry it was tricky to calm her down!

Synyster Shadow

Today we had one screaming match.. He wouldn't wait for me to peel his banana

Is it male thing to have no patience or just a toddler thing?

dublinlady

Synyster Shadow wrote: »

Today we had one screaming match.. He wouldn't wait for me to peel his banana

Is it male thing to have no patience or just a toddler thing?

Certainly not just a male thing anyway!

Synyster Shadow

I thought I'd escape Lucy been that way.. He's after cutting 2 of his back teeth.. His mouth looks so awkward..

He's still sleeping great.. And hopefully today he'll be in good form again

Sligo1

Synyster Shadow wrote: »

Today we had one screaming match.. He wouldn't wait for me to peel his banana

Is it male thing to have no patience or just a toddler thing?

Sounds EXACTLY like my not so little fella (18 months).

Synyster Shadow

At least I know I'm not alone in this madness..

On the up side both babies bathed no screaming and ones asleep the second on the way so me thinks a glass of wine and some TV time then a bath and bed...! Heaven

Nead21

We're having this in my house too SS, and I know our little men are around the same age.
I agree that it's a communication thing. They are learning new things and getting frustrated if things don't go their way. É goes into full on rage when he expects something to happen and it doesn't. It's just another way of expressing emotion and trying to deal with their new feelings.

I do tell him to stop what whatever he's doing, and tell him I understand that he's frustrated/angry/annoyed.... but I think it's just a waiting game really until they're able to talk and understand properly boundaries of behaviour.

Synyster Shadow

Yeah it's definitely a waiting game.. Don't think it's helped by 4 massive teeth after popping through.. So 12 teeth now and I see 2 more coming.. Ouch

We've had 3 good days now fingers crossed it stays this way