Leaving Children in the Car

Bagheera

This is something pretty trivial to post about, but I'm wondering am I a crazy overprotective mother or just normal!!

I was in a Playcentre yesterday with a group of mums. My three year old was refusing to leave and kept climbing back up the frame but I couldn't grab him as I had my baby in my arms. One of the mums suggested putting the baby in the car and coming back for my son. Bear in mind we were at the back of quite a large play area and the car was nowhere near visible from our seats. So I reacted with a no way would I leave the baby by himself in the car (as I knew it could be up to 10 minutes before I'd get my son's shoes on and out the door). The other mums there looked at me as if I had two heads with one in particular seeming to find me being 'overprotective' hilarious.

Don't get me wrong, if I was stuck I might run in to pay for petrol leaving the two boys in the car as long as the car was visible to me the whole time. But I would never ever leave my children alone in the car when I can't see them, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Am I a bit mad as the other mothers seem to suggest or do other people agree with me? By the way I'm not judging anyone who is happy to leave their children for a few minutes but it's just not something I'm personally comfortable with.

kandr10

No way would i leave the baby in the car! No way. Ive dont even leave her when im getting petrol. You just never know. I dont think you can be over cautious when it comes to such things.

Xdancer

I wouldn't leave my daughter in the car alone if it was out of my line of sight either. No way.
If some people deem it ok that's their business, but I don't and don't consider it as being overprotective either.

galah

Not a chance, it's not worth it. Knowing my toddler it could be a while to get him out of a playground, and who knows what happens to baby, he could puke and choke or pull his blanket over his head or a million other things. On top of being left alone in the car.

Also you would have left your toddler unsupervised while bringing baby to car...

I admit i would leave baby in the car if i get petrol (when i know I'm the only customer, in our little petrol station, where i can see car and baby), but otherwise I'd bring him, even if it's hassle. You'd never forgive yourself should something happen just because it was too inconvenient to bring your child in...

nikpmup

No way would I have left a baby in a car for that length of time, especially on a warm day. You were not being ''overprotective''.... and even if you were, isn't it better to be overprotective than under? About 50 babies a year die in the US from being left in hot cars*, of those, a good proportion were babies left in cars for a few mins while the carer ran into the shop (I don't have the exact figures, I read the stat a while ago and it was alarming) And as galah said, you'd have to leave your toddler alone too. You were right. It is hassle, waking a sleeping baby to bring him into the shop is a pain (I've often sat in a shop car park for half an hour before going in so that he can finish his nap) but it's safe.


*Hot needn't mean HOT, either, even on a relatively pleasant 18°C day, a car can heat up inside very quickly

Bagheera

I'm glad I'm not alone! Leaving my toddler for a few minutes wasn't as much of an issue as I know the other mothers there would have kept an eye on him. I'm just annoyed that they were judging me for being protective of my baby, whereas I didn't (outwardly) judge them for leaving theirs alone in a car. Aside from the safety issues I don't believe in leaving a baby to cry, and this is something I wouldn't have been able to attend to if I hadn't been with him and he suddenly realised he was by himself. He doesn't even like it at this stage if I pop to the loo bad leave him on his playmat for a minute!

Chattastrophe!

Nope not for a second would I do it myself.

Which is a bit silly, as I've driven cross-country with him, with no one else there. I don't have a mirror in the car to see him . I only pull in to check on him every thirty minutes.

But I still wouldn't leave him alone in the car for even a couple of minutes. You could never forgive yourself if something happened!

Suucee

Why did no one offer to hold the baby. That would have been the more logical thing to do.
I wouldnt have done it. When i go to those play centres i always bring the pram . But the women i meet watch him. We take it in turns. I watch her baba and mine while she soends time with her toddler then she watches them. But i admit to leaving them in the car when running in to pay for petrol (which is very rarely as i normally get it on fri evening when going shopping alone) . When i only had 1 i used to bring her in but if baba is asleep i would go to the closest pump to the door and run in. I cant remember the last time i done it though to be honest as it used to scare me so as i said i now get petrol when alone.

One time i do need to leave one alone is if they both fall asleep on the way home from play groups. I used to carry toddler in put her to bed then go back for baba. When i realised one day the easier option is to carry baba in car seat and put him just inside front door then go back for toddler. My car is parked in the driveway anyway.

CaraMay

Judgement is so painful. Sadly I find that so many parents think they know better for your kids than you do.

Their judgement of you is a reflection on them. They obviously do it so now know you don't approve of their actions so they are acting like this to defend themselves / they feel guilty.

olaola

To be honest, yesterday was a bit warm to leave the child in the car without a/c on. I left a very wet dog in mine with all the windows cracked a good bit and still felt guilty.

But in reality. And looking at the risks involved, actually taking your car on the road with your children in it is probably one of the riskiest things you'll do. The chances of being involved in a collision are reasonably high, but your perception of the risk is low as you're familiar with the process of driving etc. It's not going to stop you from driving them around though!

Weighing up the actual probability of something happening, a baby strapped into Maxi Cosi in the back of a parked vehicle - I'd say chances of anything are very low. A lot lower than driving with them in your presence on the road!

ariana`

olaola wrote: »

Weighing up the actual probability of something happening, a baby strapped into Maxi Cosi in the back of a parked vehicle - I'd say chances of anything are very low. A lot lower than driving with them in your presence on the road!

Interesting point. But one can easily avoid leaving a child in the car on their own, whereas it's not so easy to avoid EVER driving anywhere with your kids, it's just not practical for most of us in Western civilisation.

I have left my kids in the car, as others have, to pay for petrol. But that's the limit of it. In the scenario provided i wouldn't have dropped the baby out to the car i'd have asked one of my friends to take the baby or i'd have put the baby in her car seat/pram and asked one of the friends to watch her for a minute.

Synyster Shadow

Where I get diesel and tge pump is at the door so when I pay my two stay in the car I can't keep unstrapping my 14 month old then carry him and Carseat with 6 week old.. It's rare I fill it usually hubby does but occasionally I do

Synyster Shadow

Where I get diesel and tge pump is at the door so when I pay my two stay in the car I can't keep unstrapping my 14 month old then carry him and Carseat with 6 week old.. It's rare I fill it usually hubby does but occasionally I do

Neyite

I just about do the petrol thing. Even then I try to pick a smaller service station that would rarely have other cars about and where you can see the car from the door and have the money ready to give them so there is no delay.

And even then, I feel guilty and try to avoid doing it.

Soooky

Same as everyone else here - no way would I do it!! I have on occasion done the petrol thing when we are out driving and are running out of fuel but I always move the car away from the pumps and park over beside the window so that I can have full view of the car when paying. Its not being overprotective just common sense! So many freak accidents/incidents could occur and how could you live with yourself after! Many years ago people that lived in our area left their 2 children in their car while it was parked in their driveway and while they went inside to do something - the car went on fire (electrical fault I think) and one of the children was badly burned : (

I think those ladies were trying to make themselves feel better by making out you are an overprotective mother - they probably know that they are taking a chance each time they leave their kids alone in the car...

highly1111

I've done the petrol thing & the centra I live beside has parking right outside the door - I mean, not at an angle, right outside it and I have ran in and grabbed milk or bread - I've 3 under 5. However there have been times that I've pulled up right outside centra and have seen 3/4 people in the queue and I've waited until that's gone and then legged it in. I think there's a balance between been completely risk adverse and then been completely reckless.

Millem

Neyite wrote: »

I just about do the petrol thing. Even then I try to pick a smaller service station that would rarely have other cars about and where you can see the car from the door and have the money ready to give them so there is no delay.

And even then, I feel guilty and try to avoid doing it.

I always just go to a pay at pump station where you stick in your card to pay at pump, so much handier and less stressful.

Pawwed Rig

Millem wrote: »

I always just go to a pay at pump station where you stick in your card to pay at pump, so much handier and less stressful.

Not too many of them around unfortunately.

I can understand the OPs point but those who say that they would be afraid the child would choke on vomit? They could just as easily do that in bed at night. You cannot watch them 24/7. I think we're probably all over protective because of the horror stories one hears about constantly in the media but in reality the risks are minute. As another poster says there is a bigger risk for your child while you are driving. That said were I in the OPs position I would not have left him in the car on his own. I would have a constant vision of Madeline McCann in my head the whole time. Shocking what the media have turned us into

I would also be interested to see a story where the baby was left in the car for only a couple of minutes in moderate temperature and died where there was no other contributing factor.

Suucee

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Not too many of them around unfortunately.

I can understand the OPs point but those who say that they would be afraid the child would choke on vomit? They could just as easily do that in bed at night. You cannot watch them 24/7. I think we're probably all over protective because of the horror stories one hears about constantly in the media but in reality the risks are minute. As another poster says there is a bigger risk for your child while you are driving. That said were I in the OPs position I would not have left him in the car on his own. I would have a constant vision of Madeline McCann in my head the whole time. Shocking what the media have turned us into

I would also be interested to see a story where the baby was left in the car for only a couple of minutes in moderate temperature and died where there was no other contributing factor.

My bigger fear is other people tbh.
I remember about 2 years ago now. A man pulled up outside a small shop in our town and popped in for a moment. Left his child. I think about 3 maybe 4years oldin the car. Some guy came up to steal his car. Coped the child took him out and left them there and drove off in the car.
Ok the chances of this happening are VERY slim but it did.
I think my irrational fear comes from the fact that last summer while going for a nice evening stroll at about 6pm a drunk driver mounted the path and hit the buggy and my OH. It was not a country road it was in our town. The pram was damaged and 14 month old (at the time ) only had a bruised leg. Had she been in her trike (which was possible as the only reason we brought the buggy was for more shade from the sun) it could have been so much worse. OH had a sore arm . I didnt get hit as i was walking on the inside . I was only a few weeks pregnant at the time too.

Again something thats very rare and unlikely to happen but not even a month after that the story was in the news about a woman walking with her buggy and got hit by a car unfortunetly she wasnt as lucky as us.

Yes us parents can be over protected and irrational but we wouldnt be like this if it wasnt for the media and the media wouldnt have anything to report if it didnt happen.

January

Suucee wrote: »

My bigger fear is other people tbh.
I remember about 2 years ago now. A man pulled up outside a small shop in our town and popped in for a moment. Left his child. I think about 3 maybe 4years oldin the car. Some guy came up to steal his car. Coped the child took him out and left them there and drove off in the car.
Ok the chances of this happening are VERY slim but it did.
I think my irrational fear comes from the fact that last summer while going for a nice evening stroll at about 6pm a drunk driver mounted the path and hit the buggy and my OH. It was not a country road it was in our town. The pram was damaged and 14 month old (at the time ) only had a bruised leg. Had she been in her trike (which was possible as the only reason we brought the buggy was for more shade from the sun) it could have been so much worse. OH had a sore arm . I didnt get hit as i was walking on the inside . I was only a few weeks pregnant at the time too.

Again something thats very rare and unlikely to happen but not even a month after that the story was in the news about a woman walking with her buggy and got hit by a car unfortunetly she wasnt as lucky as us.

Yes us parents can be over protected and irrational but we wouldnt be like this if it wasnt for the media and the media wouldnt have anything to report if it didnt happen.

Happened in the estate beside me about two years ago...

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/dad-was-just-steps-from-car-when-thief-took-baby-28825509.html

And I seem to remember a story on the front page of the Herald years ago about our local petrol station too, the woman left the two kids in her jeep to go pay for petrol and the jeep was robbed with the two kids in it and they were dumped by the side of the road.

December2012

Didn't those people leave their keys in the car? Ie prime for robbing?

nikpmup

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Not too many of them around unfortunately.

I can understand the OPs point but those who say that they would be afraid the child would choke on vomit? They could just as easily do that in bed at night. You cannot watch them 24/7. I think we're probably all over protective because of the horror stories one hears about constantly in the media but in reality the risks are minute. As another poster says there is a bigger risk for your child while you are driving. That said were I in the OPs position I would not have left him in the car on his own. I would have a constant vision of Madeline McCann in my head the whole time. Shocking what the media have turned us into

I would also be interested to see a story where the baby was left in the car for only a couple of minutes in moderate temperature and died where there was no other contributing factor.

I can't find the site I was looking at, it said that most cases of children dying from heatstroke in cars were left for a long time but there was a good number of cases of babies dying after being left for a short period of time, ie, when the parent/carer popped into the shop etc. and that in a lot of cases, the temperature was moderate outside the car (but inside the car heated up very quickly) While that's obviously an extreme outcome, I know that I would feel very uncomfortable having to sit in a hot car for ten minutes, a young baby would undoubtedly feel the same.

Perhaps the media have us all overprotective and irrational, but I'd rather take too much care than too little. It is hassle and it is inconvenient to have to lift a sleeping baby out of a car to attend to errands, but nobody said babies were convenient! I don't care if I get the eyes rolled at me or am considered ridiculously overprotective.

GerardKeating

December2012 wrote: »

Didn't those people leave their keys in the car? Ie prime for robbing?

kandr10 wrote: »

No way would i leave the baby in the car! No way. Ive dont even leave her when im getting petrol. You just never know. I dont think you can be over cautious when it comes to such things.

Sometimes it might be "safer" to leave them in the car at the petrol station (LOCKED IN), than risk one of them getting away from you while you pay for Petrol, try entering you PIN number while holding kids with both hands.

But the car would be locked, park at a pump in full view, and the keys in my hands, and only for a Kids that cannot escape the shackles of the car seat. Once they can escape, no way.

lynski

an alternate view :

“Listen,” she said at one point. “Let’s put aside for the moment that by far, the most dangerous thing you did to your child that day was put him in a car and drive someplace with him. About 300 children are injured in traffic accidents every day — and about two die. That’s a real risk. So if you truly wanted to protect your kid, you’d never drive anywhere with him. But let’s put that aside…. People will say you committed a crime because you put your kid ‘at risk.’ But the truth is, there’s some risk to either decision you make…Say you take the kid inside with you. There’s some risk you’ll both be hit by a crazy driver in the parking lot. There’s some risk someone in the store will go on a shooting spree and shoot your kid. There’s some risk he’ll slip on the ice on the sidewalk outside the store and fracture his skull. There’s some risk no matter what you do. So why is one choice illegal and one is OK? Could it be because the one choice inconveniences you, makes your life a little harder, makes parenting a little harder, gives you a little less time or energy than you would have otherwise had?”
Later on in the conversation, Skenazy boils it down to this. “There’s been this huge cultural shift. We now live in a society where most people believe a child can not be out of your sight for one second, where people think children need constant, total adult supervision. This shift is not rooted in fact. It’s not rooted in any true change. It’s imaginary. It’s rooted in irrational fear.”

http://www.freerangekids.com/a-mom-lets-her-son-wait-in-the-car-an-onlooker-videotapes-this-crime/

Pawwed Rig

nikpmup wrote: »

Perhaps the media have us all overprotective and irrational, but I'd rather take too much care than too little. It is hassle and it is inconvenient to have to lift a sleeping baby out of a car to attend to errands, but nobody said babies were convenient! I don't care if I get the eyes rolled at me or am considered ridiculously overprotective.

Sure and I am not faulting you for it. I do it myself. But am aware that it is really the media focussing on every little event that is making us all paranoid. Similar is the paedophile threat which has been hugely over blown to the extent that all men are seen as suspects (but that is a converation for another thread). There is risk in everything we do and I for one do not want to insulate my little lad so completely that I am afraid for him constantly. If you leave your child in the car (s)he will probably be grand. If you don't feel comfortable doing it then that is your call to make.

Ms2011

I leave my 2 yr old in the car while getting petrol or leaving back the trolley after shopping. To my mind it always seemed safer than carrying him across a busy four court or car park where traffic is usually busy & in a confined space with drivers always seeming to be in a hurry to get in & out.
He would always be strapped in his seat, car locked & in my eye line with me gone no more than a minute or two max.
In the scenario the OP describes though I wouldn't leave a child in the car.

galah

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Not too many of them around unfortunately.

I can understand the OPs point but those who say that they would be afraid the child would choke on vomit? They could just as easily do that in bed at night. You cannot watch them 24/7

Yeah, but if baby pukes and chokes in their bed I'll probably hear it and am there to calm them down afterwards (didn't mean to imply that they could die from choking, just get upset). I'm certainly not a hover parent, but in this situation i wouldn't have left baby alone in the car.

There was a thread about a woman who left her baby in the car for more than half an hour over in legal discussions, she had the guards called on her by concerned shoppers. Wonder how that story ended...

Neyite

Millem wrote: »

I always just go to a pay at pump station where you stick in your card to pay at pump, so much handier and less stressful.

I dont think I've ever seen them around this area. Would be great though I imagine shops are reluctant to put them in because then they dont get the impulse buys - a paper, the lotto, a coffee, sweets for the kids.

dori_dormer

Tesco have the pay at the pump. They dont have any stuff in their shop either so its no different for them!

kriters8

never leave your children in your car.

hoodwinked

galah wrote: »

Yeah, but if baby pukes and chokes in their bed I'll probably hear it and am there to calm them down afterwards (didn't mean to imply that they could die from choking, just get upset). I'm certainly not a hover parent, but in this situation i wouldn't have left baby alone in the car.

In the op's situation i wouldn't leave a baby in a car, in general, if i was in my local petrol station i would leave her in a locked car while i run in to pay situations depending, but i take precautions like parking in the shade, never taking longer than two minutes at most (if its busy or there is a queue i bring her in...etc)

you take the example of the baby being in bed, but what if they choke while you are in the shower? or while you are going to the bathroom? you wouldn't hear them, you cannot watch them 24/7, it gets easier not to hover as they get older, but still at the end of the day it comes down to common sense and your judgement, obviously if your baby is getting sick often one day, you don't hop in the shower, likewise, if its not a hot day and you can get straight to the till leaving them in a locked car isn't the end of the world,

Neyite wrote: »

I dont think I've ever seen them around this area. Would be great though I imagine shops are reluctant to put them in because then they dont get the impulse buys - a paper, the lotto, a coffee, sweets for the kids.

i use them at a maxol garage locally when i go there, but here in Cork not a lot of garages have them either, and we have no tesco petrol stations.

kandr10

The choice here is between leaving your kids in the car or not. Whether or not it's safe has nothing to do with how safe it is to drive generally or how safe it is to leave a baby in their cot etc. in those situations the choices are to drive or not to drive, to leave the baby or not etc. it's a false comparison to say there are more risks associated with these other scenarios.