How to help a pet with grief

Midnight Sundance

I'm wondering if there's anything I should do for my two younger dogs when my older dog passes away? Hopefully it won't be for another long time but she's starting to show her age and it has me thinking about the future when she does leave us.
The youngest loves her like a mammy and I know it'll affect him most.
Do we let them see her when she's gone? Do we keep them away from her?
Like I said I hope that it'll be years away but I know I'll be in so much shock myself when it happens , I'd rather be prepared now than when the time comes.
Also, some people have said to get another dog?? I don't think that another dog will replace what has been lost. Any perspective is greatly appreciated

Nody

Routine; stick to the same routine as you were doing before and keep doing it after. Fed at the same time, walked on the same time, taken on the same routes as before etc. Dogs thrive on routine and that way you minimize the changes in their life. Getting a second dog might be something to consider down the line but it's not something you should do the day after if you know what I mean?

Midnight Sundance

Nody wrote: »

Routine; stick to the same routine as you were doing before and keep doing it after. Fed at the same time, walked on the same time, taken on the same routes as before etc. Dogs thrive on routine and that way you minimize the changes in their life. Getting a second dog might be something to consider down the line but it's not something you should do the day after if you know what I mean?

Thank you for reply. I wasn't sure about when to introduce a new dog or if at all. I do think the youngest lad would enjoy a new play pal eventually but I myself would need time to get used to the idea of loving another pet.
Hopefully it'll be years yet before I've to worry about this.

nala2012

My bosses dog had to be pts a few months ago. He was only sick for about 2 weeks so it was all very sudden. Anyway their other dog is 6 and had always been around the older dog and used to sleep on top of him! When they were burying their dog they let polly see him and she licked his face and stayed my the grave that day. For a while after that she seemed like she was grieving. She wasn't eating very well and wasn't enjoying walks. They were worried they'd done the wrong thing showing her the other dogs body but she's back to herself now. I think they did the right thing because otherwise it'd just be like her friend had disappeared.

DBB

I'm basing this on experience alone, but I think if you can at all, you should show the remaining dogs the body of the deceased dog, and let them sniff and "understand". Whilst I don't think there's research to back it up, you'd have to think that if there's a chance for closure, this provides it.

Binka

I think dog's are like people in that we all deal with death differently and grieve differently so there are no rules really.
The best advice as Nody says is to try not to upset the routine of the remaining dogs.
As far as getting another dog you will know when it's time. The best way is not to look at it as a replacement for your beloved dog that passed. You can never replace them. But you can give a new dog a home that might lift everyone's spirits.
I have come across a good few people who just couldn't bring themselves to "replace" their lost pet and felt they would be betraying their memory.
We have a different take on it in my household. We have 2 dog beds and when one sadly becomes free it's time to give a home to another dog in rescue. We don't feel right about having an empty bed for too long as there are too many dogs out there desperate for a more comfortable life. It's like a rotation system and I just can't bear the empty bed.
We never regard it as replacing. We cherish the memory of each of our hounds.
You and your younger dog won't know how it'll be until that fateful day arrives, but you will just know what to do for the best and if he needs a new friend.

convert

I agree with what's been said above re: letting the other dog(s) see their friend when they've died. They'll understand why their friend has gone - i.e. that they've died, not abandoned them. As nala said, if you have the lucky situation of being able to bury your dog at home, it might be an idea to let your dog see their friend being buried. We've had a few experiences of the younger dogs seeing their 'pack leader' when dead and when being buried, and I think it always helped them understand a little better what was happening. If you don't have the luxury of being able to bury your dog at home, definitely letting the others see their friend will help. Just beware that, like people, some dogs are a little more hesitant to go up and see their pal, and will hang back or be a little afraid, so don't be afraid to 'introduce' them to the situation gently.

bluejelly

Very sadly I'm in this position right now. My 4 yr old lab passed away in her sleep yesterday morning.........we are completely devastated & shocked as she was loved & adored by us & was very healthy. i also have a 2 yr old lab who was very dependent on her, she was the strong calm one and my 2yr old is a bit of an anxious dog. My dog who passed away we left in her bed for a few hrs yesterday so my younger dog did lie down & sleep next to her for a while and was in and out to her just to give a sniff but didn't try to nudge her as she usually would to get her to play. We are getting her cremated so my younger dog won't get to see her being buried but she did come to the vets with us. (Please dont post any negative comments about cremation). I'm hoping this will help her understand. She is doing well so far it seems, eating, playing, walking as usual but I am dreading having to leave her alone, they were both left outside during the day while we were at work. I think I'll bring her to my parents instead now during the day until I decide what's best to do long term............I think it would be a shock for her to be left alone & she could be frightened by herself. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on this?

Nody

bluejelly wrote: »

I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on this?

Same way you'd handle it solo; try leaving her alone in one room and walk out. Then work up to walking out for short (as in 1 minute) from the house etc. and see how she reacts to it. Also make sure she's got a stuffed kong or similar to help her once you start to add up the duration to entertain her but the key is to build up the fact (in their mind) that the affect you go away does not mean you're not coming back.

DBB

bluejelly wrote: »

I think it would be a shock for her to be left alone & she could be frightened by herself. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on this?

Jeez bluejelly...
What an awful shock for you and your younger dog... do you know what happened to her? Don't feel you have to answer this, I'm sure you're feeling very raw about it all right now. Horrible. The image of the younger dog climbing in to bed beside her is heartbreaking
I wouldn't apologise in the slightest for cremating your pet.. why should you? I've had both of the dogs I've loved and lost cremated, they're still here with us, and I will get all future dogs cremated.
As for how to deal with your younger lady now, I think leaving her with your folks is a very good plan, just to test the waters with her. She will need to be gradually acclimatised to time alone as per Nody's post, but this needs to be done gradually, building her up to longer and longer stretches alone. It's great that you have the option of "daycare" for her now, as it could potentially be very hard on her to suddenly face into spending the days alone.
I hope it all works out okay for her, and indeed that you're okay after such a horrible day.

aonb

OP, how terrible to loose your dog at such a young age.
Bad enough to be upset about the loss of your dog, but now to have to worry about the more anxious younger dog is very tough too.
Routine, Routine, Routine is really important for all dogs but more so the anxious dog.

I have an elderly dog who is failing, hes the strong/confident/leader dog - our other young dog is the anxious/dependant one, when our elderly was at the vet for a few days recently, we made sure nothing changed for the younger one while his 'rock' was away. Our dogs stay indoors when we're away, Im not sure how it would have gone if our anxious dog was left on his own outdoors all day though. You are lucky you have the option to leave your dog at your parents...

bluejelly

DBB, we don't know what definitely happened to her but the vets(3 of them) all said it was most likely a heart attack. She was a very fit dog & didnt show any signs of having problems. She was in her sleeping position & looked very peaceful so I hope she knew nothing of it.
Leaving her with my parents is only a short term solution as they are going on hols in 2 weeks but at least it gives me some time to think. Thanks for the replies.

bluejelly

My 2yr old is now showing her grief which is very sad to see. I'm wondering if we got a new pup soon would it be a good distraction & help for her? We can never replace our 4 yr old & I wouldn't even consider getting another dog so soon unless it would help my younger dog.