missing

LegacyUser · 03-06-2014 12:14pm #1

My boyfriend who I have been seeing for 6 months has dissappeared . The last time i saw him was a week ago and everything was quite normal , we have had our ups and downs , the last conversation we had he assured me he loved me and that we would be ok . He has some issues with his family , mainly in that he ends up sorting out spats between his siblings . I have tried calling him but his phone is switched off , he hasnt been online in a week either , I am at my wits end . I dont know where he is currently living as he recently moved into shared accomadation .I am worried something has happened to him , am I being unrealistic expecting him to keep in touch with me >? If you were in my situation what would you think? Apologies for the long post , I just need to write this down .

LegacyUser · 03-06-2014 3:21pm

If I were you, I would be worried too. It sounds like he disappeared off the face of the earth. Could you get in contact with his family or friends through Facebook? Just a quick message to someone he's close with to ask if everything is okay, and ask could he get in contact with you when he can. That should do it.

Magicmatilda · 03-06-2014 3:31pm

I don't think it is in the least unreasonable to expect contact over a week long period from a boyfriend of 6 months. At 6 months I would normally be in contact daily although every few days would be grand.

Can you contact his family or are there any mutual friends you can contact?

Are you concerned for his safety?

Has he ever disappeared like this before?

I do think it is stange that he didn't tell you where his accomadation was? Has he mentioned where he is living now?

If he turns up healthy and well then I would be seriousley re evaluating the relationship as I could not be involved with someone who cared so little for me.

But the fact that is phone is off and he is not online is very concerning - perhaps you should report him missing to the police.

baby and crumble · 03-06-2014 3:37pm

op, the fact his phone is off and hasn't been online at all is very concerning. You should try contacting his friends or family. Even if that means going onto his FB and messaging them on there. I'm sure you know who his friends are that you could contact through that? Could you contact him via work, just to make sure he's ok?

Chattastrophe! · 03-06-2014 3:52pm

Is contacting him at work an option? Even if not to talk, just to check that he's OK.

Do you have contact with any of his close friends/relatives? Even if not, you should be able to reach them via Facebook. It's really not ideal, but after a week of no contact, I'd be inclined to do so if he's not responding.

I really hope all is OK with him.

dafunk · 04-06-2014 1:43pm

On of three things is happening

1) something is wrong and he has disappeared
2) he is avoiding you and being a coward by making himself uncontactable.
3) he is avoiding someone else or everyone, perhaps due to depression or something else.

thefeatheredcat · 06-06-2014 12:24am

OP, I have been in your shoes, with an ex.... and tbh I was worried as you come across.

If someone had said to me at the time that they were, at that time, on holiday in Spain for a couple of weeks and had never mentioned it at all - to me, or mutual friends - the entire time right up to that, I would never have believed them. Because of course, it would have come up, I'd have known about it. Right? Nope, not a word.

Now your situation may not be the same at all.

Dafunk has offered realistic options and yes, it could be either one of the three. I don't know which and I don't think anyone else could really know either. Even if you have good reason to fear the worst, you can't know for sure, about anything. And tbh there isn't a whole lot you can do. If he has, perhaps gone missing by choice or is in a bad place, or worse, then there's not much that you can do. If you don't have anyone to contact about him, then you have been left in a helpless position that will escalate your anxiety and worry because that literally is then, the only thing you can do.

So you need to take a step back. You need to not worry about him. You need, really need, to focus on you. I know you're worried, but you worrying yourself sick isn't going to help you. What you need to do is focus on other stuff in your life, on friends, on yourself to pull your mind away from worrying about him, so that you're not at your wits end about him. Even if you have reason to worry, you've been left in a situation that you can do nothing about, that is outside of your control and the only part of that you can control, is how you react to it.

You can sit and worry to the point of immobilising your life, and risk getting really down about it all that it consumes you. Or you can do what I should have done, which if I were in the situation again, I would at least try to do, which is look after myself, focus on other things, friends, family, hobbies, keep busy, and hope that they will get into contact at some point, but not to let the situation consume me.

LegacyUser · 06-06-2014 2:06am

just thought id update this , I reported him missing and unfortunately my fears were correct . Thanks to all who offered a few words on this thread , I have a funeral to attend .

tara83 · 06-06-2014 8:52am

Very sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself

Penny Tration · 06-06-2014 8:58am

veryworriednowwhattodo wrote: »

just thought id update this , I reported him missing and unfortunately my fears were correct . Thanks to all who offered a few words on this thread , I have a funeral to attend .

Oh god. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. X

KTRIC · 06-06-2014 9:04am

I've been following this as well, sorry for your loss OP

Chattastrophe! · 06-06-2014 9:07am

I am so sorry for your loss.

ennis81 · 06-06-2014 9:32am

I am so sorry for your loss, thinking of you xxx

Littlegirllost · 06-06-2014 9:35am

So sorry for your loss

Magicmatilda · 06-06-2014 9:50am

That's very sad for you. I am very sorry.

dafunk · 06-06-2014 11:38am

So sorry OP.

retro:electro · 06-06-2014 12:19pm

Very sorry to hear that op x

dixiefly · 06-06-2014 12:59pm

That really is awful for you and the family.

May he Rest In Peace.

December2012 · 06-06-2014 1:14pm

That's vey sad. I'm so sorry for you.

In time, please talk to somebody who can help you deal with all of your feelings.

Please mind yourself.

Jenneke87 · 06-06-2014 1:44pm

I'm so sorry to hear of your lost, it must have been such a shock to everyone that loves him. Please take good care of yourself during this difficult time.

Love J

RossFixxxed · 06-06-2014 1:48pm

Ah dammit, I'm so so sorry. I've been there and it's a truly shocking and awful time.

There isn't some brilliant advice I can give you really. However, I can tell you what not to do for yourself:

Blame. There is no blame in this, though guilt and self blame can occur, don't listen to it.
Booze / Drugs: they will make you WORSE in the long term.
Thinking there's a way to behave: There is no 'right' way to behave in this situation, it's hard to just cope at all.
Look after YOURSELF: be kind and gentle to yourself, it's easy to be down on yourself or angry. Any reaction is natural but try some self love if you can.

thefeatheredcat · 06-06-2014 3:31pm

veryworriednowwhattodo wrote: »

just thought id update this , I reported him missing and unfortunately my fears were correct . Thanks to all who offered a few words on this thread , I have a funeral to attend .

Aw, OP, I'm really sad to hear that

*hug* I hope you are ok.

I have to echo Rossfixxxed and that you look after yourself... have you friends and family you can lean on during this time, people you can talk with about what happened?