Depressed Girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi all, going anon for this. I am looking for advice about my girlfriend. She is going through a rough patch, and is feeling very down in herself, but she finds it difficult to talk with people about it, including me at times.

The reason for this distress is twofold; one aspect being she has a mentally and physically abusive brother whilst living at home. Her parents were oblivious about this for a long time, until it came out that he had threatened her with a knife and self-harmed in front of her.

The second aspect is that before meeting me, her ex was not exactly going to win any boyfriend of the year awards from what I have been told. During this time she had a miscarriage with him, and he was less than supportive.

From what I have got out of her, there are still a lot of unresolved issues, and no closure per say. She gets upset easily at times, and is lacking in self-worth and it is affecting her day to day life. I have tried to get her to see a professional, talk to me, exercise more etc. but she has not been receptive.

She is a great girl, and I love her to bits, not being able to help is starting to put a strain on the relationship, any advice greatly appreciated.

Tl;dr depressed girlfriend due to past traumatic events, how to help?

Merkin

The poor girl. And poor you also because it must be a tremendous strain on your relationship. While your willingness to help and hopes of "fixing" her are admirable, the fact of the matter is that you are not actually professionally trained to do so and the girl clearly needs psychological intervention.

I think I would encourage her to go and visit a GP (go along with her by all means so that you can also talk to them) who will hopefully be in a position to refer her for the type of counselling most suitable for her and her needs. She owes it to both you and her to go and seek this help as your current situation is unsustainable and you don't want to end up in a carer/patient type relationship, you're simply not equipped to help her and that type of dynamic in a relationship is never healthy.

Make that GP appointment with her and take it from there.

blueb

hey man

Just want to say i have and am living in a similar situation to you for the past year and a half.. after months of severe depression i convinced my gf to go to the GP.. I went with her for support.

The GP advised counselling along with medication, the one thing i will say is to make sure she gets the counselling she needs, support her in that as much you can.

The tablets will work to a certain extent but they will not help her to resolve her issues.. Counselling is key, she may go to one or two sessions and say she is fine but you need to keep a caring eye on her mood and suggest more counselling if your worried about her.

I know its not easy bud.. it affects you also, if you need a chat pm me

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I have a different perspective, as in I have been in your girlfriends shoes. It is very hard on a partner and I would echo other posters here in encouraging her to see a counsellor and/or GP. I know it's tricky but try a softly softly approach, telling her first and foremost that you care loads about her and you will be supportive in accompanying her to the Dr or counsellor if she wishes. It will be difficult for her to see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, so it may be worthwhile reminding her of the end goal - happiness within herself, contentment, optimism about the future and at peace with whatever may have happened in the past. I know that for me exercise plays a huge part in keeping the black clouds at bay, so if she's reluctant to go to the gym, play sport etc, get her out for long walks, the fresh air will do her the world of good too. Eating right and getting enough sleep are also key. I wish you all the best, she is lucky that you are so understanding.

blueb

here here